Where We Stand

by Angela White

  Kenn helped her get comfortable, ignoring her worried looks. He’d known for a while now, but hadn’t said anything.

  “When he came in here, Conner was hoping you’d run him off. He doesn’t want to hurt the dream, but he needs his father. He thinks Angela is the key to that. He plans to throw them together every chance he gets.”

  “Why would you help him?” Tonya demanded, keeping her voice down. “You’ll lose everything you’ve worked for.”

  Kenn’s tone was bitter. “No, I won’t. She wants him, too. I saw it with Brady and I’m sure. She’s hiding it.”

  “You’ve found a way to finally get rid of him!”

  Kenn shrugged, not feeling that rage as much anymore. “I’ll always hate Brady, but he doesn’t matter. She and Adrian together, leading this camp, is what the sheep want. And it’s killing Adrian on both duty and personal levels. Conner and I have chosen to end his pain.”

  Tonya stifled a moan as his big hands settled onto her calves and began rubbing. “She can’t be forced into anything.”

  Kenn knew that wasn’t true, but didn’t say so.

  “It’s not force. She’ll do the same thing that Samantha is, if Adrian gets enough time alone with her.”

  Tonya snorted lightly. “I have no idea how Sam’s managing to keep them from killing each other.”

  “She’ll be Angela’s XO when it’s all settled.”

  Kenn had explained to her that all the teams went through shake-ups as they reached (or failed) levels, and that the first chain of order on a team was rarely the one that stuck. The redhead wasn’t jealous of it. XO was a hard slot to fill.

  “How am I supposed to do this without her knowing?”

  Kenn pressed a firm kiss to Tonya’s shoulder, pushing. “Don’t even think about it. Just walk by him and throw one of your old, snotty comments. That’s it.”

  Tonya groaned. “Yeah, the lies starting up again. She doesn’t need him or anyone else.”

  “Not true,” Kenn refuted, hand now sliding over her wrist to rest on her stomach. “She’s keeping secrets, too. In a while, she won’t be able to hide them, either.”

  Tonya forced away the fear, trying to keep up and absorb that he knew and didn’t appear angry that she hadn’t told him. “You don’t think Brady’s coming back.”

  “No, I don’t,” Kenn admitted. “If he survives the battle at the base, he’ll keep the new woman he has and leave Angela in peace. He knows the truth, too.”

  “And you’re sure there won’t be any blow-back?”

  Kenn sighed, unable to lie to her. “There will be, if Brady returns, but I’ll take it. Adrian won’t even remember your part, it’s so small.”

  Wanting to keep the peace, Tonya agreed uneasily. “When should I do it?”

  5

  As Conner left the pharmacy tent, he felt the danger and quickly matched it to the lone female moving through the perimeter shadows. Where was Jennifer going while sending off vibes like that?

  Conner tailed her from a good distance, and tried to keep his thoughts on the classes and preparations that had become a part of daily life in Safe Haven. He watched her climb into the one of the now empty garden trucks and carefully edged closer.

  Before he could peer around a side, she came right back out and caught him.

  Jennifer knew what was going on, and clued Conner in with only one sentence. “If you tell on me before I get to do it, we’re enemies forever.”

  Conner flinched mentally at the hostile tone, trying to read her thoughts, her plans.

  “Are you going to kill her?”

  Jennifer closed the truck door. “No. I want to be to make sure she spends the rest of her life terrified of me and sorry for what she did.”

  Conner felt the same way, but he also knew the peace in camp was fragile. “Angela won’t like it.”

  Jennifer didn’t think that was true, but wasn’t about to ask for permission. “I need this.”

  “You’d risk the whole camp for payback?”

  Jennifer glanced around, scanning thoughts and the general mood. “They know what she did. Lilly’s bragged about it enough.”

  “But if you use your gifts against the camp…”

  Jennifer moved by him calmly. “She isn’t one of the herd. She’s an enemy in sheep’s clothing and I want her known for what she is. I’m healed enough to deliver justice for my dead son.”

  Conner couldn’t argue that point, but he was still torn. His heart only accepted violence if there was no other way.

  “If you have a better idea that might satisfy the demon, I’ll listen to you.”

  Conner knew he was one of the few people here that Jennifer actually respected, liked, and he made his choice based on that. “I’m gonna talk to someone that I trust and ask what they think about having Lilly and Grace banished for hurting you.”

  Jennifer didn’t care about later, only this moment that she’d been waiting so patiently for. “Remember what I said, Conner. I don’t want you as an enemy. And you don’t want me on that side of your life.”

  Conner quickly went to find Adrian.

  Aware that she would only have a few minutes, Jennifer took off running, no longer worrying about being seen or followed. She would have this.

  6

  Lilly and Grace had settled into camp life. They were taking classes, pulling their weight, and even had their hopes set on a few of the Eagles despite not being mate-material because they couldn’t have children. These two females knew that not all of the males here wanted that type of future, including some of the main guys, and they hoped to take advantage of it.

  The goals of furthering the greater good weren’t a part of their mindset yet, but enough time in Safe Haven was likely to change anyone who was riding the fence on good and evil. The camp members brought people in and helped them get used to the new ways, and at some point, the need to gain power faded. Except with these two.

  It hadn’t escaped the camp’s attention that they’d hurt Jennifer. It made the two former slaves outcasts in certain groups, though the women had failed to notice it. The camp wasn’t punishment-oriented, but they were waiting for Jennifer’s reaction. It had been a month since her baby had been forced out early and then killed in the explosion. After so long, a lot of the camp assumed Jennifer was keeping the peace and respected her for it, liked Lilly and Grace even less.

  When these people saw Jennifer running by the Mess with a determined glaze of hatred over her face, many of them sensed what was coming and followed.

  Jennifer was standing nearby when Lilly and Grace came from the training tent, both former slaves covered in sweat and self-confidence. She would destroy that.

  “Hey, baby-killer!”

  Lilly and Grace spun around automatically, appearing to answer the new name that would become a camp favorite from this moment on.

  Lilly understood first and immediately stepped forward. “You wanna fight, bitch? Let’s go!”

  “I want you dead,” Jennifer sneered coldly. “Your blood all over me will be a good start.”

  Lilly hesitated, but it was much too late.

  Jennifer swung as hard as she could.

  The small pot cracked against Lilly’s shoulder, sending her to the ground amid a cloud of ash. Jennifer didn’t know if the small pile she’d taken from the destroyed camper was indeed her son, but it hadn’t mattered when she’d collected it, nor any of the times she had secretly cried over it. She’d had to have something.

  The charred bits sprayed over both of the former slaves and clung to their sweaty skin like tight clothing. They went from happy and healthy, to looking like they’d just come from a primitive funeral, with one blow.

  Jennifer’s voice was like the dead. “You caused it. Now you carry it.”

  Jennifer left them and the crowd with tears of agony streamed down her face, and those who witnessed them instantly forgave her. Those who didn’t see her crying were shocked by the method of delivery, but couldn’t deny t
hat it had also been appropriate.

  The dazed women were taken to the doctor and released a bit later, but no one called for Jennifer to be punished. They understood she already had been.

  7

  “She’s not done.”

  Adrian had figured that out, and was prepared for what Conner showed him.

  “That’s her first plan. If it won’t work, she will kill them and get banished.”

  “You don’t know Kyle very well,” Adrian explained, not going to check on the ruckus like he still felt the urge to do. “He’d never let her be hurt.”

  “And what about those two women? She’ll drive them out of here.”

  “Probably for the best. She’s the better deal of the three.”

  “That’s not right!”

  Adrian waved a hand at the other chair. “Let me explain a couple things about justice and fixing the horrors in someone’s heart.”

  Eager for the lesson, Conner took the seat and waited. He wasn’t spending a lot of time with his dad, and there was a good reason for that, but he wanted these moments as much as wanted his mother when the wind blew at night.

  “When someone does you a wrong, it festers,” Adrian explained. “When someone betrays you, it’s an ugly knot of infection that grows, but when someone kills something that you love, darkness takes over the soul.”

  Adrian felt Angela scan the tent to verify his safety and swallowed the need to respond. He stayed focused on his son.

  “Humans are meant to live in light, to be filled with it, and we find it very hard to fight the slaps and stabs that come from life.”

  Adrian gave him a pointed look. “Like how you’re feeling still, over failing the kids.”

  Conner’s guilt washed over him in waves and Adrian leaned forward. He hadn’t been sure he would get the chance to help his son, though he’d aided so many others here.

  “That never goes away. You learn to live with it.”

  “How?” Conner questioned brokenly. “How?”

  Adrian placed a hand on his son’s wrist in comfort. “You atone. The camp will tell you it wasn’t your fault, to let it go, but they don’t understand how we’re made. We take these duties into ourselves and each failure destroys a bit of our light. The only thing that has ever worked for me, has been to spread the good and help those who either can’t, or won’t, help themselves.”

  Adrian leaned back. “As your father, I agree with the herd. You did nothing wrong. You should be proud.”

  Adrian held up a hand to stop the coming protest. “I know. They don’t understand. As the leader of Safe Haven, I carried that weight in my heart every day. You need to ease the pain and push away the darkness. Helping others is the only thing that honestly heals our wounds.”

  “I’ve tried, a little.”

  “With Jennifer.”

  “Yes, but it didn’t matter.”

  “Not true. You bought her more time, and that is worth more than anything else you could have done for her. Without those extra days, she might have lost both babies.”

  Conner felt the light trying to push in and was able to let it this time. He hadn’t thought of it that way. He’d only felt the errors.

  “There are a lot of people here who need the kind of help you can give, and most of them are kids. The War left more orphans than this country has ever had.”

  Conner considered it. He definitely liked kids better than adults, but he wasn’t sure about coming to care for them again, only to lose them when the soldiers arrived.

  “When that happens, you’ll care for them, get them out,” Adrian instructed. “She’ll put that job straight into your hands if you want it. She already knows you’re capable and that you’re smart. She needs to know you want it.”

  “I do, but I don’t,” Conner confessed. “It’s why I’m hanging back. I couldn’t go through it again.”

  “You’ve been trying to recover, but on your own, that’s almost impossible.”

  Conner dropped his head. “I don’t have anyone I’m close to here.”

  “Because you’re afraid of losing them, afraid of the pain that comes with failing them–the guilt.”

  “I can’t carry anymore yet. I’m tired.”

  “You need someone you can relate to and feel a personal bond with. Just one to start, and go from there.”

  Conner sighed. “I can’t do that the way I’d like to and it makes it hard for me to search for a substitute. I like my friendship with Charlie, but he has Tracy now. Jennifer’s cool, but she has Kyle. When I spend time around them, I don’t feel connected.”

  “What about more than friendship? Is there someone who…”

  Adrian didn’t have to finish the question and he stared at his son in surprised concern at the image in his young mind.

  “That’s not what I expected.”

  Conner grunted bitterly. “That makes two of us.”

  Adrian spent a moment considering what he’d learned, then gave the nervous boy a bit of hope. “By the time this is all over, that might be possible.”

  “And until then, help people.”

  “Yes. Use time to build a foundation here, and if she becomes ready, you will be, too.”

  Chapter Twenty Three

  1

  Evenings in Safe Haven had changed.

  Before they’d found out the government was coming, it had been a peaceful time for relaxing. Now, it was hundreds of souls coming together in defiance of the darkness. Classes continued into the night instead of stopping at Mess, and training sessions went on until the early hours for those without a shift waiting. If they lost the battle, some of these survivors would continue to be just that and she was encouraged by it. She was also relieved that their numbers had evened off. Everyone had been accounted for last night, for the first time since Brady had left.

  Angela paused by the area Doug was in charge of, watching him direct the females of her team on how to care for themselves if they got cut off from their group during the battle.

  “Once the water is boiling, pour it into the thermos, over the beans and dehydrated meat. Seal it up and put it in your backpack. The more you put around it and cover it, the longer your food will cook. It will be insulated.”

  “That can’t work,” Crista stated, moving closer. “Prove that works.”

  Doug picked up the other thermos on the table and twisted the lid. A scent of fresh food wafted over the curious women.

  “It keeps cooking, and you can use this method on a meal of any size. All you have to do is insulate an airtight container, and make sure the water is at full boil. For a short cook-up, the water can be starting to boil, but the food won’t be as done or as warm.”

  Doug began pouring beans and meat from the thermos into small cups.

  “Try it.”

  The women did reluctantly. They knew how to cook. They’d been raised on it, most of them, and the idea that they could have boiled the water and left it alone was a strange mystery to be tried with a braced mindset.

  Angela didn’t hang around to wait on the results. She’d already shared that moment with Kyle’s team. She hadn’t known it either. Few of 2012’s citizens had.

  The next area also dealt with food. The refugees of the war would starve without this knowledge. It hadn’t been given by the government before. In fact, it had been ridiculed. Those people weren’t around to say they were sorry, and it was still hurting all of them. Society needed those absent skills, the missing parts of the great American herd.

  “If you find a stash of food, you can’t carry it all, and even if you could, it would quickly go bad. The machines on the tables are dehydrators and vacuum sealers. This is the best way next to freeze drying, something we can’t do very easily anymore. And we’re going to play with these, gentleman, so I don’t want to hear that it’s women’s work. You will bag your own food for the battle and keep it on hand.”

  Neil was giving his team the class, but his firm words were mostly for the two dozen camp
members also in attendance.

  “However, if there is no machine or power source around, you can still prepare your food. Use fire.”

  Neil pointed at the small oven he’d made from cardboard and tape. “I know it doesn’t look like much, but it works. There are a lot of ways to do it, but this was the one I used with my dad on camping trips. He taught me, and now, I’m passing it to you.”

  Neil uncovered a cardboard box that resembled a small oven, even down to the SH logo in the corner.

  “Place the foil over all the surface areas. Use the top to draw the light from the sun with the foil, and leave your flap-door open a crack. We used to be able to do this on baking sheets in our ovens, but now, we use the sun. It never needs fuel tabs, but it can still burn you, so be careful when you cook using it tomorrow. Let’s start building.”

  Angela wanted to do her own and try it, but there were more important things for her, and she left after delivering an approving nod to the teacher.

  “Let’s dump the garbage for the ants…”

  Angela turned to find Charlie and Conner carrying the bags toward the gate and sent a quick motion for Zack to go with them. The boys liked to do the work because it gave them a chance to test her theories, but they were also a bit more reckless than she cared for. Also, Charlie’s tone was off a bit. She would catch him later and ask if he needed to talk. The time he was spending with Tracy had to be sending his hormones into a tailspin.

  Angela studied the anthills that were still staying on the west side of camp, then the fires of those groups around them. Two more had come, bringing their totals up to nine other small societies revolving around the protection of this one. She’d made it clear that the ants were to be left alone, and Kenn was having the patrols make sure, but she thought maybe the ants were in danger anyway and that bothered her.

  “We could shield them.”

  Angela shrugged at Jennifer’s comment, thinking the young mother appeared a lot more at peace now. “Not unless we have to. There are bigger things to cover.”

  Jennifer sighed, understanding. She, too, liked the idea of having an animal army, even if it was only giant insects.