Impossible Love: An Unforeseen Destiny Novel Book One

by Kimberly Readnour

  “But—”

  “Listen,” he says, raising his hand to stop me. “I’m not expecting you to change your mind and take him back. I just want you to think long and hard about what you actually want. I never fell in love with anyone else, and I’ve spent plenty of nights alone. It’s not fun. Weigh all your options, because I don’t want you to live the rest of your life in regret.”

  “Like you?”

  “Yeah, like me,” he says, drawing me in for a hug.

  Dad really is a decent guy. I can see why Mom fell in love with him.

  Chapter Forty-Four

  Eighteen Weeks apart

  Kayla~

  A sickening feeling circles through my body as I stare at the room number. When Dad visited two weeks ago, I knew Mom’s time was limited, but I had hoped she’d make it through graduation. I have someone set up to videotape the ceremony, so she’d at least be able to watch them hand over my diploma. Mom’s supported me throughout my four years, and it sucks that she’s not going to see it through the end.

  The door taunts me. It’s an opening to a world I don’t want‌—‌a world where my mom will no longer be a part of. I’m not ready to say my final words. The last words that I’ll ever get to say to her. It’s not fair.

  I press my lips tight and wipe away the tears that have squeaked their way out. Trying to gain the confidence I need, I suck in a breath and open the damn door.

  Mom shifts her gaze to me, and the corners of her mouth lift slightly. She looks so frail. I force a smile in return and stride over to her bedside.

  “Kayla,” Mom says weakly.

  I grab hold of her hand and sit in the chair beside her. A shiver rifles through me from the silence. There are no ventilator machines. No heart monitors. Just the simple drip of the I.V. to administer the pain medication.

  “Oh, Mom,” I cry out. “I love you so much.”

  I lean my head next to her side and squeeze my eyes shut. She brings her free arm across and runs her fingers through my hair just as she did when I was a little girl.

  “I. Love. You. Too,” she says between each panted breath.

  “I’m going to miss you.” I raise my head slightly to look at her.

  “Please‌…‌do things‌…‌to make‌…‌you‌…‌happy.”

  I’m torn. She’s breathing so hard, I want to tell her to stop talking, but I want this one last conversation with her, too.

  “I promise, Mom. I will.”

  She closes her eyes, and I think she’s going to sleep until she reopens her eyes. “Even if”‌—‌she takes a few breaths‌—‌“that means‌…‌doing something‌…‌different.”

  “I’ll be okay. You taught me right, Mom.”

  She barely squeezes my hand, and I know she’s good with my answer. I lay my head back by her, and she resumes tickling my scalp. We stay like this for a while until her hand stills. I remain next to her in fear of waking her. Her respirations have become so labored, and she needs this rest.

  Nurse Jackie shuffles into the room, and I raise my head as she places a stethoscope over Mom’s heart. She finishes her vitals check and administers more pain medicine through the I.V. It won’t be long.

  I sit beside Mom and hold her hand, watching her chest rise and fall. Her breathing becomes shallower with each passing minute. The pain medicine works the magic of keeping Mom comfortable and suppresses her struggle to breathe. All there is left to do is wait for her body to finally wear out.

  Jackie turns and rests her hand on my shoulder for a brief moment. With a slight squeeze, she steps forward and leaves. No words pass between us, but her silent reassurance is appreciated more than she’ll ever know.

  Tears well in my eyes as I try to be strong. Never in my life have I felt so helpless. Or alone. Kai’s right, this is hell.

  I clasp Mom’s hand tighter, not knowing what else to do. Overcome by grief, I whisper an “I love you,” while tears begin to stream down my face. Silence greets me, and I know I’ll never hear her bubbly voice ever again.

  Long, excruciating minutes pass and a slight gasp emits from Mom’s mouth and then silence; her chest no longer rising.

  Pain rips through my soul, threatening to tear me to shreds. I let out a wail as I kneel next to Mom’s side, my body quivering as I let go. Nurse Jackie comes back inside and everything blurs as she does her final check. I think she offers her condolences, but I barely hear anything.

  A few minutes later, I lean over and kiss Mom a final goodbye.

  The funeral arrangements have already been made. There will be a short visitation an hour before the funeral. Mom made sure to have everything set. Even in her incapacitated state, she still placed me first. She had wanted to make things easy for me.

  But this is far from easy.

  The cold, sterile hospital corridors do little to soothe my numbness. I push the L elevator button still in a daze. I have to go home to an empty house where everything reminds me of Mom. Her photography displayed strategically on our walls. The warm color combinations she used in decorating. Everything. She was a damn good photographer, but an even better interior designer.

  I find my way to my car and then drive home as if I’m in a tunnel. I blare my music, trying to drown out the fact that I have no one left.

  In no time at all, my front door stares me in the face, and I come to a halt. Once the door is opened, my solitude becomes real, and I’m unsure whether I’m ready to face it yet. After what seems like a lifetime, I finally suck in a breath, unlock the door, and then step through the threshold. Darkness greets me, along with the silence that I’ve been dreading.

  Complete loneliness grabs hold of my insides and twists them into a ball of pure heartache. I slide to the floor with my back against the door, yearning for strong arms to wrap themselves around me. I need that reassuring touch. I need to hear encouraging words saying, yes, I will survive this. I need to be with the person I love.

  I need Kai.

  Fumbling around my purse, I fish out my phone. Not worrying about the consequences of my actions, I push Kai’s number.

  “Please, please, please pick up.”

  Chapter Forty-Five

  Kai~

  I toss my keys on the end table and make my way to the kitchen in search of something to calm my stomach. Uneasiness has plagued me all day, and I’m not sure why. Tropical Storm Dahliana is expected to make landfall tomorrow, but this feels bigger than that.

  My phone buzzes in my pocket as I open the refrigerator door. I pull out the cell phone and freeze. Simply seeing Kayla’s name displayed on the screen still makes my heart jump.

  I’ll never get over this girl.

  “Hello,” I say reluctantly and shut the fridge door. As much as I want to talk to her, I don’t. Talking to her only stirs up feelings‌—‌ones I don’t want to rekindle‌—‌but she wouldn’t be calling if it wasn’t important. The only message I’ve had since we broke up was the thanks for the birthday gift. I never called or texted back, and she hasn’t tried to get a hold of me since.

  “My mom died,” Kayla says between sobs.

  At the sound of her strained voice, anguish grips my heart, temporarily paralyzing me. It takes a moment for me to react.

  “Sweetheart, I’m so sorry. I wish I could be there with you.” I squeeze my eyes shut as the wave of pain washes through me, beginning at my gut and working its way up. Jesus, I want to be with her. To hold her in my arms. To comfort her.

  “It was awful. I mean…”

  I press my lips together, allowing her time to formulate her words. I lean against the kitchen table for support while she begins to speak.

  “Mom wasn’t in pain at the end, and she went peacefully, but I feel…”

  “Like your whole world’s been ripped away from you?” I fill in the words she couldn’t say.

  “Exactly.” Kayla lets out a shaky breath. “Will it ever get better?”

  “In time, you’ll find acceptance, but there will always be a void
. At least, that’s how it is with me.”

  “I miss you. I miss us.”

  Damn, she keeps hitting me with whoppers.

  “I miss you, too.”

  “Is that crazy?” she asks. “I mean, we hadn’t really spent that much time together. It wasn’t even a full three weeks, but I still miss what we had.”

  She’s fucking killing me. I want so badly to scream at her. To tell her that we didn’t have to end things, but now’s not the time. If I don’t switch topics, though, I will yell something just to get some relief.

  “Where are you right now?” I ask.

  “At home, sitting on the floor, leaning against my front door.”

  And she just keeps swinging the bat.

  “Okay, babe…” I end up talking Kayla into going to her bedroom. She needs her rest. The next few days are going to be the toughest for her.

  “When are the arrangements?” I ask when I know she’s safe in her room.

  “Soon. This Saturday. Mom had everything set up, and she knew…” She takes a second to compose herself, “She knew she wouldn’t last past this week.”

  Shit. That’s two days away.

  “Have you told John?” I ask.

  “No, you’re the first person I called.”

  My heart swells, but I quickly tamp down those feelings. I’ve been through enough emotional roller coasters with this girl to last me a lifetime.

  “Do you want me to call him for you?”

  “You’d do that?”

  “Of course.”

  “Thank you.” She blows out a breath. “I’d appreciate it because I don’t think I can handle telling him right now.”

  “I’ll take care of it. I better let you get your rest.”

  “Okay,” she says as if hanging up is the last thing she wants to do.

  “Kayla, I‌…‌I’m here for you, whenever you need me.”

  “I know you are.”

  Her voice cracks, and although she’s trying to be tough, part of me senses her love for me that she keeps trying to deny.

  “Goodnight, babe,” I say.

  “Goodnight.”

  I press the end button and run my fingers through my hair. I’m so fucking in love with her, it physically hurts. I take a deep breath and slowly release it. I’m not done. There’s still one hard task left to accomplish. I dial John’s number and hold the phone up to my ear.

  “Hello,” John answers.

  “John, I’m afraid I have some bad news.”

  Chapter Forty-Six

  Kayla~

  It’s Saturday, the day of Mom’s funeral, and I’m far from being ready. In fact, I’ve hardly moved from my bed for the past two torturous days. Other than using the restroom and letting Mrs. Jones, my neighbor, inside, I’ve quarantined myself to bed. When I do get up, I feel as if I’m floating around in a pain-induced cloud of misery.

  My gracious neighbors have been bringing food that remains untouched, but I haven’t talked to anyone but Dad, the guy at the funeral home, and Marsha, my program administrator at school. I’ve sent a text to Staci, informing her about the details, but haven’t responded to any of her or Brian’s texts or calls. Even Kai’s attempts to reach me, I’ve ignored.

  I don’t mean to be rude, but what’s the use of talking to Kai? Nothing but pain will occur. After ending the call with him the night Mom passed, an overwhelming amount of guilt consumed me for pushing him away. Life isn’t fair. Even so, I don’t think I can handle any more pain or regrets. So, I stay tucked away inside my haven where no one can reach me.

  The doorbell rings, but I make no attempt to move. Mrs. Jones will answer. She’s been coordinating the neighborhood let’s-take-care-of-Kayla project. I’m sure it’s more food that I won’t eat.

  “Perhaps I should let her know you’re here.” The feeble voice of Mrs. Jones carries down the hallway.

  “That’s all right. I’ll get her up and ready.”

  The next thing I know, a whirlwind blows into my bedroom‌—‌a fierce storm that’s disguised in a short, petite frame.

  “Bitch, it’s time to get moving.”

  A gasp from the hallway brings a faint smile to my lips. “It’s okay, Mrs. Jones.” I sit up and stare into my best friends eyes, relieved. “Staci—”

  I’m cut off by arms squeezing around me that quickly withdraw.

  “Ugh! Kayla, you stink. When was the last time you showered?”

  I shrug.

  “Well, get your butt out of bed and cleaned because you have to get ready. Right now, you look like shit.”

  “And smell like it, apparently.”

  Staci smiles at me and softens her tone. “The funeral’s going to start in a few hours. You do need to get ready.”

  “I know.” I move to the side of the bed and let my body get orientated to sitting upright. “Thanks for coming.”

  “If you’d answer my calls, you’d know I was on my way.”

  “Yeah, I’ve been busy.” I glance at my bed and wince.

  “Your dad’s not here yet?”

  “He’s trying to be, but that stupid tropical storm has caused havoc. His plane kept getting delayed, which caused an escalation of delays. He’s en route right now, I think.”

  “You just can’t catch a break, can you? I would’ve been here sooner, but I needed to be in class. I gathered the notes for the finals.”

  “I’m not looking forward to taking those tests on Monday,” I say with a groan.

  “I know. I wish they’d waive them for you.”

  “Fat chance of that happening.” I stand and stretch. “I’ll get a shower.”

  “I’ll let Mrs. Jones know you survived my crude language.”

  A grin tugs at the corner of my lips as I gather my clothes. I’m so glad Staci showed up. I need her, and she’ll help me get through this funeral one way or another. I’m not strong enough on my own.

  Chapter Forty-Seven

  Kai~

  The dark sky threatens to cut loose any minute. Please hold off until after the funeral, I mentally pray. Getting soaked is the last thing Kayla needs right now.

  “Are we about there?” I ask John. No more than the words leave my mouth, the cemetery comes into view. “Oh, I guess so.”

  “I hate that we weren’t here for her.” John’s gaze strays to the single tent in the far distance. “Stupid storms.”

  My stomach lurches. The thought of Kayla being by herself with little to no support makes me sick.

  “Yeah, me too.”

  Thunder rumbles in the distance when John pulls alongside the gravel road. I exit the car as soon as John throws the gear into park. Without waiting for him, I take off through the trees and pause when I reach the edge. My heart stills before racing like a throttle junkie at the Wailua Motocross Track. My beautiful girl is walking by herself away from the crowd. She’s staring down at her shoes and has yet to see me. But since she’s been ignoring my calls and texts, I’m not a hundred percent sure she wants to.

  I emerge from the tree line and step closer to her. She looks up in surprise, confusion lacing her face. I close the gap between us as our gaze connects. I want so much to make the pain go away for her. I want to make it better, go back to when she was smiling and happy.

  Extending my arms in a welcoming approach, I reach for her. Her warm body collapses against me, letting out a sob. I remain holding her, thanking God that she’s in my arms one more time. Right where she belongs.

  Kayla’s shoulders relax as her sobbing eases to mere sniffles. I drape my arm around her shoulders and guide her forward toward John’s car. As we start walking, she glances up at me with eyes filled with appreciation and wonder.

  “You came.”

  The words are spoken as if she couldn’t believe them to be true. Doesn’t she know I’ll do anything for her?

  “Babe, I will always be here for you. No matter what.”

  She murmurs a thanks and leans her head against my side. My hold on her tightens as she
slips her arm around my waist. I will my heart to pace slower and tamp down the hope threatening to emerge. One thing for sure, I think as John nears, I will convince her that we belong together.

  ***

  Kayla’s house is cute. The artwork is phenomenal. I never realized how talented her mom was.

  “These are all your mom’s work?” I ask.

  “Yep.” Kayla nods and looks admiringly at the rolling clouds her mom had captured so well. Kayla’s eyes shine as she studies the photo.

  I turn to another canvas print that must be a recent addition. “Waimea Canyon. This must’ve come from your last trip, right?”

  “The day Kamp plowed into me.”

  I remember that day vividly. It doesn’t seem that long ago. I swallow hard.

  “I can see where you developed your love for nature.”

  She smiles shyly, and I desperately want to bring her back in my arms.

  “Guilty. Mom used to take me with her before I left for college.” She looks back at me. “I have a hard time not thinking about Kauai. You live in a beautiful place.”

  “Agreed. Even though the Midwest isn’t looking too bad right now.”

  **~~**~~**

  Kayla~

  My mouth opens, but words fail me. I don’t even know how to respond. Is he flirting? I wouldn’t think so. I’d think he’d be mad at me.

  “Sorry, I probably shouldn’t have said that. That was inappropriate.”

  I hold his stare as he steps toward me. Heat rises from my core, working its way to my neck. A small smile forms at the thought of him not being too mad at me.

  “I always knew Cara had an eye for taking photos, but this is practically poetic,” Dad says, coming up behind us.

  Our moment broken, Kai steps to the side, allowing Dad some space.

  “The best ones are in the hallway,” Staci says, looking at my dad. “Come here, and I’ll show you.”