Burn to Ashes

by Brynn O'Connor

  “Hey uh miss,” My cabbie interrupts my thoughts. “Those two bikes are back; I think.”

  I turn around. It sure looks like them. If we can’t lose the tail I’ll end up leading them to Adam and it’ll be like he’s walking into a trap.

  “Do you have any experience losing cars or bikes that are following you?” I ask, doubtful he does.

  “Not really…but I do watch a lot of cop shows and similar stuff like Burn Notice.”

  Great. “Okay look, if you can lose those two bikers I’ll give you a $50 bill on the spot.”

  “You’re on lady!”

  My driver pulls up to a red light. He’s the first one in line and when it turns green he just sits there doing nothing. Anyone on a bike not following us will shoot around us giving us the finger on the way. These two yahoos just sit there and lay on their horns. The light turns yellow and still my guy hasn’t moved. Then suddenly he shoots across the intersection the second the light turns red. I twist around to see if the guys on bikes followed us. It would take a desperate biker to shoot across traffic like we just did. Thankfully they stayed put. I handed over the bill and we resumed tracking Adam. After about a half hour he seems to be following a definite route; back to his house it would seem. That probably means he’s decided to switch to his motorcycle. If I can beat him there I’ll just cut him off in the driveway and not let him out.

  We’re about a mile from his house when my driver gives me some very disappointing news.

  “They’re back!”

  Makes me wonder if they’ve got some GPS thing on my phone. If they’re connected with the local police maybe they can track people’s cell phones. I say as much to my cabbie.

  “You could ditch your phone.” He replies.

  “Then I can’t find my boyfriend. Just lose these guys. I don’t think they’re tracking me with my phone.”

  Turns out my cabbie should have a second career driving a getaway vehicle for the mob. He loses them in no time. Unfortunately I also lost my only chance to corner Adam at home. We follow him out to the edge of town before I realize he’s heading for Vinnie’s Bar. Fortunately my driver recognizes where Adam’s headed and he also knows a shortcut. We pull into the lot just behind Adam. There are three other taxis parked here. That explains why we’re able to get here and park without raising Adam’s suspicions.

  I watch as Adam gets off his bike. He opens a saddlebag and brings out what looks like a very long knife. Is he going to just go in there and gut someone then escape in the drunken confusion? That doesn’t seem like him at all. But then again, his obsession to protect me has got him to a point where he’s not thinking very clearly either. Obviously he doesn’t trust the training he and his guys gave me.

  I get out of the cab instructing the driver to stay put and be ready to leave in a hurry. I’m not sure what I’m doing here as I walk across the parking lot. At least no one else is outside. Adam walks into the bar like he owns the place. I walk up to the door but I can’t summon the courage to just open it and walk in; not with the Sons looking for me. This place was a Cycle Demon hangout and now the combined club, the new and improved Sons of Ash hangs out here. If I were to look up the words enemy territory in the dictionary there would be a picture of this place. I decide to walk through the alley on the left and see if there’s a back door that I can slip in and take a peek. I step around the corner of the building and at the end of the makeshift alley are two men getting ready to duke it out. I have to stop this nonsense now.

  I’m just about to shout Adam’s name when they two figures explode into a flurry of fists, punctuated with the occasional kick. I call out but neither man hears me so I just run in their direction. For a few seconds they appear to be deadlocked when one suddenly takes the other’s leg out from underneath him and he goes down hard. The man on top reaches around behind his back and pulls out the knife I saw earlier. This time I really scream for all I’m worth.

  “Adam! Don’t do it Adam!”

  It worked; Adam freezes, hand still up in the air ready to strike a downward, life ending blow. He turns to look at me in shock.

  “Kari?”

  Suddenly I see a flash of silver in the moonlight and Adam hollers out in pain. The other man bucks his hips and manages to unseat Adam and he scrambles to his feet. The two men circle one another. From what I know of fighting with a knife, it’s pretty obvious Adam knows what he’s doing and the other man is seriously overmatched. This is going to end fast unless I stop it.

  The other man suddenly steps in and jabs at Adam’s throat. Adam brings his knife up just on the outside of the other man’s arm and brushes it aside so that the man’s jab sails past Adams throat just missing him. At the same time Adam makes a quick downward slashing motion with his knife effectively sinking it into the other man’s radial artery. The ensuing spray of blood showers both combatants. The injured biker staggers backwards, unable to hold onto his knife and it falls from his bloody fingers.

  “Adam stop!” I scream.

  If they don’t stop soon my voice is going to bring reinforcements running to help their wounded brother. If the fight stops now they can still save their brother’s life. Even though he has a severed artery at his wrist it can take an hour for him to slip into unconsciousness; actually shorter given that his heart is pounding from the adrenaline of the fight.

  “Don’t do this Adam,” I plead.

  “Stay out of this Kari!” Adam hollers over his shoulder. “You don’t understand how this works. I show weakness now and we’re both dead. Do you understand? Both of us will die, hunted like dogs. I have to finish this.”

  “Yeah Kari, make him stop.” The wounded man taunts. “You’re both dead anyway. Soon as they find my body they’ll know who did this and you’re gonna have about 300 angry bikers hunting you like dogs, as you say.”

  Adam uses the moment when the other man is talking, to strike again. This time he slashes his opponent across the forehead right above his eyes. It’s a textbook tactical move. In seconds the biker is blinded by the blood pouring into his eyes from a minor wound to his head. He dances around blindly slashing this way and that. It’s over. No way Adam’s not going to finish this. I just cannot believe he’s attacking an innocent man. Well, maybe not entirely innocent, but he didn’t have anything to do with my sister’s kidnapping I’m sure. He was just a victim of opportunity; Adam’s opportunity.

  Defeated I stalk away and minutes later I’m back in the taxi heading for out motel room. I should probably find another room but I’m in no mood to try to find anywhere else to stay at the moment. In the morning I’ll find a new place to stay. I can’t believe Adam chose to ignore me. How can he claim to love me and still do something that he knows will hurt me? That’s not love. At least I don’t think its love.

  Back at the motel I crawl into bed. It’s nearly two thirty in the morning. Sleep finds me the instant my head hits my pillow and I’m jarred to wake seemingly seconds later. My phone is ringing. I scramble around frantically searching until I find it under my pillow.

  “Hello?”

  “Hi Kari.”

  It’s Doctor Mike, from the hospital; holy crap, why’s he calling me?

  “Hi doctor,” I reply, keeping my voice neutral.

  “Sorry to bother you at this hour but we just admitted a patient and I had to ask, isn’t Adam your friend?”

  “Oh my god, what happened?”

  I can’t believe this. How could he have lost that fight? Unless… unless more bikers came out of the bar and found them there fighting…

  “Looks like he lost a knife fight.” The doctor continues. “He’s going to be okay but I thought you’d want to know your friend showed up here.”

  “Boyfriend,” I correct. “He’s my boyfriend.” Well he was, but after last night I don’t know what to think.

  “How are you Kari? Everyone misses you terribly. You’re the best trauma nurse we have. I miss you Kari, if the truth be told. Are you coming back…ever?”
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  “Maybe sooner than you think,” I whisper under my breath.

  “Sorry didn’t catch that.” Dr. Mike replies. “Hey, do you think we can grab a coffee? I’m off in two hours. I’ll pick you up. Or we can just meet. Whatever you like.”

  I take a deep breath and suddenly I’m back in the bar and I’m grinding on doctor Mike, my head spinning from drink and my pussy buzzing with excitement; desire. We did have a connection that night and I nearly ended up going home with him. How different my life would be now if I had. If that dirt bag ex- boyfriend hadn’t have shown up then Adam would never had jumped in and rescued me. Of course I with my thing for bad boys just had to choose Adam over mister Right; and now look where I am. I’m in a flea bag motel on the run from a host of angry bikers and I’m no longer working in my chosen profession. Instead I have a new one. I’m a vigilante going after the men who kidnapped my little sister. All this because I chose Adam over Michael a very successful and respected physician. If I had chosen Michael we’d probably be living in his house. I’d still be a trauma nurse entertaining thoughts of medical school. In fact I’m pretty sure I’d be holed up in some home office studying my ass off for some exam or other or I’d be at the hospital as an intern doing rounds with some senior doctor. But no…I had to choose the criminal life and a criminal instead. What the fuck is wrong with me?”

  “Kari…you still there?”

  “Yeah…still here. Where do you want to meet for coffee?”

  “How about Starbucks on Marin Avenue?”

  His voice is an octave higher. He’s surprised and excited by the prospect of seeing me again. Have to admit, I’m a little excited too. Maybe it’s not too late to have that other life; the respectable one as a trauma nurse and med student. I just have one question.

  “About Adam…is it bad? He going to be okay?”

  After a long sigh the doctor answers. “He’ll be fine. Someone opened up his wrist and slashed him across the forehead and he’s lost a lot of blood but he’ll be fine. I’m sure-. Oops, I’m being paged, gotta run. See you at 8 Kari.”

  Oh my God…that’s not Adam…my Adam. My Adam let him live. What a coincidence that the other man is also Adam. Holy crap Adam let him live and here I’m going to meet Michael… Now I don’t know what the hell to do. I glance at my watch. I have five hours to sleep. I’ll worry about it in the morning.

  My alarm wakes me with a start at 7:15 am. Still groggy from last night’s escapades I step into the shower and let the steaming hot liquid sluice over my skin, still raw from my excessive scrubbing. At some point I have to accept that the garbage is not on my skin anymore no matter how much my skin still crawls from time to time.

  I guess I’m going to meet Doctor Mike after all and just maybe…just maybe I’ll have the courage to change my life; to give myself a second chance. I could. I could just say goodbye to Adam, hello to Michael and instantly my whole life will fall back into place. I’ll be back at the ER and dating the hospital’s most eligible bachelor. My little sister will certainly be happy for me as well as my best friend Jenny. They both idolize Dr. Mike and think I should have ended up with him instead of Adam.

  On the way to Starbucks I wonder absently where Adam…my Adam could be. He’s probably holed up somewhere else waiting for me to settle down. But that doesn’t make sense. What if he got jumped by the other bikers in the bar and really did get hurt or killed? What if he’s lying somewhere in a ditch dying and wondering why I’m not there to save him? As my taxi drops me off at Starbucks I grab my phone. Someone called and left a message. I am a little early so I’ll just check my voicemail. I put the phone to my ear and listen; it’s Adam.

  “Hey Kari…so I let him live, but I thought you might need some space so when you’re up give me a call and we can talk. Love ya babe.”

  Well…he’s alive and okay so… So what am I doing here meeting with the enemy? I gotta call that taxi back. I’m just about to call when a shadow passes over me.

  “Not having second thoughts are you?” Michael asks.

  “Oh…no actually. I’m fine.”

  I guess it won’t hurt to talk to the doctor for a few minutes then I’ll call Adam and we can talk.

  “Great, let’s get some coffee then.”

  When we take a seat I go on the offensive. That other patient, the biker couldn’t have been Adam too. That’s just too weird. I’m sure Mike just wanted an excuse to call me and he did. I guess I should be flattered that after everything that has happened he is still interested in me.

  “So what was the real name of that guy you treated last night?”

  He smiles ruefully then says. “Stan…actually. I just needed an excuse to call you I guess. I just can’t get you out of my mind Kari. I have tried to convince myself that you don’t fit into my life but I just keep coming to a different conclusion.”

  “What was that?” I ask.

  “You actually don’t fit into the life you’re trying to create with…with Adam. You do however fit perfectly in mine. We’re perfect for each other Kari, and I’m sure you can feel it too.”

  I can. But I also can’t afford to admit it to him and I’m not sure I should be admitting it myself either. But I can’t help but think how my life would be now if I had gone home with Michael at the bar and not Adam. My sister wouldn’t have been kidnapped, I wouldn’t have turned into a vigilante, and I would never have had to learn how to shoot a gun and kill a man with a knife or my bare hands. I shake my head like I can actually shake these thoughts out.

  Doctor Mike is looking at me waiting for a reply.

  “Sorry….”

  “You should be in medical school Kari,” Doctor Mike begins. “I’ll support you while you’re in school if that’s what you’re worried about. You’ll do great! You’re the best trauma nurse we have and you’ll be the best ER doc we have too. Just think about it. In five…four years you’ll be interning here; as a new doctor. This life is waiting here you. All you have to do is just take it. Everyone will support you and be behind you. This…vigilante stuff…this biker stuff. It’s not you!”

  “It is me!” I reply.

  Scary thing about it is…I’m not sure it’s me after all. Maybe I should try the other life; the normal, responsible, non-criminal life. Why can’t I just try it? I ran with my emotions and jumped in with both feet when it came to Adam and look where it’s got me. I glance to my left, catching my reflection in the mirror; I look awful. I don’t even recognize myself anymore. Who the hell is that gaunt, pale woman looking back at me? It’s nobody I know, that’s for sure.

  “Kari…earth calling Kari…”

  “What? Sorry Mike. I was a little distracted.”

  “You’re not kidding; you’ve been on another planet from the second we met. What’s really going on with you?”

  “I’m…wondering.” I finally say.

  “Wondering what?”

  “How my life would have turned out had my ex and Adam not turned up at that club. What would I be doing on weekends? I’m wondering…”

  I trail off unable to continue.

  “You’re wondering if you had chosen me over Adam. You’d be living the good life. You’d be working in the ER, going to fabulous restaurants, vacationing in the San Juan Islands, going to school, and just enjoying life. It can still be yours Kari; it’s not too late. I am very fond of you…very much so. In fact…I want to set up house-”

  “Excuse me? Are you saying you want to play house, is that it? You really wanna give us a go? I’m not the same woman you used to work with at St. Josephs. I’ve…I’ve seen things, done things that have changed me as a person forever.”

  “Yes, you have…and you’re stronger for it. You’re wise in the ways of the world like you weren’t six months ago and it makes you even that much more attractive to me. You’re streetwise and I have the feeling you can hold your own in a fight.”

  “Yeah I’ve turned into the female version of the person you despise.”

  “
I don’t despise Adam Kari. He saved my life. I just don’t believe he is good for you. Look at where you are now because of him. Are you really happy? I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again; this is not you.”

  He has me there. Maybe I should try it. The Doctor Michael Shanahan prescription for the new Kari. I can go back to work, stay at Mike’s house and look into going back to school.

  “Look,” I finally say. “If I was to try this I can’t really go back to my own house right now but I’m unwilling to just live with you like an old married couple. We could date. Take it slow. I can go back to work and check out medical school but it’s not going to be without its price.”

  He misinterprets me. “I can pay for your schooling Kari. It would be my pleasure.”

  “That’s not what I meant. There are people looking for me and if I resurface in this town somebody, somewhere is going to try to nab me. That means whether you want it to or not you’re going to get drawn into my mess. I’m not sure you’re ready to deal with that.”

  “Why don’t you let me decide if I am ready to deal? Believe me I have thought this through. I have been thinking about calling you ever since you disappeared. Too tell you the truth I really didn’t think you’d have your phone still and I was shocked you answered it.”

  The more I consider this, the more…I’m not sure excited is the word for it, but I’m feeling something and it’s pretty damn good. No more flea bag motels, no more shooting lessons and no more talk about how to kill people; just how to heal them. How could I have picked Adam over Michael? What was I thinking?

  “Kari, why don’t you call the hospital and get yourself back on rotation? That’d be a great first step. Then if you want we can swing by your house and get your things. You can stay in the guest room at my house.”

  “As much as I love living out of my suitcase and abhor the thought of a fresh change of clothes,” I reply with a bitter laugh. “I can’t show up at home day or night. I’d be seen and followed if not attacked right then and there. We’ll have to come up with something else.”