“I’m sorry, Keelan,” she responded, crying openly.
He strode to the door, yanked it open, then half-turned toward her.
“Goodbye, Nataleigh,” he whispered, his voice raspy with emotion. “You are so delicate, yet so strong, and…I love you. I just hope the day will come when I don’t.”
He left the apartment, closing the door behind him with a resounding slam that felt like a physical blow to her.
She reached out one hand blindly, groping for the couch, then moved forward on trembling legs. She sank onto the faded, lumpy cushions and wept until no more tears would come.
And then she slept, dreaming of Keelan.
* * * *
The drive to his little house on the south side was a blur to Keelan. He cleared his mind and drove by rote, not allowing himself to think or react until he was in his miniscule living room.
He sank onto the sofa, drug both hands down his face, then leaned his head back on the top of the worn fabric and stared at the ceiling. It was over, he thought incredulously. He’d lost. He’d lost the only woman he’d ever loved. His hopes and dreams, all his plans for a future with Nataleigh had been destroyed, blown away beyond his reach, into oblivion.
He would, he knew, replay that final scene in Nataleigh’s apartment over and over in his mind, wondering what he should have done, said, differently. He’d search his mind frantically for the proper words, the one’s that would chip away at Nataleigh’s wall and bring her rushing into his arms, smiling though her tears, joyfully accepting his proposal of marriage. “Yeah, right,” he grumbled. “What a joke.”
It was over.
It…is…over.
“Oh, God,” he whispered, closing his eyes. “I lost my Nataleigh, my love, my life, my wife.”
Time lost meaning as Keelan sat there, just sat there, the crushing weight of despair making it impossible to move.
* * * *
On Monday morning, Nataleigh arrived at the clinic earlier than usual, having been unable to stay one minute longer in the gloomy prison her apartment had become. To her surprise, Janice and Emmitt were already there in the back room.
“Good morning, Nataleigh,” Janice said, smiling. “You must have been receiving mental signals from us. We called you to see if you could come in early, but you’d already left home and here you are. We wanted to talk to you before we opened the clinic.”
“Is something wrong?” Nataleigh questioned, looking at Janice, Emmitt, then back at Janice.
“No, not at all.” Emmitt replied. “We discussed your conversation with Janice and have a solution that we hope will make you happy and keep you with us.”
“Conversation?” Nataleigh repeated, frowning.
“Last Friday?” Janice murmured, matching Nataleigh’s frown. “You expressed your discontentment at having to pamper the pets, read stories to them and all that nonsense?” She paused. “Nataleigh, are you all right? You’re awfully pale and you have dark circles beneath your eyes.”
“Yes, I’m fine. I…I just haven’t slept well for the past few nights. I apologize to both of you for complaining about my duties here. Please, just forget that I said anything.”
“Absolutely not,” Emmitt retorted,” because you’re right. You worked very hard for your degree and you’re not being allowed to use your abilities the way you should. But as I said, we have a solution we hope will meet with your approval.”
“Let’s sit down,” Janice offered.
The trio settled at the table. Deon’s cage was sitting on the far end.
“Duty calls,” the parrot squawked.
“Hush up, Deon,” Nataleigh said absently as she looked questioningly at Janice and Emmitt.
“You love me,” Deon replied.
“Be quiet, Deon,” Emmitt piped in, “or I’ll cut off your supply of fruit.”
“Give me the bird,” Deon squawked.
“Quiet down now, Deon,” Janice said. “Nataleigh, we were approached several months ago by a group of veterinarian’s who were opening a free clinic down on the south side of town. They wanted us to volunteer some hours, but with our schedules being what they are, we just couldn’t obligate ourselves to taking on more than we are doing.”
Nataleigh nodded.
Janice continued. “We spoke with the head of the committee over the weekend, explaining that your degree enables you to do everything excerpt perform surgery. We asked if they would be interested in having you at their clinic two days a week. Well, they would be thrilled to have you. We’d continue to pay your regular salary while you volunteer your time down there. We’d get a high school student in here to read and what have you to our spoiled guests. Well, sweetie, what do you think?”
Nataleigh’s hands flew to her cheeks. “Oh, wow, I’d be like a real veterinarian? I’d be really helping, really making a difference. Oh, this is wonderful, just wonderful. Thank you so much. I don’t know what to say. Oh, thank you.”
“I think she likes the idea,” Emmitt said, then smiled at Janice.
Janice laughed. “This calls for a celebration.” In the next instant, she sobered. “Nataleigh, there’s something we want to say to you, something we want you to know.”
“Yes?” Nataleigh responded, her own smile fading.
“Emmitt and I can’t begin to tell you how much we respect you for speaking up the way you did. We also apologize sincerely for not realizing we were wasting your talents. It took courage to do what you did by talking to me. We admire you so much for knowing your own worth and for refusing to sell yourself short any longer.”
Nataleigh stiffened in her chair. “Selling myself short?” That was exactly what Keelan had accused her of doing. He’d said she was selling herself short in regard to what she would be bringing to his life, their relationship, their future together. “I’m not…selling myself short.”
“Not at Sanders Veterinary Clinic, you’re not,” Emmitt replied. “If you carry over that attitude into all aspects of your life, it will be look out, world, Nataleigh Brown is going after what she wants and deserves to have. Whew. I sure wouldn’t want to be the one to stand in your way.”
“Not in this lifetime,” Janice added, laughing. “Well, duty does call, folks. Nataleigh, I’m so thrilled that we worked this all out.”
“Yes, so am I,” she said, her mind racing. “Thank you again, so very much.” Nataleigh remained at the table as Janice and Emmitt left the room. Nataleigh pressed her fingertips to her temples. “This is all so confusing. I’ve got all this new data to sift and sort through. Oh, Keelan, what have I done? Have I made a terrible mistake? Was I wrong?” She exhaled deeply. “I need some serious answers. I suddenly have a multitude of questions, and I need answers.”
During the next three weeks, Nataleigh was happier than she’d ever been in her professional life. The busy hours at the free clinic, combined with her work at the Sanders office, flew by, leaving her exhausted and fulfilled. But when she arrived home each evening, the loneness, heartbreak and confusion dropped over her like a cold, dark shroud.
She missed Keelan. She ached for Keelan. She loved Keelan, and cried more tears of misery as she sought the answers to the questions in her beleaguered mind. On Friday of the fourth week of volunteering at the free clinic, Leena and Germaine came into the converted store. Nataleigh cried out in delight and hugged them both until they begged for mercy. “How did you know I was here?” she asked the pair.
“News travels fast in this neighborhood,” Germaine said. “Nothing much goes on that we don’t eventually find out about.”
“Coach Robinson is moving into his new house tomorrow,” Leena announced out of the blue.
“Oh,” Nataleigh murmured, feeling a painful knot tighten in her stomach. “Well, that’s nice. Isn’t that nice? Yes, indeed, that’s very nice.”
“So, why aren’t you moving in there with him?” Leena asked.
Germaine rolled his eyes skyward. “Here she goes again, sticking her nose in other peop
le’s business.”
“Well, somebody had better. Coach Robinson hasn’t been fit to live with for weeks. The football team is undefeated and has clinched a spot in playoffs, but does Coach smile? Nope. He just grumps around. Everybody knows he’s got woman trouble. You’re that woman, Nataleigh, so fix things.”
“It’s not that simple,” Nataleigh mumbled.
“There’s nothing complicated about loving somebody,” Leena retorted. “You either do or you don’t. If do, you make it work between you. Right, Germaine?”
Germaine shrugged. “Makes sense to me.”
“Hey, guess what, Nataleigh?” Leena rattled on. “Coach Robinson gave me and Germaine the furniture from his house down here. He’s storing it for us at his parent’s house until we get married. Can you believe it? We have our very own furniture. At first I said we couldn’t take it, like charity and all, but Coach Robinson set me straight on that in a New York minute.”
“He did?” Nataleigh murmured, hardly breathing.
“Sure did,” Leena said, nodding. “He said it was just a small thing he was doing. He had something he didn’t need, but we did. He said I shouldn’t think it to death, just accept what he was offering. He told me not to sell myself short because I deserved the furniture and much more. He’s some kind of man, that Coach Robinson.”
“Yes,” Nataleigh whispered, her eyes brimming with tears. “Yes, he is, and you are some kind of woman, Leena. Thank you. Thank you very much. I have my answers. Out of the mouths of babes. I adore you both.”
“Huh?” Germaine said.
“What did I do?” Leena asked, obviously confused.
“You believe in yourself and you listen when a wise man speaks,” Nataleigh replied, smiling as she wiped two tears from her cheeks.
“Huh?” Germaine repeated.
The next afternoon, Nataleigh drove slowly, very slowly, along the street where Keelan’s new house was located. She decreased her speed even more, hoping to muster more courage with each passing second. She pulled into the driveway behind Keelan’s car and turned off the ignition of the van. As she stared at the house, a warmth surged through her as she envisioned the sunny rooms, the lovely fireplace banked by the bookshelves, and the precious nursery with the fuzzy bunnies and music box.
Keelan’s house, she thought. What happened within those walls in the next several minutes would determine if the pretty brick structure would become Keelan and Nataleigh Robinson’s home.
Taking a deep breath, she let it out to the count of ten. She checked her reflection in the rearview mirror, picked up her purse and a brown paper sack and opened the door to the van. This was it, she thought, walking across the front lawn. Was she too late? Had she hurt Keelan too much? Would he even listen to her, hear what she had to say? Was each step she took bringing her closer to shedding more tears from a shattered heart? “This is terrifying,” she whispered.
On the porch, Nataleigh saw that the front door had been propped open to no doubt make it easier for Keelan to tote his belongings inside. She peered into the living room from where she remained standing on the porch, smiling when she saw matching chairs in front of the fireplace. There were oak end tables in place with lamps centered on each.
Keelan had wonderful taste in furniture. The living room was already appearing warm and welcoming, while only being halfway complete.
Where was Keelan?
“Hello?” she called out. “Keelan? Hello?”
There was no answer from him.
“Go for it, Nataleigh,” she said, under her breath. “This is it.” She moved forward tentatively, acutely aware that she felt like and intruder who would not be made welcome. Would Keelan send her away without giving her a chance to speak from her heart? Her step faltered. Would he point to the door and demand that she leave?
Get a grip, Nataleigh.
The entire future rested on what was about to happen. She had to get herself together. She squared her shoulders, lifted her chin and went on into the kitchen. No Keelan. A sudden noise coming from the backyard caught her attention and she looked out of the open window over the sink.
“Well, look at that.”
Keelan lay flat on his back in the grass. Next to him, wiggling and yipping in excitement, was a Black Labrador Retriever puppy that kept falling over its own feet, then bouncing up again to nuzzle and lick a chuckling Keelan. Nataleigh drank in the sight before her, tucking it away carefully in her heart as a precious memory.
“Quit stalling, Nataleigh. This is it,” she whispered. She tightened her hold on the sack, hitched her purse strap higher on her shoulder and went to the back door. She opened it and stepped into the yard. The puppy saw her before Keelan did. The frisky animal bounded toward her, only to tumble and land upside down at her feet.
“Hello, cutie-pie,” Nataleigh said, smiling down at the puppy.
Keelan’s head snapped around and he rolled to his feet in the next instant, absently brushing the dry grass from his behind. “Nataleigh?”
She raised her head to meet Keelan’s gaze. “Hello, Keelan. You picked out a wonderful dog.” She tried her best to smile but couldn’t.
“Yeah. He’s fun. Not too coordinated at this point, but… What are you doing here?”
“I…I’d like to talk to you, if you’re willing to listen.”
“All right,” he stated, frowning. “Go ahead. Talk.”
“Could we go inside and sit down?”
He hesitated a moment, the nodded and started toward her.
The puppy was left in the yard and whined his disapproval. In the next moment, he flopped down in a puddle of sunlight and went to sleep.
Keelan edged around her and strode into the living room.
She followed and he gestured to the chairs in front of the fireplace. She sank into one with an inward sigh of relief, knowing her trembling legs would not have supported her much longer. She placed the sack and her purse on the floor next to the chair. “These chairs are lovely,” she murmured, running one hand along the butter-soft leather arms.
“Mmm.” Keelan slouched onto the other chair and folded his arms across his chest.
So closed, so angry, Nataleigh thought, looking over at him. And so very, very hurt because of her. She drew in a steadying breath and clutched her hands in her lap. “Keelan,” she started, wishing her voice was stronger. “I know I hurt you deeply when I refused your proposal of marriage and sent you away.”
He lifted one shoulder in a shrug. There was no readable expression on his face.
“At the time I could see no other choice but to do what I did, even though…even though I love you so very much. But then I began to think, couldn’t stop thinking, about what you said about selling myself short. About what I, as a person, a woman, could bring to our relationship.”
“Mmm,” Keelan responded.
“I stood up for myself at work. I told Janice and Emmitt that I had more to offer than what I was being allowed to do there and they fixed it. They agreed with me and set things right. I couldn’t believe it. I’d buried my discontentment at work for so long that I didn’t even realize it was there until you helped me see it. I’ve grown, changed. Now I know I have the right to use the full potential of my abilities.” She paused. “Keelan, I realize I do have worth. I am important. I don’t have to settle for second best for the rest of my life, simply because that’s how it has always been. I don’t have to lower my expectations because I’m afraid that my real ones will never be met.”
Keelan shifted his hands to the arms of the chair and gripped the soft leather tightly, his gaze riveted on her.
“I was so confused, muddled. But just as it was Leena and Germaine who made you realize you were wrong about your stand to live in the bad neighborhood near Carter, they were the ones who gave me the answers I was so desperately seeking.”
Keelan cleared his throat. “Oh?”
“I’ve been hiding, Keelan,” she whispered, her eyes filling with unwelcomed tears, “beh
ind a protective wall that kept hopes and dreams at bay. Hiding like a frightened child who couldn’t bear the thought of further disappointment. I focused in on the issue of money, hung on to it like a lifeline, used it to keep up apart, because I was so terrified of dreaming, believing we could have a wonderful future together.”
She lifted her chin, ignoring two tears that slid down her cheeks. “Well, enough of that nonsense. I’m worth more than a few thousand dollars. I am capable of being a devoted wife, an equal partner, a wonderful mother. I have the fortitude to stand by your side until death parts us, in good times and bad, no matter what. I will never sell myself short again. I will never again stop believing in hopes and dreams. I love you, Keelan Robinson, and if you can find it in your heart to forgive me for my foolishness, for the pain I caused you, then we can have it all.” A sob caught in her throat. “Please, Keelan?”
He moved so fast he nearly toppled over.
He gripped her by the upper arms and pulled her from the chair to speak close to her lips.
“Do you meant it?” he asked, his voice raspy with emotion. “Do you really mean it? Will you let me help your brother and sister through college? Make money the unimportant issue it should be?”
“Yes, but—”
“But?” he interrupted, frowning.
Nataleigh wiggled out of his grasp and reached into the sack she’d brought. She pulled out a bright pink ceramic piggy bank, which she sat on the hearth. “I do have a smidgen of pride that is still in the way, I’ll pay back every dollar you give to my brother and sister. It will go into the piggy bank, one penny at a time.”
“Sold. Whatever you want is fine with me. As long as you are with me, I’m the luckiest and happiest man on the face of the earth. Nataleigh, I love you. I’ve missed you. This house is so empty without you and your sunshine. I need you here to make it a home. Our home. Will you marry me, Nataleigh Brown?”
Hard to Resist Page 16
