Dumb Luck

by J G Jerome

  As Kristina comes out to take orders, the female with straight dark hair and a slight smirk on her face sends the dark-skinned male with tightly cropped curly hair, and the female with shoulder-length mousy-blond curls and cream colored skin to take up posts outside the brick wall of the patio looking out. She sends two others, a woman with jaw-length hair that is so black it looks blue and the guy with short, but fashionably cut brown hair and a dimple on his chin, across to a table on the other other side of the patio. She watches towards the inside door, he watches toward the street. One of the other two is a blond with hair in a French braid that could be Trina’s sister. The last Raven is about three-to-four inches shorter than the other ladies, roughly 5’2”-5’4”, but she is an auburn-haired beauty with pale creamy skin and emerald green eyes. ‘One of my kind?’

  Just before going into a simple guitar solo, the only kind I know how to do, I manage to notice that 1) the ladies have no visible means of support, nor do they apparently need it, and 2) every one of them has a shoulder rig. They are pretty good at hiding the shoulder rigs, but the tell-tale bumps are apparent if you’re used to looking for them. Unfortunately, hiding the rigs tends to hide all of the lovely perky flesh that probably gives just the barest hint of a jiggle as they move. ‘Trina’s right! You are a perv, Home Team.’

  And this is why despite being a former operator that is supposedly living a quiet life as a small business owner, I insist on doing this. I love doing it! I play music that I love while trying not to butcher the singing too badly, all while enjoying the scenery and the interactions of the people around me. It is worth every bit of time spent practicing, time spent chasing gigs, and every dime spent on equipment! It’s a rush and it’s hugely entertaining at the same time!

  As I wrap up Light of Day, I notice even the guards are having a hard time sitting still. ‘OK, stay in the pocket, Home Team!’

  I crack a water bottle and take a slug, and then I hit ‘em with “Long Cool Woman,” adding a little story-telling riff at the end that I picked up from one of my favorite Phoenix cover bands. Then I went right into “Evil Ways.” Myra whispers something to the detail Chief, who nods. Then Myra grabs Trina’s hand and the two of them do a sensuous dance on in the middle of the crowded patio. Not many people are paying attention to much else, allowing the ‘Chief’ to take advantage of the distraction to surreptitiously make the rounds, whispering instructions to her team.

  I figure the ladies would sit down when I left the latin beat in favor of “Blue Monday,” but they just segue into a lascivious bumping and grinding dirty dance that starts to draw attention from the passerby as well as the patrons.

  I take another sip of water, and then decide to call an audible and do “Banditos” instead of “City of New Orleans” - other folks are dancing, and my job is to keep ‘em there getting good and thirsty. My two ladies do a bouncing little bar-dance to that. I think one more dance number will work; therefore, I pull up “I Saw Her Standing There” instead of “Take It Easy.”

  After that, I drain the water bottle and pick up “Take It Easy.” The girls smile at me, and they lay a passionate lip lock on each other, before laughing and sitting down. Fortunately, I choose to start with the old “My daddy was a handsome devil” schtick the Eagles used back in the 70s. Unfortunately, that isn’t enough to keep me from getting flustered enough to flub the slides on the intro to the main song. Everyone has a good laugh at my expense, and I have to admit it is funny. Then I go back for “City of New Orleans,” which gets more sing-along action than I anticipated. Then I go into “Can't You See,” hammering out a simple version of the flute intro on the guitar to get it started. I hear a beautiful female harmony on the chorus and look around trying to find the singer. On the last chorus I catch the ‘Chief’ nodding appreciatively in the direction of the curly blond on perimeter watch. I think I see her mouth moving.

  Let’s see if she goes for the set closer. I start with the acoustic lick to start “Amie,” and then jump into the verse. As I enter the chorus...nothing. I give an internal shrug and work my way through the song. As I start the second chorus, I hear her jumping in. I think ‘That raven doesn’t croak.’ She even jumps in on the outro.

  The crowd applauds again, and I tell them, “Well folks, that wraps the first set. I’ll be back in about 10 minutes. I hear a “Sure you will” in the background, but just shrug it off and mute the amp. I don’t blame the smartass for his opinion. Many musicians will take 20-40 minute breaks. I tend to bring my day job work ethic with me; so, bar owners tend to want to hire me back.

  Myra and Trina mob me as I step out from behind the microphone. I wrap them both in a group hug, and kiss Trina passionately. The detail closes around us, patting me on the back and congratulating me as a cover to close the perimeter around Myra and Trina - protecting our activities from view. We break, and I immediately turn to kiss Myra with the same passion. As we break our kiss I see Kristina to my immediate left with a large club soda. She says, “Here you go, stud. Hey Trina, I guess you weren’t kidding about recruiting. Maybe we should talk,” as she sends Trina a big wink.

  I say, “Thanks, Kristina. Trina, Myra, do you or any of your friends need anything?”

  Trina asks, “Kristina, can you send another round of waters out for everyone? I’ll have another wine, too.” Kristina nods.

  Myra adds, “Another wine for me too, Kristina. By the way, I’m Myra”

  Kristina replies with a big smile, “Certainly Myra. And it’s a pleasure to meet you.” She leans in and stage whispers conspiratorially, “So you heard Trina is recruiting a harem for Jack? Congratulations on getting in early!”

  Myra giggles, “Right? I heard about it and brought all my girlfriends. I hope the boys won’t be too put out when we all crawl in his bed!”

  Kristina groans, “Oh, I have to get my name on that list!” She laughs as she hustles to the other tables to get orders.

  Trina shouts to her across the patio, “Don’t worry Kristina. I took your name down!”

  Kristina looks over her shoulder and grins. She finishes noting the order and runs back inside.

  The ‘Chief’ leans in to Trina and asks, “Did Myra just giggle?”

  Trina giggles, “I know, right?”

  ‘Chief’ gasps, “You too?” She turns to me, “Jack, what have you done to these two? I rarely see them crack a smile, and you have them giggling.” She looks into my eyes like she is plumbing me for secrets.

  I tell her, “I just treat them like the treasures they are. You wouldn’t think that was magic, but apparently...” as I let it drop. She gives me a sexy, crooked smile. Trina lays her head on my shoulder looking at her.

  “I’m Corrina. It’s a pleasure to meet you, Jack! Someone has been talking about you very frequently. She’s kept me fuzzy on the details of how you met, but apparently you made an impact. It looks like you caught this one too,” she rubs Trina’s back. She adds wistfully, “Trina, you look beautiful. I’ve never seen you this happy.”

  Trina lets me loose and gives Corrina a hug. “Thanks, C.”

  I squeeze Myra and announce, “Excuse me, ladies. I need to hit the loo before I’m due back on stage.” I give Myra another quick kiss and head to the head.

  I give Little Jack relief, and then head back to stage. I wave Corrina over and whisper to her, “Corrina, is it okay if I talk to the curly blond? She sings very well. Could I bring her up to sing a couple of songs?”

  She nods, “She does. I was surprised. I’ve never heard Charli sing before, but I thought she was impressive. However, she is very shy. I don’t want to freak her out. Let me talk to her. She’ll be over if she is willing to try it.”

  “Sure, Corrina. I don’t want to make her uncomfortable, but she is a gifted singer. She picked out a harmony on a song that she didn’t seem to know, and it was good enough to record. I’m very impressed, and would consider it an honor to have her sing with me. Oh, but we will have to share a mic. That might make a differenc
e if she is very shy.”

  “Clear. Give me a minute.

  “Liesl. Geri.” Corrina beckons the blond and red-head. They go take over the two brunettes’ position at the table across the aisle. The brunettes head inside, and Corrina talks to Charli and her partner on the perimeter. The guy nods, and then she whispers into the blond’s ear. Charli looks at her like a rabbit in front of a wolf. She shakes her head. I’m thinking ‘that doesn’t look promising.’

  I walk up to Myra and Trina. “Hello ladies. I’m about to go back on. Can I get a kiss for luck?” They smile at me and launch at me. Myra wins the race and sucks my breath away with her kiss. Trina just looks at her, then back at me as I catch my breath. She wraps her arms around my neck and kisses me deeply while wrapping first one leg and then the other around my waist as she climbs up me. I grab her ass to keep her from falling. I give her cheeks a squeeze as she comes up for air, “Thank you, my Pet.” She whimpers and wraps herself tight to me. All the Sidhe turn to stare at her. “Again, Pet?” She nods. “You’re going to be too worn out for sex tonight, aren’t you?”

  Her head pops up, and her eyes narrow. Shaking her head, she says, “No way!” She grins at me, “Just consider this the warm-up!” Then she jumps down off me and reaches around to squeeze my ass.

  I grab my seat with a minute to spare and check the tuning on my guitar as Charli walks up. “Hello Jack. I’m Charli.”

  “It’s a pleasure to meet you, Charli. I’ve got to go on, but I was hoping you would sing a song or two with me?”

  She nods and whispers, “Yes.”

  “Do you know Kid Rock’s ‘Picture’?” I ask. She nods excitedly. “OK, I’ll call you up for that, and if you want to harmonize on the Eagles’ ‘Best of my Love’ afterwards I would appreciate it.”

  “That would be great, Jack!” she gushes.

  I take the amp off mute. “Hello folks! I’m Jack, and it’s time to bring the music back. I’ve got a special treat for you all later this set. In the meantime, sing along if you want. Dance if you want. Let’s party. Enough talk; let’s go!

  I start the swinging shuffle of “Keep Your Hands to Yourself,” and the crowd joins in with the title phrase. This simple song becomes a little more complex trying to keep the rhythmic strumming while getting some solo licks in too. But it’s a good song to get the crowd engaged. The dark-skinned guard comes back and Trina grabs him to dance.

  I wrap up with the crowd shouting out the chorus. I immediately go into John Fogerty’s “Walking in a Hurricane,” which loses some dancers that don’t know it, but some stay on the floor. It’s a good rockin’ song. I finish that and grab another sip of water. Then I do a campy mash-up of “All Summer Long / Sweet Home Alabama / Werewolves of London,” which gets folks singing along, laughing and dancing. I take another sip before jumping into “Mony Mony,” followed by “C’est La Vie,” and then “Pride & Joy.”

  SRV is generally a hit with the dudes, but I find getting danceable SRV songs for a solo player is a challenge. “Pride & Joy” and “House is a Rocking” both work with a bit of effort. “Pride & Joy” is actually easier as you just have to keep the sloppy, rhythmic strumming going. After that, I call an audible to switch “Come Monday” for “I’m a Believer.” That doesn’t work as well for dancing as I hoped, but some stay on the floor and there are a few folks singing along.

  At that point I tell the audience, “This next song is dedicated to the gorgeous blond in the red dress sitting right here,” pointing at Trina. I then start up “Come Monday.” She mimes ‘I love you’ to me as I wrap it up.

  Then I tell the audience, “Well folks, now you’re in for a treat. I recently heard my new friend Charli sing, and she has a heavenly voice. She has agreed to sit in for the next couple of songs. Please give a big hand for Charli.” I scoot my stool to the left to make room for Charli, and I adjust the mic for her height as she steps up. Then I start up “Picture.” As I like to do, I swap out ‘cocaine’ for ‘junk food,’ which caused Charli to giggle, but she is ready for the Sheryl Crow part when it comes around. She mesmerizes the audience. When we hit the harmony parts, she makes us sound like we had been singing together for years. Her teammates are amazed at how good she is. We wrap up the song. The audience roars. Charli looks down shyly and then wraps me in a hug. “Thank you,” she whispers into my ear.

  “Stay with me for the next one, please.” She nods. I kick off “Best of My Love” a little slower than the recording, and Charli nods in time with the beat. When we get to the first chorus, Charli jumps in making it sound awesome. The Eagles use five voices on this song. Charli made it sound fabulous by just adding hers to mine. Again, the crowd goes wild as we finish. Charli blushes ferociously initially, and then curtsies. That whips the applause up again. Charli gives me a hug and then goes to sit next to Corrina with her face in her hands. “That was Charli, folks. Make her feel the love!” All her teammates rotate over to give her hugs while being careful to keep watch on their posts.

  “Okay, let’s get our twang thing on.” I grab a bottle slide out of my pocket, and start up Travis Tritt’s “T-R-O-U-B-L-E.” My version is way simple, but I have fun putting some slide licks in while delivering the rapid-fire lyrics. The swing dancers whip around on the patio and manage to not knock each other down. No injuries makes for a good dance. As they wind down after that, I grab a quick sip and announce, “Last song for this set, folks!”

  I hear a chorus of “No”s, but jump right into “Sell a Lot of Beer.” It’s a fun country song from the Warren Brothers, but it’s not well known. People generally react to it pretty well. This group loves it, and I change the tag at the end to “sell a lot of wine,” which gets a couple of chuckles.

  After the final chord, “Thanks folks. I’ll be back in ten.”

  Trina and Myra are whispering to each other; so, I head to the loo first. I drain Little Jack, and head back to the patio. Kristina meets me at the corner of the bar with another club soda. “Thanks, Kristina. You’re a gem.”

  She wraps me in a hug, pressing her small firm breasts into me. She whispers, “Jack, please make sure Trina puts me on that list.”

  “Sure thing, Kristina.” I kiss her cheek and give her a quick hug. She lets me go with a brilliant smile and then skips behind the bar.

  I return to the patio. Charli has rotated to the table; so, hers is the first face I see outside. Stopping by the table without blocking her view, I thank Charli again. “You were fabulous! I’ll make music with you anytime.”

  She gets up and hugs me again, “Jack, that is the most fun I’ve had in years. Thank you.” She sits back down and indicates her partner across the table, “This is Jason”

  “Hello Jason. I’m Jack.”

  “So I’ve heard,” he says in a rich baritone voice. “You’ll pardon me if I don’t hug you.”

  “No problem at all. I’m not interested in wet kisses or warm showers with you either.”

  He chuckles, “That’s fair.” Then he gets serious, “Don’t hurt my people, Jack.”

  “I don’t see any reason your people have anything to fear from me, Jason. I consider them my people, too.” He nods.

  Corrina walks up beside me and asks, “You boys figure out who has the bigger dick yet?”

  Jason and I point at each other, and then we bust out laughing. I nod to him, bow to Charli, and leave the table with a “Ma’am” to Corrina. I go to see Myra and Trina. “Hello ladies. Might I interest you in dinner after I finish here?”

  Myra looks up at me with a smile, “I asked Corrina to make a reservation at the Tavern Grille at 6pm. I won’t be particularly intimate as there will be five of us at the one table with overwatch by two teams.”

  “No problem at all, Myra. Thank you for arranging it.” I lean and whisper to her. “If you can join us in the hotel room afterwards, make sure you eat a light meal.” I see Trina looking at her, nodding sagely. Myra gives me a sloppy kiss and then pushes me toward Trina.

  I whisper i
n Trina’s ear, “Kristina asked me to ensure you put her on your list.”

  “I’ll take care of it. You are going to have the highest quality seraglio in history.” She wraps me in warm embrace and kisses me passionately. Then she stands up and walks towards the tasting room.

  “Where are you headed, Love?”

  She hangs on the door frame posing on one leg looking back at me, “Collecting deets!” Then she uncoils and stalks towards the bar.

  I laugh. I reach over to Myra and whisper to her, “I’ve missed you, Beloved.”

  She nods seriously, “More than I thought possible. Finish this set, so we can get on with this evening's festivities.”

  I get up and return to stage. I tune the guitar again. I address the crowd, “Hello folks. I’m Jack, and I’m going to play one more set for you. Keep having fun. I’ll keep providing the soundtrack.” With that I start the bending licks that start “Authority Song.” I follow that with “Jenny,” and then go right into a mash up of “What I like about you / R-O-C-K in the USA.” After that I drain half a bottle of water, and then kick off “Honky Tonk Woman” and follow with “Friends in Low Places.” Then I slow it back down with “Margaritaville” followed with “Midnight Rider” and a slower version of “Fire on the Mountain.” Another quick sip and a quick, “This next one is an audience participation song. You know what to do.” At that point, I jump into “Sweet Caroline” and then add a little more speed to the set with a song called “Drive” from my favorite Phoenix band. I light up “House is a Rockin” and the dancers whip around the patio once more. I finish with “Wonderful Tonight,” dedicating it to Charli. She gets up and joins me at the mic when she hears me start the first verse.

  I address the applauding crowd one more time, “Ladies and gentlemen, thank you so much. You have been very gracious and made this afternoon a blast for me. I look forward to playing for you all again. Please show your love to the staff here at Burning Tree Cellars. They have had to avoid drinking all the lovely wine while taking care of you folks; so, show them your appreciation for their sacrifice. I’d also like to thank Charli again for making me sound so much better. Next up, ‘Bobbie and Jones’ will be making the music for tonight’s show. Please stay and enjoy. My name is Jack Jerome. Goodnight!”