“Nice weather we’re having today,” Keelan stated, breaking the heavy silence that had settled over the interior of the car.
“Yes. It’s quite warm for this time of year, isn’t it?”
“Mmm,” he replied, frowning.
So lame, she thought. They’d already resorted to discussing the weather? Being friends with Keelan was obviously going to be very hard work. She was starting to rethink this friendship. Being in such close proximity to him made her conjure up images that she shouldn’t, didn’t, want to. If she couldn’t pull herself together, she didn’t stand a fighting chance. Fortunately, the remainder of the drive to the first house was in silence.
Several moments later, they pulled up and Mary Wickers stood on the porch. Mary was a cheerful woman looking to be in her late forties, early fifties. She greeted Nataleigh and Keelan with a bright smile and a listing of the house they were about to enter for each of them.
Within a few minutes, both Nataleigh and Keelan shook their heads in negative response to what they saw. The house was paneled throughout in dark wood, causing the rooms to appear small and dreary.
“Then off to the next one we go,” Mary responded pleasantly. “Follow me to house number two.”
Number two was a dud as well. It needed a new roof, all new appliances and something done immediately about the bright yellow carpeting. The former owners had knocked out the majority of the interior walls to make a loft effect, resulting in more of a furniture warehouse with very little privacy.
“Oh my,” Nataleigh stated, “this is very discouraging.”
“Not really,” Mary responded. “I’m simply giving you a variety to view so you have an idea of what’s on the market. You also will be happy to know that I saved the best for last.”
“My home down by Carter is starting to look good,” Keelan stated under his breath.
Nataleigh held back the burst of laughter that struggled to get free. Then there it was…house number three.
“Wow,” Nataleigh whispered as the trio stood on the sidewalk in front of the structure.
“Now we’re getting somewhere,” Keelan murmured.
The house was a brown brick dwelling with two nice sized trees in the front yard. There was a porch large enough to hold lawn furniture and the front door boasted a rectangular stained-glass panel.
“This house is empty.” Mary responded. “The owners have moved to Arizona and are eager to sell. You can roam around inside all you wish. I’ll keep out of your way, but I’ll be available to answer your questions.”
Inside the house, Nataleigh knew she was smiling, but couldn’t help herself. The house was absolutely perfect. This was it, no doubt about it. The rooms were large and glowing bright with sunlight. The carpeting was a deep burgundy, the kitchen appliances a sparkling white.
There was a bay window with cushioned seats, creating a charming break nook. The master bedroom and bath were on one side of the house, with three bedrooms and two baths on the other. A fireplace in the living room was edged by floor-to-ceiling oak bookcases.
“What do you think, Nataleigh?” Keelan asked.
“I think it is lovely, Keelan,” she responded, smiling up at him.
He nodded. “I agree. I’m going to go check out the backyard.”
“Okay.”
As Keelan disappeared, Nataleigh wondered down the hallway containing the three bedrooms and two baths. She stood in the doorway to one of the good-sized sunny rooms.
This is the nursery, she thought. One wall could be papered with snuggly teddy bears or cuddly bunnies, with matching border print edging the top of other walls.
There was space for a crib, changing table, bookcase and a toy box, and a special place near the window for a rocking chair. Her rocking chair, the one that now sat in a small storage space. The one her mother had spent endless hours in over the years, rocking her precious babies. The rocking chair that she, Nataleigh Brown, would settle into, holding the miracle, the child, created by lovemaking shared with Keelan Robinson.
Only vaguely aware that she was moving, Nataleigh walked forward slowly, stopping in the middle of the room in a warm, golden circle of light.
The images in her mind of the cozy nursery were so vivid, so real, it was as though she had floated outside herself and was watching from afar as the baby’s nursery became a reality.
This was the luxury of dreaming. This was allowing herself to listen to her heart, instead of head. This was giving full rein to hopes and dreams, yearning of having a home, a husband and children. This was embracing the realization that those dreams centered on Keelan.
Keelan, who would share this place with her, transform from a house into a home.
Keelan, who would be her husband.
Keelan, who would be the father of the baby snuggled under a fluffy blanket in the crib.
This was the unraveling of the tangled web of confusion in her mind to reveal the truth.
She was in love with Keelan Robinson.
Nataleigh smiled. In her dreamlike state, she welcomed that love, savored the warmth of the sunlight on her tingling skin.
She wrapped her arms around herself and turned around slowly, drinking in the sight of the beautiful nursery, hearing the baby’s gurgling laughter, feeling Keelan’s presence so close to her as they gazed lovingly at their child.
“Cuddly bunnies,” she heard herself say from a faraway place. “Yes, Keelan and I will decorate this nursery in fuzzy, cuddly bunnies, each ready to give a snuggle.” She paused. “Music. Oh yes, we must have music for our baby. A teddy bear music mobile hanging over the crib, and a music box on the dresser.”
She exhaled softly. “Keelan will be a wonderful father. We’ll be such a happy family. Love and laughter will fill this home to overflowing. I love you, little baby, and as much as I’ve tried not to, I love you, Keelan Robinson.”
* * * *
Keelan leaned back against the wall next to the open doorway of the room where Nataleigh had spoken in a whisper soft, reverent voice. His heart pounded and a tickle of sweat ran down his back.
Nataleigh loved him, was honestly and truly in love with him.
She was envisioning this as their home, was standing in a room she saw as a nursery for their child. She was giving way to her inner most hopes and dreams, which she’d stated firmly she mustn’t do, couldn’t, wouldn’t do.
Nataleigh loved him.
Was that wonderful? Was that terrible and terrifying? Damn it, why did he know? What he did know was he couldn’t go on like this. He had to have the answers to his tormenting questions. He pushed himself away from the wall and stepped into the open doorway to the room. “Nataleigh,” he said quietly. She jerked in surprise at the sound of his voice, turned, blinked, then frowned.
“Yes?” she responded, shaking her head slightly as if to clear it.
“The backyard is perfect for a dog.”
“A what? Oh, a dog. Yes, the dog you’re going to get.”
“Do you really like the house?”
“I love it,” she retorted, her lips trembling when she smiled.
His heart almost broke at the brave front she tried to put up. Why she did insist on pushing all her hopes, dreams, her love for him away into oblivion. As if they weren’t theirs to have.
Were they?
His internal musing was interrupted when Nataleigh spoke.
“I think this house will be perfect for you and your new middle-class lifestyle, Keelan.” She paused. “I’m going to take a look at the backyard as well.”
Nataleigh hurried across the room, edged past him at the doorway, then nearly ran down the hall. He watched her go, then turned again to sweep his gaze over the sunny room.
Cuddly bunnies? A baby created by lovemaking shared with Nataleigh, my wife? Music and laughter and love within these walls?
Keelan dragged a trembling hand down his face. Was all of that what he wanted? What did he want?
What did he really, truly want?
Chapter Eleven
The next week dragged by so slowly Nataleigh knew she was going to have a nervous breakdown. Even this evening when she arrived home from work, she’d passed the time by cleaning everything in sight, which included things that didn’t need cleaning.
She’d alternated between struggling not to cry in despair and sniffling. Mentally, she berated herself for not having maintained tight control over her emotions or the depths of her feelings for Keelan. She was in love for the first time in her life and she was miserable.
She had slipped into the glorious arena of hopes and dreams where she didn’t belong. A place where she had no right to be, and dreams where she didn’t belong. Nor did she have any right to be. She had a painfully aching heart to show for her transgressions. As she nibbled at the dinner she had no appetite for, she realized she didn’t want to attend the football game tonight. Still, she had no choice but to go, as the plan to meet Leena and Germaine was set in motion.
But how could she sit in that noisy stadium, staring at Keelan Robinson—the man she loved? When the final buzzer sounded to end the game, the blaring noise would also be signaling the last time she could see the man who had stolen her heart.
She could not go furniture shopping with him for the enchanting, picture perfect house for which he had submitted an offer to purchase. She couldn’t bear to walk through those sunny rooms again, imagining Keelan living there…without her.
She glanced at her watch, then got up from the table. After she’d cleaned up the kitchen from preparing dinner, took a shower and changed her clothes, it would be time to leave to meet Leena and Germaine.
There was possibly a bright side to all of this. At least she could escape from her apartment for a few hours, get a reprieve from the heavy, dark cloud hanging over her head within these walls.
* * * *
Keelan release a pent-up breath. Last weekend after dropping Nataleigh off at her apartment, then meeting with Mary Wickers at the Realtor’s office to sign the necessary papers to make an offer on the house, he’d headed for home.
Halfway to the south side of town, he felt a strange emotional tug, a pull, in the opposite direction. He’d turned at the next and driven all the way back to the house he intended to buy.
After parking in the driveway of the brown brick dwelling, he cut across the lawn, settled on the porch steps, then swept his gaze over the well-kept homes on the street. A breeze had whispered through the leaves of the two trees in the front yard of the would-hopefully-be Robinson residence, creating a soft calming hum that Keelan allowed to float over him with a gentle touch.
He narrowed his eyes, envisioned the interior of the house and began to mentally put furniture in the large, sunny rooms. He’d fill the tall bookcases in the living room with books and knickknacks, place matching chairs by the fireplace and add lamps, oak tables, comfortable chairs and a puffy couch.
In the master bedroom would be a king-sized bed, oak nightstands, a dresser and chest of drawers. Two sets of towels hung in the master bedroom. Yet there had been one room he’d been unable to picture.
He took a deep breath, let it out, then took himself. In his mind’s eye, he went back to the house, down the hallway leading to the extra bedrooms. He stopped in the doorway to the room where he’d found Nataleigh when he’d returned to the house from the backyard.
The room was still empty.
The slowly, very slowly, as though a heavy fog were lifting, he saw a baby crib that was…yes, it was brown, with a brown changing table, brightly colored toys and there were bunnies. He heard music, a sweet lullaby tinkling through the air from a delicate music box set on top of a white dresser.
He saw Nataleigh standing by the crib and he was right next to her, his arm encircling her shoulders to tuck her close and safely by his side as they gazed into the crib. And Keelan knew, at long last he knew, the answers to his questions.
He opened his eyes and the living room of his dinky house came back into view. As he sat there on the couch, he knew the new house would become a home filled with love and laughter.
He was in love with Nataleigh Brown.
And he was consumed by the greatest joy and the greatest sense of inner peace that he’d ever experience in his entire life.
“Yes,” he murmured, giving way to a smile. He got to his feet and punched one fist in the air. “Yes!” he shouted. His smile slowly changed into a deep frown.
Nataleigh loved him. She was truly in love with him, which was fantastic. He did, however, have a rough road ahead as far as convincing her to become his wife, to spend the rest of their lives together, raise beautiful babies in the music-filled, fuzzy bunny nursery.
Yeah, he had his work cut out for him all right, because Nataleigh didn’t allow herself to have hopes and dreams. She totally focused on her responsibility of helping put her brother and sister through college. In other words, she felt as he once had, that there was no room in her life for love, marriage, home and family.
Well, it was because of Nataleigh’s caring enough about him to tell him what Leena and Germaine had said about crazy Coach Robinson living in the hood that he had grown, changed, broadened his world.
It was because of Nataleigh, his love for her, that he wanted it all.
“The battle is on, Ms. Brown,” he stated aloud, narrowing his eyes. “I’m going to win. I have to. I just have to.”
A future without Nataleigh was unthinkable. Living in his new house without her there to help make it a real home was unacceptable. A life without her would be too stark, empty and chillingly lonely. He would do whatever it took to give Nataleigh the hopes and dreams she was keeping at bay.
Nataleigh Brown would be his.
With a decisive nod, Keelan forced himself to shift mental gears into his coaching mode to prepare for the tough football game to be played that night.
* * * *
With each passing mile that Nataleigh drove toward the south side of town and her rendezvous with Leena and Germaine, the more tense she became. Her grip on the steering wheel of the rattling van was so tight her knuckles were clearly visible from the pressure.
I can’t do this, she thought frantically. She couldn’t sit in that stadium, staring at Keelan, knowing that although she was in love with him they had no chance of a future together. Even if Keelan was, maybe, perhaps, falling in love with her, a forever and ever together was not theirs to have.
No, she just couldn’t do it. It was too sad, too heartbreaking. It was a lemon yellow bicycle instead of a bright pink one magnified tenfold in crushing disappointment.
“I can’t go to the football game,” she whispered, struggling against threatening tears. “I just can’t.”
When Nataleigh pressed on the brake, Leena opened the creaking passenger side door.
“Hi, Nataleigh,” she said, beaming. “It’s so great to see you again. Say hi, Germaine.”
“Hi, Germaine,” he repeated, then hooted with laughter. “Sorry. I couldn’t resist. Hi, Nataleigh.”
“Hi,” Nataleigh said quietly.
Oh, look at them.
Leena and Germaine were so young, so vitally alive, so happy. They had hopes and dreams of a future together, marriage, a wonderful little baby. There were determined to leave the bad neighborhood, move uptown and maybe, someday, have their very own furniture. With a dose of realism firmly in place to keep them steady, they were going to have it all.
“Leena, Germaine,” Nataleigh began, “I didn’t have any way to contact you, so I drove down here to tell you that I’m not feeling well. I’ll drive you over to the school, but then I’m heading home to bed.”
“You’re sick?” Leena questioned, frowning. “Wow. That sucks.”
“Does Coach Robinson know you’re not coming to the game?” Germaine asked.
“No. You can tell him for me. Just say I caught a bug or whatever. Get in and I’ll drop you off at the stadium.”
The pair slid into the van and Nataleigh p
ressed on the gas.
“You don’t look sick,” Leena stated, staring at Nataleigh. “Well, you’re kind of pale, I guess, but…did you and Coach Robinson have a fight or something? Is that why you’re not coming to the game?”
Nataleigh shook her head.
Leena leaned closed. “Yep, that’s it all right,” Leena confirmed, with a nod. “You’re ready to let go with the waterworks. What did that rotten man do?”
“Leena, please,” Nataleigh murmured, swallowing past the lump in her throat. “I have the flu. Okay?”
Leena slumped back against the seat and folded her arms over her breasts. “No, it’s not okay,” she responded. “You need to march into that stadium and give Coach Robinson a piece of your mind for upsetting you like this.”
“Leena,” Germaine interjected, “get your nose out of their business.”
“I know the rules, Germaine, but this is different.”
“Yeah right,” he responded, shaking his head.
“It is. Nataleigh and Coach Robinson are in love with each other and—”
“Leena,” Nataleigh interrupted. “I never said one word about being in love with Coach Robinson, or his being in love with me.”
“Well, I wasn’t born yesterday,” the teenager retorted. “I have eyes, you know. Any fool can tell how you two feel about each other. Now you’ve gone and had a fight. You’ve got to square off against the big dolt, Nataleigh. Men are just so dumb at times. State your issue and get on with the kissing and making up. Tell her, Germaine.”
“I’m not sticking my nose in their business,” Germaine muttered.
“You are no help at all, Germaine. Nataleigh, are you listening to me?”
“Oh, well look at that. Here’s the school,” Nataleigh said. “There’s a car on my bumper. Out you go.”
“But…” Leena began.
Germaine opened the door and grabbed Leena’s hand. “Out,” he said. “Bye, Nataleigh. Hope you feel better.”
Hard to Resist Page 14
