Wychetts and the Dungeon of Dreams

by William Holley

“Surprised he bothers,” said Bryony. “The walls are covered in the stuff.”

  “Only because he maintains it so diligently. Needs six to eight coats a year to get that level of slime.”

  “He paints the walls with slime?”

  “It’s mostly slime. If he’s got a head cold, you really can’t be sure.”

  The stomping feet got louder.

  “He’s coming this way. Hurry, Guardian. If he catches us we’re dead.”

  “You’re dead already,” Bryony pointed out.

  “Oh yes, I keep forgetting. Well let’s not both end up like this. Two heads may be better than one, but legs are a distinct advantage in escape situations.”

  Bryony breathed in, and made it through the bars just as Globb’s misshapen shadow appeared on the passage wall.

  “Go left,” instructed Boney. “And take the first right turn.”

  Bryony followed Boney’s directions, and found herself in a gloomy tunnel.

  “Where now?” she asked, struggling to see anything ahead of her.

  “Straight down,” said Boney.

  “Down where?” Bryony took a tentative step forward. Then the floor disappeared, and she went tumbling into darkness…

  9 Think What Their Children Will Look Like

  “But you must be Maddy’s boyfriend,” insisted little Floriana. “She wouldn’t have brought you home otherwise.”

  “I’m a prince of Ninny.” Edwin hated himself for lying, but realised he’d been left with little choice. “And I’m here because my kingdom has been attacked by the Vampir…” Still he struggled with the word. “Evil bat monster thingies. I’m not Maddy’s boyfriend.”

  At least the last bit was true. But Floriana didn’t seem convinced.

  “You are Maddy’s boyfriend. And you’re going to be married to her, and she shall become a Princess of Ninny.”

  “Ninny doesn’t exist,” said Alphonsus. “It’s not a real place and he’s not a real prince. And he’s got weird hair and heron’s legs. Think what their children will look like.”

  “Don’t be rude,” Floriana told her brother. “Prince Edwin can’t help having weird hair.”

  “And I don’t have heron’s legs,” added Edwin, struggling to retain his princely bearing.

  They were in the nursery playroom, a large chamber crammed with a startling array of toys. The most impressive was a detailed dollhouse replica of Maddergrub Manor, complete with miniature figures of the Maddergrub family that Floriana was taking care to assemble in the scaled down version of the banqueting hall.

  “The wedding will be magnificent, and we shall have a magic feast in celebration.” Floriana’s blue eyes shone with excitement. “With magic games and magic dancing all night long.”

  “I don’t do dancing,” said Edwin, hoping to set expectation levels. “Dancing is outlawed in Ninny.”

  “Ninny doesn’t exist,” repeated Alphonsus, who was trying to pull the arms off the doll version of himself. “So Edwin can’t be a real prince, and I want to know what he’s doing here.”

  Edwin shifted uneasily. If truth be told, he was beginning to wonder that himself…

  He’d lost track of time since his arrival at Maddergrub Manor, but he guessed he must have been there for at least an hour. After the family reunion Maddy had kindly volunteered him for nursery duties whilst she’d gone off with her parents for a chat. Edwin presumed she was talking to them about the Hypnoflax antidote, but thought she’d have returned by now.

  “Ninny is a real place,” insisted Floriana. “Maddy said so.”

  “She made it up,” argued Alphonsus. “Just like the Vampiropteryx.”

  “You’re wrong.” Edwin took great delight in putting the stupid little boy in his place. “The Vampi… bat things are real. Even your father said so.”

  Alphonsus pulled a face. “He’s only playing along with Maddy’s game. Just like you are. It is a game, isn’t it?”

  “Um…” Edwin suddenly lost his sense of superiority, and was relieved in more ways than one when Maddy came bustling into the nursery.

  “You must excuse Alphonsus.” Maddy smiled apologetically at Edwin. “He’s at that age where he can’t tell the difference between fantasy and reality.” She switched her attention to her younger brother. “Now leave our guest alone and play nicely with your sister.”

  “Don’t want to,” muttered Alphonsus. “She’s playing girly games.”

  “I’m planning your wedding,” chirped Floriana, still arranging the dollies. “To Prince Edwin of Ninny.”

  “Oh how lovely.” Maddy giggled excitedly. “We haven’t had a family wedding since Auntie Brenda married her toad.”

  Edwin’s forehead creased. “Your auntie married a toad?”

  “That was down to a magic curse,” explained Maddy. “He was really a handsome prince. Until Auntie Brenda kissed him. She’s always had that effect on men.”

  “You shall wear a beautiful wedding dress.” Floriana held up a doll version of Maddy swathed in glittery white silk.

  “That’s so pretty.” Maddy watched her younger sister place the dolly bride in the hall of the miniature Maddergrub Manor. “But where’s the dashing bridegroom?”

  Floriana looked sad. “I don’t have a dolly of Prince Edwin.”

  “You do now!” Maddy produced a doll from behind her back. It was a figure of a boy with a sprig of orange wool hair.

  “It’s him!” Floriana shrieked with joy when she beheld her new toy.

  “It looks nothing like me,” glowered Edwin. “The legs are just bits of yellow string.”

  “A stunning likeness.” Maddy winked at Floriana. “I made him specially. Now we can get married and live happily ever after.”

  “No they won’t,” sneered Alphonsus. “For I will kidnap the imposter Prince Edwin!”

  Before Maddy could react, Alphonsus had swiped the ginger haired doll from her hand.

  “Give him back,” squeaked Floriana. But Alphonsus was already making his escape.

  “You’ll never see your Prince Edwin again,” he laughed, haring through the opened door. “I’ll drop him into the moat!”

  Floriana gave chase, her shrill cries echoing as she followed her brother from the playroom.

  “Oh dear.” Maddy chuckled. “Those two are always fighting.”

  “Up to now I hadn’t realised how irritating little brothers could be,” confessed Edwin.

  “They’re good kids really.” Maddy’s smile fell as she gazed into space. “Oh how I’ve missed them.”

  Edwin appreciated how emotional this was for Maddy, but he was eager to find out if the Maddergrubs could help save Wychetts.

  “So?” He stepped closer to Maddy. “Do your parents have a cure for Hypnoflax poisoning?”

  “Sorry.” Maddy looked at Edwin, her lips stretched a guilty grimace. “I never got round to asking."

  Edwin was incredulous. “But you’ve been with them for ages.”

  “I was catching up on family news. Uncle Romario has been selected for the regional dragon racing final, and it turns out Auntie Brenda has contracted warts after her wedding.”

  Edwin couldn’t hide his disappointment. “So you were just chatting all that time whilst I played nanny to the Twins of Terror?”

  “Thought it would be nice for you to get to know them. You’re a similar age group, after all. At least mentally.”

  “This isn’t funny,” snapped Edwin. “We came back in time to save Wychetts. To save Inglenook, my mum, Bill and Bryony. Not for petty family gossip.”

  “It’s not petty. At least not for poor Auntie Brenda.”

  “Then she shouldn’t have married a toad.”

  “You’re forgetting, he wasn’t a toad when she married him.”

  “That’s not the point.” Edwin spoke through gritted teeth. “The point is we need to save Wychetts.”

  Maddy nodded slowly. “And we will, I promise. But you have to trust me. This won’t work if you don’t trust me. You d
o trust me, don’t you?”

  “I…” Edwin wouldn’t admit it, but he still wasn’t completely sure. “Well…”

  A sudden noise drowned Edwin’s response. It was unlike anything he’d heard before, a terrible throaty shriek that cut right through him…

  “The alarm!” Maddy ran across the playroom. “The sentries are sounding the alarm!”

  “What alarm?” Edwin joined Maddy at the window, where he saw the two gargoyles flying above the courtyard in an agitated manner. “It’s Girty and Gorty. Why are they making that noise?”

  “It’s time to man the defences.” Maddy peeled away from the window and hared from the nursery. “Maddergrub Manor is under attack!”

  10 Just a Bit of Slunge

  Luckily for Bryony, she had landed in something soft. Unluckily, it was also very smelly.

  “Are you hurt?” enquired Boney.

  “I’m good,” reported Bryony. “And that’s the first time I’ve said that after falling into something soft and smelly.”

  “I shouldn’t worry,” said Boney. “It’s only a bit of slunge.”

  “Slunge?”

  “A mixture of slime and gunge. Perfectly harmless, unless you swallow more than a cupful, in which case your stomach will rot away within seconds. On the up side, it tastes better than Globb’s stew.”

  “Happy to take your word for that.” Bryony stood up, cradling the skull in her right arm. “So where are we?”

  They were surrounded by a wall of darkness, and Bryony couldn’t even see her hand when she held it in front of her face.

  “Some light may be useful,” advised Boney. “Try your magic powers again.”

  “Leave it to me.” A flaming wooden torch appeared in Bryony’s left hand, its flickering light revealing a curved ceiling above them. “It’s some sort of tunnel,” she observed, waving the torch around for a better look.

  “More like a pipe,” said Boney. “A pipe for channelling waste.”

  “Great.” Bryony tried not to breathe too deeply. “We’ve ended up in a drain. It could only happen on my birthday.”

  “Fear not, Guardian. My rat informant spoke of this drain. There is an access hatch some three hundred yards in a north easterly direction that we can use to exit this pipe. Let us proceed.”

  “Wait.” Bryony held the torch over Boney’s skull face. “I just magicked a flaming torch out of nowhere, so why can’t I use magic to zap us out of this pipe?”

  “Not advisable, I’m afraid. You don’t know the Dungeon of Dreams, and could end up in an even worse situation if we stray from the rat’s escape route. Besides, rock trolls are sensitive to magic, and it would only make it easier for Globb to track us. And if he catches us we’ll be in even greater trouble with the authorities.”

  Bryony looked quizzically at the skull. “So who are the authorities?”

  “I do not recall. But we can presume, given the nature of this place, that whoever locked us both here is not heavily into scented candles and forgiveness. No, I fear that an evil power is at work against us. And against Wychetts.”

  “Wychetts?” Bryony’s dark eyebrows puckered. “What makes you think that?”

  “They kidnapped one Guardian. For all we know they may have kidnapped the other.”

  “You mean they might have taken Edwin?” Up to now Bryony hadn’t thought that her stepbrother might be in danger.

  “It’s possible. And then no one connected with Wychetts would be safe.”

  “That means Dad.” Bryony bit her lip. “And Jane, too. Even Inglenook…”

  “Let us delay no longer, Guardian. We must find the access hatch.”

  Torch held aloft, Bryony set off along the waste pipe. Her feet churned the gooey slunge, releasing foul smelling gases that made her feel sick.

  She glanced at her wristwatch. Her flight to America was due to depart in just forty minutes. But if Wychetts and the rest of the family were in trouble, she couldn’t just fly off and leave them in the lurch.

  Could she?

  She was debating what to do when she heard a noise from behind her.

  Bryony wheeled round, an arc of flame trailing from the torch in her hand. “Did you hear that? It was a weird sort of clicking noise.”

  “That’s nothing to worry about,” said Boney. “Just a cockroach.”

  Bryony thought that unlikely. “It was very loud for a cockroach.”

  “The cylindrical shape of the pipe was magnifying the sound. Now hurry up, we’re losing daylight.”

  “There’s no daylight down here.” Bryony turned back and continued along the pipe. “And I’m starting to think I’ll never see any again.”

  “You must stay positive, Guardian. That’s how I survived all this time down here.”

  “You call that surviving?” Bryony snorted. “The rats chewed you up until there was nothing left but your skull. That hardly makes you Bear Grylls.”

  “But my soul still exists. The essence of my being remains intact. I shall yet escape from this wretched dungeon.”

  “But what will you do when you get out? It’s not like you could get a job.”

  “There are lots of positions for individuals such as myself in the outside world,” said Boney. “I could be a Head Teacher. Or a Head Chef. Or Head of anything I wanted.”

  “Head Case, more likely.”

  “I only wish I remembered who I was. Not just my name, but whether I had any special talents.”

  “Bit late for that. The only talent you’ve got now is for wedging doors open.”

  “Maybe,” said Boney. “But perhaps my memories will return as we make progress.”

  Bryony didn’t think that sloshing through a smelly pipe could be classed as ‘progress’, but then she spotted a round metal door in the wall of the pipe. “There’s the access hatch. Your rat friend was right.”

  “He’s no longer my friend,” said Boney. “We stopped writing about five hundred years ago. Partly because our mutual priorities changed, and partly because he’d chewed both my arms off. Probably more down to the arms, with hindsight.”

  Bryony hurried to the door. It was covered in a thick crust of congealed slime, and it took her a while to work out where the handle was.

  She planted the torch in a thick puddle of slunge, clamped Boney under her left arm, then tried pulling the door handle.

  “It won’t budge an inch.” Bryony tugged with all her might, but to no avail. “It’s rusted solid. I’m going to have to use magic.”

  “I agree there is no choice,” said Boney. “But we have no idea what lies behind that door, so take it slowly.”

  Knowing that Boney was right, Bryony concentrated on the hatch.

  Slowly. Carefully. Open the hatch.

  There was a click, but it wasn’t from the hatch.

  Bryony jumped and looked round. “That noise again.”

  “Just a cockroach,” said Boney. “Focus on the hatch.”

  Bryony returned her attention to the hatch. She imagined it opening. Slowly, carefully.

  There was a creak as the hatch moved a fraction.

  “It’s working,” she whispered. “The hatch is opening…”

  Then she heard another click.

  Bryony looked round again, catching sight of a large beetle shaped form scuttling into the shadows.

  “Did you see that?” she gasped. “It was the size of a horse.”

  Boney didn’t seem concerned. “Like I said, nothing to worry about. You should see the big ones.”

  “I’d rather not,” said Bryony.

  “In that case, best keep your eyes shut.”

  So Bryony closed her eyes, tightening her grip on the handle.

  But then she heard another clicking sound.

  And another.

  “Concentrate,” urged Boney. “You must open the hatch.”

  “I can’t concentrate,” hissed Bryony. “Not with all that clicking going on.”

  “It’s just the cockroaches,” said Boney.
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  “So now there’s more than one?”

  “They’re sociable animals when it comes to feeding.”

  “Feeding? What are they feeding on?”

  “Nothing. Yet.”

  “Yet?”

  “Never mind. Just open the hatch.”

  Bryony screwed her face up, doing her best to ignore the chorus of multiplying clicks.

  Open the hatch. Carefully.

  She heard more creaking, and a splattering sound as liquid dribbled from inside the opening hatch.

  “It’s coming,” said Boney. “Just a few more inches should do it.”

  Eyes still clenched shut, Bryony focused all her concentration on opening the hatch.

  Until something touched the back of her left leg.

  She spun round to see a huge insect face staring back at her. Its large spherical eyes were the size of TV satellite dishes, its mandibles twitching hungrily as it reached out to her with a thick, segmented leg…

  Bryony snatched up the flaming torch and swung it at the monster. The cockroach retreated with an angry shriek, but Bryony heard more clicks from the shadows. She raised the torch, and was horrified to see a swarm of giant insects closing in all around her.

  “You must open the hatch,” pleaded Boney. “It is our only escape from here.”

  “I can’t.” Bryony cried out when another giant cockroach came scuttling towards her. “There’s too many.”

  Bryony swung the torch again, but this time the cockroach raised a foreleg to block the attack. The torch was knocked from her grasp, and the flame died when it landed in a puddle of slunge.

  A chorus of elated clicks echoed through the blackness, and Bryony knew there was no escape.

  “We’re finished,” she wailed helplessly.

  “You are never finished,” said Boney. “You are a Guardian of Wychetts with the magic of the Wise Ones at your command. Now open the hatch!”

  Bryony reached out, fumbling around until her trembling fingers found the rusted hatch handle. But then something clamped around her left ankle. She clung on to the hatch, screaming with terror as she was dragged backwards…

  11 Magical Defences