Wychetts and the Dungeon of Dreams

by William Holley

  “I…” Edwin was taken aback by the question. “Well…”

  “Because you’re going to have to.” Maddy’s blue, magnified eyes seemed to grow larger whilst she gazed at Edwin. “If my plan is going to work.”

  “You’ve got a plan?”

  “As plans go it isn’t much of a plan. More a plan of a plan. But it’s the only plan we’ve got.”

  That was good enough for Edwin. “So what do we do?”

  “We go on a little trip.” Maddy bit her bottom lip as though to rein in a smile. “To meet my family.”

  “But we can’t,” said Edwin. “They’re trapped in paintings. In your satchel.”

  “Right now, yes. But we’re going to meet them before…” A pained expression crossed Maddy’s face. “Before it happened.”

  “How?” It took a few seconds of frowning before the answer dawned on Edwin. “You mean… we’re going to travel back in time?”

  “Clever boy, I knew we’d get there in the end.”

  “But is that even possible?”

  “I wouldn’t have suggested it otherwise. Although it needs a lot of magic power, more than Inglenook would let you use in a fortnight. So it’s just as well he’s snoozing.”

  “But can your family help?”

  “Of course.” Maddy scowled indignantly. “The Maddergrub family are renowned for our knowledge of magic. My parents are expert magic herb growers, and they’re bound to know a cure for Hypnoflax poisoning.”

  Edwin mulled it over. “But if we can travel back in time, can’t we ask the Wise Ones themselves? Or even Inglenook?”

  “I’d rather not,” admitted Maddy. “The Wise Ones took a rather dim view of magic time travel, and I wouldn’t want to get into more trouble with them.”

  “But…” Edwin was still debating what to do when Maddy grabbed hold of his hand.

  “You have to trust me, Edwin.” Maddy’s words sounded more like an order than a request. “This won’t work if you don’t trust me.”

  “I trusted you before,” Edwin reminded her. “And you left me stuck down a pit.”

  “It’s different now.” Maddy squeezed Edwin’s hand. “We’re friends, right?”

  “Well…” Edwin hesitated. “Are you sure this is a good idea?”

  “Of course it isn’t.” Maddy grinned. “There’s a million things that could go wrong. We could materialise at the bottom of a swamp, or get flattened by a dinosaur, or get captured by a tribe of primitive cannibalistic cave people. I really hate it when that happens.”

  Edwin’s doubts were growing by the second. “And shouldn’t we have travel insurance?”

  “Oh sure. Plus injections against cholera, bubonic plague and chilblains. And sunscreen, sensible shoes, and a small flashlight to convince those primitive cannibalistic cave people we’re gods and shouldn’t be a side dish in their Sunday mammoth roast. Plus a book of word puzzles for the duller moments. But we don’t have time for all that. Now close your eyes. Magic time travel can be a bit scary first time.”

  Edwin stared at Maddy, seeing his reflection in the lenses of her thick-rimmed glasses.

  “Close your eyes,” she whispered. “And trust me.”

  Edwin didn’t totally trust Maddy, but reckoned he had no choice but to go along with her plan. Even if it was only a plan of a plan.

  So he closed his eyes.

  And trusted her.

  6 Meet the Maddergrubs

  Maddy tightened her grip on Edwin’s hand. He felt he could never let go, as though fused to her. Seconds passed, but nothing seemed to happen. Then he heard a whoosh of air, and it felt like his feet had left the ground.

  He opened his eyes, and saw they were tumbling through a tunnel of swirling bright colours. He quickly closed his eyes again, fighting the urge to throw up. It was a fight he came desperately close to losing, but just as the bile rose threateningly in his throat, Edwin felt solid ground beneath his feet again.

  The whooshing noise faded, replaced by the calming chirp of birdsong. He felt a gentle warm breeze on his face, and the bitter taste of sick receded.

  “Are we there?” he asked, eyes still screwed shut.

  “We’re there,” confirmed Maddy.

  “That wasn’t too bad.” Edwin tried to sound as though he had enjoyed the journey.

  “Quite a smooth ride,” agreed Maddy. “Luckily there were no jams on the North Circular. Plus we by-passed the nineteen seventies, which is always a bonus.”

  “Huh?” Edwin wondered whether Maddy was kidding him. “Are you sure we’re there?”

  “Open your eyes and find out.”

  Edwin opened his eyes, and blinked in the strong sunlight. They were standing in a garden, a huge, wondrous garden. A patchwork of beautifully coloured flowerbeds stretched in all directions. Large, plump bees droned contentedly between the blooms, whilst butterflies flitted all around in dabs of shimmering colour.

  “The Maddergrub Garden is the envy of the magical world.” Maddy beamed with pride. “All of these plants have magical uses, for potions, spells and such like.”

  “Wow.” Edwin was duly impressed. “So there could be a cure for Hypnoflax poisoning right here?”

  “Like I said, my family are experts with magic herbs. Now let’s go find them.”

  Maddy set off down a gravel pathway. Edwin went to follow, but stopped when he heard a strange noise.

  It seemed to come from all round him, yet echoed in his mind as though somehow part of him: a rhythmic, deep rasping noise that reminded him of snoring.

  “Edwin?” Maddy was tapping his shoulder. “Are you all right?”

  “Can’t you hear it?” Edwin stared expectantly at her. “That loud snoring noise.”

  Maddy’s green eyebrows arched doubtfully. Edwin listened again, but the snoring had stopped.

  “It’s probably just a side effect of magic time travel,” said Maddy. “Nothing to worry about. Now come along, there’s plenty more to show you.”

  Maddy dragged Edwin along the pathway and through an arched opening in a thick box hedge.

  “And this,” she announced with a wave of her right hand, “is our home.”

  Edwin gaped, the muscles that held his jaw in place seeming to turn to jelly.

  He’d seen Maddergrub Manor before. It had been old and derelict then, a crumbling empty shell. Now Edwin couldn’t believe he was looking at the same building.

  “So what d’you think?”

  Edwin couldn’t answer Maddy’s question. All he could do was stare, absorbing the grandeur of the gleaming white walls, the slender high towers topped with shiny golden spires, the beautiful windows made of shimmering, multi-coloured glass…

  And the flying gargoyles, of course.

  “Look out!” Edwin ducked when he saw a hideous, winged statue swooping down from the roof of Maddergrub Manor.

  “It’s alright,” chuckled Maddy, holding out a hand to the gargoyle as it landed beside her. “These ones are quite tame. We’ve raised Girty and Gorty since they were pebbles.”

  A second gargoyle dropped to the ground, approaching Edwin in a determined manner. Edwin let go of Maddy’s hand and shrank back, recalling his previous encounter with the living stone monsters.

  “She’s only being friendly.” Maddy stroked the head of the first gargoyle. “Give her a pat, she likes that.”

  The gargoyle ambled right up to Edwin, pressing its head against his stomach.

  “Go on,” urged Maddy. “She won’t bite.”

  Gingerly, Edwin reached down and patted the gargoyle’s head. The stone monster emitted a stream of contented croaks, which became a delighted purr when Edwin tickled its neck.

  “That’s enough mollycoddling.” Maddy pointed at the manor roof. “Now get back on guard duty.”

  The gargoyles hissed in protest, but Maddy was firm.

  “Back to your positions.” She waved her arms encouragingly. “Both of you. Shoo!”

  The gargoyles reluctantly took to the air,
circling the manor before settling on the roof.

  “See.” Maddy grinned at Edwin. “Gargoyles make ideal sentries. Very weather resistant. Although they do need regular de-mossing, and they’re not too keen on that. But there’s no time to stand here chatting.” Maddy took hold of Edwin’s hand again. “It’s time to meet the Maddergrubs.”

  “Wait.” A sudden thought struck Edwin. “If we’ve gone back in time to meet your family, what if you meet yourself? The universe will implode. I’ve seen it on TV.”

  “No it won’t,” Maddy assured him. “Although I agree it could be rather problematic. But don’t worry. I’m not at home right now. The new term has just started, so I’ll be stuck at magic boarding school for weeks.”

  “Then won’t your family be surprised to see you?”

  “I’ve thought of that.”

  Maddy led Edwin up the grand flight of steps that led to the main entrance of the manor. She clicked her fingers, and the huge wooden doors swung silently open.

  “Welcome to my home.” Maddy ushered Edwin into the hallway of Maddergrub Manor.

  Again, Edwin was struck dumb by the sight that met his eyes. The hallway was nothing like he remembered it; with spotless white walls, a beautiful symmetrically tiled floor, and a stunning wrought iron chandelier suspended from a vaulted ceiling which reminded him of a cathedral. Everything looked shiny and new, not a speck of dust or cobweb in sight.

  This is a proper house, he thought to himself. As much as he loved Wychetts, the old cottage with its wonky timbers and crooked walls just couldn’t compare to a building of this majesty and splendour.

  “Beautiful,” he breathed.

  “Thank you,” said Maddy, as though Edwin’s compliment had been meant for her. Edwin was about to clarify his remark, but then noticed that Maddy had magically transformed her appearance.

  She now wore a long purple dress, with wide sleeves and golden trim. Her green hair was neatly plaited, and shimmered like a dewy meadow in the sunlight that streamed through the opened doors.

  “Do you like it?” Maddy spread her arms and did a little twirl. “Just normal everyday clothes for a normal thirteenth century girl.”

  “There’s nothing normal about you,” said Edwin with a smile. “But yeah, you look very… um… nice.”

  “Thank you.” Maddy curtsied. “And you don’t look too bad yourself.”

  “Huh?” Edwin looked down to see that he’d also changed clothes, a burgundy tunic and yellow leggings having replaced his jeans and T-shirt.

  “Do I have to wear this?” He pulled at his puffy sleeves, grimacing when he noticed his long pointy shoes. “I feel a right ninny.”

  “You look very trendy.” Maddy nodded approvingly. “And we need to blend in with the period.”

  Edwin guessed that Maddy was right, about blending in at any rate, but then noticed something about her that hadn’t changed.

  “So what about those?” He pointed at her thick-rimmed glasses. “I didn’t think people wore specs in medieval times.”

  “They don’t,” admitted Maddy. “But they will after seeing how cool and stylish I look. Now stop complaining, tights suit you. Though I might change the colour. It looks like you’ve got heron’s legs.”

  “Heron’s legs?” A scowling Edwin inspected his legs again. “What do you…”

  “Never mind.” Maddy patted his arm. “Now we need to think of a suitable back story.”

  “Back story?”

  “To explain your presence here.” Maddy lowered her voice to a whisper. “I can’t tell my parents the truth, can I?”

  Edwin realised Maddy had a point.

  “Best make it simple,” he advised. “We need to get back to the present day as soon as possible.”

  Maddy shrugged. “This is the present day.”

  Edwin was going to argue that, but the sound of agitated voices came echoing from an adjoining passage.

  The first was male, deep and booming. “Malady, is that you?”

  “That’s my father!” Maddy gasped, squeezing Edwin’s arm.

  The second voice was feminine, soft and lilting. “Is our daughter home?”

  “That’s Mother.” Maddy gasped again, inflicting another squeeze on Edwin’s arm. “My parents are coming.”

  Edwin saw Maddy’s eyes moisten, and suddenly realised how emotional this must be for her. He put a hand on her shoulder, and was surprised how much she was trembling.

  “How shall I address them?” Edwin had been brought up to know the importance of good manners, but obviously wasn’t familiar with medieval etiquette.

  “We’re pretty relaxed and informal,” Maddy told him. “Lord and Lady Maddergrub will do.”

  Edwin didn’t think that was relaxed and informal, but was happy to go along with it.

  “But it’s best if you leave all the talking to me,” Maddy whispered, still grasping his arm. “Don’t say a word. Not a word about anything, unless I give you the nod. Understand?”

  “Not really,” complained Edwin. “Why shouldn’t I speak to them? I’m a Guardian of Wychetts. I…”

  “Think about it. We’ve travelled eight hundred years into your past. One wrong word from you could change the course of history. Your stepsister Bryony could end up Queen of England. Imagine that.”

  Edwin told Maddy that he rather wouldn’t.

  “Good.” Maddy finally relaxed her grip on Edwin’s arm. “Now remember, don’t say a word unless I give you the nod. And you need to trust me. This won’t work if you don’t trust me.”

  “I trust you,” said Edwin, knowing he had little choice.

  “It sounded like Malady.” Lord Maddergrub’s voice boomed louder.

  “It must be her,” said Lady Maddergrub. “But she did not send word of her return. I hope all is well.”

  The voices were now accompanied by the sound of hurrying footsteps. Maddy took a deep breath and closed her eyes, opening them again when Lord and Lady Maddergrub came hurrying into the hall.

  Edwin had seen Maddy’s parents before in their paintings. But even if he hadn’t, he could have guessed their identity from the man’s sparkling blue eyes and the woman’s bright green hair.

  “Malady!” Lady Maddergrub clasped her hands together when she spied her daughter.

  “Mother!” Maddy ran and threw herself at Lady Maddergrub, almost knocking her to the floor.

  “Father!” Maddy extricated herself from her mother’s arms and treated Lord Maddergrub to a similar greeting. “Oh, it’s so good to see you. Both of you.”

  “Something is wrong,” said Lady Maddergrub when the hugging was over. “I foresaw it in the clouds this morning.”

  “Why have you returned to us?” Lord Maddergrub held Maddy by the shoulders and gazed into her face. “And why are you wearing that strange frame across your eyes?”

  “They’re called glasses,” explained Maddy, removing the offending articles to wipe a tear from her cheek. “And they’re very fashionable.”

  “Not very,” murmured Edwin, but his comment was drowned by more voices.

  “Is that Maddy?”

  “Back so soon?”

  “Is something the matter?”

  Three children ran into the hall: two girls, one older and one younger than Maddy, and a small boy Edwin recognised as her little brother. They all shared Maddy’s blue eyes and green hair, although Edwin couldn’t fail to note the older girl was a lot prettier than Maddy.

  Maddy treated her siblings to the same boisterous greeting as her parents, sobbing their names she they embraced.

  “Rosabella!” This was the older and prettier girl, who checked her face in a hand mirror before and after embracing Maddy.

  “Floriana!” The younger sister, who squealed with delight as she hugged Maddy back.

  “Alphonsus.” The little brother pulled a face when Maddy kissed him on the cheek.

  “But why are you home?” asked Rosabella, after tearing her attention from her hand mirror. “Have you b
een expelled for playing another trick on your magic tutor?”

  “Malady was just about to tell us,” boomed Lord Maddergrub. “I’m sure there is a just reason for her unexpected return.”

  An expectant hush descended whilst everyone waited for Maddy to begin her explanation. No one seemed to have noticed Edwin, until Floriana happened to glance in his direction.

  “Look everyone,” she squealed. “Maddy’s brought home a boyfriend.”

  Suddenly everyone was looking at Edwin.

  “Hi,” said Edwin, fiddling with the hem of his tunic. “I’m…”

  “This is Prince Edwin.” Maddy stepped hurriedly between Edwin and her family. “Prince Edwin of Ninny.”

  “Prince Edwin of Ninny?” Lord Maddergrub looked Edwin up and down.

  “Prince Edwin of Ninny?” Edwin was also wondering why Maddy had introduced him with such an outlandish title.

  “Prince Edwin of Ninny.” Maddy gave Edwin a sideways glance as she nodded. “The reason for my unexpected return.”

  “I was right,” giggled Floriana. “Maddy’s got a boyfriend.”

  “He has strange hair,” observed Alphonsus. “And the legs of a heron.”

  Edwin was tempted to respond to the boy’s insult, but a dig in the ribs from Maddy was enough to silence him.

  But Alphonsus hadn’t finished. “And I’ve never heard of a place called Ninny.”

  “It’s in mainland Europe,” said Maddy. “Between the Principality of Prattonia and the Duchy of Dumbo.”

  “I’ve never heard of those either.” Alphonsus snorted doubtfully. “I don’t think he’s a real Prince.”

  “Hush,” said Lady Maddergrub. “And allow Malady to explain.”

  “I’m all ears too,” muttered Edwin.

  Maddy shot Edwin a glare, finger pressed to her lips. Then she faced her family again, clearing her throat before speaking.

  “Prince Edwin has fallen on hard times. His kingdom has been ravaged by the evil Vampiropteryx, his family dethroned and sent into exile. The High Council of the Wise Ones has asked that we look after him until his lands and title are restored.”

  Edwin had never heard anything so bizarre in his life. But the Maddergrubs seemed to believe it.