A Paper Trail

by Magan Vernon

  "Why do you always have to take his side?"

  Sawyer smiled. "Hey, the man's gotta have somebody. I'm sure whenever you pop out little Sawyeretta, he'll be out numbered."

  I laughed. "Sawyeretta? You just come up with that on your own?"

  He shook his head. "No, I thought on that one for awhile. It's a good name."

  "Well, I'll make sure to tell Blaine about that one."

  "So you're not going to stay mad at him and become some angry single mom?"

  I smiled. "You know I can never stay mad at the good ol' Southern boy for long."

  Sawyer nodded. "Good and cut him some slack on working. You know I love watching him come up on his momma's porch all sweaty from a day's work and then rip off that shirt like some kind of country music video boy."

  I raised my eyebrows. "Do you just hang out with me to watch him?"

  He laughed. "Sometimes."

  I sighed. "It just sucks. He's working all the freaking time."

  "But isn't it road construction season? All I see are them boys on the side of the road when I'm on my way to school and work."

  "Maybe," I grumbled.

  "And shouldn't he be working more hours since you're working less and going to school more?"

  I threw my pen at Sawyer. "Stop taking his side already. I get it!"

  He grinned and took a sip of his coffee. "Just making sure, darlin'."

  ***

  After a few hours at the coffee shop, I headed home. I was going to call Blaine and apologize for being such a brat, but when I pulled into the driveway, his car was already there. When I got out of my car, I saw him sitting on the front porch with a bouquet in his hands.

  I smiled and walked up to him. "Flowers again for an apology?"

  He smiled and stood up, holding the bouquet out to me. "No. Baby socks."

  I took the bouquet and looked at it. Instead of a dozen roses they were rolled up white baby socks, made to look like tiny flowers. "Oh my god! This is the cutest thing I've ever seen!"

  He rubbed the back of his head. "Yeah, the lady at the flower shop had this on display and I couldn't resist. I also thought it would be a way of letting you know how important you two are to me and I need to stop being such a stubborn ass sometimes."

  I shook my head and set the bouquet down on the porch. "I'm sorry for being a hormonal bitch, too. Sawyer already gave me enough grief about it. If you want to go look at cars again this week, I may be willing."

  Blaine put his arms around my waist and pulled me closer. "Actually, I was thinking we should check out this duplex first. It's over by your school and would only be about a five mile extra commute for me to get to the job site."

  I put my arms around his neck and raised my eyebrows. "Are you serious?"

  He nodded. "Serious as sin, sweetheart. I thought about what you said and I know we have a lot of shit going on and should take this one step at a time. But, I think this is a big step we both need to take and it would be a lot easier if we're living together."

  I licked my lips. "That's very true."

  He leaned in, biting his bottom lip. "And have some actual alone time that would be much appreciated before the baby comes."

  I leaned in and smiled. "That's even truer."

  He placed a quick kiss on my lips. "So are you going to let me take you to see the new place or want to head out and look at cars?"

  I pouted. "Can't I just enjoy being in your arms for a few seconds longer?"

  He laughed. "Well, usually I'd oblige, but I'm pretty sure your little cousin is looking through the window at us right now."

  I looked behind Blaine and the curtains moved quickly. He was definitely right.

  I let go of his neck and took his hand. "Well, then I guess we'd better go find our own place."

  Chapter 9

  My first trimester was coming to an end and I was exhausted.

  Blaine and I had looked at four different places and none of them were going to work for us. They were either too far for him or too far for me. Small bedrooms or not enough storage. The list went on and on.

  I was starting to think that maybe moving into his parents' wasn't such a bad idea if we couldn't agree on anything.

  I also still had work and school. Aunt Dee had been giving me less hours at work, which was fine since she wasn't paying me right now, but I knew once I moved out and wasn't getting the free rent, I'd need the paycheck and couldn't keep going at this pace.

  Luckily, I had a counselor appointment in the morning before work. I thought maybe she could shed some light to help my situation.

  One of the agreements I made with my parents, when I left the hospital and was able to stay in Louisiana, was that I had to see a nutritionist and counselor. I'd been working mainly online with the nutritionist, even throughout the pregnancy, but I couldn't exactly phone in the counselor.

  Her office was about twenty minutes from Aunt Dee's house in a small strip mall that was wedged between a dentist office and a general practice. It wasn't anything special and the waiting room definitely wasn't as lavish as the one at the gynecologist's office, but it served its purpose.

  I checked in at the front desk and after only a few minutes, my counselor was calling me back.

  Ophelia Granger was a very tall woman. Taller than me. She also had long black dreadlocks strung with different beads that always coordinated with her colorful maxi dresses. Her office was full of different tribal accents and she always had sage or something burning. At first I was kind of weirded out by the whole thing, but the longer I sat with her, the more I liked her.

  She took a seat behind her desk and I sat on the brown leather couch in front of it. "So, tell me, Libby, what's new?"

  "Well, besides hating this first trimester of pregnancy, studying for midterms, getting engaged, and trying to find a new place to live with Blaine; not much."

  Her eyes practically bugged out of her head and she leaned forward. "Let's back that up a bit. Pregnant? Engaged? When did this all happen?"

  I bit my bottom lip. "Right after I saw you last I found out I was expecting, due in September. Then Blaine proposed and wants to get married in June. My mom isn't exactly happy with it. No one in my family really is."

  She nodded. "But are you happy?"

  It was an honest question, so I gave an honest answer. "Yes and no. More like overwhelmed."

  She smiled. "That seems to be your thing. You always have so much going on and have trouble trying to stop and enjoy it. With this much going on your life right now, you really do need to take some time to breathe."

  "Ha! Maybe in another year and a half when I finish my associates, but by then I'll have a toddler and probably be pulling my hair out."

  She crossed her arms over her chest. "You know if you talk like that, you're just setting yourself up to fail. Have you thought about the positives instead of all of the negatives?"

  I sighed. "Of course not. Sometimes it's hard to see them."

  "Do you have a man who loves you?"

  I nodded. "Well, yeah."

  "And you're still doing well in school?"

  "As well as I can."

  She smiled. "See, those are some positive things. I think you need to try and focus more on those instead of always worrying about the negatives. I know it's hard for you, but instead of looking at 'Oh, I'm exhausted,' look at the positive part of it. 'I'm exhausted because I'm growing a baby and it gives me a good excuse to take a nap in the middle of the day'. "

  "I guess I can try that."

  "You'd better. It's your homework for this week."

  I raised an eyebrow. "You're giving me homework now?"

  "Think of it in a positive way. It's more like practice for seeing the positives when your baby spits up over your new dress and you need an outlet."

  ***

  After another half an hour of laughing and talking to Ophelia, I felt a little bit better about everything. That is until I saw a missed call from Kristi on my phone.

 
; I hadn't talked to her in weeks and it was mostly just random texts or comments on Facebook. I still hadn't told her about being pregnant. She knew I was engaged, but not the reasoning behind it. Maybe she wanted to wedding chat over the phone and not through text?

  I slid in my car and closed the door before dialing her number.

  "Guess where I am?" she asked in a sing-songey voice.

  "Um, at work?"

  "If by work you mean a business trip to New Orleans, then yes!"

  "Oh! I didn't know you were coming here." I chewed on my bottom lip.

  "It was sort of a last minute thing, so I'm hoping you can take a lunch break and meet up with me? Where's the best place that's close to the Wyndham in the French Quarter?"

  This was the last thing I wanted to do today, but I was trying to look at the positive. I guess I could tell Kristi in person about being pregnant and it would be nice to see her again.

  "There's a great bistro on Royal Street. I can be there in about forty-five minutes if traffic isn't bad and I can find parking."

  "Sounds great. I'll see you then!"

  I hung up the phone and let out a deep breath before starting the car. At least I had some time to mentally prepare to tell another person about the hot mess that was my life.

  ***

  Kristi always looked so put together. I could have spotted her from a mile away as soon as I walked into the restaurant. She had her red hair styled in a French twist and her makeup was flawless, even when the weather was starting to heat up.

  "Libby! You're here! You look great!" She stood up and hugged me. I tried to smooth out my maxi dress and not look so frumpy next to the girl in the gray skirt suit, but there was no use. I was bloated and tired and probably really looked like I just rolled out of bed.

  "You look even better," I said, letting go of her and taking the seat across from her as she sat back down.

  "I wish I felt better. It's been crazy. I'm just happy to be out of meetings!"

  "Yeah, I know the feeling of being crazy," I muttered.

  "Well, yeah! You're planning a wedding! Let me see that diamond. Facebook didn't do it justice!'

  I put my hand out and she examined the ring on my finger. It wasn't like the two carat one that Gabe gave her, but I still loved it.

  "So, what's the plan for the wedding? Your parents' church, then the country club?" She asked.

  I bit my bottom lip. "Not exactly. We're hoping to have it here. Well, not here, here. But in Elsbury, at the Catholic Church there, then the reception at Blaine's parents' house."

  "Oh my god! A real Southern wedding! That actually sounds awesome!"

  "Yeah. I hope you're free this June because I'll need a bridesmaid." I smiled.

  Her face fell. "Well, of course I'll be there. It's not like I have much else going on but work."

  She smiled again and took a sip of her water, but I knew something was off.

  "Is everything okay?" I raised an eyebrow.

  She sighed and shook her head. "I don't want to burden you with anything, but. Ugh."

  She ran her fingers over her hair. "I know I just got married and I shouldn't be worried about these types of things, but I went off the pill after the wedding, not planning anything but thinking if it happened then it happened. Well nothing has happened. I'm freaking barren. I went to my gynecologist and she said that it could take a while, but if we aren't pregnant within a year of trying, we could do some tests on both of us and possibly start medication. The hell? Like why does this have to happen? Why tests and medication and all this shit when some teen girl can get knocked up the first time she doesn't use a condom and then end up with a reality TV show?"

  I blinked, absolutely speechless at her words.

  She shook her head. "I'm sorry, that was really harsh of me, but it's how I'm feeling and I just needed to vent. Everyone is getting pregnant and married or getting new jobs and I'm over here working sixty hours a week and complaining about those damn high school kids."

  "No. It's totally fine. Sometimes you need to vent to a friend."

  I didn't even know what to say after that. Luckily, Kristi kept talking and when the waiter came and took our order, I was ready for the welcomed break to choke down my water as fast as I could.

  But then Kristi's drink order came.

  "Here, do you want to try this? It's delicious. It tastes like lemonade and you can't even taste the alcohol." She held the drink in front of me.

  I shook my head. "No thanks. We're out in public and you know I have to drive home."

  She rolled her eyes. "Oh, please. One sip won't kill you. I'm having a drink with lunch and it's a business trip. We all need a little relaxer."

  "No, really. I'm fine. I don't need it."

  "What, are you on another diet? Does your nutritionist know?"

  I shook my head. "No. I just don't want a sip."

  "Come on, Lib. Peer pressure! Don't make me sing a Kappa drinking song in the middle of a restaurant."

  "Kristi, no. Really. I'm fine."

  "Drink a beer. Drink a beer. Drink a G—"

  "Kristi, I can't have a drink because I'm pregnant!" I blurted out, cutting her off mid-sentence.

  She blinked, staring at me wide-eyed as she set the glass down. "You're what?"

  I sighed. "I'm pregnant. It's why Blaine and I got engaged and why we're getting married this summer. We haven't told a lot of people outside of our families. I was going to tell you earlier but then you started talking about fertility issues and I just didn't know how to bring it up."

  "Wow..." She stared off into space.

  "Yeah. I know. Sorry it came out like that."

  She shook her head. "No. It's totally cool. I understand."

  I just nodded. I didn't think she did, but I didn't know what else I was supposed to say or how I was supposed to find the positive in that.

  And I guess she didn't know what to say either, because for the rest of lunch we just made small talk about the weather and New Orleans. There was no talk of babies or weddings. She gave me a quick hug when we were done with lunch and we went on our separate ways, as if that was it. I kind of thought it might have been. I didn't know if she'd want to be around someone who was pregnant when she was struggling and I didn't know if I could blame her, but it still hurt.

  I got into my car and saw a text from Blaine

  How was lunch?

  I responded quickly before setting my phone back in my purse and heading back toward Elsbury.

  Okay. Kristi told me she was having fertility problems and I blurted out that I was pregnant. So actually it sucked.

  I heard a buzz from the passenger seat, but didn't bother picking up the phone. Blaine had given in to going to the dealership and we traded my convertible in for a modest sedan. It wasn't exactly my favorite car in the world, but we worked it out to have a very small payment and it was brand new. I also got a sunroof out of the deal so if I couldn't have the top down, at least I could have a little bit of a breeze to cool me down on the road back to Elsbury. The breeze sort of kept my mind off of the terrible lunch. Sort of.

  Instead of going to Aunt Dee's, since I only had an hour before work started, I decided to stop at Sam's Drive-Thru and get a root beer float. I also grabbed a few bottles of water and headed toward the site Blaine was working at.

  I pulled on the side of the road and parked behind a few trucks.

  "Hey, Blaine, your baby mama is here!" A guy yelled as soon as I got out of my car.

  I rolled my eyes and stopped where the road block barricade started. "I won't take up too much of his time."

  Blaine came jogging toward me and smacked the guy on the back before wiping his brow. "Thanks, Bud. I'll only be a few minutes."

  "Hey, babe, what's up?" Blaine asked breathlessly before he pulled his shirt up and wiped his face. He was sweating so badly it looked like he just got out of the shower, but I couldn't deny that I still took a peek at his V line and the contours of his bronzed abs when he lifted his
shirt. It'd been awhile since we'd done anything sexual and the more time he spent at work, the more defined his body got. I couldn't help but take notice. See? Positives.

  "Not much. Just got done with lunch with Kristi and thought I'd bring you some water before I headed to work," I said and handed him a bottle.

  He took it and opened it, chugging half of it and then poured the rest over his face. The water dripped over his skin, soaking his t-shirt, leaving only a few droplets on his lips and the ends of his hair. I wanted to kiss off every single one of them. "Yeah, your text made it sound like your lunch was brutal."

  "Yeah. It was." I leaned against the post.

  Before Blaine could say another word, Jackson came running up to us, running his hands through his red beard that was definitely in need of a trim. "Hey, Lib, how ya doing?"

  "I'm good, Jackson, how are you?"

  He nodded. "Good, well I was, until I saw something on Facebook."

  Blaine smacked his chest. "Man, what are you doing on your phone when we need to get this shit done?"

  Jackson rubbed the back of his head. "Well, I wouldn't have been if Dina didn't text me like there was some kind of an emergency, so then I had to see the drama for myself."

  I raised an eyebrow. "Is there something I should be worried about?"

  Jackson blew out a breath between his teeth. "Well, your little red headed friend may or may not have tagged you to announce to the whole world that her little sister was getting married in June and then the thread after that may or may not have eluded to you being pregnant."

  "What?" I snapped and pulled my phone out of my pocket.

  I pulled up the Facebook app and there it was, the tagged post.

  Lunch with my little sister. Super excited for her wedding this June! Yes THIS June!

  Then I did the stupid thing and read through the comments.