And so, as long as she had breath and will and strength, she would work toward what she wanted: a life with Kui Yu.
She still loved him, she realized. Even if he had given up such foolish and un-Chinese notions. And even if it meant sacrificing the honor of her children, that she could never speak with the Goddess Kwan Yin again, or that she would live a wretched life as Kang's tormented victim, she wanted to live. For and with Kui Yu.
No, she would not die. She would not allow herself the possibility. She turned away from the stillroom and headed for her bedroom and her husband. She would wait there to hear the results of his plan. She would wait for him, and together they would find a way to survive.
Together, in love, and most of all, alive.
A man bought a piece of paper on which some magic symbols were written. The seller claimed they had the power to keep mosquitoes away. When the man discovered that it didn't work, he complained.
"You must have put it in the wrong place," said the seller.
"Where's the right place?" the man asked.
"Inside mosquito netting."
Chapter 17
Shi Po hurried back to the room, opened the door, and was suddenly engulfed. She didn't even tense. She knew immediately the embrace was Kui Yu, and she twisted in his arms so that she could hold him with equal strength and equal desperation.
He buried his face in her hair. "Are you all right?" he asked, his voice muffled.
"Yes, I'm fine. And the boys are, too. They're guarded on the other side of the compound, but I know where they are."
He nodded. "Good. Good." But there was hopelessness in his voice. So she pulled back far enough to look into his eyes. What she saw there frightened her.
"You have given up," she said. She swallowed. "You have given in to Kang."
His eyes sparked with anger. "Never! Never think that. I would never..." His voice trailed away, as did his fury. His expression was bleak.
"What happened?" Shi Po asked, and she braced herself.
"We are to leave tomorrow. For Hong Kong."
She frowned. "Where is that?"
He shrugged. "An island near Canton. We go to see Zou Tun and the white woman, Lydia. That is where—"
"The temple," Shi Po realized. "Kang said they are building a temple there under the protection of the Empress Dowager."
Kui Yu nodded, walking over and half-collapsing onto the bed. "He thinks... He is mad.... He wants his son back. He wants to win over us—as well as to win over his son." He shook his head. "And he wants to win over the whites."
Shi Po rolled her eyes. "So does everyone. That does not make it happen."
"But... he now thinks Lydia is a weapon. That you... that you and she have a magical power to control men."
Shi Po could not understand. "There is magic, of a sort. That is the word we use, but not 'weapon'."
"I know, I know. But he does not. He sees everything as assets or liabilities in his war. Us, his son..." He gestured the futility of such thinking. "He is a general fighting an enemy he cannot defeat, whom he cannot even comprehend. And now he has lost his son."
Shi Po bit her lip as she understood what her husband was trying to communicate: that General King was helpless and dangerous. "He is looking for a solution, any solution—even if it is magical women," she realized. Then shock chilled her blood. "We are going to have to prove it. He will want to see this magic or..." Her voice stopped dead. They both knew what would happen if they failed.
"The boys, too," Kui Yu agreed.
Shi Po could barely breathe; her mind and spirit felt trapped, compressed into the smallest place—one that even now continued to shrink. "What do we do?" she whispered.
Her husband's voice caught as he pulled her into his arms. "I have an idea. But..." He took a deep breath. "But it is uncertain. Can you think of any others?"
She nearly laughed out loud. "Husband, you are the one who thinks up options."
He shook his head, defeated, but she felt him smile as he pressed a kiss to her forehead. "What of Kang's mistress? Does she offer any help?"
"Gone. I sent her to Little Pearl. Her disappearance will distract the General. I thought it might help with your plans."
She felt his body tighten with frustration. "My plans have failed. Your brother and my messenger to the Emperor—they can't help us. I do not believe the messages got through. Kang must have intercepted them."
Shi Po sighed and nodded. "They were good ideas, but we cannot depend on them." She shifted. "Is there another way to attack General Kang? To convince him or hurt him?"
Kui Yu thought in silence, then shook his head. "I do not believe so. I know of no weakness. I have but my one idea."
She agreed. She could think of nothing, either. "What is your plan, Kui Yu?"
Her husband took a deep breath, using the motion to tug her closer against him. He tucked her head nearer his shoulder. "We need help for it," he finally said. "We cannot accomplish it on our own."
Shi Po nodded. "Of course. But who?"
"The goddess Kwan Yin."
Shi Po stilled, and the pressure on her chest increased. Her breath became shallow and her heartbeat sped up, but she somehow managed to speak, her voice barely loud enough to hear. "You wish to seek her? Now? Through... practice?"
"Do you know of a better way to speak directly with Kwan Yin?" he asked. "To know she hears us?"
Shi Po shook her head. "But we may not make it to Heaven. She may not choose to appear. She—"
"Such is always the case with prayer," he interrupted.
"But... now?"
"The boys are safe. We leave tomorrow for Hong Kong. What other time do we have?"
"But..." She could not phrase her objection. Instead, shifting to face her husband, she found her mind completely blank.
"No!" he ordered, and his hands tightened to prevent her from moving. "I do not want you to reflect back my thoughts. Do not be a mirror, Shi Po."
She blinked, startled that he understood what had been going on. Her actions had been unconscious.
"You are the Tigress, Shi Po. I am merely a novice in this. Do you think we can do it? Do you think—"
"I have just resolved not to die!" she cried. Then she gasped, startled and confused.
He was confused as well, obviously, because this time he let her pull away, even pushed her back so that he could look into her eyes. "I am most pleased to hear that," he said slowly. "That is excellent news. So... why are you distressed?"
She threw up her hands to cover her face. "Don't ask me questions! I don't have any answers. I—" She swallowed. She didn't know what she thought. She didn't know anything anymore.
Then she felt his caress: both hands, large and gentle, moving up and down her arms. Her body relaxed. She uncurled a little and allowed him to pull her hands from her face.
He pressed his month to her nose—the closest he could come to her lips. "Do not think so hard, Shi Po. Only tell me what you are feeling."
She shook her head, and words flowed out of her as water through a crack in the ground. "I don't know. I just... decided I don't want to die." She lifted her gaze to meet his. "I want to be... with you."
This time, he had full access to her mouth. This time he could catch her lips with his, and she clung to him until he stopped kissing her. He pulled back again to look into her eyes. She knew he wanted to know more of her feelings, but she shook her head. She didn't understand and couldn't explain, not yet. But more importantly, she didn't want to remember—not who she was, or what she'd wanted to be. She only wanted him and their life together. It was freeing and terrifying at the same time. She kept her lips pressed firmly closed, and his expression became resigned. "You are right," he finally said. "This is not the time."
She nodded, grateful for the excuse.
"But we still need help for my plan," he said. "And we have only until morn—"
His words were cut off by her kiss. He wished to practice? He needed to speak with Kwan Y
in? She would do it. She would do whatever he wished. She would help him succeed.
"No." He pushed away, his frustration clear. "Tigress Shi Po, be honest. Can this be done? Can we speak to Kwan Yin? Now? Like this? You seemed hesitant before."
"If I say no, what will we do?" She asked.
He sighed. "We will try to escape."
"With the boys?"
He nodded.
"But won't the General be expecting such a move?" Shi Po asked.
Again her husband nodded, and his expression was grim. "Yes. And killing us would be one victory he craves. In his mind, he would believe it proves that those of your religion are charlatans, and he would feel he had the evidence he needs to move against the white woman, Lydia."
"He wants to regain his son," she agreed. "We cannot allow that to happen. And we cannot risk our sons."
Kui Yu didn't answer, but she could see the agreement in his face.
Shi Po reached to unfasten the clasps of the gown. "We will go see Kwan Yin," she pronounced. "We will beg for her help."
Kui Yu's eyes darkened, fixed on the fabric of the gown that began to slip open over her breasts. "So, it can be done?"
Shi Po merely shrugged. "It can be attempted. I can promise no more than that. Except..." Her hands stilled, and she was surprised by her thought. Indeed, it was so unlike her, unlike what she'd been taught, she wondered if it had truly come from her own mind.
"Except?" he prompted.
She met his gaze and allowed her puzzlement to shine through. "Except a woman in love can do many things." She straightened. "I love you. And I love my sons. Perhaps I—"
"We," he interrupted. "We can do many things with love."
She looked at him, ecstatic, then knew he had not said what she wanted. He had said "with love" not "in love." And yet, perhaps she didn't need the words. Perhaps her love alone was enough.
"I heard you speaking with Ru Shan," he suddenly said. "When you wrote his name on the list of Immortals."
She nodded. Not only had she written his name, but his white woman's name as well: Joanna Crane. That had been the beginning of this whole crazy time.
"He said that it was love that took him to Heaven, that love launched them both to the Immortal realm."
Shi Po nodded. She'd been afraid to believe it was true, and still was. She was worried that he was about to explain her failure to gain immortality as a lack of love. But he surprised her.
"Zou Tun and Lydia," her husband continued, "they attained immortality together. A man would have to be greatly in love with a woman to defy his father and give up an Empire." His eyes narrowed. "He could have been Emperor, but he gave that up to be with her."
Shi Po looked at Kui Yu. "You think it is love that completes the process," she prompted. "You think—"
"I love you." Her husband rushed the words out as if he could not bear to have them on his tongue.
Shi Po closed her eyes, her spirit shrinking.
"Lies will not serve us now, Kui Yu. Partners require honesty."
He was silent for a long time, long enough for her to grow concerned. Long enough for her to finally lift her gaze back to him. Only then did he speak.
"It is no lie, Shi Po."
She didn't dare argue with him, especially as he pressed his finger to her lips. He held it there while his other hand unfastened the rest of her gown. She had loosened the part that curved over her breast. He continued to free the fabric at her waist, then down along her hip, until it slipped open completely. She had not been given underclothing, so she was naked beneath the silk. The sudden rush of air was chilling.
Until, of course, his lips began to kiss her neck, her collarbone, and then slipped lower between her breasts. Only then did her husband begin to speak, his tone nostalgic. "You are nothing that I expected when I married you," he said.
He pressed her backward onto bed, sliding one hand over her left breast while his lips teased the skin on the right.
"I craved beauty. I saw your pointed breasts and creamy complexion, and nightly I dreamed of holding you in this way."
His hand began to move. He lifted and molded her breast until he squeezed the nipple. Yin surged inside her, strong enough to make her legs tremble. Her breast swelled, and the yin power of it pressed against his hand, seeking to connect with his yang.
"How I longed to taste you." His head descended to her other breast, and his tongue circled her nipple. Then, while she held her breath, he began to suck, drawing the pebbled peak inside his mouth, toying and nibbling while her entire chest began to throb.
He pulled back, drawing her breast with him, stretching her in a way that lengthened the power cord between her belly and breast, womb and nipple. It stretched her, and her yin vibrated harder, higher, faster—until he released her flesh and spoke again.
"After we married, I discovered that you had a mind: a strange and alien thing that twisted ideas in the most bizarre fashion."
She opened her eyes, startled. "I am... alien?"
He grinned. "Alien-brilliant. Genius is strange, I have learned, and a woman's genius even more so."
He sat up straighter and set both hands on her breasts, shifting and manipulating her yin power. He even emphasized his words with occasional squeezes or pinches that sent white-hot flashes through her body.
"I could not believe a woman had such intelligence. And yet, you do. Such a mind you have, I have had to stretch and strain to match you."
He leaned down to press reverent kisses to her breasts.
"I am smarter when I am with you," he said. He looked up and met her stunned eyes. "Believe me, I was shocked as well. But remember how quickly after we wed I came to ask your advice, to introduce you to business partners and to benefit from your opinion."
"I thought you were showing me your accomplishments, proving to me that I had made a worthy selection in a husband," she said.
He grinned. "It was that, too. But always I watched your reaction, always I asked your opinion."
"You mean, I always told you what I thought, whether you asked it or not. And whether in words or not."
He grinned and nipped again at her breasts. First the left, then the right, then back to the oh-so-wonderful left. "That, too, is part of your brilliance. And mine."
Her breath was unsteady now, and her belly quivered with rising yin. Then Kui Yu let his hands slip down her sides. They flowed around Shi Po's breasts, tightened along her waist, then flared over her hips and stopped. He held her there, keeping her still though she wanted to press closer to him, to move in rhythmic waves against him.
"You were so small, so delicate. I thought you the image of femininity, of the exquisite and the unattainable perfection that is the ideal." He scoffed. "A poetic heart was ever my downfall."
Shi Po nodded. "My hips are too wide, my legs too thick. Even my feet are large and badly formed," she said.
He tilted his head, looking down at her, as if considering her words. He shifted his hands to span her waist, then moved lower to measure her hips. He even slid them down to gauge the thickness of her thighs. He shook his head. "Your body is slim and delicate and beautiful," he finally stated. "But it is the strength in you that is so appealing." He laughed. "After all, I am a large man. I would not want to break you with my passion."
His good humor infused and warmed her, and she laughed too, surprised she could do so while her legs were drenched with yin rain. She was startled that the laughter enhanced the yin tide rather than stifled it. "You could not break me, Kui Yu," she chided. "You have ever been gentle."
Amazingly enough, he continued to laugh. "Not always, my wife." Then he abruptly lifted her leg away and pushed his thumb deep inside her. His eyes drifted shut in appreciation. She gasped, arching at the invasion, but spreading wider to allow him to deepen his presence. And as she moved, she heard him growl low in his throat. "Yes," he murmured, as much to himself as to her. "Oh, how I have missed your strength."
She felt her giggles cont
inue. "This is not strength, Kui Yu. This is..." What was this comfortableness, this wonder in each other's bodies? Love?
He opened his eyes, continuing to move his thumb inside her. It twisted while the rest of his hand flowed around her, caressing every part he could reach. "I am always stronger when I am with you," he said. "And not only this way...." He bent his first finger and rubbed its knuckle up and down over her yin pearl. She gasped as the yin tide roared through her.
"No, this is only strength of body," he said. "But when we join this way, when we touch each other"—he shook his head, obviously frustrated with words—"I am stronger. I gain from you. Together, we are unbeatable."
She frowned and thought. Could their spirits truly strengthen each other in mind in body? Could that happen from such contact as they now shared? More importantly, was it enough to defeat Kang? Enough to save their children? She reached out, needing to touch Kui Yu. She found his thigh and the corded muscles there. Without thought, she moved her hand higher, searching for his dragon, wanting his yang power in her hand.
And yet, she still doubted. "Do you truly believe that? That we are unbeatable together?"
He stilled his thumb, and she released a soft whimper. "I...," he began. Then he shook his head. "I feel it, Shi Po. Whether it is true or not, I feel it inside." He abruptly withdrew his hand from her body, and she sat upright with the sudden loss. "When we were apart, when you denied me this"—he sighed—"I was weak, aimless, and easily distracted. I looked for a substitute."
Her gaze dropped. She did not want to bring thoughts of his white friend Lily into this moment. But he raised her chin with his finger so that she looked directly into his eyes.
"I was wrong. We need each other, Shi Po. And there is no substitute." His words became a vow: "I will never look elsewhere again. I swear it."
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