What We'll Leave Behind

by Len Webster

  I want to elope with her.

  But the reason why he was hesitant was because he believed she deserved more than a shady exchange of vows. He wanted an actual wedding with his dad and brother there. He wanted Stephanie’s family. He wanted a wedding ceremony. Julian wanted it all.

  Marriage should have had him running; commitment had always terrified him. But he wanted it. He needed it one day with her. He just had to find a way to convince her that, right now, eloping wasn’t the answer. They had to get to know each other further. But somewhere deep down, he knew he’d elope with her if she asked him to.

  “You’re early,” Stephanie said, breaking his thoughts.

  Julian rested his chin on her shoulder. “Yeah. I was impatient to see you,” he confessed.

  “I get slightly more attracted to you when you say the stupidest things.”

  He chuckled and took the book from her hand. “Funnily enough, I am at my absolute stupidest when I’m around you.”

  Stephanie’s body relaxed. “Is that so?”

  Julian nodded into her shoulder. “And I’m very sure you get stupid around me.”

  “Explain it to me.”

  He opened her book to a random page and sat properly. “You agree to me giving you an orgasm, you get a tattoo, and then you suggest eloping. You get very stupid around me, Stephanie.”

  “I’ve noticed. You bring out the stupid in me, too.”

  He had grinned before he looked at the page he had opened the book to. Then he held the classic novel higher.

  Stephanie quickly turned around and shot him a glare.

  “What?” Julian was slightly amused by the look on her face.

  “What are you doing?” she asked.

  He wanted to read to her. One of the many things he wanted to do today.

  He squinted at her. “Isn’t it obvious? I’m reading to you… We may need to stop hanging around each other. It’s very clear I make you really stupid.”

  “Why are you reading to me?” she asked in a small voice.

  “Turn back around, Blondie,” he instructed.

  “But—” she started to argue, but she stopped when he shook his head at her. “Fine,” she huffed and shifted her body so she looked back out at the ocean.

  With a deep breath, Julian scanned the book until he found where he was up to. Then he held the novel in one hand and placed his free one on her thigh. His mouth moved closer to her ear.

  “Because I know it’s outside of your comfort zone to have me read to you. You would have let me done so earlier in the week if it weren’t. I want to read to you, Stephanie. I want you to fall in love with the way I read to you and for you.”

  Julian didn’t miss her sharp inhale. His heart had clenched at the sound. Then she tilted her head and their eyes met.

  She had glanced at his lips before she whispered, “Then you better keep reading.”

  He leant forward and kissed the tip of her nose. “You say the stupidest things, Blondie.”

  He loved his life. The way Stephanie was resting her head on his chest was worthy of taking up the entire memory vault. In fact, he didn’t care about what memories he had outside of her. He didn’t want them. Julian just wanted her.

  The sun had started to set and most of the tourists had made their way home. Only a few had stayed, but most would be back for the moonlight party later tonight.

  “You have the most beautiful blonde hair I have ever seen. It’s this shade of gold that I swear never existed until I met you... It’s beautiful,” Julian complimented as he ran his fingers through her hair.

  She pressed her back farther into his chest. “You have some weird obsession with my hair colour. What if I said it’s from a bottle?” Stephanie placed her book on the sand.

  After Julian had read two chapters of To Kill a Mockingbird, he had given the book back to her and made her read. The truth was that he had become tired of his own voice and wanted to hear the calming, beautiful way Stephanie read to him.

  “No, this kind of blonde is natural. No chemical can make it this beautiful,” he said as he kissed her bare shoulder.

  “It’s just blonde, Julian. No need for the overgenerous comments,” she breathed out as he moved his lips up the curve of her neck and then rested her hand on his knee.

  Yep. I could die right now and be happy.

  “Never dye your hair. It’s the first thing I noticed when I laid eyes on you, Blondie. You stood out to me, calling me. It’s the first thing that took my breath away and had me walking over to you.”

  Stephanie twisted in his hold until her hands were resting on his stomach and her eyes were on the tattoo on his left pec. Then she placed one palm flat over the ‘S.’ Her touch had him swiftly taking in a sharp breath. The contact of their bodies had his heart accelerating and his hand covering hers.

  “Julian, do you remember when you chose heads even though you didn’t know what it was?” Her eyes softened in colour, and she gave him a light yet nervous smile.

  “I remember. Look, if it’s drugs, I’d rather not. I can’t smuggle drugs. My dad won’t let me,” he joked.

  Stephanie shook her head before she sat properly on her knees and then cupped his face. “Do you trust me?” she asked.

  His heart thumped violently. That question had made the act of breathing so hard to do. The sequences of inhales and exhales became gasps that weren’t feeding his starving lungs.

  “You know I do,” he answered breathlessly. “Do you trust me?”

  Her lips inched closer to his. And her eyes never left his when she whispered, “More than I should.”

  Four words he had fallen in love with. If he hadn’t been sure how much he loved her before, he was very sure now. Julian’s hands were on her waist and brought her closer to his body so that she was straddling him.

  “What was heads, Stephanie?” he asked, their mouths close to contact. All he’d have to do was purse slightly and they’d be kissing.

  Stephanie blinked once and took a deep breath. “Heads was all in.”

  Does she mean…

  Julian’s eyes widened. “All…”

  “All in,” she repeated.

  He swallowed hard. “Tonight?”

  “Please?”

  His heart did a jump at the soft plea she had just made. Never in his life had he thought about saying no to sex with a beautiful woman. But he had never been intimate with a woman he had loved before. He had never been in love before. This was new. This was a first.

  First…

  “Shit,” he hissed.

  She winced under his hold. “Did I read this wrong between us?”

  The hurt that flashed in her blue eyes dug into both his heart and his stomach. It was a sick feeling he didn’t enjoy. He was hopeless for her.

  I’d fucking move mountains for her if she asked.

  “Stephanie,” he said in a low voice.

  “Well, did I?” The break in her voice had him clenching his eyelids shut.

  “No,” he breathed.

  Yes, she has a mouth on her, but Christ, I can see the innocence in her eyes.

  “I have to ask you something.”

  Stephanie’s nostrils flared. “Okay,” she mumbled.

  He had inhaled deeply before he released it. Julian ensured that his hold on her was firm.

  “Are you a virgin, Stephanie?”

  Virgin: One word. Six letters.

  A word with six letters that will ruin what we have.

  What if he doesn’t want a virgin?

  What if he wants—

  “Stephanie?”

  Julian’s voice only made her breathing a lot shallower. She had never had an issue with her virginity. She was no prude. She wasn’t scared of sex. There simply hadn’t been a man she’d wanted to be intimate with until Julian. But now, she was scared of his rejection if it were a problem.

  Her eyelids fluttered as she tried to find words. But she couldn’t find any and her hands fell from his face, automatical
ly entwining with Julian’s.

  “I’m…umm. I’m a…” she stammered.

  “Say it,” he whispered.

  She stared into his pale-blue eyes. And from the soft tone of his voice, she knew he wouldn’t reject her.

  Stephanie breathed out. “I’m a virgin, Julian,” she confessed.

  Julian gave her a small, understanding smile. “I know. I’ve had a feeling for a while now.”

  She flinched. “What?”

  He leant forward and placed a chaste kiss on her lips. “Virgin or not, I’m all in. Whatever you want. If you still want more tonight, I’m the luckiest man on this Earth. If you don’t, then I’m still the lucky one. The choice is yours, Stephanie.”

  “You don’t care that I’m a virgin?” she asked, bewildered.

  His reaction differed from the guy she had dated before her final year of high school—he had run for the hills with his dick between his legs. Stevie hadn’t thought it was a big deal, but apparently, it was.

  Julian shook his head. “Nope. I mean, I want it to be good for you, and the reality is I’m going to probably hurt you with my giant…” He paused when she raised her brow at him.

  “Your what?”

  “What do you think, Stephanie? Each morning when you woke, you must have felt it.” His lips tugged into a smug smile.

  “And you fall well short in comparison to your cockiness,” Stevie teased.

  He chuckled. Then he pulled her forward, his palms rested behind her legs. “You’ve got quite the mouth on you for a virgin, Blondie.”

  “Ah, but I’m no nun,” she explained with a grin.

  “I like you just the way you are.”

  “I’m sure you do,” she sassed.

  Julian stood up and brought her with him. In his arms, she had never felt safer and so scared in her life. The man who held her was a man who would ultimately break her, too. But the fall would always be better than the crash—the hit of concrete behind her back. And for that reason alone, she would willingly fall. Because regret was the worst pain life could throw in your face.

  Stevie didn’t bother wrapping her legs around his waist. Instead, she threaded her fingers through the hair on the back of his head and brought his lips to hers. Colliding. Finding. Searching. Even conceding. It was everything and absolutely nothing all at the same. It just wasn’t enough. She wanted a lot more than kisses.

  I’m all in.

  “I’m very sure about how I feel about you, Stephanie,” Julian mumbled against her mouth.

  Stevie broke their kiss and panted. Lips like Julian’s were a wonder of their own. She wanted to explore and get lost in and consumed by the wanderlust he could induce within her. When she realised where they stood, she laughed.

  “What’s so funny?” Julian’s eyebrows met.

  She kissed his lips once and brushed the crease of his forehead with her thumb. “We just ditched our stuff to go have sex,” she explained.

  He glanced over his shoulder and laughed when he noticed what she had pointed out. Their items were several metres away from where he stood.

  “I liked the idea of carrying you this way back to the villa.” A sad expression took hold of his face and it had included a very cute frown.

  She rolled her eyes at him. “Well, the only thing I care about is my book. But the rest I’d gladly leave behind.”

  He nodded. “We’re getting you that book and then I’m getting that orgasm out of you like we first promised,” he said once he placed her back on her feet.

  Stevie jabbed a finger into his stomach. “Not if I make you come first.”

  He wrapped a hand around her wrist and then raised her hand up and kissed her palm. “I wouldn’t be upset if I lost.”

  “You just want to have sex with me,” Stevie stated.

  “Hmmm. Not entirely true.”

  It was her turn for her brows to furrow. “Please. Tell me more.”

  Julian let her hand go and then cupped her face, bringing their noses close to touching. “I’d like to make you mine.”

  “Yours?” she breathed.

  He nodded slowly. “And I’d like you to make me yours.”

  Stevie let her their noses graze, and then her lips fluttered over his. “Already done, Julian. Now, let’s go do the deed.”

  He was silent for a moment before he whispered, “Elope with me, Stephanie?”

  Before she could even process what he’d asked or use rationality, she said, “Yes.”

  I’m going to elope.

  My dad is going to kill me.

  Jarred is going to kill me.

  My mother is going to kill me.

  Hell, even my stepmother is going to kill me.

  Stevie glanced over as Julian made them both a drink. He seemed unaware of her conflicting thoughts. But he looked pleased with himself. The carefree grin on his face made her believe he was. And then Julian laughed and her heart twitched in her chest. It was a beautiful sound. The kind that could melt butter. Far too beautiful to ever forget.

  I’d marry him just to see that smile on his face.

  To hear his laugh every day.

  To have him kiss me at every opportunity.

  “What? Too much vodka?” Julian asked as he placed the bottle down.

  Stevie smiled and then shook her head. Then she hopped off her barstool and rounded the island bench. Wrapping her arms around his back, she brought their bodies closer.

  “I don’t need alcohol tonight, Julian. I know what we’re doing. What I’m doing,” she explained.

  He cupped her face. “You might not need it, but I do, Stephanie.”

  She took a step away from his hold and held her hand out to him. “You don’t. Julian, we’ve got this.”

  The scared look on his face and the tension in his posture was fully noticeable. Just when Stevie thought Julian would back away, he stepped forward and held her hands. His touch warmed her entire body.

  “I trust you, Julian,” Stevie said before she led him to the master bedroom, foregoing the alcohol they had undoubtedly wasted.

  There were no hesitant steps as Julian followed her, and for that, she knew he’d give them tonight. With Julian, she was free. With Julian, she had found a place in the world to be herself. With Julian, she had found her safety net.

  When she reached the bedroom door, she stopped in front of it with him next to her. They paused for a moment before he opened the door and brought her inside.

  Julian broke their contact and closed the door behind her. Stevie scanned the room. The bed wasn’t perfectly made and the curtains moved from the warm air that entered the room. Her focus was trained on the bed. Before the end of tonight, she’d no longer be a virgin. She’d have given him the last bit of control she had. Whether or not Julian knew it, she was about to give her heart up completely.

  Julian’s presence in front of her diverted her stare off the bed. His eyes were consumed by a gentleness, almost like she was everything he could ever want in life. And that thought alone had her hands cupping the base of his neck and pressing her lips to his.

  Soft and tender were his lips as they moved against hers. He walked them backwards until she fell on top of him on the bed. Her heart’s erratic beats were embarrassing, and her breathing was a disgrace. She had hoped that her touch made him feel the same. Her breathing hitched the moment Julian’s large hands skimmed the sides of her body. Just as she leant in to kiss him, he rolled them over until Stevie was on her back. The contact of him pressing into her stomach had her gasping.

  Julian instantly froze. “You all right, Blondie?” he asked against her mouth.

  “Yes,” she breathed between their heavy kisses.

  Then his lips left hers and he dug his face into the curve of her neck, mumbling.

  Oh, God. Please don’t let him change his mind.

  “Julian,” she said softly.

  No response.

  She let her hands roam his body as she waited for him. When she reached his ass chee
ks, she gripped both and forced his hips to thrust into her. His groan muffled her small moan.

  “I may be a virgin, but I think you’re overthinking this, Julian,” she whispered into his ear as she relished his body on hers.

  “Blondie,” he finally muttered. “Stop talking for two seconds. I’m concentrating.”

  Her hands left his backside and came to the sides of his face. Then she pulled him up to face her. She raised her brow at the sight of his tensed jaw.

  “On?”

  “On how I’m not going to embarrass myself.”

  Her lips tugged upwards at his admission, and she brushed the pad of her right thumb along his cheek.

  “I won’t laugh if you don’t laugh at me?” she offered.

  Julian grinned, and the glint in his eyes intensified. “Only if you promise me a do-over?”

  That’s when Stevie burst out laughing. “I don’t think my hymen can make such promises. It’s kind of a ‘once in a lifetime’ moment.”

  He groaned. “You just amped up the pressure on me. Christ, Blondie. With great power comes great responsibility.”

  She bit back a laugh. “That was terrible.”

  He pressed his forehead to hers. “Yeah, I know. Do-over?”

  Stevie had placed her lips lightly on his for a moment before she whispered, “That I can give you.”

  “Thank God,” he breathed before his lips trailed down her neck to her exposed collarbone.

  Slowly, almost like torture, he unbuttoned her blouse, revealing her bra. Then he pressed a kiss on her cleavage.

  “Everything I am…is yours,” he whispered. Then his mouth met the skin below her bra. “Everything I have…is yours.”

  Stevie now panted in anticipation. Her need for him burned like wildfire.

  He lazily dragged his fingers over her stomach. She felt his breath hit her skin, his lips not touching her.

  “Everything I will be…is yours.”

  Then his lips finally pressed on her stomach, just above her denim shorts, causing her to prop herself on her elbows. Her eyes met his the moment his hands found the button of her shorts.

  “I’m yours, Stephanie.” He unsnapped the denim, not taking his eyes off hers. “Only yours,” he breathed with so much conviction that her heart ached.