Unbearable

by Alaska Angelini

  “Master?” My throat sounded raw and raspy in the silence.

  “Yes, slave?”

  Even though I had so many emotions flowing through me, I couldn’t ignore how my face kept wanting to smile. Inside, I felt lighter. Like a weight had been lifted. The strange sensation was one I couldn’t wrap my brain around. Did it have to do with what had happened?

  I pushed up on my elbows, lowering the moment he threw me a look. Dammit. “I can’t remember a lot from last night. What…happened?”

  The way his mouth pulled to the side, it wasn’t the cocky, sexy smile I’d seen so much of. This one was different.

  “They call it subspace. You were beautiful. Absolutely…” He seemed to catch himself as his features drew in and he went stoic. “I’ll explain more, later. How do you feel?”

  Could I even put it into words? I wasn’t so sure. It was all too much. I just wanted to curl on my side and lay there with a goofy grin on my face for having the most mind blowing night I couldn’t really remembered. That should have scared me worse than it did. Sadness and fear also followed. I shouldn’t feel this way; shouldn’t be here undergoing any of this. The frustration from it all collided, but in no way overtook my most prominent emotion — happiness.

  “I’m…good. Sore.” Shit, I was more than sore, but I wasn’t about to tell him that. And turned on, all over again. Another thing I was keeping my mouth shut on. If I had heard him correctly and he did want to keep me, I had bigger problems than I wanted to consider at the moment.

  “You’re not a good liar. You’re hurting pretty badly.” He dipped the washcloth in the bowl of warm water next to him and brought it over my breast, moving from one to the other. I tried to slow my breathing as I felt my nipples tighten. The frigid temperature of the room had them puckering even tighter and I shook while the cold air mixed with the heat that expelled from my skin.

  As the cloth left to collect more water, I couldn’t ignore the way his stare never left my body. Drops dripped over my stomach while he gripped the back of one of my knees and spread my legs. I could have fought, could have clamped them together, but the last thing I felt like doing was disturbing this new mood of his. Something was different. Not only with me, but both of us.

  Warm wetness traveled from my inner thigh and made a path to my pussy. My eyes closed while he ran the thick material from the top of my slit, down to my entrance, cleaning me with each movement of his hand. I bit my lip, anticipating the return. The sound of the water was followed by his thumb pulling back one of my folds to separate me. A steady stream trickled over the sensitive area and I gasped, moving my hips against the pleasure it evoked. When I thought the cloth would connect, it didn’t. Instead, his touch moved to my clit, rubbing gently in slow, torturous circles, and repeating the process with the water. A moan slipped from my lips and I reached down, grabbing the silk beneath me.

  Weight shifted and I clung on tighter as his palms pushed both of my legs further apart. The first brush of his tongue left me wondering if I should let things continue. I wanted this. He obviously did. But after last night, did I want to fall completely under his rule? What would the following days or weeks hold?

  Suction drew one of my folds into his mouth and he moaned as he moved down. The vibrations let me gasping. My head rose while I watched him take his time, licking and sucking against me. As his tongue pushed into my entrance, I arched, wanting nothing more than to clutch his hair to bring him into me even more.

  “Fuck, I can’t get enough of your taste.” Teeth grazed over my skin and I sucked in, lowering my head as the need left me craving for more. My hips moved faster, desperate to push him further, but he reached for them, holding on tight. I couldn’t move. Couldn’t continue to rotate to bring him to where I wanted him to go. Warmth turned into a distant blaze while his tongue flicked over my clit repeatedly. My head moved back and forth while he kept up the steady pace. The barely existent strokes left me breathless. Desperate to be filled.

  “Master, please.”

  My jaw clamped closed. I wasn’t sure who was more shocked by my plea, me or him. So easily, the name came from my mouth. Not from fear or because it was expected, I’d…accepted my role, embracing it in the moment.

  Wetness glistened over his chin as he lifted his head even more. The amazement in his eyes somehow lightened the blue color that always appeared almost black.

  “You want me, slave?”

  No force. A simple question. One that nearly had the answer choking me. This was consensual to the fullest. If I said the words aloud, if I agreed…

  “Shh.” His head shook as he rose to his knees. My name on his stomach had my mouth parting atthe shock of seeing my work firsthand.Diane. So neat and cleanly cut over his defined skin. Master, coming from my mouth, my name on his skin… it was too much. But I didn’t get to think about it for long. He was suddenly over me, cupping my cheek with a look on his face that I was positive I’d never seen there before. The hard lines that usually had him appearing angry were long gone. He was the most handsome man I’d ever seen and I couldn’t wrap my mind around it. Where was the monster I’d known him as? The one who’d so easily devour me if I made the wrong move? I couldn’t think, couldn’t speak, as I stared up, captivated at this stranger.

  “Just feel.”

  Pressure pushed into my pussy and I closed my eyes at the tears that stung them. Consensual. Yes. There was no violence or fight leading up to what I was allowing to happen. I didn’t want to think anymore. The guilt would be there soon enough. It was already twisting and ripping against the back of my conscious. It wouldn’t take long once I was alone for the aftermath to kill me.

  My hand shot up, gripping his shoulder as he inched his cock inside of me. He didn’t remove my touch. There was no harsh grab of my wrist like I had expected. Instead, my other arm was lifted and fitted around his neck. The kiss that pressed against my shoulder and traveled to my neck had the tears stinging my eyes even worse.

  “Hold me, slave.”

  He lifted my elbow until I had both arms wrapped around him. The tap to my bicep told me he wanted me to hold on tighter. Everything within me withdrew while I forced myself to obey. As his lips tried to coax mine open, I squeezed my lids shut, tighter, trying to adjust to the intimacy that grinded against the rawness within. Flashes of my family assaulted me and a whimper slipped out.

  “I can’t do this,” I breathed, turning my head away. The expression I glimpsed on his face was only visible for the briefest moment before something flickered and the Master I’d known before returned.

  “Can’t do this?” The narrowing of his eyes increased until his look turned almost evil. Raged. My hands were jerked from his neck and slammed to the bed. “Can’t do this? What about now? Can you do it now, slave?” The roar made me breathe faster, fearful, yet conflicted from the hurt I’d caught a glimpse of. I opened my mouth, but before I could speak, his hand fitted over it, pressing down hard. “Not a word from you. I’m finished with you, anyway. I’ll leave you to your room.” His cock slammed into me as he surged forward, grasping one cuff, and then the other. I cried out, realizing it was mixed with so much pleasure that I could barely detect the fear.

  “You can’t leave me in here.” I tried to twist beneath him, looking for a way to slip free and escape the cuffs. It didn’t work.

  “I can do whatever I want. I’m the Master. You best remember that.” His cock withdrew and he stood, leaving me colder than I could ever remember feeling, and not from the room’s temperature. For the first time, I’d hurt him, and I wasn’t sure what to think about it.

  Chapter 12

  Master

  Why the fuck had I thought last night had changed anything? Diane didn’t want me. Not really. All she saw was a savage. Some fucked up man who’d kidnapped her and kept her a captive in this huge house where she had no say or control over anything. Yet, I’d somehow deluded myself into thinking I could suddenly show her my other side. That she was ready t
o experience what else I could give her. Fuck, I was so wrong. The only thing the woman wanted from me was a Goddamn bullet.

  I stomped up the stairs and swept past my door, walking to the closet to rip out some clothes. With every jerk of the material, I somehow managed to get the damn thing on. The tie dangled from my hand and I threw it down to the bed with every ounce of strength I possessed. My chest ached as if I’d handed her a knife and let her stab the blade right through the one thing I hadn’t felt stir since I’d lost my own family. How could I have been so stupid? The question kept repeating, over and over. I had to fix this. Had to go back to the plan I’d initially implemented. This wasn’t about me or what I wanted. This was about what was best for her.

  I paused, letting everything sink in. My keys were in my hand before I could finalize my thoughts. The pounding of my feet down the stairs were barely heard with how lost I’d become. The door to the room that held my testing tray opened and I walked in, grabbing the bottle of pills and taking a darker red one out of a secret bottle I kept locked away. There was only one way to know for sure how far gone my slave was. It was time to test her.

  Rattling from the prescription bottle shook in my hand. I clutched the other pill in my fist as I headed for the basement. My stomach was churning while I made the descent into the dim room. Diane lifted her head. I could tell she was afraid. She pushed with her feet, making herself go into a semi-sitting position against the headboard. The moment she spotted what I had, her eyes jerked to mine.

  “We’re finished.” I walked to the small countertop and poured a glass of water. Walking it over, I placed it on the bedside table. A ragged breath left her as she fought against the restraints.

  “What do you mean, we’re finished? You said I had to earn death.”

  I pulled the cuff free and she moved higher on the bed. “You’re a lost cause, Diane. Now take off the other cuff.”

  Her eyebrows drew in, hurt. I wasn’t sure if it was from the general statement or the fact that I addressed her by her name. There was hesitation, but she reached over and slowly undid the buckle. Her hands were trembling while she moved them to her lap. I didn’t linger or let her adjust to what was happening. The lid to the bottle fell on the silk sheets and I took out four pills, mixing them with the one I had hidden.

  “Two of these will kill you. All five ensures you don’t suffer.” I left them in my opened palm, waiting. Looking down, I could barely detect the one I’d slipped in.

  “What if it doesn’t work?” She wouldn’t even look at what I held. I felt a small spark of hope blossom while she stared into my eyes. If she wouldn’t acknowledge what I had, maybe that meant she really didn’t want to die.

  “It’ll work.”

  Her tongue darted over her lips and she swallowed hard, but still, she didn’t turn away from me. “Can’t you just shoot me?”

  Shoot her. If her ass wasn’t already bruised to hell and back, I would have put her over my knee for asking that question. As it was, all I could do was grit my teeth through the anger. “You want me to do your dirty work?” I laughed, sarcastically. “No. If you want to kill yourself, you’ll take these.”

  Diane eyed me wearily. I could see the battle that played across her features and knew I was winning. Regardless of what she did, this moment belonged to me. She wasn’t anywhere near as desperate to walk away from this life as she had been before. A small step, but one, nonetheless.

  “Five seconds.” I kept my face straight while she glanced down at the red capsules in my hand for the first time. “Four. Three. Two—”

  She swiped them from my palm and I didn’t even try to stop her.

  “Why are you doing this?” Her hand clenched around them tightly. I didn’t miss the tears welling in her eyes or the crack in her voice followed by a slight tremble in her bottom lip. “Why do you like to witness death? Why torture me or anyone for all this time if this was the way things end? Why!” She yelled the last word, not giving me time to say anything. Weight crashed into my chest while she pushed me down to the bed, shoving the pills in her mouth. I didn’t fight. Didn’t even try to catch myself.

  Diane reached for the water, swallowing a big gulp, but her hand stayed between my pecs. I knew she didn’t trust me not to react.

  “I hate you,” she sobbed, putting back the water. “I hate what you’ve done. You’ve ruined everything.” The crying only got worse and the hit that slammed into my chest was followed by another, and more, until minutes passed and she was sagging from the continual blows. I took each one, letting her process what she thought was going to come.

  “How have I ruined everything?” I deflected the next swing, pulling her into my lap as I sat up. She tried to hit me again, but I held on tight, growling when she kicked out her legs. My warning made her go still. “Answer the question, slave.”

  “You just did. You screwed with my head. You made me—”

  The crying became harder and I couldn’t stop myself from turning her more into my body. She fit so perfect in my arms while I cradled her. I wanted to keep her there forever. Never let her go free. “Death will come for you soon, slave. Are you happy?”

  Diane tensed in my arms. Her head shook as a heartbreaking plea slipped free. “Oh God.” She flew forward, flailing with enough strength to give me surprise.

  “Let me go,” she said breathlessly. “I’m going to be sick.”

  Sick? I let go, ready to chase after her if I needed to. She rushed to the sink, shoving her finger down her throat and becoming ill. My eyes closed while hope swelled deep within.

  “Oh God. Is it too late?” She sniffled, turning on the water and drinking some down, trying to make herself sick, again.

  “I’m not sure. It might be. Come, let me hold you.”

  Panic left her jerky and wild while she stared over at me. “I’m not going anywhere near you. I’m trying not to die right now, if you can’t tell. Besides, if I live, I don’t want to be near you, I want to go home. Home!” she yelled.

  “Answer the question. How did I ruin you?” I stepped closer, watching everything I’d built between us disappear before my very eyes.

  “No. Stop acting like you care. You don’t! Did you just want to see how far you could push me before I snapped? Or maybe you just wanted to see how much I’d let you carve up my body before you finally let me kill myself.” That last sentence told me only one thing. She blamed me for providing her the way out. The more she went on, the tougher it became to understand her. She was crying so hard, her body was shaking violently.

  I walked forward while she edged more down the wall. Her eyes searched the space and she sprinted toward the tray of surgical tools. Before she got more than a few steps, I had her in my arms, spinning her back to the bed. Nails reached back, trying to claw at my face. I slammed her on the mattress, gripping her wrists hard while I secured her underneath me.

  “Get off of me! I never want you to touch me again.”

  “You lie,” I hissed. “You want me. You want this. That’s why you’re so upset.”

  Back and forth, she tossed her head. “No. Never! What I want is to disappear from here. To go home.”

  “You are home, slave. I’ll never let you leave if you live. You belong to me now. It says so right across your lower stomach.”

  Still, she shook her head. “I don’t want to stay with you. I never want to see you again.”

  “Maybe you won’t have to. Maybe the pills will kill you. How do you feel?”

  Diane stilled, blinking repeatedly while she looked toward the ceiling. I could see the realization of the situation register on her face. “I don’t know. I’m…getting tired.” Her eyes came back to me, so full of terror that it almost made me feel sorry for her. “I’m dying. No,” she squeezed out. “What did you give me?”

  “What does it matter if it gets the job done? You did want to die, slave.” I left my tone neutral. I wanted her to feel fear. To believe that she was truly leaving the only life she’d ever
have.

  With a kick of her leg, she tried to turn, but with my weight on her, she couldn’t really move. Especially since the sleeping pill she took was starting to take effect. “I didn’t get everything out. God, I’m not ready to die. You have to let me up. I need to be sick again.”

  My grip loosened, tracing down her forearms until I came to cup her face. “Are you sure you want to do that? You could die right now. This is your big chance. You’re more than halfway there. All you have to do is sleep.”

  Tears spilled over while she closed her eyes. Silence lasted for well over a minute. “You’re right. I have to stop being afraid. I have to do this. There’s nothing left for me.”

  And just like that, the hope I’d let myself bask in faded at her response. She didn’t view me as being something she could invest a future in, and it wasn’t like I could blame her. But she was wrong and I couldn’t stop the words from slipping free. Luckily, it didn’t appear as if she’d heard them.

  I lifted, pulling her more into the middle of the bed. As I began placing her hands back in the restraints, she only half fought.

  “What are you doing? I don’t want to die in cuffs. Let me go.” The demand was slurred and her lids were already lowering, each blink appearing harder than the last.

  Slowly, I lowered to lie on my side, covering half of her body with mine. My lips pressed into hers, barely brushing the softness. She didn’t even jerk away. “I’m going to miss you, Diane. Will you miss me?” I kissed her again, trailing my thumb down her jawline. I wasn’t sure why I was asking. My mind was gone from anything but her. God…what had she done to me? My heart was quickly becoming hers and it was a recipe for disaster. Had I not hurt enough all these years?