Can't Lose Me

by Amanda Torrey

  After the seventh time of driving past his street, he decided not to go around the block. Not to wait for a carefully planned, well-mapped route. No. He’d turn around in the middle of the street and ignore the speed limit to get to his woman.

  Henry Clark may have been on the senile side, but he wasn’t wrong.

  If Gabe loved her enough, he’d fight for her.

  Not with her. For her.

  Because it sure as hell felt like their future was teetering on the edge of whatever decision he made tonight.

  Chapter Nineteen

  Mackenzie paced the floor, wondering how it was possible she hadn’t worn a hole right through to hell. She sure seemed to be trying to sabotage everything good that tried to take root in her life.

  She bent over to lift Georgie into her arms. Her cat’s soothing purrs settled her racing mind and calmed the panic attack that brewed.

  She couldn’t explain to herself (or her cats) why she hadn’t told Gabe straight out that she didn’t feel anything for Antoine, that the kiss had been all him and that she hadn’t wanted it. That was the truth. She had been horrified at his indiscretion, and she probably should have kept it to herself. But she didn’t want to deceive Gabe by not telling him about the incident. She’d hate it if he kept something like that from her.

  She had expected him to get a little upset, but she hadn’t been prepared for his anger.

  And now if he could get past what happened and still think of her as his wife, he’d probably want her to leave the job.

  But she couldn’t.

  She couldn’t give up the newfound part of her that made her feel so whole.

  The fulfillment she experienced through helping at the nursing home helped her become stronger. Better. Independent in a way that would only make their marriage more equal and more satisfying.

  He probably wouldn’t see it that way.

  Then again, he’d probably want her out of the house when he got back. He had never been one to storm off before.

  And he had called her Mackenzie.

  The only other time he had ever done that was back when she had told him she may never be able to conceive or carry full term.

  So her initial suspicions during that non-conversation way back were correct.

  He called her Mackenzie when he was angry.

  Yet no matter how much she knew she had wronged him, no matter how much she knew he was being sort of a jerk over so many things, she also knew that she didn’t want to live without him.

  At the very least, she didn’t want to lose him over this.

  Almost as if they were in sync, as soon as she made up her mind to flush her attitude and negativity down the toilet and apologize the way she should, he stormed through the door. She couldn’t read his expression, but it didn’t matter.

  She allowed Georgie to leap from her arms and then threw herself into his. She wrapped herself around him like an old, raggedy sweater.

  He hugged her back.

  Thank the stars. He hugged her back.

  “I’m sorry!”

  “No, I’m sorry.” He tightened his grip on her and kissed the top of her head.

  “I don’t know how this all happened. I should have told you straight out that I didn’t want anything to happen with Antoine. I’m sorry for upsetting you.”

  “I’m sorry for storming out. That was immature.”

  She kissed the bottom of his jaw. He kissed her on the tip of her nose.

  “My first impulse should have been to trust you.”

  “I’d never hurt you.” She blushed furiously at her own words. “Like that,” she added.

  Luckily his sense of humor must have returned, because he laughed at her for a moment before placing his hand on her burning cheek.

  “Kenzie, I love you.”

  She closed her eyes and willed away the tears.

  How could she have ever left this man?

  How could she still be thinking they might not make it?

  Unwilling to speak about it any longer, she jumped into his arms and wrapped herself around his waist.

  Their kiss was potent. Magical. A blend between the nostalgia of a first kiss and the serenity of a long-term love affair.

  He carried her to the bedroom, pushing her against the wall as his mouth covered every part of her face and neck that he could reach. He pinned her hands above her head and nibbled a trail from her elbow to her shoulder. She arched her back, driving the center of her desire into his belly, wishing she could slide a little lower to meet his erection.

  But he was in control right now, and she happily surrendered to him.

  His hand caressed her breasts through her shirt, but she wanted direct contact. Her frustrated moan must have signaled her need, because while maintaining the most potent eye contact she had ever experienced, he lifted the shirt over her head and tossed it to the floor. His intense stare fired her libido to the melting point, and she did feel herself melting.

  The wall was cold against her back, but he was a furnace to her soul.

  As much as she wanted his touch, his kiss, his everything, she couldn’t deny that having him look at her like a starving wolf on the prowl made her nearly explode without him having to do anything else to get her there.

  When he decided to pounce into action, he left no inch of skin unexplored. No nipple untweaked. No orgasm unbegged for. He had her screaming in minutes, and when she was no stronger than a ragdoll, he carried her to the bed where she watched helplessly as he undressed himself. She wanted to reach out to do the honors herself, but the show he put on combined with the noodle-like quality of her limbs kept her rooted to the mattress.

  Every muscle rippled as he moved, begging her tongue to trace along each line. Every sexy inch of him was magnified under the dim light of the bedroom lamp. She licked her lips as she stared at his bulging erection, watching the drop of moisture gather at his tip.

  She wanted to taste him.

  She found the strength to rise to her knees, where she crawled to the edge of the bed. She could feel his heat before she reached him, and when she reached out to pull his hips closer, he didn’t stop her.

  When she licked his tip, his groan of pleasure encouraged her. She gathered his heavy balls in her hands and gently massaged, rubbing them the way she knew he liked, with just enough pressure to bring pleasure and not pain. She nearly laughed at the memory of the first time she had tried to sexily grab him there when she was younger. They had nearly had to go to the emergency room. She had since learned that a gentle touch was a testicle’s best friend.

  She had learned a few more things, too, which she began to focus on.

  Her tongue swirled around his tip before she widened her jaw to accept his full girth into her mouth.

  He was gentle and insistent as he drove deeper into her mouth—never further than she was willing or able to take him. She melted as she tasted him. Her lips played him like an instrument and she reached across to grab his tight ass, which he flexed as he thrust against her willing mouth. Her mouth and lips slid along him, treating him like he was the finest dessert.

  Because he was.

  As she licked the underside of his head, he slipped his finger into her mouth, easing her away from his cock.

  She sucked on his finger as he laid her back on the bed. Pleasure tore through her as she watched his eyes roll back in his head. He removed his finger from her mouth and shoved her bent knees open, locking himself between them as he perched at her entrance.

  He used the finger she had been sucking to trace a line along her center. He teased her clitoris, smiling as it grew more and more engorged. He rubbed himself against her while she lifted her hips, begging him without words to enter her.

  When he wouldn’t, she wrapped her legs around his waist and pulled him in.

  She gasped as he filled her.

  They had done this thousands of times, but somehow it always felt new.

  With pelvic thrusts that would make any stripper
proud, he nearly brought her to completion. Just as she reached the brink and started to tighten her thighs against his hips, he slowed down.

  “Not so fast, love.”

  Ugh. Why not so fast? Why couldn’t they…

  He grabbed ahold of her and flipped them so he was on the bottom. Luckily he didn’t slip out of her, because she probably would have cried, and she had vowed not to make him feel bad with her tears.

  He played with her breasts while she rode him, starting slow, then increasing to match the tempo of her heart.

  She reached back and gripped his thighs, marveling at the rock-hard muscles. There wasn’t a soft part of him with the exception of his kind and compassionate heart.

  The heart she didn’t want to be without.

  Desperation cloyed at her like an unwelcome perfume. She couldn’t stop the flood of thoughts that dampened her flame.

  What if he decided she wasn’t what he wanted after all? What if her baggage was too heavy for him to bear? What if the life they had carefully constructed all those years ago was the only one he’d ever be satisfied with?

  What if he couldn’t love the changes she had made?

  “Babe, what’s the matter?”

  He stilled beneath her and reached up to push the hair away from her face.

  Shit. She had ruined the moment. Destroyed the passion they had built.

  She shook her head, eyes clamped tight. Desperate to get back to the pure joy she had been relishing before the intrusive thoughts took root.

  “Come here.”

  His voice was deeper than normal as he pulled her down to his chest. She rested her ear against his sweaty skin, listening to his thumping heart as it soothed her and lectured her at the same time.

  His belly rose slightly against her as he filled it with breath. In spite of her insanely unsexy intermission, he managed to stay hard inside her.

  “What’s bothering you?”

  How ironic that all this time she had wanted him to talk to her, and now she’d do anything to get out of the conversation.

  She lifted her head, leaning against his chest, and smiled, hoping to fool him.

  “Can’t fool me that easy, love. Do you want to stop?”

  “No!”

  “Then tell me what’s wrong.”

  “It’s nothing.”

  “It’s something. Come on, babe, don’t clam up on me now.”

  She sighed. She couldn’t ruin the moment by telling him what she had been thinking, so she made up something.

  “I thought I heard the cat.”

  “The cat?”

  “Yeah. But I think I was wrong.”

  “Okay…” His forehead was all wrinkled and his hair was a mess, and she had never found him more irresistible.

  She kissed him, closing off the negative thoughts and praying she could get back to where she had been.

  He met her kiss with equal fervor, his desperation matching hers. His hands were everywhere—in her hair, squeezing the back of her neck, rubbing her shoulders, sliding over her sweaty back. Her passion built to a crescendo, and soon enough she was thrusting again and feeling the warmth and tension that signaled an impending orgasm.

  She refused to stop kissing him, not wanting to put any space between them. She had to feel him on every inch of her skin. Her ankles twisted around his and her smooth thighs slid along his hairy ones. Her breasts pressed firmly against him as she kissed him with every bit of love she felt. The old love. The hurt love. The new love. The repaired love. The love of mourning. The love of desire. The love of family. The love of a best friend. The love of morning, noon, and night. The romantic love of a candlelit dinner and a morning-after box of chocolates.

  The lasting kind of love that couldn’t be beaten into the ground and trod upon.

  The nurturing love that needed two committed partners to make a full love.

  A lifetime love.

  Their love.

  With these thoughts, she spiraled out of control, into a passionate abyss where he met her with every stroke, with every stillness.

  Together they tightened and released. Together they let go of every earthly concern as they met at that place where soul mates thrived. Where the only problem was coming down off that high.

  She heard a gentle rumble in his throat several moments after they had collapsed from that high. Together.

  She rolled off him, but his arm pulled her back to cuddle into his side.

  She rested her head in the crook of his shoulder that had been carved out just for her and rested her hand on his hard belly, loving each rise and fall of his breath.

  She didn’t know when she dozed off, but she awoke to the delicious sensation of him licking her bare breast.

  Early morning rays streaked across his face as she watched him pay homage to all parts of her.

  And when he made love to her, it was gentle. Sweet. A promise.

  He brought her to orgasm easily, and both of them kept their eyes wide open.

  They remained side by side on the bed, each with their arms by their sides. Only their fingertips touched.

  Though the silence was companionable—maybe even reverent—she couldn’t shake the feeling that a storm was brewing. Like the highly sensitive animals who knew to flee to higher ground when a tsunami was about to occur, some inner sense told her to prepare for flight.

  But then he lifted her hand and brought it to his lips, where he let her knuckles remain with a half kiss. He appeared to be lost in thought.

  She couldn’t stop herself from asking the one question she knew men hated more than anything else. “What are you thinking?”

  He rolled to his side, his bent arm propping him up.

  “I’m thinking about that cheesecake that’s waiting in the fridge. Ready for some breakfast?”

  She smiled and traced his sweet lips with her index finger.

  “I can be convinced.”

  With a grin, he bolted out of bed. She watched his bare butt as he left the room.

  His bare butt was one of the many things she’d never want to miss out on again.

  “If you don’t hurry, I’ll devour the entire thing!”

  She slipped into his t-shirt, but left the rest of herself bare.

  He stopped mid-bite when she entered the kitchen.

  “Dammit, woman. You make me want to eat something much sweeter than cheesecake.”

  “Good,” she teased, reaching for his fork. “Then you won’t mind if I eat the rest of this?”

  He growled and buried his head in her neck, nipping her until she squealed.

  “Surrender the cheesecake or lose your virtue.”

  “I think I already surrendered that to you. Long ago, if memory serves me correctly.”

  She shoved a big bite of the mouthwatering cheesecake into her mouth, struggling to keep crumbs from falling to the floor.

  “All right. Just remember that you had a choice.”

  He swooped her off her feet, tossing her over her shoulder as he carried her to the shower, fork still in hand.

  “What are you doing?”

  The look in his eyes told her exactly what he was doing. She shuddered, anticipatory chills rippling over her skin.

  He made quick work of relieving her of his t-shirt, then checked the water to be sure the temperature was just right before he lifted her over the side of the tub, immersing her in the warmth of the water and the heat of his gaze.

  He had one leg in when the house phone rang.

  He hesitated.

  “Who would be calling at six in the morning?”

  The ringing stopped, so he smiled and joined her under the stream, pulling her to him as he hogged the water.

  The phone rang again. She could barely hear it over the water and the rush of hormones begging her to have her way with this fine specimen of a husband of hers.

  But it kept ringing. And ringing. And she couldn’t help but wonder if something was terribly wrong somewhere.

  “We have
to answer that.”

  He nodded, lifting his head from her breast, but looking like he was being deprived of his favorite thing in the world.

  She quickly washed her hair and her body, rinsed off, and was toweling herself off when he came back. He leaned against the doorframe, arms crossed over his chest.

  “Everything okay?”

  “It was the fire department. Our alarms were going off and they wanted me to let them in the building, but when I didn’t answer they ended up breaking the door.”

  “What?”

  “Everything’s fine. Just a malfunctioning alarm. But I have to head in early to get the door secured. Officer Jenkins is parked in front to keep an eye on the place, but I don’t want to make him stay beyond his shift.”

  “I’ll be right behind you.”

  He grabbed her for a kiss when she tried to pass through the door to get dressed.

  “Why don’t you take the day off? I barely let you sleep last night, and you’ve got a lot of catching up to do after all this time of running yourself ragged.”

  She wrapped her arms around his neck, not caring that the towel slipped to the floor.

  “I’ll sleep during the weekend. I already promised myself not to pick up any extra shifts.”

  He tensed so quickly and so harshly that she suddenly felt like she was hugging a slab of iron.

  She stepped back, overly aware of her nudity.

  “I thought you’d be happy that I’d be here more with you this weekend.”

  His eyes were hard.

  “You’re planning to keep working there?”

  “Of course. Why wouldn’t I?”

  She wished the floor would open up and plunge her to a secret dungeon where she could cuddle up with the warm and loving version of Gabe and not feel quite so vulnerable and under attack.

  “You’re seriously asking that?”

  He stormed away from her. She followed, watching him as he angrily shoved his bare legs into a pair of jeans.

  “Gabe, explain what just happened between us, because I have no idea why you’re so upset.”

  He paused with his hands preparing to button his pants.

  “Can you hear yourself? Your boss kissed you, and you’re going to keep working there?”