by Cheree Alsop
We reached Jaze's house just as the last blush of pink faded from the edges of the horizon. The night felt darker with Grace's absence. I stopped by the door and stared up at the few stars that showed through a light cloud cover.
“You okay?” Jaze asked when the others had gone into the house.
I nodded, but I could tell he didn't believe me. “I think I'll go for a walk.”
“Watch out for Troy,” Jaze said knowingly. “He seems the sort that would rather tear you apart than talk to you.”
“What makes you think I'd be walking anywhere near him?” I asked with as much innocence as I could muster.
He smiled and shut the door behind him.
I started off down the road in the opposite direction of the motel. My shoes scuffed softly on the pavement while the scents of cut grass, traffic, and the last remnants of sunlight touched my nose. I couldn't enjoy the smell as much as I had with Grace. With her, I noticed all the things that I had taken for granted when I was human. I was my best self when she was near.
The thought changed my path and I started jogging in the direction Jaze had guessed I would go all along. I surprised myself by pausing at Jaze's house and depositing my clothes in a small alley behind his fence before phasing and continuing my journey in wolf form. It was much easier to follow the scent of Jaze's SUV back to the motel as a wolf, and I thought with a touch of humor that Grace would be proud of me learning to use my nose.
I hadn't planned on what I would do when I got there, but my heart sped up at the sight of a lone figure standing outside room twenty-one. I slowed when I drew near, but she turned at the sound of my paws on the pavement.
“Kaynan?”
I touched her hand with my nose and sent her a picture of walking along the road at night. I remembered her comment about her love of jogging before she went blind, and changed it to an image of running, the scenery blurring by with the call of the wind rushing past.
Grace's breath caught and her hand moved through my fur to the back of my neck. “Do I dare?” she asked softly.
I snorted at the thought that she would even ask and started forward. She had no choice but to walk beside me if she wanted to see. I listened carefully and smiled inside when she took a deep breath of the fresh night air and let it out with a sigh of relief. “It's nice to get out of there.” She paused, and then said, “I love Troy, but the pack gets a little intense sometimes, especially in close quarters. It was much more comfortable at Jaze's.”
I flashed her a picture of Jaze's house, but she shook her head, her sneakers soft beside me. “I can't. I've got my brother back and he'll never let me go.”
I wanted to ask her what she truly wanted, but was unable to in the confines of my wolf form. I couldn’t decide if that was a good or bad thing.
We walked along the street for a while, then turned down a dusty dirt road just outside the city limits. I picked up my pace, then felt Grace’s fingers entwine in my fur as she started to run. I glanced up and saw a look of pure joy and relief on her face. The expression sent a surge of happiness through me and I studied the landscape around us, determined to let her see every inch of the night we traveled.
My chest was heaving by the time she pulled back to a walk. “It feels so good to run again,” she said, her voice heavy with emotion. “I think I’d almost forgotten on purpose.” We walked in silence for a few minutes, then she laughed. “Sounds like you need to get out more.”
I snorted, a difficult feat while I struggled to catch my breath, but she just laughed again. A rush of pleasure ran through my body at the melody, light but full, like the song of a meadow lark combined with the last blush of moonlight before sunrise. I took a deep breath and let it out slowly to center myself. Grace’s fingers toyed with my fur, tracing patterns at the base of my neck while we walked.
The next field we passed had been allowed to run wild. Sunflowers stood almost waist high in several places, and even though their faces were lowered with the passing of the day, the scent of golden dew and summer still touched the night air. I led Grace through the fence and into the midst of the flowers. She ran her fingers along the silky petals and knelt to press her face against them.
“They’re beautiful,” she whispered, though to my wolf’s eyes, their true golden was washed to light gray with midnight centers. “Sunflowers were always my favorite.”
I sat on the ground next to her and sniffed one of the flowers she held out. Grains of pollen rose from the petals and tickled my nose. I turned my head just in time to avoid sneezing all over her.
She laughed again and rubbed the fur between my ears in a gesture that was so familiar it made my chest ache. “Bless you.” She sighed and settled on her back on the clodded ground. “Care to join me?” she asked, gesturing up at the sky.
Confused, I glanced up and realized she wanted to see the stars. I settled on the ground and turned not-so-gracefully onto my back. The position felt inappropriate and undignified. I put my tail between my legs to cover up areas I normally didn’t expose to others, and tried to concentrate on the stars above while Grace’s fingers rested gently on the soft fur of my chest.
“I used to stargaze with my dad when I was little. He’s the one that gave me the running bug. Mom used to joke that my feet never stopped moving.” There was a wistfulness to her tone when she spoke about her parents. She rubbed her eyes. “I guess some things do change.”
I took a deep breath, let it out slowly, then showed her the images from my dream on the plane. The power surge flashed, pain ran through my body, then everything grew dark. The image hung in the air the way my heart froze, suspended in my chest, waiting for the words that would condemn me for what I had done to her, for stealing her sight and her world away, for taking away even the simple joy she had in running. Because of me, she couldn’t go two steps without being afraid of tripping over something.
“I already knew.”
Her words, so soft and accepting I could barely believe my ears, started my heart again. I shook my head to deny that she could ever trust someone the way she did me while knowing what I had done to her, but her hand moved from my chest to my muzzle.
“I knew the day it happened. Dr. Tannin, the lead physician at the lab,” my heart skipped a painful beat at his name, “Said that the werewolf experiments had finally worked, but the subject it worked on died during the procedure and when they used the defibrillator to bring him around, the instrument shorted out the entire facility.” Her voice softened. “They were testing my brain capacity at the time in an effort to better understand us. The shock ran through the electrodes attached to my skull.” She stopped as though the pain of the memory made it too hard to describe.
I rolled onto my stomach, wanting more than anything to jump off a cliff if I could find one.
“It’s not your fault,” Grace said. She set a hand on my shoulder. “You didn’t do it. You wouldn’t have been there if it wasn’t for them.”
I would have been dead. The thought must have occurred to her too, because she leaned her head against my shoulder. “I know it might be wrong to say, but I’m glad you were there.” She lifted her face to mine. “I’m glad you’re a werewolf.”
Disbelief clouded my thoughts. I turned my eyes away from her features, softened by moonlight and lovely in their earnestness. Dark thoughts about the creature I had become, and the way it reflected what I had been inside before the accident, swarmed through my mind with sharp claws that raked across every gentle feeling I had for Grace.
“I wish I could see you,” she said.
I was quiet for a minute, then sent her an image of a scrawny wolf cartoon I remembered from the zoo. The wolf was a gangly puppy and had a plastic six-pack can holder around his four overly large paws. The cartoon reminded zoo visitors not to litter.
Grace laughed. “Not in your wolf form,” she said. “I want to see you as human.”
My breath caught in my throat. For some reason, the fact that Grace had never seen
me, yet trusted me with every step she took, meant so much to me. But maybe she should understand what I truly was, what she deserved to know about me; maybe then she wouldn’t trust me so much. It was what I deserved.
I showed her an image of me before the accident. I stood in a gas station bathroom staring at my reflection in the dirty mirror. Black hair, ratty and clumped by whatever drink Moe had spilled on me the night before, hung limp in front of brown eyes that stared back dull and uncaring, the sclera red from the high I was on. Track marks ran down both arms, ending in thin, pale hands with dirty fingernails. The hatred I felt for myself and the world I had created around me marred a face some might call handsome, but I found pale and indifferent. I realized as I showed the image to Grace that some of the ugliness I felt inside really had shown on the surface.
Grace’s breath slowed and her hand slipped down my shoulder to my foreleg, her fingers tracing softly where the track marks had been. She shook her head. “Show me you now, after the accident.”
I couldn’t refuse her anymore than I wanted the image of the old me to stay in her mind when she heard my voice or touched my hand. I closed my eyes and focused on the reflection in the Carso’s bathroom after we were rescued. My hair had a gleam of red among the black, and strayed in front of blood-red eyes that stared back at me with a mixture of self-loathing and despair. My jaw was tight and forehead creased, but something hinted in my features that had never been there before.
There was confidence in the angle of my head and cast of my brows despite the pain I felt, confidence at being relied upon, at being trustworthy. The confidence was brought by Grace.
“You’re handsome,” she said, a touch of surprise to her voice.
I snorted, as much at the comment as her surprise about it.
She gave a light laugh. “I’m not really surprised; I just thought that someone who spends as much time as you do hanging out with a blind person might have more motives behind it than just a good heart.” Her lips pursed and her head cocked slightly to the right at a teasing angle. “I guess you just have a good heart.”
I stood up and shook myself. She laughed and threw her arms around my neck in a quick hug, then jumped to her feet. “We’d better get back before Troy throws a fit.”
The thought sobered my enthusiasm. We jogged slowly back up the dirt road, then turned onto the paved one. I slowed near the hotel, but Grace’s steady hand kept me going. I walked her to the door of their room, my heart heavy and throat tight with unsaid words.
Grace touched the doorknob, then turned and dropped to her knees in front of me. She buried her face against my neck. “I'll be lost without you,” she whispered into my fur before rising and opening the door. She closed it before I could think of what to do.
“Where have you been?” Troy demanded angrily. I bared my teeth at his tone and fought back the urge to tear down the door.
“Running with Kaynan,” Grace replied calmly.
“With Kaynan?” I could imagine veins bulging from his neck and forehead. A soft growl rumbled in my throat.
“Yes, with Kaynan. He’s a perfect gentleman and has taken care of me since we escaped,” Grace said.
“I’ll bet,” Troy replied in an ugly tone. “Bet he couldn’t wait to take care of you.”
Something that sounded like a lamp crashed to the ground. “You have no idea what I went through there,” Grace said. Her voice shook slightly, but she continued in a tone that left no room for argument. “I was blind, scared, and alone until Kaynan came along and helped me escape.” Her voice caught. “He saved my life, Troy. If it wasn’t for him, I’d be dead like Gabe. He saved me from them and helped me find what sanity I had left.” Her voice drew close to a whisper and I strained to hear her next words. “I love him, Troy, and I won’t listen to you slander him. One more word about Kaynan and I’ll leave and never come back.”
I begged with the remaining breath I could gather that he would say something that would drive her from the room and back to my side. I waited by the door for a long time, but it never opened. Entirely lost as to what action I should take, I eventually turned and padded my way slowly back down the road.
She loved me. I said the phrase over and over in my head. I heard it in her voice, in her words, but could barely believe that she spoke about me. At the same time, my heart sang an echo of that love, daring to believe that I could love her as much as I wanted to, daring to hope that she might return it. I realized at that moment how much I had forced down until I knew that my future with Renee was over. A faint voice in the back of my mind questioned if it was fair to bring Grace into the wreckage that was my life, but my soul held her words in its palms and wasn’t willing to give them back.
***
I phased and pulled on my clothes behind Jaze’s house, then hopped the fence and slipped in through the back door. The kitchen was empty, a strange occurrence when my nose told me that Brock was in the house. Voices rose from the living room. I followed them with trepidation growing in my chest.
“Kaynan!” Jaze exclaimed when he saw me. He looked back at the others. “Let’s go.” He motioned for me to follow him out the front door and the others filed out after us.
Mrs. Carso watched from the door, her face pinched with worry. “Be careful!” she called out.
“We will,” Jaze reassured her.
“What’s going on?” I demanded.
“We just got a call from Troy. They’re in trouble.”
A flash of cold ran through my veins. “Keys,” I said to Mouse. He stared at me and I held out my hand. “Keys,” I repeated, giving no room for argument. He looked at Jaze and when the Alpha shrugged, he tossed me the keys.
I jumped into the driver’s seat of the SUV and had it started and in gear before the others had the doors shut. “Hold on,” I growled between gritted teeth. I floored the gas and we shot out of the driveway and up the road.
“How many are there?” Jet asked from the seat behind me.
“Troy counted four vehicles. We don’t know if there're others he can’t see,” Jaze said, his eyes on the road.
“How did they find her?” Panic raced through me at the thought that perhaps I had more than one tracking chip inside me, or Grace did despite her denials that they had never implanted one in her.
“We’re not sure,” Mouse replied from the backseat.
Reflectors brushed past us in a blur.
“Try not to kill anyone,” Jaze said in a quiet, calming voice. “They’ll still be there when we arrive.”
“How can you be so sure?” I growled.
“Because it’s you they’re after, not Grace. They know they can get to you through her.”
I shook my head against the thought that Grace was in danger because of me, but there was no mistaking Jaze’s logic. I slowed down.
“I don’t think you should be the one to pull up,” Mouse said quietly.
Everyone looked at him. He met my eyes in the rearview mirror, a gesture so uncharacteristic for him it caught my attention through the haze of panic that filled me. “Why not?”
“They’re waiting for you, right?” When I nodded, he shrugged. “What better way to throw them off then to not be where they expect you.”
The thought of being able to do something more than rush in blindly calmed the torrent of adrenaline that sped through my system. “What do you propose?”
Mouse smiled.
Chapter 19
I ran through the field behind the motel with a lighter in one hand and a paper bag full of fireworks in the other. I reached the back of the motel and used the garbage bin and a handy rain gutter to climb to the roof. I crawled to the edge on my hands and knees and voices rose to meet me.
“Where's Kaynan?”
My heart slowed at the remembered pain and fear associated with that voice. I pushed down the urge to phase and jump off the roof into the midst of the men massed below. Dr. Tannin waved a gun toward Jaze, Jet, Brock, and Mouse who had climbed from the S
UV. A dozen men stood around the group, armed and waiting for Tannin’s orders.
“I don't know,” Jaze said, his tone mild. “Troy said there was a group of thugs here, so we came to join in the fun.”
“Where's Grace?” Jet asked in the same level tone.
Dr. Tannin's shoulders tightened. “In the van, waiting for Kaynan,” he replied. He indicated a black van close to the edge of the motel.
“You better not've hurt her,” Brock said with a fierceness that surprised me.
“She's sedated with silver, along with her brother’s pack who’re currently sleeping off the effects in their room. I'll do the same to any of you who stand in my way.” The doctor brandished his gun. “Although this is loaded with silver bullets instead of tranquilizers; too bad werewolves have such an acute weakness. It really does add a chink to your armor.” His voice rose. “Lucky for you, Kaynan, we were able to fix that. Unfortunately, we couldn't take away your heart. Your friends are your true weakness.” He aimed the gun at Jaze.
I lit a firework, threw it back in the bag, then tossed it into the middle of Tannin's men. Sparks flew out, then fireworks lit and rockets went racing everywhere. My friends dove back into the SUV while Tannin's men ran for cover. Tannin swore and ducked under the motel awning.
Jet used the distraction to take down the first two men near him. He punched a third in the chest hard enough to stagger him back, then spun and kicked a fourth across the jaw, knocking him out cold and sending the gun flying from his hand. Jaze and Mouse followed close behind, taking down two more in a synchronized attack of punches and kicks. Brock waited near the SUV and watched the werewolves clear the area with swift efficiency. A door to a motel room nearby opened at the commotion, then shut again quickly followed by the sound of a bolt being turned.
Unable to stay out of the fight any longer, I jumped from the roof and landed on two men with guns, then bowled another one over with brute force. I picked up the body of a man Jet had taken down, grabbed him by the ankles, and swung him around to take out two other men; I then picked him up again and threw him at two more. They fell backward against one of the SUVs hard enough to dent the side.
