Best Friends...Forever?

by Krysten Lindsay Hager

  "She's so gorgeous, she can wear taupe lip gloss and not look washed out," she said. "Here try this on."

  She handed me an applicator with shimmery pink gloss on it. "Don't worry, it looks darker in the tube than on."

  I put the gloss on, and it was stickier than most glosses I've worn, but the color was bright and pretty.

  "You should get that. This bronze shadow would bring out your eyes, too," she said, picking up a brush to put some shadow on me.

  A salesperson came over, and I asked how much everything was, and it added up to eighty bucks. Yeah, I wasn't making Talisa's money yet. "It might be too much for school," I said, shaking my head. "They're kinda strict about that."

  They were, but Yasmin and Arianna got away with wearing smoky eye shadow all the time.

  "Let's hit the April M counter," she said.

  She found some shadows that were like holograms. They shimmered if the light hit them right, but they were super subtle so Ms. Ashcroft wouldn't be on my case about it. Kendall picked out a copper shimmer one for me to bring out my blue eyes. Then she picked out a lip gloss for me. Kendall also told me I should get a light bronzer for days when I was tired, so I bought it even though I was spending most of my Christmas money. My mom would say I didn't need any new makeup because of all the Little Rose samples I had gotten, but most of those shades were too dark for me.

  "I'm glad you could hang out today," Kendall said. "Liv's been super weird lately. She was supposed to come over after school one day, but my grandma's in a hospice and was ill, so I had to go there with my parents and when I called her to tell her she couldn't come over, she got all weird on me. Like it's my fault that my grandma's sick."

  I wasn't sure what to say, so I just nodded.

  "And what makes me mad is that instead of spending time with my grandma, I was all worried about Liv. I feel like…" She sighed. "That if anything happens to my grandma, then I'm going to feel guilty about worrying about something so dumb like a friend being weird."

  Her eyes started to water.

  I grabbed a tissue off one of the makeup counters and handed it to her.

  "It's so hard when someone starts acting funny around you or ignores you," I said.

  She nodded. "Why do I care so much? My grandma's sick, and I hate having all this extra anxiety right now because my friends might be talking behind my back."

  I told Kendall what happened when Tori and Ericka started to freeze me out after the American Ingénue competition and how I had been upset for months over it.

  "They were my best friends, and without them to talk to…" I shrugged. "I felt so lost. But lucky for me, I started getting closer with this girl, Ashanti, and she's one of my best friends now. And then I started to hang around Devon and her friends. That's how Peyton and I got close."

  "Did you and your other friends ever make up?" she asked.

  I nodded. "Yeah, it's not the same, though. It's like we're not as close. We still talk and stuff, though."

  "Yeah, sometimes that happens when one friend changes a lot, and the others feel left behind."

  I felt like I had gotten a jolt of electricity through my body. "Wait, you think that's what happened?"

  "Well, yeah. I mean, they were probably jealous, too, but a lot of times it's because they feel they're going to be left out or left behind while you go on to do something without them. I had it happen when I got my first boyfriend a couple months ago. They were okay with it when they all had guys, but once I was the only one with a boyfriend? It was a totally different story."

  "What do you mean?" I asked.

  "We were all supposed to go to this winter dance together. Our parents were going to rent us a limo and some of my friends were going with guy friends they liked and hoping it would turn out to be more, and two were going with their boyfriends. Well, right before the dance two of the couples broke up. And one of the other guys told Liv he only saw her as a friend, and she was hoping they'd end up dating. So suddenly I was the only one with a boyfriend."

  "Poor Liv."

  "Yeah, but then she started making all these comments about how it was better to be single. Then she…." She paused. "You promise not to say a word of this?"

  "Promise. I would never tell."

  "Lukas and I never formally said we were going to the dance — it was just assumed. So one day he was talking to her in the hall about how a bunch of the guys had come up with cute ways to ask the girls to winter formal. So he said he was going to write, 'Will you go to the dance with me?' on balloons and tape them to my locker."

  "What a cute idea," I said.

  "Yeah, but Liv told him that it was too late, because that only gave me a week to get a dress and that I'd be super insulted to be asked so last minute. So he didn't ask me at all."

  "You're kidding!"

  "And I had gotten a dress 'cause I thought we were going to go. I bought tickets, too. But when I mentioned the dance at lunch one day, Lukas told me Liv had pretty much implied I wouldn't want to go so last minute."

  "What did you say?"

  "I didn't know what to say or do. I was mad at him for not asking me anyway or at least talking to me about it, but I didn't want to break up…" She bit her lip. "And I was super mad at Liv, but I can't…I don't know if this will make sense to you or not, but it was like I couldn't afford to have her get mad at me."

  "I totally understand," I said.

  "So I pretended I was fine with not going. Meanwhile, I was out forty bucks for the tickets, and I don't even want to tell you how much babysitting money I spent on that dress."

  She sighed and asked if I had a boyfriend. I shook my head. I wanted to tell her I had gone out with Vladi but was afraid that maybe it didn't count. Other than school movies and basketball games, where did we go? And once we said we were boyfriend and girlfriend, we never went anywhere, so did it count as a real relationship? It did to me, but what about him?

  "What about you and Vladi? He seems to like you," she said.

  I told her what happened, and she rolled her eyes. "Some of those guys are so dumb that way, and they hate the idea of any of their friends being tied down."

  "Can I ask you something? You said Vladi talked about me a lot. I'm wondering if that was before the whole I-can't-see-you-anymore thing or after."

  "A couple weeks ago, when he was at the house," she said. "The guys were talking about the Spring Fling dance and who they might ask, and I asked him if he was going, and he said he was going with this Carey girl."

  I felt like I had been kicked in the stomach.

  "Carey?" I asked.

  "Yeah, I asked him if he liked her and he said he liked this girl from Hillcrest and her name was Landry. Carey was just a friend."

  "Why would he say he likes me when he called me and ruined everything?" I asked.

  "Because he's a boy and they make no sense and they go along with whatever their stupid friends do."

  I nodded. "Actually, a lot of my friends do the same sort of go-along-with-everybody-else thing."

  She laughed. "Yeah, I guess we're all kinda dumb from time to time and go along with the crowd. Do you want me to say something to him next time he's around?"

  "Nah, just say you met me. That's all. I'd like to hear his reaction."

  "You sure you don't want me to put in a good word for you or tell him how you have all these guys falling at your feet to make him jealous?" she asked.

  I shook my head. "No, if he wants to talk to me again, then I want it to be because he likes me, not just because he thinks someone else likes me, too. Otherwise, what's the point?"

  "Good for you. I'm still in game-playing mode," she said, smiling. "Old habits are hard to break. So are you looking forward to high school next year?"

  I shrugged because I knew I was supposed to say how excited I was about it, but I didn't want to lie. Kendall seemed easy to talk to, though, and she had confided in me. Maybe it would be okay to tell her how I felt and ask her for some advice.

&n
bsp; "Actually, I'm a little worried about next year. You know, fitting in and stuff."

  "I was terrified my first day. Everyone said you get labeled within the first week, and that's the group you're in for the next four years," she said. "I was so scared that I'd end up with some losers that I spent all my babysitting money on clothes so I'd fit in. So there I am with my amazing Franciska T outfit, thinking I'm all cute, and this idiot trips and spills tomato soup all over my pink sweater. I almost cried…in front of everyone in the cafeteria, and that place is huge. Seriously, there was so much soup on me it was like a bloodbath."

  "What happened?"

  "Well, the girls I was trying to fit in with laughed at me, but this one girl came over and walked me to the bathroom. She told me she had an extra sweatshirt from gym class and offered it to me so I could change. We ended up becoming super good friends. So in a weird way, if that soup thing didn't happen, I wouldn't have met my friend."

  "Was it Liv?"

  "Ah, no. Liv was one of the ones who laughed," she said, not looking at me. "Whatever."

  "Well, what would you suggest I wear on the first day?"

  "Something you're comfortable in so it doesn't look like you're trying too hard. And don't spend all your money on clothes — that was sooo dumb of me. Sometimes I wish I didn't care so much…I just…"

  "Is high school any better than middle school?"

  "Some of that drama stops. Not much, but some. It's a little better. I mean, there's more people, so if your friends get mad at you, then you have enough groups to turn to so you're not alone," she said.

  Oh wow, that was the selling point? Didn't all that mean girl stuff ever stop? My phone got a text, and it was Mom saying she was coming to pick me up and where to meet her.

  "What about classes? Are there any teachers I should avoid or anything?"

  "I'll e-mail you a list of which teachers and classes to avoid and which ones are good."

  "Thanks. It's one thing to give a speech in front of a class, but to have to memorize it too? I'm just so anxious about next year and trying to fit in and make new friends in such a big school."

  "I'm surprised you're worried about fitting in, Landry. I assumed a model wouldn't have any anxiety about that stuff."

  "Why?" I asked, shocked.

  "I dunno. You're pretty, blonde, and tiny. I just assumed you had it made."

  "I thought the same thing about you."

  She gave me a hug. "E-mail me any time you have questions about next year."

  "Seriously? Because I might drive you nuts. I am a nervous wreck over the whole thing."

  She laughed. "It's so nice to hear, because I was my first year, and I thought I was the only one."

  "It seems like everyone else has like, an in at the school or knows someone."

  "Yes! Like they have a high school fairy godmother that takes them by the hand and teaches them how to be cool or at least not make a fool of themselves," she said.

  "That's exactly how I feel."

  "No worries, I will be your guide or whatever. And I will find out what's going on with Vladi and Carey, who I already do not like without even knowing her," she said.

  My mom pulled up, and I offered Kendall a ride home, but she said her uncle was picking her up. Waving good-bye, I got in the car, and suddenly I felt a little less anxious because I wasn't the only one who went into high school terrified.

  Chapter Twenty-Seven

  When I got in the car, Mom said she had some good news for me. "The modeling agency called, and they lined up a fashion show audition for you on Friday," she said. "They said to wear dress clothes and no makeup."

  I didn't like to leave the house without mascara, lip gloss, powder to dry up my oily skin, blush to show I was alive, and concealer to hide my blemishes,.

  "What store is it for?" I asked.

  "Waddlers, Toddlers, and Chickie-doo-doos," she said.

  I didn't even know the store had clothes for girls my age. Actually, I thought people stopped shopping there when they were eight.

  "Are they insane? Nobody my age would be caught dead…"

  "I guess the store now has a section for preteens and juniors they want to market. Besides, if you wanted to model then you'd take every opportunity you could," she said. "Do you think Melani and Rae Ellen from the show started off on the cover of Vogue? No, they had to work their way up."

  I didn't tell my mom that Rae Ellen was currently suing a photographer she used to work with for posting nude pictures of her on the Internet. Rae Ellen had made her money and connections in modeling by doing underwear ads and posing naked, and some of those pictures were starting to show up. That was something I'd never have to worry about because I would never pose for photos like that.

  Chapter Twenty-Eight

  Wednesday, after school, I went to the kiddie store audition. I wore a yellow long-sleeved t-shirt dress my Grandma Dombrowski gave me the year before and hardly any makeup. We walked in, and there were a few other girls my age there.

  "Please take your number and line up," one of the women said. Mom stood in the back. I waited my turn and then walked back and forth in front of the judges.

  "Fine, we'll let you know. Next!"

  Weird, I hadn't even been asked anything. I felt kind of strange as I left.

  My agent called my mom later that night and said I didn't get the fashion show, but she wanted to talk to us about the American Ingénue competition. Mom called me over to tell me the news.

  "Wait, I didn't get the kiddie show? How depressing," I said, sinking down on the couch.

  "Rejection is just a part of all of this," Mom said. "But Mrs. Myeski wants to talk to you, so I'm putting her on speaker."

  Mrs. Myeski said that when I signed up for the Ingénue competition, the paperwork said that if I made it to the third round — which I did — that I was basically property of the American Ingénue company. They had decided to do a "wild card" show with some of the girls who hadn't been chosen to go on to the regional division to give them one more shot at making it to the big statewide competition. The "hair makeover video" in Grand Rapids had been a test audition to see how I'd act on camera and, I didn't know how, but after seeing my video, I was picked to join the wild card show.

  "This is going to be a state-run show run on the BVW network in Detroit, so it will be shown in Michigan," she said. "What they're going to do is have a group of girls stay in a hotel for a weekend and give them makeovers. Then they'll have a fashion show where the judges will pick the top five girls. Only one girl advances and gets to go on to be on the show. The other four win prizes, though."

  Fabulous. A weekend having nervous diarrhea, backstabbing girls, and getting told I needed another makeover on television. Fun.

  My mom hit mute on her phone. "Do you even want to do it?" she asked.

  I think she could tell I was getting nervous already. But if I wanted to prove to her I was ready to be a model, and if I ever wanted to be discovered, then I had no choice. It wasn't every day I got offered chances to model on TV, so I had to say I'd do it.

  "Sounds like fun."

  Mom took Mrs. Myeski off mute and told her I would participate.

  "Good, now you will have to consent to doing anything the hairstylists and makeup artists want to do, and that includes eyebrow tweezing, hair dying, and cutting."

  "They won't dye her lashes or anything, will they?" asked my mom. "I've heard they can even perm them, and I don't want my daughter going blind."

  She assured my mother they weren't allowed to do anything that wasn't regulated, and lash-dyeing was out. She said that, because I was under eighteen, I could challenge anything drastic under the "youth clause" in the contract. As if I'd have the nerve to talk back to a producer or makeup artist. I couldn't even go up and ask for credit when a teacher marked an answer wrong that I had actually gotten right.

  I stared at my image in the reflection of the TV. My eyebrows weren't great, but the thought of having somebody try to p
luck them sounded awful. I had attempted it once, and it hurt.

  "I doubt they'll color your hair," Mrs. Myeski said. "It's such an unusual color that I'm sure that's why the judges noticed you."

  She told my mom she'd e-mail her the forms and info and set everything up for me to go.

  "Good luck, Landry. This is an amazing opportunity for you."

  My head knew it, but my stomach was saying something else.

  Chapter Twenty-Nine

  I told my mom I didn't want to let people at school know about the "Wild Card show." She asked why.

  "Because it'll be less embarrassing if I don't make it. If no one knows, then no one can laugh at me."

  "Hon, don't ever let fear of failing hold you back, because if you do, then you won't try anything."

  Seriously? Was this woman ever in the eighth grade?

  "You don't know what it's like to have people talk about you," I said.

  She raised her eyebrows and asked if anyone was picking on me at school. I shook my head, but told her no one was ever happy for me when anything good happened.

  "What do you mean?" she asked.

  "I don't know. Well, when I got my hair cut and they filmed the whole thing, people were kinda funny about it — they were all weird about the whole Ingénue thing, to be honest. I mean, I'm not saying I expect people to go crazy over it, but it would be nice to have some people be supportive instead of acting like it's dumb or ignoring it — it makes me feel invisible or something."

  "Remember when I got the job to transfer to Grand Rapids?" Mom asked. I nodded. "I was so excited that they wanted me for the position. I was the youngest person they ever promoted to that level. And you know what my co-workers said?"

  I shook my head.

  "One of them, who I thought was my friend, said, 'Oh, I guess they needed a young person to fill a quota or something.' It was like she was dismissing all my hard work and long hours and saying I got the position on a technicality. I remember coming home and picking you up from your friend's house that day. I told your friend's mom about it, and she made a comment about how she would hate it if she had to actually go out and work."