by Jenn Leigh
I started cleaning the mess he had made. Once I was finished, I went to my room and went to bed. Maybe there would be a better outlook in the morning, but I doubted it.
***
Two days passed with no one hearing from Mark. Well, one person had—Cassie. Mark had called her every night to check up on her. At least he was keeping that promise.
I couldn’t help feeling angry at his disappearance. I knew this had hit him hard¸ but I thought at least we could work on our feelings about it together. I wasn’t expecting sunshine and roses, but some acknowledgement that he was okay would be nice.
I was meeting Lily for lunch today. Josh and Nat were still on their honeymoon, but it would be interesting when they got back. I would probably have to rehash this whole thing to my friends, something I wasn’t looking forward to.
I sat at Martie’s Delicatessen, the only café slash bakery in town, and waited for Lily to show up. It wasn’t long into my first drink when Lily came in and sat down.
“Sorry I was late. I had to stop by Shane’s work and drop off something he needed.”
She sat there quietly for a minute, looking like she was pondering what she was going to say next. Then…
“Are you going to tell me what’s been going on with you and Mark? I can tell you the brothers are pissed. The only person to hear from Mark on a regular basis is Cassie, so I can’t help wondering what happened.” She gave me a pointed glare.
I sighed. “It’s between me and Mark for now, but I promise everyone will find out when the time is right. I just want to know if he is okay and when he is coming home,” I said.
“You and everyone else. He’s been ignoring texts and calls,” Lily confirmed.
“Maybe it’s time I swing by Mrs. Bennett’s and intercept the calls,” I stated.
“That’s a good idea. Only you can bring him out of his funk,” Lily agreed.
We ate our lunch then went back to work.
That evening, I drove over to see Cassie. I had seen her on and off over the last few days like I had told her I would, but as it turned out, she really liked Mr. and Mrs. Bennett, who were both helping her get up to par with school so she could enroll in the fall with kids her own age.
The Bennett’s had her doing all sorts of homework projects, and Cassie had been soaking it up since she had never really had a chance to do it before. She was pretty dedicated to getting caught up, and I was glad she had found a distraction. Not that we weren’t still on the search for her parents, but something like school was more age appropriate for her. The searching should be left to the adults.
I knocked on the Bennett’s door, and Cassie swung it open with a huge smile on her face.
“What’s that look for?” I asked her, ruffling her hair.
“You have to come see this cool science trick Mr. Bennett showed me.” She pulled my arm, dragging me into the kitchen.
Mr. Bennett was chuckling as we walked in.
“We’ve gone through a dozen eggs for her.” He laughed.
On the stove, I saw a boiling pot with what I assumed was another round of eggs being boiled. I peered over to the rest of the counter and saw an old glass milk bottle, matches, and pieces of ripped up paper.
It took me a minute to flick back into my memories of childhood science experiments, but then I grinned in recognition. This one had been my favorite.
I looked over and saw Mr. Bennett had noticed my smirk.
“Hey, Cassie, why don’t we let Nilka have a turn at this experiment?” Mr. Bennett offered.
Cassie pouted for a brief moment, and in that moment, I actually saw a kid, not someone who had lived on the streets or been abused; I saw a full-fledged, happy kid.
Cassie made a big scene of not being able to do the experiment again, but Mr. Bennett stepped in.
“Oh, Cassie, it’s not like we haven’t done it ten times already. I think Nilka is in memory lane and would like to do the experiment she did when she was your age, too. What do you say we give it to her?” Mr. Bennett responded with a wink in my direction.
I was so glad Cassie ended up with them. They were the heart of our town because they were involved in a lot of town events. Cassie would turn out great, even if we couldn’t find her parents. The Bennett’s would make great parents for her.
The stove dinged, signaling the eggs were ready. Then Mrs. Bennett removed them from the pot and put them in ice water to cool them while we prepped the kitchen table for the next round of the experiment.
Mrs. Bennett peeled the egg shell off the egg then handed me the two remaining eggs from the carton.
“Ready, Cassie?” I asked with a mischievous grin.
She nodded her head in excitement.
I smiled back at her as I lit the match, set the piece of paper on fire, and put it in the bottle, placing the egg on the mouth of the bottle. If the experiment worked right, all of the oxygen in the bottle would get sucked up by the fire, which would then suck the hard-boiled egg into the glass bottle, making a huge sucking sound on the way down before the egg exploded everywhere in the bottle. It was a great experiment for kids.
We watched as the fire snuffed out, and the egg started to move into the bottle. Cassie’s eyes were lit up with glee as it all unfolded, even though this would be her eleventh time seeing it.
Cassie squealed in delight as the egg exploded into the bottle. Now poor Mrs. Bennett had to clean out the bottle so Cassie could do the experiment one last time before heading to bed.
Just then, the phone rang, and I knew exactly who it was since I’d had a little chat with Mrs. Bennett on the way over here.
I intercepted the phone from Cassie as she pouted her lips again.
“I need to talk to him first, Cassie. Then you can talk to him. All right?”
“Okay,” she said with slumped shoulders.
I picked up the ringing phone, walking into a more quiet room while Cassie did her experiment one last time.
“Hey, squirt, how was your day?” Mark said over the line.
“Could’ve been better,” I replied.
“Nil … What …? What are you doing there at this time? Did something happen to Cassie?” he asked in a slightly panicked voice.
“What? No. I was here for a visit. However, I knew you were calling tonight, so I figured, hey, two birds, one stone,” I stated humorlessly
“Oh.” Then silence.
“You are going to have to talk to me eventually, Mark,” I said quietly.
“I know. I just … I don’t know what to say.” He trailed off after that, and we sat on the phone in silence for a few beats.
“When are you coming home? People are getting worried. Where are you, by the way?” I questioned.
“I should be home later tomorrow. I know people are worried. I am still getting a bazillion texts a day. I just needed to get away, so I went fishing.” He sounded unsure of my response to that.
“Fishing? What …? Why? Where?” I asked, perplexed at his response.
“Look, Nil, I needed to clear my head and go through some emotions on my own before I came back. I booked a weekender fishing package and took off as soon as I could.” He stated it like it was normal for him to do so.
“I don’t understand. Why in the middle of everything? I poured my soul out to you, and you thought fishing was the best option here? Why not work through it with me?” I questioned harshly.
I heard him exhale on the phone.
“I’ll say that, yes, I didn’t handle the situation very well, Nil, but my world came crashing down on me in a matter of minutes, while you’ve had years to process through everything. What did you expect me to do?” he responded, sounding deflated.
“Look, I don’t want to argue with you over the phone, Mark, but please come home. We’ll talk more when you get back. Cassie wants to talk to you before she goes to bed. Hurry home please,” I whispered, begging before I handed over the phone.
“Mark! Mark, you won’t believe what I just did…”
Cassie walked out of the room with the phone in her hand.
I sat down on the chair in the room that I was in and put my head in my hands.
When Mrs. Bennett sat down on the chair next to me, I couldn’t help looking over at the woman, and within a matter of minutes, I was sobbing on her shoulder. Thank goodness Cassie was distracted; otherwise, this wouldn’t have been a good scene to walk in on.
I broke down and told her everything I had told Mark, and she simply held me through it all. I had needed this from my mother yet had never gotten it. It hurt so much to not have that.
“I’ve known you kids for years,” Mrs. Bennett started. “That boy loves you, Nilka; don’t forget that. Yes, it’ll be a difficult journey back, but it will happen. You two belong together. It’ll happen. Just give it time.
“As for your parents, I am not sure I have a nice word to say about them, so I won’t, but know that, if you were my child, culture or not, I wouldn’t have allowed that to happen. Nilka, no one deserves that type of treatment over a baby. Babies aren’t the end of the world. In fact, they make the world go round. Anytime you want to talk, come and see me. Give it time, child. I have every faith in you both.” With that, she kissed the top of my head then got up and walked away.
What I wouldn’t have given for a mom like her. It would have made my life a whole lot simpler.
Chapter 9
Mark
Time to face the music.
I parked the truck in my driveway, and as I got out, I found that I was being watched by Daniel and a royally pissed of Josh.
I thought he wasn’t supposed to be home until next week ...
I walked toward them with my sunglasses on, hoping my bloodshot eyes were hidden enough from view. They would assume I went on some sort of bender, but that couldn’t be further from the truth. I didn’t think I had cried as much as I had during my time away since I was a baby.
I stopped as I reached them, dropped my bag, and crossed my arms. In a hoarse voice, I asked, “Are we going to do this outside or inside?”
They both shot their eyebrows up at my question and stepped aside so I could get in the house. I grabbed my bag and walked in, dropping it near the steps to my side of the house. Then I sat on the bottom step and put my arms on my knees.
“Ask away,” I said.
Daniel looked at Josh, and I knew what was coming. They were trying to decide which one of them was going to rip my head off first.
Instead, they both did something unexpected. They came and sat down beside me on the same step I was, mimicking my pose.
Daniel was the first to speak. “Spill.”
I heaved a huge sigh. “I don’t even know where to start or what to say.”
“Try,” Josh said.
I didn’t think I could hold it in like Nilka had all those years. It was eating me alive, and it only had been three days.
“Did you know Nilka had a baby?” was all I got out before my breath hitched.
They both stopped breathing beside me.
“That’s why she went away. She shamed her family by getting pregnant with our baby, so they took her back home. That’s not the fucked-up part. They left her alone during her pregnancy, hid her away like some fucking pariah, didn’t offer any help, advice, nothing. They holed her up in a bare room with a mat when she gave birth by herself with some old hag watching on. She had the baby by herself, no drugs, no nothing. Do you know how that made me feel? Fucking helpless. And she’s been carrying this for twelve years. Twelve fucking years!
“Oh, and here’s the kicker. The baby died in that old hag’s arms, and her parents never told her what we had. They buried it in some unmarked grave in God knows where. And everyone expects me to just be okay and carry on like nothing happened? No fucking way. I’m allowed to feel angry, betrayed, and sad, hurt, or whatever else comes out. So, fuck off, both of you,” I seethed then stormed to my room and slammed the door.
A few moments later, Josh and Daniel came storming into my room, but I was too deflated to have any energy left. They could never leave it alone, though I expected that from them. We stuck together like glue. It was no different when Natalie had been in trouble. We had held Josh together, and that was what their intention was with me. Regardless, I was too tired to even care.
Daniel swiped his hands down his face. “I don’t even know what to say.”
“Why didn’t you come to us right away?” Josh asked as he sat beside me on the bed.
I paused for a few minutes, trying to gather my thoughts.
“I didn’t know what to do, and honestly, no one even entered my mind. I just needed to get away. But I did keep my promise to Cassie and called her every night. I let everyone else down in my life; I couldn’t let her down, too,” I stated sadly.
“When the fuck have you let anyone down? Shit, Mark, you are the glue that bonds us all together. You have never let any of us down, so get that shit out of your head,” Josh said.
I swung my head up and looked straight at him. “Well, I fucking let Nilka down when she needed it most, now didn’t I? Where was I when this was all happening, huh? Oh, that’s right, fucking partying and living it up while my girlfriend had a fucking kid—our fucking kid—alone. Oh, and then the baby died, and where was I? Nowhere near her. So don’t lecture me about letting anyone down when I let down the one person I wanted to spend the rest of my life with.” I released the sob that had been plaguing me for days just from saying that out loud.
Josh and Daniel sat beside me on the bed, draping their arms over me, comforting me as I let out more tears than I had ever thought possible.
Once I got myself back under control, I looked at Josh. “Now what do I do?” I asked quietly.
Josh pondered for a few moments. “If you feel like you’ve let her down—and I by no means agree with you, but if that’s how you feel, then maybe it’s time you start making up for it.”
I thought about that and actually agreed. It was time I stepped up to the plate and started doing what I should have done a long time ago. My only hope now was that Nilka would allow me back in, even if it was a fresh start.
***
I decided that my first task to winning back my best friend and hopefully lover was to fix the hole in her wall. I hoped she hadn’t gotten it fixed in the meantime, because I kind of came by unannounced. That way, she couldn’t deny me over the phone.
I walked up to her house, tools in hand, and knocked on her door.
She opened it with a surprised look, but she didn’t say anything. I deserved that. I walked out on her. Then we had a mini argument, and I never actually got back to her. To top it off, I hadn’t made any attempts to make it better until now.
“I thought I would come by and fix the hole I made,” I offered as she watched me warily. I couldn’t say that I blamed her, but I was here to start fresh.
“Uh … okay, I guess.” She opened the door wider to let me in.
“Thanks,” I said as I walked past her into the living room.
I heard the door close behind me as I walked toward where the damage was. I set my stuff down beside it and got to work. I didn’t say much, mostly because I wanted her to see that I was trying to give her time before I made a move or talked.
Once I had the area prepped, I turned to find her staring at me from the kitchen.
“Do you want a drink?” she offered.
“Sure, thanks.”
She handed me a bottled water and watched as I took a drink.
I looked back and decided this was about as good a time as any. “I really need to apologize for the other night and how I left things between us.”
She looked at me, bewildered. “Why are you apologizing? It’s what I deserved after all these years.”
“What do you mean, what you deserved?” I questioned with a raised eyebrow. I didn’t let her answer, though. “Because that’s not what I see at all. I see a brave, caring, considerate and thoughtful person who did everything in her power to pr
otect the ones she loved, including me. You deserve nothing but the best, and I really want to give that to you if you’ll give me another chance because, Nil, it was me who let you down, even after all these years. My reaction should have been different, and for that, I am truly sorry.” I grabbed her hands and held them close to my heart.
A soft sob escaped her, and I pulled her in.
“I’m so sorry, Nil. I’m sorry for my reaction. I’m sorry I couldn’t be there for you. I’m sorry over how you were treated. I’m sorry you had to carry the burden of the loss of our baby alone for all these years because you thought you were protecting me. I’m sorry for everything,” I told her tearfully, holding her to me, hoping—no, praying—she could feel my sorrow and, at the same time, my love pouring out of me and into her.
I felt her sag against me, and she wept for a long time before she looked up at me, her eyes full of love and what I could only imagine was relief. I thought she was worried that I would reject her, just like her parents had, and to some extent, I behaved in that manner when I had found out. I deeply regretted that, though.
I kissed her forehead. “I should really get back to fixing your wall.” I wiped my eyes dry as she nodded then half laughed as she did the same.
I went back to work as she headed off to the bathroom. I watched as she walked away then looked up at the ceiling, thanking God that I had this second chance with her. I didn’t know where I would be if I couldn’t have her.
Chapter 10
Nilka
After washing my face, I looked at myself in the mirror and noticed my eyes looked brighter than they used to. Of course, it could be from all the crying I had just done, or perhaps it could be from the profound relief I felt. After all these years, the weight I had been carrying had been lifted. He forgave me or, at least, wanted to work on it. But, most importantly, I thought I had forgiven myself.
I realized while I was in his embrace that what had happened had been something that was out of my control. I had been a victim of circumstance, not of my own doing. I had been a child going through an adult situation with no support. If anything, that should have been on the people who had surrounded me. It was them who should have supported me, but that was now in the past. All I could do was move forward. I had already grieved over what I had lost for the past twelve years. It was time to let go.
