by Cheree Alsop
A sharp pain washed through me. I took a deep breath and matched the edges of the plate together. They fit perfectly. “I’m going to fix it.”
I left the room before she could stop me. I went to Dad’s tiny fix-it closet across from the bathroom and set the plate on the shelf that served as a repair bench. The super glue was where I remembered. I put some on one edge and held the pieces together until it looked as though it had never been broken. I studied the plate in the hallway light, smiled at the barely noticeable crack, and carried it back to the kitchen.
Dad sat on the stool I had used and stood up when I entered. “All fixed,” I said, holding it up for both of them to see. Mom smiled and Dad looked ashamed for a moment, then took the plate from my hands.
“I didn’t have the heart to fix it,” he said quietly.
A tear rolled down his nose and fell on the plate. I put a hand on his shoulder. “It’s okay,” I said quietly.
He gave me a hug. “I was afraid to wake up and find out that you coming home was only a dream,” he said in a shaken voice.
“Me, too,” I said. “But it’s alright, at least as alright as I can make it.”
He sniffed and sat back, the plate in his hands. “Yes it is.”
“Breakfast is ready,” Mom said, taking the plate from Dad. She set it in the middle of the counter with a proud shine to her eyes, then grabbed the warm bowl of omelets.
We sat down at the table and she said a simple, heartfelt prayer of thanks, then as I took my first bite she asked, “So are all werewolves ruled by maddening desire and bloodlust?”
I spit out my food in shock and stared at her. “What are you talking about?”
Dad pointed at her with his fork. “She’s been on that internet again. Was on it most the night looking up werewolf information. I keep telling her that stuff’s not to be trusted.”
I fought back a laugh. “You were looking up werewolves?”
“Researching,” Mom corrected sternly. “And I’d just like to cross-check a few facts with you.”
“Facts,” Dad chuckled. She shot him a chiding look and we both laughed.
“Alright,” I agreed. “But mostly because I’m afraid of what you’ve learned. And no, we aren’t ruled by maddening desire and bloodlust.” I shrugged. “I feel pretty much the same except that my hearing, sight, and sense of smell are stronger, and I definitely have more muscle than before.”
She felt my arm, then nodded like a nurse checking off something on a clipboard. “How about the moon?”
“On full moons, we have no choice but to be werewolves. That’s the only link that I’ve found.” I left out the way it felt to run in moonlight, the soft touch of light on my fur, or the way it beckoned even when I wasn’t in my wolf form.
She pursed her lips. “How about holy water? Can it kill you? If so, we need to get something that’ll-“
I shook my head. “Not holy water, but silver kills true werewolves, at least if it’s left to spread through the bloodstream for too long.”
“But not you?” Dad asked curiously.
I shook my head. “Something about the way I was made. Silver doesn’t bother me like the other werewolves.”
“It's nice to know you can still be human most of the time,” Mom said. She gave me a warm smile, but something hinted at the corners of her eyes.
“What?” I asked.
She shook her head. “It's nothing. I'm just really glad you're here.” She reached across the table and touched my hand.
I closed my eyes at her touch, memorizing the feeling of love that she gave so unconditionally. My chest tightened and I shook my head. “I don't deserve either of you.” I looked at Mom, then Dad, and blinked back a sudden surge of emotion. “I'm not a good person.”
Dad put a hand on my shoulder. “You are a good person. You just got a little lost, that's all.”
Mom nodded. “We always knew you would come around eventually.”
“After I killed my own sister?” I asked bitterly. I moved my hand out of her reach and shrugged from Dad's touch. “She deserves to be here. I stole her life and Debra's.”
“You didn't mean to,” Mom said, but tears showed in her eyes.
I dropped my head on my arms and said quietly, “I deserve to be a beast.”
“Maybe.”
Dad's soft reply knifed through my heart with such force I could barely bring myself to look at him. He met my eyes, his own firm and unwavering with a surety I had never seen before. “Maybe you needed to become this animal in order to appreciate what you have. You owe it to Colleen to not let this life go to waste.”
Mom looked from him to me, her eyes wide. I could tell she wanted to argue, to say I didn't deserve this, that none of it was my fault, but she didn't disagree with Dad.
“You have to live now,” Dad continued, his gaze holding mine. “You can't hide behind a bottle or a syringe anymore. You have to live a life worthy of both of you, because for some reason you were chosen to live.”
I blinked back tears at the faith in his voice that I could live up to such expectations, expectations I had never held for myself. “What if I can't?” I voiced the fear in my chest. “What if I fail?”
He shook his head. “You won't, because now you're living for someone else instead of just yourself.”
Thick silence fell in the kitchen. My hands felt heavy, like they held the weight of two lives in the balance instead of just one. I knew he was right. I knew I owed it to Colleen to live, but I knew I couldn't do her justice.
“You're always afraid of failing,” Dad said quietly. “That's why you never tried.”
Truth blossomed in my chest and I stared back at him, seeing my life hidden in a bottle and behind drugs, throwing away my dreams because I was so afraid of not reaching them I didn't even attempt it. I swallowed. “You're right.”
Relief showed in his eyes and I realized how worried he had been that I would take his words the wrong way, that I would be offended and disappear and they would never see me again. I clenched my teeth, vowing to never again be that person who had disappointed my parents and Colleen even though none of them ever said it. I would live for Colleen the way I hadn't died for her.
***
I stared out the window at the clouds below and tried to clear my mind, but all I could think about was Grace. My chest tightened at the thought of her name, and I couldn't help the smile that came to my lips when I remembered the feeling of her hand in mine and the way she followed me so trustingly. I knew I shouldn't think about her. She had just lost her fiancé and was so vulnerable with her blindness, but I felt things for her I never had for Renee. Letting Renee go was like a weight lifted from my chest, as if I was allowed to love again
I sat up at the thought and rubbed my eyes. I couldn't fall in love with her. She deserved her own life away from the destruction that followed me. She deserved to be safe, surrounded by her loved ones, not tagging around with some freak werewolf who didn't fit in anywhere. But even as I thought it, I knew she had already stolen my heart. Whether it was returned or not, my love was hers.
I fell asleep wondering about the lab where I met Grace. The thought spurred memories that swept over me in a dream.
Pain. Pain touched every nerve ending, every synapse, every fiber of my being. I tried to scream, but my limbs were weighted and my muscles wouldn’t respond. I opened my eyes, then immediately regretted the action. Light burned like fire into my retinas. Blinding tears clouded my vision. Something stabbed my arm repeatedly. I tried to move, to yell, to fight, but fluid ran up my veins and turned the pain into all-encompassing flames. My heart pounded harder and harder until the fluid reached it. It surged, fighting back, but the pain was too strong. My heartbeat slowed, then stopped. I felt myself slipping away.
White light jolted through my senses and my eyes flared open. Light flickered, then faded to the neon hum of emergency lighting.
“He’s alive, doctor, but the defibrillator shorted the facility. W
e’ll have to reboot.”
“Is he going to survive the change?” another voice asked.
“Too early to tell,” Dr. Tannin answered. “But it looks promising. How’s the werewolf?”
“She’s unconscious. We won’t know the effects of the surge until she wakes up.”
A pen wrote on a clipboard with a sound like fingernails running down a chalkboard. I faded into darkness.
When I opened my eyes on the plane, my heart pounded with a realization I couldn’t remember. “Are you alright?” Jet asked from the seat next to me.
I nodded, but couldn’t speak for fear I would forget whatever the dream had brought to me. I stared out the window at the clouds and the edge of sunlight that broke through and bathed the window in blinding white. Then it struck me like a sledge hammer. Grace had given me life, and in return, I had taken her sight.
I buried my head in my hands; anguish filled me so sharply I could taste its bitterness. If it wasn’t for me, she wouldn’t be blind. A voice in the back of my mind argued that she would probably still be at the lab or dead, but I had no way of knowing that. I rubbed my eyes and cursed quietly, then hit my forehead against the seat in front of me until the occupant turned and glared. I fought back the urge to bare my teeth and instead sat back with my arms folded, then turned and found Jet studying me, his gaze unreadable.
“Sorry,” I said.
“I’m not,” Jet began, then he shook his head and sighed. He ran a hand through his hair to push it out of his face and tried again. “I’m not very good at the emotional stuff.” He grimaced. “I don’t relate well, I guess.” He met my gaze again. “But if you need to talk, I’m here.”
I shook my head. His offer touched me, but I didn’t know my thoughts enough to speak them out loud. “I’ll be alright,” I said. “I just have to figure some things out.”
He nodded and I know I didn’t imagine the relief that crossed his eyes before he turned away and left me to the whirlwind in my mind. She deserved better. She cared and loved and trusted so much; she deserved far better than what I had done to her.
I glared at the reflection of my sunglasses in the window, then took them off and stared at myself with such loathing I was vaguely surprised the glass didn’t melt. At least then the man in front of me would have a reason to be upset.
I give her sight. The realization dawned on me with sudden warmth. The memory of the touch of her hand and the smile on her face filled me like the red pain, only it was with a surge of love so strong I could barely breathe. I could give her what I had taken. I could dedicate my life to her. Heck, I would dye my fur black and stay a wolf my whole life if it meant helping her see again.
But what if she didn’t want me? What if I wasn’t good enough for her? What if I told her I was the cause of her blindness and she refused to speak to me again? A shudder of true pain ran through me at the thought and I pushed it away, knowing that even the tiny bit of good I did getting her out of the lab wouldn’t be enough to redeem anything I had done before the accident. I had to be worthy of her. I would live in a way that would help her see the good person I could be.
Chapter 18
Jaze picked us up at the airport. “Good to have you back,” he said, pushing open the passenger side door of the SUV.
I slid onto the seat and set the small backpack I had brought back with a few possessions from my house at my feet. It felt comforting to have even a couple of things from my life before the accident. My heart raced at the thought of seeing Grace again and I could barely keep the smile from my face. Jet sat in the front seat and watched the scenery rush by.
“It's been a good few days,” Jaze said, his eyes on the road as he steered us out of the airport. He glanced at me in the rearview mirror. “We found Grace's pack.”
My heart skipped a beat, then fell. “Oh? I'll bet she's excited to see her brother.”
Jaze nodded and took the exit from the freeway. “They're meeting us at a motel in town. They drove out yesterday when we contacted them.”
“She's going today?” I fought to keep my tone steady.
He glanced at me from the corner of his eye and nodded. “She seems pretty excited.”
I didn't trust my expression and turned to stare out the side window. “I'll bet. She's been through a lot. It'll be nice for her to go home.”
“Yeah,” Jaze replied, but he didn't sound convinced. I glanced at him, but he kept his eyes on the road.
When we got home, Jaze motioned for me to enter the door first. I didn't think anything of it until a shout of 'surprise!' met me and everyone jumped out of hiding places behind couches and chairs.
“We're glad you're back!” Nikki exclaimed.
“I made your favorite meal,” Mrs. Carso said with a warm smile.
Taye threw her arms around Jet, joy bright in her eyes at having him safely back home again. Jet settled in his usual place against the door jamb to the hallway and she stood next to him with his arm resting protectively at her waist.
Grace waited quietly near the door to the kitchen. I crossed the room and touched her elbow. “I heard they found your pack.”
“Yeah,” she said. She gave me a quick hug. “I'm glad you came back,” she said quietly.
“Only to find out you're leaving,” I replied as softly.
She gave a sad smile, then looped her arm through mine. “Dinner awaits,” she said with a dramatic sweep of her other arm.
I laughed and followed the others to the kitchen, then stopped in surprise. I looked at Mrs. Carso. “How did you know I love lasagna?”
She winked. “Your mother called. She asked me to make sure you were taken care of, and volunteered to drive down and cook for you.”
I could picture my mom doing just that and shook my head. “She’s relentless.”
Grace pinched my arm. “You could use a little fattening up. Mothers know best.”
“Hey!” I steered her to a seat and took the one next to her. “You could too, you know.” I dished a big scoop of lasagna onto her plate, then handed her a fork. “That'll help!”
She explored the sides of the lasagna I had dished her, then shook her head. “I can't eat that much.”
“If you don't, I'll see that Mom does drive here. Between her and Mrs. Carso, they'll have to roll you out the door,” I threatened.
She shook her head with a smile, then dove into the lasagna.
“How did my mom get this number?” I asked when I was several bites in.
Jaze shrugged. “Must have been the website. Mouse hid it deeper, but she must be persistent.”
I nodded. “That's a very good way to describe her.”
“She also said you liked to wear socks to bed so your feet don't get cold and-”
I cut Mrs. Carso off with a wave of my hand and the others laughed. “Don't tell them all my secrets or I'll be powerless,” I pleaded.
She laughed. “Don't worry. Your secrets are safely between your mother and I.”
I rolled my eyes. “That's what I'm afraid of!”
***
When we pulled up to the motel, the door to number twenty-one opened and several guys close to my age hurried out. I helped Grace from the SUV, but was pushed roughly aside when she reached the ground. I fought down the urge to fight back and stepped away to let them by.
“Grace, I can't believe it's you!” A tall young man with Grace's brown hair and an obvious family resemblance wrapped her in a tight hug. Tears glittered in Grace's eyes as she returned the embrace.
“I can't believe they found you, Troy” she said, her voice tight.
He held her back at arm's length and looked her up and down. His gaze lingered on her sightless eyes; he glanced at me, then pulled her back in for another hug. “I'll take you home where it's safe. You won't have to worry about going through anything like that ever again.”
She nodded against his chest, her arms tight around him.
A knot tightened in my throat and I clenched my teeth before I co
uld point out how it was in his care that she was captured in the first place. Jaze cleared his throat. “We'll leave you guys to catch up. If you need anything-”
Troy cut him off. “We'll be fine, thank you.”
Grace stiffened slightly. “Troy, they've been so good to me. I owe them everything-”
“And they've brought you safely back to us, something I will always be grateful for,” he said in a reassuring tone while at the same time throwing us both a look that said he was relieved he would never see us again.
I glanced at Jet who waited next to Mouse on the other side of the SUV. He clenched and unclenched his hands as though he wanted to hit Troy. I knew exactly how he felt. It took a look from Jaze to calm him down. “We were happy to help,” Jaze said as though nothing was wrong. “We'll be leaving.” He touched Grace's arm. “It's been great having you at our home. If you need anything, you know the number.” She nodded and hugged him, much to her brother's frustration. Troy folded his arms and glared at us when she hugged Jet next, bringing an actual smile to his face. Jet then turned her to face me. She gave me a tight hug I never wanted to end.
“I'll miss you,” I said, longing to say so much more but unsure how to phrase it with her werewolf brother giving me death looks over her head.
“I'll miss you, too,” she whispered. She held me tight for a second longer, then let go. Troy grabbed her arm before she could say anything else.
“Let's go inside and get some rest. We have an early flight in the morning.” He lifted his eyebrows at me tauntingly, then led her past the rest of his pack and into the motel room.
Jaze, Jet, and Mouse climbed back into the vehicle. I waited until the door shut behind Troy's pack, took a calming breath, then climbed in after my friends.
“That was pleasant,” Jet growled.
Jaze huffed a humorless laugh. “Sometimes I wonder if Mason left certain werewolves alone because they weren't a threat to his plan anyway.”
“She'd be better off with us,” Mouse said softly.
“Definitely,” Jet agreed; I silently echoed them.
