The Seven Steps to Closure

by Donna Joy Usher

  ‘A little bit of light reading before bed time.’ She smiled cheekily at me.

  ‘Guaranteed to give me nightmares.’

  ‘All the details of the date are on the back. Don’t be late and wear something nice, maybe the black dress. He’s taking you to a new Scottish restaurant.’

  ‘Scottish? Seriously? What do they serve at a Scottish restaurant?’

  ‘I’m not sure. Haggis probably.’

  I gagged a little at the thought.

  ‘He’s picking you up at 7pm. Wait downstairs for him. I didn’t give him your apartment number.’

  ‘Thanks,’ I said, reaching out to touch her arm. ‘Even though I don’t want to do this, I appreciate what you’re doing.’

  ‘Thank me when you’ve had sex again. Now that will be a cause for some celebration.’

  ‘Well don’t put the champagne on ice yet.’

  ‘Not on ice, but it’s in the fridge chilling.’

  * * *

  I was waiting for my date – my stomach a churning knot of nerves. I guess it was natural for me to be nervous, with the infinite number of ways this could become an excruciating experience, versus the slim chance of it actually being any good. What if I didn’t recognise him? What if we had nothing to talk about? What if he saw me and kept on driving?

  In the end the date was short and succinct. A beat up old Volkswagen stopped beside me and a strange man said, ‘Get in.’

  I peered through the window at him trying to work out if this was the same person in the little photo Elaine had showed me, or some guy who thought I was a hooker. In the end I decided it was the man in the photo with a few more grey hairs and a few more kilos. Wondering what photo Elaine had used of me, I climbed awkwardly into the car. Before I even had my seat belt on, he took off from the curb, his foot flat to the floor. I squealed in surprise and heard him snigger.

  Great, I thought, a smart ass.

  ‘You’ve cut your hair short.’

  Well that partly answered the question of the photo.

  ‘Shame – I like a girl with long hair, it gives you something to hold onto.’

  ‘Excuse me?’ I looked at him in disbelief.

  ‘You’re a bit dressed up aren’t you?’

  ‘You said we were going to a Scottish restaurant. I like to look nice when I’m out.’

  He burst out laughing. ‘When I said Scottish I thought you’d understand.’ He beat the steering wheel with his hand as he laughed. ‘Wait till I tell the boys about this.’

  ‘About what?’

  As if in answer he indicated left and turned into the parking lot of a McDonald’s restaurant.

  ‘You are joking?’ I said, gesturing at the restaurant. ‘You said a new Scottish restaurant.’

  ‘Yeah, well, this one only opened a month ago.’

  ‘You’re taking me to a McDonald’s restaurant for our first date.’

  ‘Who said anything about me taking you? You’ll be buying your own thick shake and fries thank you very much.’

  ‘Well,’ I said with as much dignity as I could muster, ‘I can see that this isn’t going to work, so let’s just call it quits while we’re ahead.’

  ‘Hey, you said you liked new experiences. I thought after we’d eaten we could have sex in the disabled toilets.’

  ‘Now you have to be joking.’ I looked at him in amusement waiting for him to start laughing, but there was no change in his facial expression. Okey dokey, not joking then. I opened the car door and clambered out.

  ‘Okay, well, thanks for the ride, nice knowing you,’ I said, backing away from the car.

  ‘Where are you going?’

  ‘Anywhere but here.’

  ‘Oh that’s just typical.’ I could hear him ranting as I walked briskly across the parking lot and back to the road. ‘You women are all the same. You want it all on a platter – gift wrapped. Everything for free. Well you’re all sluts. Big, fat sluts.’

  I could still hear him yelling as I flagged a cab and jumped in. Wow, I thought Cocky had been bad. This guy had him beat hands down.

  I texted Elaine on my way back home.

  DISASTEROUS DATE. Call me when you get a chance.

  And then I quite happily went home to my slightly psychotic cat.

  * * *

  I got up early the next day to decorate the tearoom for Dinah’s birthday. I had booked her in for a 2pm spa treatment at a Korean Bath House in town. Then we would be heading into Darling Harbour for drinks and dinner. Nat was bringing Ricardo – we were pretty excited to finally meet him. Elaine was bringing her toy boy; I hoped he was old enough to hold a normal conversation, and Creepy Doug was coming with Dinah.

  ‘Happy Birthday!’ we all shrieked as Dinah entered the tearoom. Susan and Tina had gotten her some flowers and a cake from Beethoven’s, Rana, the hygienist and Mark the other dentist, had gotten her a handbag she had been eyeing off at a shop down the road. I was sure that it was Rana not Mark who had organised that – the two had been dating for six months now.

  The morning had gone well. No pain-in-the-ass patients had been allowed to be booked. Then a huge bunch of flowers had turned up from Creepy Doug, with a nice card on them saying how much he was looking forward to helping her celebrate her birthday. No mention of love I noted, but Dinah was thrilled. I packed her off to the Korean Bath house at 1.30pm and went home myself for a rest.

  I arrived at Dinah’s at 6pm so we could have a little drink before heading in to Darling Harbour. ‘Where’s Doug?’ I asked as we popped the top off a bottle of champers.

  ‘He’s on his way.’

  Pretty much as these words left her mouth her mobile phone burbled. She picked it up, read the text and then casually put the phone back on the table.

  I looked at her.

  ‘Doug. He’s had an emergency extirpation, he’ll meet us there.’

  ‘Oh,’ I said in my most nonchalant voice, and then changed the subject to how good she looked. (I feel the need at this time to let you know that an extirpation is actually the removal of the nerve from the inside of the tooth. It’s done as palliative care and not as a form of torture. Well not in this country anyway.)

  The traffic was bad so we had the cab drop us off at the entertainment centre and walked from there, strolling through Chinatown, peering at the ducks hanging in the windows. And that was when I saw them. I immediately panicked and tried to distract Dinah, but my body language must have alerted her and she peered through the window, past the ducks to the tables, where Creepy Doug sat with his emergency extirpation.

  She gasped.

  ‘Ahh fuck,’ I said, shaking my head. ‘What a prick.’

  Dinah stood like a statue, staring at the two of them. Doug and a person I was assuming was Tiffany, the young, new graduate endodontist, were laughing and eating what looked like Peking duck. I winced as Doug leant over and fed some to Tiffany.

  Dinah started to turn away.

  I grabbed her arm. ‘No way,’ I said.

  She looked at me miserably, her brown eyes shiny.

  ‘No way Dinah – I let Jake walk all over me. I’m not letting you do the same thing with Doug.’

  She looked uncertain.

  ‘You’re attractive, you’re intelligent, you’re a dentist, you own your own business, and now,’ I said, ‘now you’re thirty. You’re not some scared little girl anymore. You’re a woman, and I think the first task you have as a woman is to go in there, tell that asshole what you think of him and retake control of your life.’

  She looked me in the eye and took a few deep breaths while she contemplated my words. ‘Right,’ she finally said, and marched in the front door of the restaurant.

  ‘Hi Doug, Tiffany.’ Dinah stalked up to the table and took a seat. I maintained my distance, ready to jump in as back up if things got nasty, and had the pleasure of watching Creepy Doug, with a panicked look on his face, trying to salvage the situation.

  ‘Dinah,’ he started, ‘look who I ran into on my way to
Darling Harbour.’

  ‘Hi Tiffany,’ said Dinah dismissively. Her fight was not with Tiffany who – by the look of confusion on her face – had no idea that there was any type of relationship between Doug and Dinah.

  ‘Must have been a quick extirpation.’

  ‘Huh.’

  ‘The emergency extirpation, must have been quick.’

  ‘Oh you know – I’ve been doing them for years.’

  ‘Yeah well, you’ve also been doing me for years, not that you’d know. Anyway just here to tell you not to bother coming to my birthday party tonight, because I’m sick of your shit and it’s over between us.’

  It was a beautiful moment. You could see Doug caught between wanting to patch things up with Dinah, and not wanting Tiffany to know the depth of his relationship with her.

  ‘Anyhoo,’ said Dinah dismissively, dumping the contents of Doug’s wine glass into his lap, ‘got to go, people to greet, champagne to drink. You know how it is on your birthday.’

  ‘Umm,’ said Tiffany, ‘happy birthday?’

  ‘Thanks,’ said Dinah, and we walked back out of the restaurant and up the road. Finally she stopped walking and looked at me.

  ‘Oh Dinah,’ I said, ‘you were amazing. It was perfect. Are you okay?’

  ‘Need alcohol.’

  ‘Yep, more alcohol. Come on let’s go get drunk.’

  By the time we arrived at the restaurant Elaine, Nat and their dates were waiting. I had texted ahead to let them know what had transpired and God bless them they had alcohol waiting for us.

  I spent quite a bit of time drooling over Ricardo. Christ the guy was perfect. Gorgeous – check, nice – check, amazingly sexy accent – check, intelligent – check. That had me wondering. Why was this guy a cleaner? When I asked him, he just said that he liked the hours and the peace and quiet that came with it. Nat giggled at that point, and he leant over and stroked her face while he kissed her. Elaine, Dinah and I let out a collective sigh. I didn’t know till that moment that it was possible to be incredibly jealous of someone at the same time as being insanely happy for them.

  I think Dinah had a nice night – even considering the Doug scene – and at the end I took her home to my place to sleep. I arranged with the girls to be at my place at 11am with a breakfast perfect for a hangover. I was sure we were all going to need it, but I also knew from experience that once the alcohol wore off, Dinah was going to feel like crap.

  * * *

  Dinah was already up when I woke. I could smell coffee brewing and hear the distinctive clacking of my laptop keyboard. I wondered what she was doing.

  ‘Morning,’ she said brightly, as I emerged from my room. ‘Hope I didn’t wake you.’

  I shook my head and stared at her in disbelief. No strewn contents of the box of tissues I had placed on her bedside table last night. No huge black bags, the tell-tale sign of hours of weeping. Not even any signs of a hangover for that matter.

  ‘Wow,’ I said impressed. ‘You look great. Are you as good as you look?’

  ‘Yeah, I feel good. I drank a couple of litres of water during the night.’

  ‘Hmmm. I wasn’t referring to your hangover. I was meaning are you fine with the whole Creepy Doug thing.’

  She laughed in surprise and then nodded her head thoughtfully. ‘Creepy Doug?’

  ‘Sorry, our pet name for him.’

  ‘Don’t be sorry. I like it. And in answer to your question – I feel lighter. I feel free. I feel like I can finally move on with my life. I feel like he doesn’t matter one little bit. I can’t believe the amount of time I wasted on him. And I’m not even angry about last night. I’m thankful that it happened.’

  Elaine and Natalie had entered with grocery bags while she was talking.

  ‘That sounds like closure to me,’ said Elaine.

  ‘Yeah, I feel like by taking back control of my life I’ve had closure on our relationship.’

  ‘Ooohh,’ I said jealously, ‘you’ve had closure. That’s not fair. Elaine how come she gets to have closure without having to sleep with anyone?’

  ‘But I did sleep with someone,’ said Dinah innocently, ‘you, last night.’

  I threw a cushion at her. ‘Yeah well I slept with you, and a fat lot of good it did me.’

  It was as we were eating the bacon and eggs that Dinah brought up her plans for the future. ‘I’m going overseas for a few weeks,’ she said casually.

  ‘Who with?’ asked Nat

  ‘When?’ asked Elaine.

  ‘By myself, I’m not sure when. I’m still waiting for an email to see if there is any space for me. Look at this.’ She jumped up from the table and grabbed my laptop. ‘I’ve been looking into this for a while, and after last night I wasn’t sure what I’d been waiting for, so this morning I emailed them.’

  ‘Emailed who?’ I asked.

  ‘The administration of Mercy Ships, they’re big floating hospitals. The one I’m looking at is called African Mercy.’ She started reading off the computer. ‘It has 6 operating theatres, 78 recovery beds and more than 450 volunteers manning it. They have a CT scan and x-ray and even laboratory services on board. It travels from town to town around Africa.’ She looked up from the computer. ‘I just feel I could do so much more to help people than I am.’

  Nat took the computer from her. ‘Listen to this. They do a lot of work for women who have obstetric fistula.’

  Elaine winced. ‘That sounds painful.’

  ‘It’s leakage of urine and faeces, caused by prolonged labour. Apparently there are between 100000 and 150000 women a year that develop this in Africa. They become outcasts, shunned by their families, divorced by their husbands and most often they die from infection and renal failure. It can be cured by a simple operation.’

  ‘Makes you glad to be born in Australia,’ I said. ‘But Dinah, what can you do? Do they have dental facilities on board?’

  ‘I think so. I remember hearing someone at a course talking about having done it and thinking how unreal it would be. It is totally volunteer – you pay your own way there and also for your food and board.’

  ‘When will you hear back from them?’ Nat asked.

  Reclaiming the laptop from Natalie she clicked into her email. She gasped – an excited expression on her face. ‘Already have,’ she informed us, reading the email. Finally she looked up. ‘I’m going next week.’

  ‘What?’ I yelped in alarm. ‘But Dinah, the practice.’

  ‘Will manage without me for a month. I have faith in your abilities Tara, and Mark is quite capable of stepping up to bat for me. You’ll just have to get a locum dentist to fill in for me like you did last time I went on holiday. You know what to do.’

  There were so many things whirling through my head, all of them complaints and reasons why she should not go. So I shut my mouth tight and nodded. If she had the guts to fly to a third world country and volunteer for a month on this floating hospital, then surely I could run her business while she was away.

  ‘Thanks Tara,’ she said beaming, ‘you’re the best.’

  * * *

  First thing Monday morning I contacted a temp agency regarding a replacement for Dinah. Then I picked up and filled out her vaccine script before heading back to work to finalise the flights to Benin. Dinah would have to fly via Los Angeles to Contonon which would take 42 hours. I felt tired just thinking about it. I booked the flights, emailed the information to Mercy Ships and then filled out a visa application.

  By five I had everything under control and a pile of resumes from the temp agency, which I took home to peruse. I decided to have a shower first and opened the door to the balcony to let in some fresh air. When I finally emerged from the bathroom, a cloud of steam around me, I could see Princess squatting in the doorway to the balcony, the tip of her tail flicking from side to side. Cocky was sitting on the railing, taunting her. He jumped up and down squawking while Princess crept closer and closer. By the time I realised what was about to happen it was too late.
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  ‘No!’ I shrieked as Princess launched her attack. She raced towards the balustrade and leapt upwards, trying to pounce on Cocky; who lifted into the air – hovering over her head as she cleared the balustrade and plummeted down four flights to her death.

  ‘Princess!’ I cried, as I hung over the balcony staring at her still body. I ran down the stairs, tears blurring my vision, and approached her slowly – wishing desperately that she would move, or meow, or hop up and come over to me, telling me with her purrs about how she had lost another life. She looked like she was stretched out enjoying the last sun of the afternoon, but I knew better. I picked up her still body and hugged it. I kissed her soft fluffy head and cried into her fur. Yes, she had been a little bit of a psycho, but she had been my psycho, and it was my fault she was dead.

  ‘Oh Mum,’ I cried down the phone. ‘Princess is dead. Cocky was taunting her and she jumped over the balcony and now she’s dead.’

  ‘Calm down Tara,’ said Mum gently. ‘Now start from the beginning. What happened? Did you mention Cocky?’

  ‘Yeah,’ I sniffed. I figured with me so upset about Princess dying she couldn’t possibly yell at me for letting Cocky go. ‘He’s been living with the old lady in Lily’s apartment, and he’s always saying hor, horrible things, and then he came over and he lured Pr Pr Princess to her death,’ I howled.

  ‘All right darling,’ Mum said, ‘I want you to go and have a lie down. I’ll be there as fast as I can.’

  I took Princess’s body with me into the bedroom to cuddle. She wasn’t a bad little cat really. I mean all animals have their wicked points. So she had freaked me out a few times in the night when I had woken to find her staring into my face. So she had destroyed all my nice cushions, and crapped on my bed and rug. So she had frequently found it amusing to attack me when I least expected it. She had still been company, and she had never criticised me or made me feel stupid.

  I was ready to give her up when Mum arrived and we took her down and buried her in the little garden behind the apartment building. Mum had brought a lasagne with her and homemade garlic bread, as well as my copy of Breaking Dawn.