Illicit Desires (Illicit #1)

by Rose B Mashal

  The hand that Adrian wasn't holding my hands – pressed hard on my left hip, and he aligned his whole body to mine in the process.

  The power he had over my body every time he touched me? I hated it. I hated how my body responded to his closeness like it was the best thing on earth. I didn't want to feel so weak; I wanted him away from me, though I said nothing about it.

  I tried kicking him in the balls just like last time … well, maybe a little softer this time, but his right leg was pressed tightly into my knee, preventing me from moving it at all.

  "Not this time, little sister," he sneered against my cheek. "I learned my lesson."

  My mouth went dry, and I swallowed thickly as his lips hovered over my throat and collarbone. I didn't say anything; I was shocked, and kind of waiting to see what he was going to do next. A bit of excitement ran through me.

  "Do you know how much they're going to fantasize about you?" he growled into my neck, as his free hand made it to my waist, fisting the material of my dress.

  I said nothing.

  The next thing I knew, the top of my dress was being yanked down to rest on my hips, leaving me completely topless in front of Adrian's hungry eyes, my breasts pointing in his direction. I felt the heat of my blush creeping from my chest to my face. I was so embarrassed, so shy; I'd never been this nude in front of anyone.

  "They'll think about how to get you out of this dress." His voice was hardly above a whisper, but still rough and serious. "And this is one of the many ways." His breath was on my neck still, while he didn't move at all to look at my breasts like I'd thought he would.

  But he didn't make me wait too long. His hand touched my bare ribs, softly making its way up to my breast. Just as he was about to touch it, he stopped.

  I opened my eyes, just waiting… I didn't know what he was up to, what he had in store for me, and that in itself was kind of terrifying and … exciting.

  He backed away just a little until he was looking straight into my eyes. We held each other's gaze for a moment; by then I was completely sure that I was red like a tomato. And for some reason, I wanted him to look down at my newly uncovered flesh … just to get it over with … nothing more. Nothing more … at all.

  He stared into my eyes a little more, and I'd give up an arm to know what was going through his mind right then. His eyes finally traveled lower, to my lips, my neck, my collarbone, and then they rested … right there.

  His eyes went dark, and suddenly, it seemed like there was no hint of green in them, just black – pitch black, though it was still perfect green. I found myself ready to give up both of my arms to know what he was thinking. Did he like them? Too small for him? Too big? My nipples didn't look stupid, did they? Why wouldn't he touch them?

  Oh, please just do it! NO! NO! NO! I didn't just think that! Did I?

  I heard an undeniable groan coming from deep in his chest, like he was trying to muffle it, like he didn't want me to hear it.

  But why? What is he thinking?

  "They'll think nonstop about this perfect set of tits." His voice was hoarse, and he didn't look at me as he spoke. He hadn't even blinked since the very first moment he caught sight of my breasts.

  So he thinks they're perfect? I didn't know why, but the thought didn't disturb me as it should have – as a matter of fact, it gave me some kind of self-confidence.

  "So fucking beautiful," he whispered to himself, but I was still able to hear.

  His hand squeezed my left breast a second after that, and I couldn't help but moan and throw my head back to rest it on the wall.

  The way he rubbed, squeezed and kneaded each breast was wonderful beyond words. His erection, which he'd been grinding against my hip all along, was something else entirely. My head was spinning, and all I could do was moan.

  "Fuck!" he breathed and squeezed my breast a little bit harder. I then felt wetness on my nipple. I opened my eyes, only to find Adrian's lips on me. I gasped and moaned in pleasure, as Adrian moaned around my nipple, squeezing his eyes shut as he sucked and licked it like his life depended on it.

  My knees buckled, and I couldn't stand up straight. I was so grateful for his tight grip on my hands and his body that held mine firmly pressed into the wall.

  So new to me. Never… Never, ever I had felt something like that before. I didn't want him to stop. I wanted to scream. I wanted to moan louder. I wanted to tell him how good it felt. But I couldn't… It was too much to admit! Too wrong!

  He stopped his attack on my nipples and I fought the urge to scream at him to get back to it again. Thankfully his hand replaced his mouth, and he moved his tongue to my neck and jaw, leaving frantic wet kisses, before his lips settled on mine.

  Hunger.

  Yearning.

  Desire.

  Lust.

  Not just from him …

  Oh, God! Not just from him …

  His grinding on my hip sped up, then he trembled slightly, his lips trapping my bottom one between them and pressing and sucking hard. I was sure he'd draw blood.

  For just a moment, he was kind of quiet before his hunger and lust took over again, after he froze for just those few moments.

  His hand was on my thigh, fisting the skirt of my dress. My dress was now just a pile of white cloth around my waist.

  "Adrian!"

  "I can't get enough of you. Do you want me to touch you more?"

  I bit my lip and nodded.

  "That's what they will think about, too!" he said breathlessly, and then his hand cupped my sex through my panties and squeezed.

  We both groaned at the same time. My head dropped down, resting on his chest, as I was unable to hold it up anymore after he let go. I felt my panties being pulled to one side and his middle finger was suddenly inside of me.

  "Oh, my God!" I gasped.

  "Fuck!" he gasped back.

  I felt him pushing his erection into my hip again. It seemed to get even harder, after I'd felt it going a little soft before he put his hand on me down there.

  "So fucking wet! So fucking … tight!" he groaned into my neck, rubbing his erection against me again.

  "Adrian!" I gasped. "We can't do this!" My breathing became hitched as I felt his finger starting to move in and out of me.

  I moaned at the strange feelings. Nothing had ever been in there before, not even my own fingers.

  "Yes, we can," he breathed. "And we're doing it!"

  I was struggling by then to stay on my feet. I was failing miserably, with only Adrian's body keeping me standing. "T-this – oh God! This is wrong!"

  "But it feels so fucking right!" he said. He did something with his finger, touching a spot inside me that made me feel faint.

  "Oh God! What are you doing?!"

  "I'm finger-fucking you, little sister," he panted into my neck and rubbed his erection harder into my hip. "And fuck me if it isn't the best thing I have ever felt in my whole fucking life!"

  Me too. Oh God! Me too.

  My moans couldn't be kept inside or quiet any longer. Every time I moaned it seemed as if it drove him crazy, but I just couldn't help it.

  "Open your eyes!" he demanded in a whisper. "You have to see this. Look at me! Look at who's making you feel so good."

  I couldn't.

  "Open them!" His breaths were on my face – hot, minty, and so freaking amazing.

  I did. "We shouldn't…" I panted as I looked into his eyes through my lust-filled ones.

  "You see, little sister," he started, still whispering, still thrusting, still rubbing. "You keep telling me 'this is wrong and we can't' but you never tell me to stop! You know I would stop if you told me to!"

  I'd really never told him to stop. God… How much I didn't want him to stop! But, it was wrong.

  His thrusts became a little bit slower, and I didn't like it. I wanted him to go faster.

  "Oh, please!" I pleaded.

  "Please what? Tell me what you want, baby!"

  Just. Don't call me baby!

  "Ad
rian!" I gasped as he touched that spot again.

  "Just say it! Tell me you want more!"

  I can't! I can't! I can't! Too much.

  "God! Oh, God!" I moaned. My orgasm was just an inch away, and his thrusts were faster now as if he felt it nearing.

  His breath hitched, and he trembled slightly as he ground faster into my hip, then his fingers stilled inside me.

  "Tell me you want more!" he whispered into my ear.

  "I can't," I cried. "Please! Don't make me say it!"

  And his finger along with his hand were gone.

  "I won't ever force you into anything, but I know you'll come around, Lily!" He backed away from me.

  "Adrian!" It was more like a plea. I hated the loss I felt once his body was no longer pressed into mine, and I was too freaking horny. I didn't want him to go … not just yet. The wall was the only thing that kept me on my feet.

  He can't leave me like this! I tried standing and fixing my clothes, sure that he wouldn't come back to me again.

  "Oh! By the way," he turned around. "Maybe try to take a little nap before school. You still have a little time, and maybe you'll feel better after a little dream. Or just try some self-loving." He winked.

  "You bastard," I spat, feeling anger consume me. He was playing with me.

  "If I'm a bastard, then you're a bastard, too!" he said over his shoulder as he almost made it back to the bathroom. "And remember I'm always here if you ever want to say it, huh? I'll be more than glad to help you with your – condition!" He snickered evilly.

  "Or I can simply start dating and find someone appropriate to do it for me!"

  He froze.

  "What did you just say?" he asked after he turned around. Angrily.

  Bingo.

  "You heard me, fucker!" I walked a step to my dresser and grabbed my hairbrush to start brushing my hair as if nothing had just happened.

  "I dare you!"

  "Go fuck yourself!"

  "I'll kill any fucker who'd even think about touching you."

  "Repeat: Go fuck yourself!"

  "I think you're the one who needs to go fuck herself in here. And, Dad won't ever agree!"

  "Oh, you wanna bet?"

  He abruptly gave me the middle finger, then he sucked it with his smirking eyes still locked with mine, and then he went into his room, closing the door.

  I walked to my bathroom door and slammed it shut. I was pissed. I was done with him.

  I was tired of him doing this to me and never being convinced that it was wrong. I was tired of him manhandling me like that. I was tired of how his touch could affect my body while I hardly said anything about it, as if my brain was useless.

  I was just done.

  I didn't know how much time I spent sitting on my bed, trying to gather my thoughts and decide what should I do. But eventually, I realized that dating was really my only way out.

  I needed someone in my life.

  I needed a boyfriend.

  Maybe if I had one, I'd stop thinking about how good my brother made me feel sometimes, or stop dreaming about him, or thinking about the stuff he did with his girlfriend.

  I had to do it.

  I was pretty scared of what my father would say to me when I asked for his permission, and I seriously didn't know what I was going to say to him anyway.

  I made it down the stairs, spotting Adrian right away standing by the staircase. He was ogling my whole body as if it was the most wonderful thing on earth. I caught myself wondering why he was like that.

  Why couldn't he just forget about me? He could have any girl he wanted, and he had everything a girl could ever dream about… Why me?

  When his eyes caught mine, I glared at him, and he only licked his lips in response. Slowly. My thoughts went somewhere else, back in time to when he used that tongue to drive me insane with lust.

  I felt the heat of my blush making its way to my face so I looked away. Yeah, I knew he had major power over my body, but that didn't mean I wouldn't try to hide that from him. He must not know.

  My parents were sitting by the kitchen table. Dad was sipping his coffee as he read the newspaper, while Mom was spreading some butter on her French toast.

  A perfect family. I mentally snorted at them. Here they were looking like the most perfect family on earth, living as if nothing was wrong. My mom was young and beautiful – you'd think I was her sister, not her daughter. My dad was one of the most successful surgeons in Seattle, who hardly had time to breathe. They had the perfect kids, a boy and a girl who never made less than an A on any exam.

  If they only knew what their "Perfect Kids" were doing just a few minutes ago …

  "Daddy?" I started, maybe using a little of my spoiled daddy's little girl charm in my voice – God knows I need it.

  "Hmm?" He looked up from the paper in his hand to face me.

  "I … um, I want to talk to you about something," I said while looking at the ground, willing it to open up and swallow me whole. I was so embarrassed for some reason.

  "Sure, what is it?"

  "I …uh, … I …" I looked at Mom, begging her with my eyes for some help, but she just looked confused. I glanced at Adrian, and he had the same confused look on his face as Mom. The idiot really thought I wasn't going to do it.

  "Do you want to go to my office, Lily?" Dad asked, placing the paper on the table.

  "Uh, no …It's fine, I just … Uh, well, I’m going to graduate soon and—" God help me! "…uh, there is this guy in my school, h—he asked me out more than one time and … uh, … I want to say yes," I lied.

  "Lily, sweetheart, we’ve talked about this before and you know the rule."

  "But, Dad, I'm almost eighteen; I'm not a little girl anymore. I'm the only one my age who's not allowed to date."

  "Lily, I—"

  "Dave," Mom started, "I think Lily is mature enough to make good decisions."

  "But, Beth, she's not even eighteen yet."

  "Honey, it's just a matter of a few months until she leaves for college. It's better that she starts dating now and learns more about the kind of relationship she wants before she starts a new period of her life. Don't you think?"

  Way to go, Mom! I freaking love you!

  "Sweetheart, I don't think it's—"

  "Please, Dad, even Adrian is allowed to date and we’re the same age. It's not fair." I pointed in the idiot's direction without looking.

  "I'm older!" he huffed.

  "By ten minutes, asshole!"

  "Language, Lillian," Mom warned.

  "Sorry."

  "The only reason I don't want you to date is that you’re so innocent, and I don’t want someone to break your heart, sweetie."

  The only reason, my butt!

  Yeah, right! Not the whole age crap again; we all know that’s not the real reason why I can't date… You just want your perfect family to keep on looking perfect—not to mention your poor sick daughter.

  "I'm old enough to know how to choose, and I'm big enough to take the responsibilities of my choices, Dad."

  My dad let out a long sigh, then I saw the hint of a smile forming on his lips.

  Yes! Yes! Yes!

  "Okay."

  "So… That’s a yes?"

  "Yes, Lily. You can say yes," he smiled.

  "Thanks, Dad! You’re awesome." I bent down and kissed his cheek.

  "You’re welcome, sweetie."'

  I did the same with Mom. "Thanks, Mom." A million thanks!

  I walked over to Adrian and stood right in front of him, taking his orange juice in my hand, challenging him once again, only with my eyes this time.

  "I'll take that if you don't want it," I smiled.

  He was red. It made something in me happy.

  I leaned forward again, my lips just an inch away from his face. "I win, dear brother," I whispered, then placed a kiss on his cheek.

  When I was about to back away, he gripped my forearm and whispered back, "Over my dead body, little sister."

 
We'll see about that! I sent him a look that said, 'whatever, I don't care,' and went to my room so I could finish dressing.

  I was really happy that I finally took the reins. Such a relief!

  One thing was bothering me though… I had no idea who on earth I was going to force into dating me!

  I was not a jerk!

  Well, not a complete jerk … just a little bit.

  So frustrating. I tried everything I could with her, everything I fucking knew. I tried being nice. I tried being good. I tried being … well … a jerk. Nothing!

  I stayed silent for a long time, too fucking long. I had known since the very first start that I couldn't be with her, so I sucked it up. Maybe I didn't move on as I was supposed to – because that's what normal people would do, they'd move on and live – but I sucked it up.

  I had suffered for too long, watching her every fucking day, looking attractive as hell – so innocent, so beautiful and so fucking sexy. Yet, I settled for beating the shit out of my dick every fucking day, sometimes up to five … or maybe seven times, and I sucked it up.

  But I just couldn't take it anymore; there was only so much I could take. I mean, she was all smiling up at me and playing with her hair, kissing me back, dreaming about me, looking as jealous as ever whenever I touched my girlfriend. It was all there.

  It was as bright as day that she felt something for me, too. I'm going to be honest here: yes, I hated how I'd been treating her, she deserved better, but she was driving me insane. Sending me all those mixed signals, pulling me in then pushing me away, only to pull me back to her again, Then, not too much later, she'd push me away once more. It was so fucking frustrating.

  I didn't get it!

  I wanted her, and she wanted me too, so what the fuck was her problem? Just fucking let me in already. When I told her all about it that morning after the carnival, she still denied it. I wasn't going to force myself on her – I would never do that – but I wanted to turn her on, touch her until she was a limp noddle in my arms. But she didn't give me the chance. Instead, she kicked me right in the balls!

  I knew that fucking Emma in front of her wasn't a very good idea – well, not good at all. But she'd brought it on herself.