Frostbite (BearPaw Resort Book 3)

by Cambria Hebert

  Oh yes, I still had them with me.

  I didn’t have any intention to take them, but just knowing they were there offered something. Escape maybe? Or maybe I was hoping in them I would find some sort of clarity, some answers as to why life had to be so goddamn hard.

  Or maybe I was just looking for an excuse to have pills in my pocket. An excuse to take them.

  Partway through the service, Bellamy laid her head on my shoulder, and all thoughts of the pills blew away. I still barely listened to the preaching. Instead, I leaned my cheek against the top of her head and thought about the times when the snow would melt on the mountain and grass would reach up toward the sun.

  I was always sour because there wasn’t enough snow to board. I was bored, I’d claim.

  Dad taught me to play baseball out there under the sun. Said there was more to do outdoors than just board. We both knew my first and only love would be snowboarding but sitting here now as a man I didn’t really know delivered words about hope and loss, I appreciated those days under the rays of the sun with green beneath my feet.

  I remembered what it was like to hear the crack of the bat against the ball and the sound of his voice telling me to run.

  These were the types of things I would remember about Renshaw Mattison. These were the types of memories that would live on.

  I was partly startled when Bellamy slipped her hand out of mine and gave my thigh a light squeeze. I sat back and gazed down at her. “It’s over,” she murmured.

  I leaned down and touched our lips together. The sound of my deep exhale through my nose as I held our lips together sounded kinda like a prayer. When I pulled back, her eyes were still closed, so I dropped a whisper-like kiss on the tip of her nose.

  Her eyes reopened when I pulled back, and it struck me then that the normally bright blue of her irises wasn’t. The color was more a deep bruise, as if all the pain she’d been experiencing had tainted her stare.

  “Can we talk?” she asked, quiet.

  I started to answer, but Mom appeared just behind my shoulder. “Liam. We need to move to the reception area. People will want to greet us.”

  Yes, by all means, let me put other people at ease by taking on their grief and adding it to my own.

  I didn’t say that. Instead, I stood and gestured for Mom to lead the way. Before trailing after her, I took both Bells’s hands and tugged her to her feet. “C’mon.”

  We got stopped a half dozen times on the way, but it seemed easier to nod and smile when Bellamy’s hand was entwined with mine.

  In the reception room, Mom took in our joined hands, and a concealed look of disapproval passed behind her eyes. “Liam, maybe Bellamy would be more comfortable at the table. She looks about ready to drop.”

  “Yes,” I murmured, glib. “Stress will do that to you.”

  Mom let the remark pass and reached out for our first greeter.

  I turned to escort Bells to the table, but she let go of my hand and stepped back. “I’ll go sit with Alex.”

  My teeth gnashed together because she shouldn’t be going to Alex. She should be staying at my side.

  I let her go. Mom might have been trying to be bitchy, but the truth was Bellamy did look about ready to fall over.

  This was clearly getting to her. It was beyond transparent to me that shielding her from afar was not an option anymore.

  I spoke to an ungodly amount of people, all the while wondering why this was some kind of tradition. Why should the beleaguered be responsible for making those less beleaguered feel better?

  Eventually, the bitterness splashing over my tongue was too much to swallow. I wanted to go sit with my girl and my best friend. Resting a palm on the small of Mom’s back, I leaned down toward her ear. “I think we should go in and sit. People won’t eat until we do.”

  Mom gasped slightly. “You’re right.” She grimaced. “I have no desire to eat.”

  “Me either. Maybe just make a small announcement to tell everyone to enjoy the refreshments.”

  She nodded, and I moved to guide her along. She didn’t move as fast as I wanted. Instead, she patted on my waist.

  Glancing down, I said, “What’s the matter?”

  “I think someone is here to see you,” she said, lifting a hand to someone who just appeared in the door.

  I looked up. Surprise burst inside me, and before I could react, a woman launched forward into my arms.

  Bellamy

  I guess Alex was right.

  Holly Mattison was too classy to cause a scene at the memorial. Though, really, she didn’t need to.

  Now I knew where Liam got it. Where the snow in his veins came from.

  His mother was the queen of frost.

  If I hadn’t fully comprehended how much she blamed me before, I sure as hell did now. But that’s okay. I’d withstood an avalanche, just come through a blizzard. What’s a little frostbite?

  Having Liam beside me today was enough to help me endure anything. He held my hand, kissed my lips… That little spark I’d felt before came to life again.

  Until, of course, he sent me away to sit with Alex. Until his mother gazed upon me with ice in her eyes. I started to doubt then. I started to wonder if perhaps his displays of tender affection had been for all the watchful eyes.

  Perhaps Liam had been playing a part. Keeping up appearances for the FBI. Maybe once today was over, we’d go back to no contact except for a relapse in the night.

  I told myself I was being a paranoid ninny. The way his eyes would drift to where I was every few minutes was not him pretending to care.

  Watching him steer Holly toward us, I began to relax.

  Then everything blew apart.

  Again.

  It took a moment to register what I saw happening, that the woman who launched herself at Liam was not some acquaintance of his father overcome by grief.

  Oh no.

  This was no ordinary woman. Hell, she probably wasn’t even grieving.

  This was a vulture, the kind that hovered over the body until it picked every last piece of meat from bone.

  Kelsey. Kelsey the manipulator. Kelsey the jealous. Kelsey the girl who kisses other girl’s men so you rush off heartbroken and sulk for eight years.

  Fine. I was dramatic.

  I earned it.

  And Kelsey was still all of those things.

  I watched in horror and a little bit of awe as the tall, slender blonde pulled back and gave Liam one of those sad smiles while her eyes practically ate his face.

  The sting of jealousy was intense and quick. All the sorrow and pain I felt was stomped on by an intense need to tell that little tart he wasn’t hers.

  His body rotated so he was facing her, his back to me. I couldn’t really tell anything from his body language, but she sure acted as if it were a high school reunion and not a funeral.

  Bitch.

  I watched through narrowed eyes as she reached out and cupped Liam’s face, rubbing her palms over his unshaven jaw. Blindly, I reached out and grasped Alex’s hand, squeezing.

  “Ow, woman—” His exclamation fell short when he no doubt saw what I did. “Oh, shit.”

  “I thought she didn’t live around here anymore,” I said, quiet.

  “She doesn’t. Her parents do. They must have told her about the accident.”

  I made a rude sound as she flipped some of her luxuriously thick hair behind her shoulders and smiled up at Liam.

  Alex leaned close to my ear. “Don’t worry about her, girl who got away. He’s not interested.”

  “She is,” I intoned.

  “Zebras can’t change their stripes,” Alex quipped.

  As if that even helped.

  She was as gorgeous as I remembered. Age had only made her more beautiful. Her body was curvy and warranted a second look. Her skin glowed and her hair shined. She definitely didn’t look like she’d spent the morning crying and then throwing up everything she’d forced herself to eat for breakfast.

 
She was easy. No one was trying to kill her. She didn’t kill Liam’s father.

  His mother stood there smiling at her, clearly not hating her one bit.

  As if she had some sort of sonic radar for my insecurities, chipping away at what was left of me, she looked up. From across the crowded room, our eyes met. A little surprise filtered through hers, but then her perfectly painted lips pulled into a knowing smile.

  This was the part where I gracefully stood, excused myself from the table, and walked calmly toward the woman eyeing my man like he was a perfectly cooked steak. This was the part where I lifted the crystal goblet of water I was drinking and poured it all over her blowout.

  This was the part where I skipped all that badassery.

  Well, I did stand and excuse myself from the table. But instead of heading toward them, I headed away, making a beeline for the closest restroom.

  I barely was able to make sure the room was empty before surging into an open stall and throwing up what little was left of my breakfast.

  I was beginning to think this baby had an aversion to all food.

  I heaved and gagged until I couldn’t anymore. Before I could sink back, familiar arms slipped around me and lifted, bringing me up against a solid, wide chest.

  “This is the ladies’ room.” I reminded him.

  “I locked the door.”

  “I hope no one else has to pee.”

  Liam made a rude sound and sat me on the long counter between the sinks. I wrinkled my nose and tried to hop down, but he blocked me with his body and pinned me in place.

  “You saw that.”

  I rolled my eyes. “The entire room saw it.”

  “I haven’t seen her since that morning, Bells.”

  “Oh, you mean the morning she orchestrated a scene to make it look like you were cheating on me?”

  He brushed the backs of his knuckles over my cheek. “Don’t be like that, sweetheart.”

  I scoffed. “Like what? Honest.”

  “Like you’re jealous.”

  “Maybe I am,” I said before I could think better of it.

  Liam cupped my cheeks and sank lower in his stance so he was closer to eye level. “Now what on earth could you possibly be jealous of?”

  Tears flooded my vision, making the sight of him wavy and unclear. “She isn’t the reason your father is dead.”

  “Ah, baby.” He kissed one cheek. “You aren’t either.” Then kissed the other.

  I squeezed my eyes shut so hard a tear leaked out. Liam kissed it away.

  “Why are you doing this?”

  “Doing what?”

  “Acting like you still love me. We’re alone in here. No one can see.”

  He stilled. The frostbite I’d felt before was incomparable to this. I shivered, and he pulled back enough to look down at me, his eyes glistening, icy slits. “What did you just say?”

  I swear his breath was visible because his tone was so cold.

  I felt my shoulders slump. “Everything between us is different.”

  “Look at me.”

  When I didn’t immediately listen, he shook me gently and forced my face up.

  Our eyes met.

  “I love you.” He vowed, his voice shaking. “I love you so hard it’s caused me physical pain to be away from you these last few days.”

  “Then why?”

  He groaned and put his forehead against mine. I heard him swallow and then inhale.

  Sudden knocking on the door interrupted whatever he was going to say. “Liam?” Holly’s muffled voice came through.

  He groaned softly.

  More knocking. “Honey, are you okay in there?”

  Her voice became more muffled, and then another round of knocking burst into the room.

  “Yo, man. Moms is worried out here, and I have to tell ya you’re in the wrong stall.”

  “It’s okay,” I told him, reaching out to touch his hand. “We can talk later.”

  His eyes flashed up to mine, but then he carefully lifted me off the sink to place me on my feet. After adjusting the black blouse I was wearing, I washed my hands and motioned for him to go.

  Instead of going out ahead of me, he linked our hands, unlocked the door, and pulled it open.

  Holly was in the doorway, Alex just behind her.

  “Are you all right?” Holly asked her son. Then her eyes slid to me.

  “I’m fine, Mom. But Bellamy isn’t feeling too well. She needs to lie down. I’m going to drive her back to Alex’s.”

  Alex glanced at me and then at Liam. They did that silent conversation thing they always did.

  “But the reception…” Holly protested.

  It was hard, but I tugged my hand free of Liam’s and straightened away from him. “She’s right, Liam. This is important, and you should stay. I can get myself back to Alex’s.”

  “It’s probably best,” Holly remarked.

  Liam stiffened. “Don’t you think it’s a little cruel to continue to ask me to choose between you and Bellamy, Mom?”

  Holly’s eyes widened. “I haven’t—”

  “You have. And I’ve allowed it because I love you and because you’re hurting, and I know you need me.”

  Holly put a hand to her throat, stricken.

  “She needs me, too.” Liam looked at me, his eyes piercing mine with honest sincerity when he spoke. “And I love her. I won’t keep hurting her this way.”

  Behind Holly, Alex nodded with approval.

  My heart wanted to sing because Liam loved me. But how could I be happy when the man I loved felt he had to make a choice?

  “This is the last thing I wanted,” I said. “I came to pay my respects and support Liam, which I did. I’ll go now.” I looked at him. “You can find me afterward, and we can talk.”

  A short distance away, I saw someone hovering in the doorway to the hallway. It was Kelsey, waiting to pounce. Probably loving all the stressed-out vibes we were all surely wafting her way.

  Without another word, I started down the hall toward the exit, holding my head high and ignoring her completely.

  The familiar timbre of Liam’s voice drifted behind me, but I kept going. Just before I passed Kelsey, Liam appeared beside me, slipping an arm around my waist. “You’re not walking out of here without me.”

  Butterflies went crazy in my stomach, giving me a slightly nauseous feeling, but this one I didn’t mind. Still, I didn’t want to pull him away from this.

  He must have seen it in my eyes because he shook his head before I could even speak.

  “I’ve given enough of my time to everyone else. It’s your turn.”

  The second we stepped outside in the cold winter air, Liam scooped me up and carried me across the lot to his big orange truck.

  Liam

  Running scared was what cowards did.

  I was no coward.

  Partially broken, flooding with darkness, and drowning with guilt?

  Yes. But a coward, no.

  It wasn’t hard to walk out of the reception with Mom, Alex, and even Kelsey drilling holes in the back of my head as I went. In fact, it was the opposite of hard.

  I felt as if a weight had been lifted off my shoulders.

  Dealing with death was hard. Finite. Dealing with the living was arguably worse. There was something a lot less finite about life. Its ability to change by the second was truly scary.

  I’d been walking around, a jumble of confusion, feeling like a rope that was cut and frayed at both ends. I wanted to be there for everyone, but it seemed no matter what, I would let someone down.

  If I got anything out of my father’s death, it was that I had to live. No matter how hard.

  Reaching across the seats, I rested my hand palm up toward Bellamy. Without hesitation, her palm flattened against mine.

  We were in a weird place. An awkward place. A place we’d never been together before. Usually, everything between us was easy, even when life was complete and utter chaos. Usually, when I looked at her, m
y heart beat a little faster and I knew exactly where I belonged.

  I still felt like that. Chemistry still crackled in the space around us. The invisible tether between our bodies still tugged.

  But there was a new dynamic, too.

  Almost as if we were fighting against everything that always held us together.

  This was my fault, too.

  I was going to fix it.

  We walked into Alex’s place, the silence disrupted by the giant drooling dog. He rushed me, and I chuckled, glad to see him. I’d missed him too the past few days. Almost as soon as he got a couple pats from me, he went to Bellamy, treating her far different than the way he’d bulldozed me. Instead, he sat at her feet, his tail beating against the floor impatiently, and gave a low woof.

  She laughed and sank to her knees, which remarkably made the dog look slightly taller than her. She scratched his belly and chest and avoided his giant tongue. When she was about to pull away, he put out a massive paw and rested it on her arm.

  “I missed you, too, buddy,” she murmured, smiling. “C’mon.” He leapt up and danced into the kitchen ahead of her because he knew exactly what she was doing. Bellamy had to lean over the dog to reach the treat-filled container on the counter. I braced myself, thinking I might have to intercept him from taking off her hand as she pulled out the snack.

  “Use your manners,” she told him, holding it out.

  He gently took it from her fingers. Far gentler than he’d ever been with me.

  Beneath my ribs, my heart did a somersault. Watching them together made me relive all the moments I’d spent without them over the past several days.

  Charlie trotted off, and Bells smiled after him before returning the container to the counter. She seemed comfortable here. Like she’d settled into Alex’s place with no trouble at all.

  Without me.

  That awkward feeling settled back between us, and she turned around, leaning against the counter, and looked at me.

  “He’s definitely your dog now,” I said, trying to smile but unable because I felt like I was losing her. She was slipping away.

  “One more thing I’ve taken from you,” she whispered.