Can't Lose Me

by Amanda Torrey

  “True. We’ve been adventurous, but never on a desk.”

  She sat on the chair and slipped back into her shoes, watching him as he fumbled with his buttons. He was still shaken from the pure joy rolling through his veins. The giddiness that only came when he was with her. His soul mate.

  “I have good news for you.”

  Kenzie swiped his hands out of the way and rebuttoned his erroneously buttoned shirt for him. He kissed her on the nose when she finished.

  “Better news than what we just did? Because I’ll be floating for quite some time after that.” He wasn’t lying or flattering, either. He was hot for her and could go again already if she’d let him.

  “My sister’s husband is on an extended overseas business trip.”

  “That’s good news?”

  “Well, not for them. But she wants to come stay with Mom. So we can go back to your place.”

  He grabbed her hand and brought the dainty appendage to his lips. God, he had missed this. He had missed her.

  “You’re right. That is good news. And don’t you mean ‘our place’?”

  Something shifted in her eyes, and he wondered what she was thinking.

  “I need you to be honest about something, Gabe.”

  “Aren’t I always?”

  “Yes, of course.” She hesitated. “Are you sure you want me to come back to the house with you? I mean, I know technically I have to because of the mediation agreement, but are you really okay with it?”

  He studied her reddening face, hating the tears gathering in her eyes.

  “I’m more than okay with it.” He grasped her shoulders and pulled her closer to him. When she refused to look at him, he tilted her chin up with his index finger, forcing her to make eye contact. “Kenzie, I’m glad things are back to normal.”

  He could see her lips move and could feel the vibration of her throat as she started to say something, but footsteps approaching the door prevented her from speaking.

  Kenzie jumped away from him when Lindsay, a frequent customer and occasional lunch friend, entered the office. Lindsay’s smile faded when she noticed Kenzie.

  “Sorry, I can come back later.”

  Kenzie swept her hair into a ponytail and called out to Lindsay. “No, please come in.”

  Gabe tended to be oblivious when it came to certain human interactions, but even he couldn’t deny the level of tension in the room. Kenzie’s smile seemed forced and stopped before it reached her eyes. Lindsay looked back and forth from Gabe, whose shirt still wasn’t tucked in, to Kenzie, whose eye makeup was a little smudged.

  Though he had nothing to feel guilty about—Kenzie was his wife, dammit—he also couldn’t deny that he had perhaps led Lindsay on over the last few months. He had enjoyed the flirtation before Kenzie returned to his life, and he had even considered taking it a step further after the divorce was granted.

  He knew Lindsay was open to a fling with him.

  But he had no need to feel guilty. Nothing had ever happened.

  “I was just stopping by to see if my business cards and labels were ready. But I can see you’re… busy.”

  She turned to leave. If he let her walk away, this thing was going to blow up in his face. He knew it.

  “Wait, Lindsay. I meant to call you.”

  She turned to him, her eyes blazing, while he also felt the burn of Kenzie’s glare on his back.

  “The cutter has been broken for a couple of days. It’s back up now, so your order should be ready before we close tonight.”

  She nodded, but daggers launched behind her pupils.

  “That’s what you meant to call me about?”

  “Yeah. Sorry. Could have saved you a trip.”

  She flung her hands in the air, knocking her sunglasses off the top of her head. “Don’t worry. It’s fine. I’ve got it.”

  As Lindsay bent to retrieve her glasses, she slammed her temple on the hard edge of the door. Blood immediately trickled from her wound.

  “Oh, shit,” Gabe grabbed Lindsay’s arm and pulled her into the room, guiding her to a chair. Kenzie quickly joined him, assessing the wound and asking if Lindsay was okay.

  “I’m fine. Just embarrassed.”

  “Oh, don’t be embarrassed. I do stuff like that all the time,” Kenzie reassured Lindsay as she held a tissue to the injury in an attempt to stop the bleeding. “Gabe, grab my pocketbook for me, please. It’s over by the desk.”

  He did as told, though he wondered why the heck she needed her purse at that moment.

  After directing Lindsay to continue holding the tissue to her wound, Kenzie dug in her purse until she pulled out a small first aid kit. She quickly went to work cleaning the wound with an antiseptic pad.

  “It just broke the skin—you don’t need stitches.” She opened a bandage and adhered it to Lindsay’s temple. “Good as new.”

  Kenzie fussed over Lindsay for another awkward and uncomfortable moment, wiping away the last traces of blood and making sure she felt okay.

  Lindsay shifted in her seat. “Really, I’m fine. But thank you for cleaning me up.”

  Lindsay’s voice was friendly, but strained. She looked like she wanted to be anywhere but there. He didn’t blame her. He felt the same.

  Another long moment passed as Gabe watched Kenzie clean up the wrappers and the bloodied tissue and wash her hands with hand sanitizer she pulled from her purse. Without another word, but with a questioning glance back and forth from Gabe to Lindsay and then back again, Kenzie collected her things and prepared to leave.

  “I’m going to head out early today, if you don’t mind. I’m all caught up on my stuff here, and I want to get my sister situated before my night shift.”

  He started to say, “See you at home,” but he cleared his throat and looked uncomfortably at Lindsay instead.

  Kenzie cocked her head as she observed the tense scene, then left without another word.

  Things had gone from out-of-the-ballpark-insanely-amazing to bottom-of-the-ocean-shipwreck in record time.

  Lindsay stared at him for a good, long moment before she, too, shuffled out of the office without another word.

  Gabe fell back into his chair and buried his hands in the hair on his suddenly pounding head.

  As someone who tried to stay out of trouble, how did he manage to get himself into deep shit with two women?

  Chapter Twelve

  Mackenzie managed to speed through tea-time with her sister and mother, pack up her meager belongings and the few things Gabe had brought to her mother’s house, say a tearful goodbye-for-now to her kitties, and move back to her marital home before Gabe got out of work. She texted him to let him know he could skip her mother’s house and go straight to his house.

  Home.

  A foreign word.

  She tried her best to think of the house as home again, but the word sat in the base of her belly like a poorly digested meal.

  She had everything she had wanted. Gabe finally accepted her as his wife. They had regained what they had lost. The passion she had for him had been matched in the most incredible way.

  Things were good.

  Things had gone back to where she wanted them.

  So why did she feel so empty?

  She struggled with the feelings for the rest of the afternoon. She was being crazy. She had suffered without him. Had thought of him, dreamed of him, longed for him every single day that she had been gone. Had acted recklessly to get him back. Impulsively. And now she had him. He had her.

  Things were good.

  She was being stupid. A complete idiot. Why should she question anything? She loved Gabe. Gabe loved her. End of story.

  Probably nerves. Jitters. Normal feelings when transitioning back into a world she had left.

  Mackenzie forced a smile on her face when Gabe pulled into the driveway, and by the time he entered the house, she had convinced herself that she felt the happiness.

  And she did, she really did.

  Things w
ere good.

  Gabe swept her into his arms and buried his face in her neck.

  How had she questioned her feelings? Nothing in the world felt as good as being in his strong, protective embrace.

  “I missed you,” he whispered into her ear before planting a kiss on the sensitive spot right below.

  She giggled, though her belly flipped and her nipples tightened. The man did wonderful things to her.

  “You just saw me four hours ago.”

  “Too long.”

  His lips touched hers like a ray of sunshine during a picnic lunch, warming her to her toes. He nibbled her lower lip gently, then licked her in the most sensuous way. Her tongue met his and the kiss turned from sweet to sexy. He pulled her hips to his, and she moaned at the hard greeting.

  “Call out of work tonight,” he murmured. His kiss intensified and his hands roamed under her shirt.

  Mackenzie tried to pull away, or she thought she did, but her body really didn’t want her to.

  “I can’t.”

  His fingers slipped under her bra and found their way to her swollen, needy nipple.

  “Gaaaabe.” She tried to pull his hand away, but started massaging his arm instead. “They need me.”

  “I need you.”

  He lifted her into his arms and carried her toward his room, kicking the door open.

  She laughed at his antics.

  Then sobered when he removed his shirt.

  Would she ever get tired of seeing that physique?

  “We’ll have to make this quick.” She wiggled her eyebrows as he increased the pace in which he removed his clothes. He then made fast work of ripping hers off as well.

  “No problem,” he promised.

  She thought she wouldn’t be able to stop laughing at his eager jubilance, but she sobered immediately when he slipped into her and sent her straight to the moon.

  He kept his promise and made it quick, but though it may have been an appetizer, it felt like a four course meal.

  Sated and sweaty, they rolled over together. He pulled her tighter into his embrace, and she snuggled into his side, relishing the drumming of his frantic heart.

  The urge to call out of work and lose herself in Gabe all night long was strong.

  But the nursing home was short-staffed and already struggling since she had cut her hours. Many of the residents knew her schedule and waited for her shifts. She had formed bonds with many of them and enjoyed providing them with a listening ear whenever she could.

  Her work was meaningful. And important.

  Mackenzie kissed Gabe’s chest and started to get up. He tightened his hold on her in a playful tug of war.

  “You don’t really want to leave me here in this big bed all alone, do you?”

  No. She didn’t. She wanted to stay with him, lost in the cocoon of happiness. Forever.

  Something about his joking plea brought the unbidden image to mind of the woman who had come into the office today.

  “I have to ask you something.” Her voice trembled and she struggled to get the words past her rapidly tightening throat.

  “Mmhmm,” he murmured into her hair, nuzzling behind her ear.

  “I know I have no right to ask this. And I won’t be upset by your answer.”

  He stilled.

  She turned in his embrace until she was on her back, his arm settling across her naked belly.

  “Have you and Lindsay…” Her voice trailed off as she realized she didn’t want to know the answer. The thought of him being with another woman—even though she had left him and had wished for him to move on from her—pained her. Serious pain. Deep down, back breaking, heart burning, knee knocking pain.

  “Have me and Lindsay… what?”

  Humor tinged his voice, and she suddenly worried that this would be how he exacted his revenge against her. He’d get her at her most vulnerable—naked, well-sated, and insanely in love—and then tell her that he was done with her and had fallen in love with the pretty girl who hadn’t deserted him.

  She didn’t want the answer. Better to leave the ghosts buried in the land of the unknown.

  Mackenzie swung her legs off the side of the bed, but he didn’t let her escape.

  “You had a question, Kenz. What are you asking?”

  She couldn’t look at him, though his darkening tone beckoned her to. He twisted her toward him and lifted her chin with his finger, but she closed her eyes.

  Imagining him with another woman was bad enough. Hearing about it would kill her.

  And she had no right to even wonder.

  “Kenzie, whatever you want to know, I want to tell you.”

  “I bet you do,” she mumbled, then cursed herself for allowing the words to escape. Flames fanned across her face and neck at the unintended utterance. “I have to go.”

  “Wait. I’ll let you go to work, but first let’s clear the elephant from the room.”

  She couldn’t. She couldn’t hear it. Not while she was naked. Not when he was smiling. Not when she knew from their brief meeting that Lindsay was a lovely woman and far more deserving of Gabe than Mackenzie was.

  Mackenzie the Deserter.

  “She looks so much like me, Gabe.”

  She hadn’t meant for those words to escape, either, but while the zookeeper was apparently sleeping on the job and all of the verbal animals were breaking free of their cages, she might as well stop trying to keep the words contained.

  “But prettier.” She pressed her fists to her eyes. She was such an idiot.

  “You think so?” Gabe asked, sounding perplexed.

  “Oh, please. Let’s not play games.”

  “I’m not playing, Kenzie.” He sat up on the bed, his legs on each side of her, and pulled her back to his front. “There is no one on the planet prettier than you.”

  Her heart raced, but the race was dangerous. Even she, the reckless driver, could see the sharp curves ahead. Only problem was she forgot how to use the brakes.

  “She is truly beautiful and seems like a sweet person, too. I can’t blame you for…”

  “For what?”

  “For…”

  “For having her as a customer? She has a small business. I have a print shop. It was a match made in heaven.”

  Mackenzie pulled at his arm, desperately needing to get out of his embrace. Needing air. Choking.

  “I completely understand, Gabe.”

  Of course he had slept with Lindsay. Why wouldn’t he? Mackenzie had never been the jealous type, not really, but she wasn’t a fool, either. The adoration on Lindsay’s face and the look of betrayal when she caught Mackenzie and Gabe together had been so vivid that Mackenzie could have reached out and touched it.

  “You said you had a question.”

  “It’s okay. I don’t need to know.” She took a deep breath, frustrated when all she could smell was Gabe. Wonderful, delicious, intoxicating Gabe. “I don’t deserve to know.”

  Gabe loosened his grip, allowing her to escape. She quickly gathered her clothing and headed toward the bathroom.

  His voice stopped her retreat.

  “I haven’t slept with anyone since you left, Kenz. If that’s what you’re wondering.”

  She stopped at the door, unsure why the heck a burning ball of wool had lodged itself in her throat.

  “I wanted to. I can’t tell you how much pain I was in when you left. And, well, I’m a guy. And Lindsay may have been a good and convenient choice. But I couldn’t. I couldn’t fuck someone when I was married to you. When I was still crazy for you.”

  He had wanted to. That hurt. Bad. But he didn’t. More importantly, he couldn’t.

  She didn’t turn to face him.

  “Kenzie, you are the only woman I’ve ever been with. The only woman I ever want to be with. I thought that once our divorce was final I’d move on, but the thought killed me. I’m just glad I don’t have to think about that anymore.”

  She hadn’t heard him approach, but his lips scorched her shoulder
and his fingers branded her arms.

  “I love you, Kenzie.”

  Her work ringtone interrupted the tender moment, and Mackenzie didn’t stop to evaluate why she felt a flood of relief at the interruption as she rushed to the nightstand to grab the phone.

  She felt Gabe’s gaze as her boss, Antoine, asked her to work the overnight. She agreed without thinking.

  “You’re really going to pull another overnighter?” Gabe crossed his arms over his bare and glorious chest. “I thought you were only working until eleven.”

  “They need me.” She shrugged and slipped into the bathroom. He followed her. She almost left the door open, but needed a moment to breathe. To figure out why she was feeling so removed from the love of her life.

  He continued the conversation through the door.

  “I need you to be conscious at the shop.”

  She bit the inside of her cheek.

  “I’ll be able to sleep in the on-call room for a few hours.” She finished washing up, slipped into her scrubs, and brushed her teeth. When she opened the bathroom door, she smiled at him. “Have I let you down yet?”

  Doubt—or something else… jealousy, maybe?—darkened his face.

  “Gabe, I made a commitment to the nursing home. They’re severely short-staffed. I know you’re also short at the print shop, but I promise I can do both. I won’t let you down.”

  Again. I won’t let you down again.

  She crammed those thoughts into the deep, dark caverns of her guilt-laden mind.

  She wished she could read his mind as he pulled her to his chest. She had to admit, pressing her face to his well-built chest was not a hardship, no matter how complicated her emotions were at the moment.

  He kissed the top of her head, and then pulled away enough to reach the tip of her nose. She pulled his head down to capture his lips, hoping her kiss could say what she was unable to.

  Without another word, he let her go. She felt him watch her all the way to the car.

  Chapter Thirteen

  Mackenzie had been surprised when Sabrina stopped by unannounced Saturday morning, but when Gabe answered the door to Sabrina’s tear-stained face, he ushered her in, put on water for tea, and quickly excused himself with a kiss on Mackenzie’s cheek.