Catia (Starkis Family #6)

by Cheryl Douglas

“No,” I said, clutching her hands. “I can’t. I’m not ready.”

  “You can’t put it off forever. Besides, you’re making yourself crazy. You need to know for sure.” When I shook my head, she said, “What if you’re worrying unnecessarily?”

  “Okay,” I said, praying she was right. The last thing I needed right now was a baby, especially since Chase had enough trouble managing the two he already had. How would he feel about adding another to the mix, one he thought he’d taken precautions to prevent?

  Kara made a lame excuse to drag me from my parents’ beach house to hers, claiming she couldn’t wait to show me some of the things she’d bought for the baby. She promised everyone we’d be back soon, but I couldn’t imagine sitting through a holiday dinner with my loved ones if I found out I was pregnant.

  As we walked along the short stretch of beach in silence, passing Dustin’s parents’ vacant summer home, Kara reached for my hand. “It’ll be okay, you know. No matter what, you have all the love and support you’ll need, not to mention you have the resources to take care of a baby. Assuming you intend to keep it…?”

  “Of course!” Despite how much of a surprise this baby was, I should have just been grateful I wasn’t facing the same trials as most unwed mothers. “I can’t even imagine how we would make this work. Chase is going through hell right now, trying to learn how to coexist with his ex for the sake of his daughters. Running his business—”

  “Hey,” Kara said, pulling me into her side as she wrapped her arm around my shoulders. “Chase is a grown man. He’s not some teenager who doesn’t understand the repercussions of sex. You know he’d step up to the plate if he found out you were carrying his baby.”

  “I hate the thought of what this could do to him, what it could do to his relationship with his kids. This is all my fault,” I said, sniffling. “If I’d been more careful, if I’d been more responsible and checked the date on the—”

  “Don’t,” Kara warned, going into protective sister mode. “I’m not going to let you blame yourself for this. It takes two people to make a baby—if there is a baby. We’re still getting way ahead of ourselves, making all kinds of assumptions and imagining the worst possible outcome.”

  Other symptoms had led me to believe I could be pregnant, like my extreme fatigue and aversion to coffee. I didn’t even know if it was possible to experience those kinds of symptoms so early or if I was just letting my overactive imagination get the better of me.

  We walked the rest of the way in silence. I was lost in my thoughts, trying to imagine how Chase would react to the news he was going to be a daddy again. I knew he loved being a father and wasn’t averse to the possibility should he ever remarry, but the timing couldn’t have been worse.

  Kara led me upstairs and into the master bath, ordering me to sit on her vanity chair and wait while she looked for the test.

  “Check the expiration date,” I said when she finally found a box containing two tests.

  She rolled her eyes before announcing, “We’re good.” She opened the box and pulled out one of the plastic sticks. “I guess I don’t have to tell you how this works?”

  I fought back tears as I shook my head. “I got it.”

  “Okay, I’ll be right outside,” Kara said. “Come out as soon as you’re finished. We’ll wait for the results together.”

  Those would be the longest three minutes of my life. I took the test and replaced the cap before setting it on the counter. After washing my hands, I stared at myself in the mirror, wondering if the next few minutes would change the course of my life forever.

  “You okay?” Kara asked, tapping on the door.

  “Yeah.” I couldn’t bring myself to look at the test before I rushed out of the room and into my sister’s arms.

  “It’s gonna be okay,” she said, stroking my hair as I laid my head on her shoulder. “Hey, did I show you the 3-D ultrasound pictures? I just had them framed for the baby’s nursery.”

  I appreciated her effort to distract me, but I wasn’t sure that looking at pictures of an unborn baby was the best approach. Still, I couldn’t disappoint her when she looked so excited, so I said, “Show me. I’d love to see them.”

  I was struck by how beautiful the baby’s room was. My sister had gone with a feminine shabby chic scheme, and it was breathtaking. “Wow, I haven’t seen it since you put it all together. It’s amazing.” I picked up a tiny pair of aqua booties.

  “Thanks.” She laughed. “Dustin thinks I overdid it, but this may be my only chance to decorate a nursery, so I wanted to do it up right.”

  Given my sister’s medical condition, I knew they considered themselves lucky to have one baby on the way.

  “Oh my God,” I said, my hand trembling as I took the framed black-and-white photo she handed me. “You can really see her features in this one.” Unlike the shaded ultrasound photos I was used to seeing, this one was up-close, outlining all of her perfect features. Even her tiny little hands, which were curled into balls.

  “They don’t usually recommend 3-D ultrasounds this late in the game because the baby’s getting so big.” She laughed as she looked at the image over my shoulder. “They’re usually all scrunched up in there. But we got lucky with this one.”

  “It’s perfect.” I ran my fingertip over the glass, slightly awed by the image staring back at me. My niece. I could hardly wait to meet her. “She’s perfect.”

  “Are you ready?” Kara asked gently. “It’s been more than three minutes.”

  I understood now why she’d brought me in here. She wanted to reassure me that even though I might be scared, I had so many wonderful things to look forward to. But she also had a husband who adored her and wanted this baby as much as she did.

  “Ready as I’ll ever be.”

  “You want to wait here?” Kara asked, pointing at the white glider in the corner of the bright room. “I can go check for you.”

  “Okay, thanks,” I whispered, feeling slightly lightheaded as I made my way to the chair. I knew it was just nerves. Or maybe I was slightly dehydrated.

  As I sat in the rocker and looked around the room, I imagined my sister singing her baby lullabies as she fed her and rocked her in this very chair. I admired the beautiful lacy fabrics adorning the crib, a few stuffed animals huddled in the corner and awaiting her arrival.

  As my eyes drifted to the teddy bear mobile hanging above the bed, Kara returned. I knew by the look on her face that it was positive, but her nod confirmed it.

  “I don’t believe this,” I said, my chin hitting my chest. “I don’t know whether to laugh or cry.”

  “I remember doing a bit of both.” She sat on the footstool next to me and reached for my hand. “I can tell them you’re not feeling well if you want to go home to process this. Or you can just rest here if you’re not up to driving home.”

  My sister knew me too well. I couldn’t face my family now that I knew the truth. “Maybe I’ll just hang here for a while, if that’s okay?”

  “Of course it is.” She leaned forward and kissed my forehead. “I know getting excited about this may be premature, but our babies are going to grow up together, Cat! How cool is that?”

  I closed my eyes when I couldn’t respond. Even though I’d known a positive test was a very real possibility, I still couldn’t believe it was happening. “Do me a favor? Don’t tell Dustin yet. He and Chase are so close, and it wouldn’t be fair, asking him to keep that kind of secret from his friend.”

  Kara frowned. “You’re going to tell Chase soon, aren’t you?”

  “Yeah, soon.” As soon as I found the courage to let him know I’d made a mistake that had the potential to send his life into yet another tailspin.

  Chapter Thirteen

  Chase

  I jogged over to Catia’s house as soon as soon as I heard the news. She was running out to her car, looking winded, with her purse trailing behind her.

  “Dustin just called to tell me Kara’s water broke. You goin’ to th
e hospital?” I asked.

  “Yeah, I’m on my way there now.”

  “I’ll drive you.”

  Instead of arguing, she tossed me her keys and jumped into the passenger’s seat of her BMW. “Thanks.”

  It had been a week since Thanksgiving, and she’d been out of the office almost every day since, so our paths hadn’t crossed. “You must be excited about becoming an auntie, huh?”

  “Uh, yeah.” She selected another radio station before turning up the volume. “I can’t wait to meet my niece. I’m not gonna lie, I’m a little nervous though.”

  I threaded my fingers through hers. After our conversation in her office, I wasn’t sure my touch would be welcome, but she seemed to crave reassurance, and I was happy to provide it. “I’ve been through this a couple of times and can tell you it’s not nearly as bad as you imagine it will be.”

  She rolled her eyes. “Figures you would say that. You’re a guy. Try asking the woman giving birth how she feels about it.”

  I chuckled, grateful we could smile at each other without the tension I’d felt the last time we were together. “I guess you’re right. What the hell do I know?”

  “What was it like?” she asked, glancing at me. “When your daughters were born? Were you in the delivery room? Did you see the whole thing?”

  I nodded. “Best moments of my life, bar none.”

  She smiled. “Yeah, I’ve heard it’s pretty incredible, being there to witness a new life being brought into the world. Were you scared, you know, that something might go wrong?”

  I knew her questions were born of her concern for her sister, so I answered as honestly as I could without worrying her more. “I don’t think I started breathing again until I heard each of them cry for the first time.”

  “That must be an amazing sound,” she said, glancing out the window. “Your baby’s first cry.”

  I held her hand a little tighter, wondering if her sister’s pregnancy had roused any maternal instincts in her. “Music to any parent’s ears.”

  “You, uh, ever think about what it might be like to have another baby?”

  I laughed. “Given the two little hellions I have at home…” I sobered when she pinched her lips together as though she was trying to contain her emotions. “Hey, what’s wrong?”

  “Nothing.” She took a deep breath as we crawled behind a cabbie who kept braking every few seconds. “How was your Thanksgiving, by the way? I assume you and the girls spent it with your parents?”

  “Yeah, we did. Mom invited Karen too.”

  “Really?” she asked, looking confused. “How was that?”

  “It was okay, actually.” I thought of the talk Karen and I’d had as we watched our kids play. “We seem to be making progress thanks to the therapist. That was a great idea, by the way. Who knows, we may even be able to walk away from this friends.”

  “That would be great,” she said, smiling. “I’m glad it’s working out for you.”

  I could tell she wanted to ask me something but was holding her tongue. That was so unlike Catia I had to ask, “But…?”

  “No buts,” she said, shrugging. “I guess I just can’t help but wonder whether the therapy is bringing up any residual feelings for either one of you.”

  I was relieved that she cared. Given the fact she’d been so absent lately, I’d been beginning to think she was looking for a way to let me down gently. “Definitely not, but I’m not going to lie—it’s nice to be able to let go of all that anger and hostility I’ve been carrying around. In fact, the therapist suggested Karen and I come in for a private session this week, so we did.”

  “And?”

  “It went well. We got to air our grievances, talk about what went wrong in our marriage, the things we admired about each other.” I shrugged. “According to the therapist, it will help us be better co-parents if we learn to respect each other again.”

  “I think that’s a great idea.” She smiled. “And very evolved of you.”

  “That’s not all,” I said, wanting her to know she was a big part of the reason I was doing all of this work. “I’ve also lined up a couple of sessions on my own. It’s obvious I have some trust issues, and I need to work through those before we can have the kind of relationship I want us to have.” Uncertainty crossed her face, and my heart sank. “You still want that, don’t you? A future with me?”

  Instead of answering, she posed a question of her own. “How are the girls doing with the therapy? Any progress on that front?”

  I wanted to ask her why she didn’t seem willing to discuss our relationship, but this wasn’t the time to push, when she was distracted with thoughts of her sister. “I think so. We all seem to be getting along better. Since they’re so young, the therapist has to communicate with them on their level. She’s experienced working with young children though, so they’re not overwhelmed by the whole process. They understand that we’re there because we want to be a better, stronger family.”

  “Right.” She cleared her throat as we finally made our way out of the heavy city traffic, heading toward the Southampton hospital where Kara would be delivering. “Um, speaking of the girls, are they with your parents now?”

  “Yeah, I called my mom and told her that Kara had gone into labor and we wanted to be there for her and Dustin in case they needed anything. She said she’d keep them overnight if need be and make sure they got to school in the morning.”

  “Your mom is so great,” Catia said, smiling. “I really like her.”

  “She likes you too.” I knew they’d had a few more lessons because my mother couldn’t stop raving, not only about Cat’s “natural talent” as a pianist but how sweet and down-to-earth she was.

  “I’m sure Dustin didn’t expect you to drop everything and come to the hospital, but it’s nice that you did.”

  “They’re good friends,” I said, shrugging. “Of course I want to be there for them, just like they’ve been there for me. Any time I need a sitter for the girls, your sister and Dustin have always been willing to step up.”

  “Really?” She sounded surprised. “I didn’t realize Kara had spent a lot of time with Elsie and Emily. She never mentioned it.”

  “Not surprising,” I said, trying to make her smile. “You probably bit her head off every time she mentioned my name.”

  She smiled, as I’d hoped, before asking, “Do the girls like Kara more than they like me?”

  That was a loaded question if ever I’d heard one. My daughters loved Kara, but I didn’t want to Catia feel any worse about her inability to connect with my kids. “They don’t feel threatened by her. They see you as someone who’s vying for my time and attention, and they don’t like it.”

  She covered her flat stomach with one hand before quickly drawing it away.

  “What’s wrong? You’re not feeling sick, are you?”

  She swallowed repeatedly before reaching for the bottle of water she’d left in the cup holder between us.

  I noticed she looked pale as she took a sip. “Cat? Do you need me to pull over?”

  She shook her head, looking miserable as she closed her eyes. “No, I’m fine. I’m just tired. I think I’ll try to get some sleep before we get there.”

  Since I suspected she was too anxious to sleep, I assumed that was her not-so-subtle way of letting me know she needed a little quiet time. I wanted to press her about what was bothering her, but something told me to let it go and trust she would tell me when the time was right.

  ***

  The look on Catia’s face when she held her niece was pure magic. I’d never seen her eyes so filled with wonder and awe, and seeing that side of her made me fall a little deeper in love with her.

  “Isn’t she perfect?” she whispered, gliding her fingertip over the baby’s cheek.

  “That she is,” I said, smiling at the newest member of their family.

  Dustin was outside with the rest of the family, promising them they would all get time with Kara and the baby as so
on as they’d had a chance to rest. After a brief chat with us, Kara assuring her sister she was fine, Kara had drifted off to sleep after promising the nurse she’d wake soon to feed her newborn.

  “I can’t believe how tiny she is,” Cat said, slipping her finger into the baby’s loosely clenched hand. “Look at these little fingers.” She stretched the tiny digits out under her finger to prove her point.

  I cleared my throat, overcome by emotion as I recalled when my girls had been that size. “She’s gonna be a little heartbreaker for sure.” With her parents’ dark hair and blue eyes framed by long lashes, she was destined to grow up to be as pretty as her aunt and mom.

  “Speaking of heartbreakers,” Catia said, looking at me before she shifted the baby in her arms, “Dev was struck by how adorable Emily and Elsie are. How are you going to handle it when the boys start beating your door down?”

  I winced, wishing I could pretend that day would never come. “I already know I’m going to be one of those crazy overprotective daddies who won’t let his daughters date ‘til they’re twenty at least.”

  Catia giggled before brushing a kiss over her niece’s forehead. “Good luck with that. You think they’re giving you a hard time now? Try telling a sixteen-year-old girl she can’t date like all her girlfriends. They’ll hate you.”

  “Sounds like you’re speaking from experience?” Even though my friendship with Catia had evolved while we were working together, we hadn’t spent a lot of time talking about her upbringing. “Did your dad try to prevent you from dating?”

  “Try being the operative word,” she said, grinning. “I’d sneak out every chance I got.”

  I chuckled, picturing a rebellious teen sneaking out her bedroom window to meet a boy who probably didn’t deserve her. “Now why doesn’t that surprise me?”

  “Maybe because you know I’m stubborn and hate being told what to do.”

  “Which should make you a lousy employee, yet you’re not.” Catia was proving to be one of the most competent project managers I’d ever had. Not that I was surprised given the way she’d managed my crew at her father’s restaurant.