Tales from a Not-So-Perfect Pet Sitter

by Rachel Renée Russell

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  In loving memory of my dad and hero, Oliver

  Thank you for teaching me to dream big, work hard, and NEVER give up!

  ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

  SQUEEEE! We’ve done it again! I’m thrilled to be adding yet another Dork Diaries book to our wonderful series.

  With each and every book, we keep bringing more fun, drama, and excitement from Nikki Maxwell’s wacky world.

  None of this would have been possible without the support of the following members of TEAM DORK:

  Liesa Abrams Mignogna, my SUPERCOOL and CREATIVE editorial director. Thank you for everything that you do! I’m always amazed at how you manage all the moving parts to bring this manuscript in under deadline. I have so much fun working with you. Knowing you’re still laughing out loud after reading my books inspires me to continue to share Nikki’s voice with the world. I can’t wait to introduce our ADORKABLE fans to MAX CRUMBLY and create even more incredible memories with you!

  Karin Paprocki, my TALENTED art director. I LOVE LOVE LOVE our puppy paw print book cover! You’ve produced yet another awesome cover that is sure to be a favorite. Thank you for your AMAZING art direction and for juggling AND surviving our CRAZY schedule.

  My wonderful managing editor, Katherine Devendorf. Thank you for your hard work on this series and for hanging out with us into the wee hours of the night. Your efforts have helped us finish yet another awesome book.

  Daniel Lazar, my FABULOUS agent at Writers House. Thank you for your honesty and support. You’re more than an agent, you’re a true friend and die-hard Dork champion. Thanks for believing in me!

  A special thanks to my Team Dork staff at Aladdin/Simon & Schuster: Mara Anastas, Mary Marotta, Jon Anderson, Julie Doebler, Jennifer Romanello, Faye Bi, Carolyn Swerdloff, Lucille Rettino, Matt Pantoliano, Teresa Ronquillo, Michelle Leo, Candace McManus, Anthony Parisi, Christina Pecorale, Gary Urda, and the entire sales force. There’s no way I could have done this without you! You’re the BEST ever!

  To Torie Doherty-Munro at Writers House; to my foreign rights agents Maja Nikolic, Cecilia de la Campa, and Angharad Kowal; and to Deena, Zoé, Marie, and Joy—thanks for helping me Dorkify the world!

  Erin, my supertalented coauthor, and Nikki, my supertalented illustrator. I feel so BLESSED to be your mother. Kim, Don, Doris, and my entire family—I am so happy to be sharing this dream with you! I love you all dearly!

  Always remember to let your inner DORK shine through!

  WEDNESDAY, APRIL 30—4:05 P.M. AT MY LOCKER

  Okay, I’ve tried REALLY hard to be polite about all of this! But . . . SORRY!! I JUST CAN’T TAKE IT ANYMORE!!

  If I hear MacKenzie Hollister’s name one more time, I’m going to . . . SCREAM!!!

  I can’t believe everyone at this school is STILL talking about her. It’s like they’re obsessed or something!

  “If MacKenzie were here, she’d LOVE this!”

  “If MacKenzie were here, she’d HATE that!”

  “This school will never be the same without MacKenzie!”

  “OMG! I miss MacKenzie SO much!”

  MACKENZIE! MACKENZIE! MACKENZIE !!

  ME, HAVING A COMPLETE NERVOUS BREAKDOWN BECAUSE I’M SO SICK OF EVERYONE TALKING ABOUT MACKENZIE!

  Listen up, people! MacKenzie’s been GONE for an entire week, and she’s NOT coming back!!

  So cry yourself a river, build a bridge, and get over it already!!

  Okay, I’ll admit it.

  I was as shocked and surprised as everyone else when she left so abruptly.

  But MacKenzie HATED MY GUTS and made my life totally MISERABLE.

  And, to be honest, it seems like she’s STILL here.

  I know this sounds weird, but it’s almost like I can FEEL her presence even now as I’m writing in my diary.

  But that’s probably because the TACKY JUNK kids are leaving for her IS HOGGING UP ALL THE SPACE AT MY LOCKER !!!!

  ME, TOTALLY DISGUSTED BY THE JUNK HOGGING UP MY SPACE !!

  I’m sure she’s LOVING that her former ex-BFF, Jessica, turned her empty locker into a “We Miss You, MacKenzie!!” shrine, complete with its own Facebook page!

  PUH-LEEZE!!

  It’s obvious to me that MacKenzie is STILL manipulating students.

  Especially after that very pathetic and overdramatic FAREWELL LETTER she e-mailed to our school newspaper this morning.

  The editor actually published it online for the entire school to read.

  OMG! MacKenzie went on and on about how she was tired of the needless suffering and had decided to end it all by moving on to a much better place.

  I’m sure she said all that stuff to make everyone feel SORRY for her.

  Just in case I decide to EXPOSE all the TERRIBLE things she did before she left.

  Just thinking about all this is making me so ANGRY I could chew . . . ROCKS !!

  I know I probably shouldn’t say this, because it’s kind of rude. MacKenzie reminds me of one of those disposable baby diapers!! Why?

  THEY’RE BOTH PLASTIC, TOTALLY SELF-ABSORBED, AND FULL OF POOP!!

  I STILL haven’t gotten over all the mean stuff MacKenzie did. Like stealing my diary, breaking into my Miss Know-It-All website, sending really mean fake advice letters to students, and spreading lies and nasty rumors.

  And now SHE’S playing the victim just because of a silly video someone sent around of her freaking out over a bug in her hair?! Yeah, right!

  Anyway, MacKenzie ended her so-called suffering at Westchester Country Day Middle School by moving on to a so-called better place. . . .

  Namely, North Hampton Hills International Academy!

  It’s a really posh prep school for the children of celebs, politicians, business tycoons, and royalty. Although, now that I think about it, MacKenzie just might fit in with the royalty at that school.

  Because she’s the biggest DRAMA QUEEN in the history of the universe !! . . .

  MACKENZIE, THE DRAMA QUEEN!

  Everyone is also RAVING about her new school.

  According to MacKenzie, it has a French chef, a Starbucks, riding stables, a spa, a helicopter landing pad, and a plaza of designer boutiques so kids can shop during lunch and after school hours.

  And get this! She said her school has ATM machines in every hall, right next to drinking fountains that dispense seven different fruit-flavored waters.

  But MacKenzie is such a pathological LIAR, I was starting to wonder if her FAB school even existed.

  I wouldn’t have been a bit surprised if she’d completely made it up just to impress everyone, when she’s really being homeschooled.

  So I googled the school and actually found its official website.

  OMG! I could NOT believe my eyes! . . .

  Calling North Hampton Hills International Academy “POSH” is an understatement!

  That place is AMAZING!!!

  It reminds me a lot of Harry Potter’s school, Hogwarts.

  I just hope MacKenzie is finally happy (assuming she actually even goes there).

  Hmm . . . I wonder if North Hampton Hills would award a full scholarship to a very deserving student in exchange for BUG extermination services?

  JUST KIDDING !!

  But hey, it wouldn’t be th
e first school to make a deal like that. RIGHT?!

  Anyway, now that MacKenzie is gone, MY life is going to be PERFECT !

  And DRAMA FREE !

  Well, I need to stop ranting writing and get going.

  I’m supposed to meet Chloe, Zoey, and Brandon at the CupCakery in twenty minutes, and I STILL need to change into my favorite dress.

  The cupcakes there are to DIE for!!

  SQUEEEEEEEE!

  !!

  WEDNESDAY—4:45 P.M. AT THE CUPCAKERY

  It was really fun chillaxing with Chloe, Zoey, and Brandon at the CupCakery.

  But inside my head I was doing my Snoopy “happy dance” while gleefully counting the number of MINUTES MacKenzie has been OUT of my life! . . .

  12,584, 12,585, 12,586, 12,587, 12,588, 12,589 . . . !!

  ME, DOING MY SNOOPY “HAPPY DANCE”!!

  The fact that MacKenzie was ACTUALLY gone was FINALLY starting to sink in.

  I felt really HOPEFUL and like I had a whole NEW future ahead of me.

  I was so distracted that at first I didn’t notice Brandon staring at me.

  Then he blushed and handed me the most beautiful cupcake with a pink heart on it.

  “Nikki, I’m glad we’re hanging out again. I know you’ve been through a lot lately, but I hope everything is okay,” he said shyly as he brushed his shaggy bangs out of his eyes.

  “Brandon, everything is just PERFECT!!” I gushed.

  Then we just stared at each other and blushed.

  All this staring, gushing, and blushing went on, like, FOREVER!! . . .

  BRANDON AND ME, STARING, GUSHING, AND BLUSHING AS WE SHARE A CUPCAKE!

  OMG, it was SO romantic!

  Suddenly dozens of butterflies started fluttering in my stomach.

  It made me feel very giggly and a little queasy. All at the same time. Like I wanted to . . . vomit . . . rainbow-colored . . . CUPCAKE SPRINKLES!

  SQUEEEEEEEEEEE !!

  As we stared into each other’s eyes, I could definitely sense something KA-RAY-ZEE was about to happen.

  AGAIN! Like, um . . . YOU KNOW !!

  Chloe and Zoey left from the table near ours to go to the shop next door to get strawberry smoothies. Which meant Brandon and I were alone !

  Mere words CANNOT begin to describe what happened next. . . .

  OMG!! I could NOT believe it was actually . . .

  MACKENZIE HOLLISTER ?!!

  Somehow she’d just appeared out of thin air.

  YEP! Brandon and I were the very unfortunate victims of yet another SNEAKY . . .

  BIG MAC ATTACK !!

  MacKenzie had a HUGE smile plastered across her face and was wearing Ready for Revenge Red lip gloss. Which, BTW, clashed with our pink cupcake that had somehow gotten stuck in her hair and was sliding down the side of her face.

  She slowly scraped off a big glob of smashed cupcake and licked the frosting off her finger.

  “Sorry about that!” she snickered. “My BAD!”

  Then she smiled wickedly and said the most ridiculous thing. . . .

  MACKENZIE, RETURNING OUR CUPCAKE!

  OMG! That cupcake fiasco was so disgusting, I felt like throwing up AGAIN !

  That’s when I suddenly realized I was completely WRONG about MacKenzie. She WASN’T gone from my life forever!! YET!! But I was about to “fix” that little problem.

  HOW?! By grabbing her wretched little neck and force-feeding her cupcakes until frosting oozed out of her ears.

  MacKenzie was CRUEL and RUTHLESS! Not only did she RUIN my cupcake dessert, but she rudely INTERRUPTED my almost SECOND KISS with Brandon !

  (Which, unlike the first kiss, did NOT involve helping the needy children of the world!)

  I looked right into her beady little eyes and could see she’d done all that just to undermine my relationship with Brandon.

  “MacKenzie!!!” I gasped in shock. “WHAT are you doing here?!”

  “I just came over to say hi. We haven’t seen each other in AGES! And wow! You haven’t changed a bit, Nikki!”

  “That’s probably because it’s only been a week, one day, eight hours, fifty-four minutes, and thirty-nine seconds. But hey, who’s counting?!” I muttered.

  Then I totally lost it and screamed, “MacKenzie, next time try staying away LONG enough for me to actually start MISSING you! You know, like maybe twenty-seven YEARS!!” But I just said it inside my head, so no one else heard it but me.

  I could not believe what that girl did next!

  She totally ignored ME and started FLIRTING shamelessly with BRANDON!!

  “So, Brandon, wanna hang out this weekend? I’ll tell you about North Hampton Hills. You’d love it there. You should transfer!” she said, batting her eyelashes all flirtylike as she twirled her hair around and around her finger in a blatant attempt to hypnotize him to do her evil bidding. . . .

  MACKENZIE, SHAMELESSLY FLIRTING WITH BRANDON!!

  “Actually, MacKenzie, Nikki told me everything! Sorry, but I DON’T hang out with SOCIOPATHS!” Brandon said, shooting her a dirty look.

  “Well, YOU shouldn’t believe everything your little friend tells you, Brandon!” MacKenzie snarled. “Especially when she hasn’t been taking her MEDS!”

  I could NOT believe that girl was talking TRASH about me right to my face like that. Especially in front of my CRUSH!!

  Then MacKenzie scrunched up her nose at me like she smelled something REALLY bad.

  “So, Nikki, would you like a Tic Tac breath mint? All that GARBAGE you’ve been SPEWING about me is making your breath STINK!”

  “No, MacKenzie. Actually, YOU need to use that breath mint WAY more than I do! You’ve been talking so much TRASH and telling so many LIES that YOUR breath stinks worse than my mom’s cabbage-and-bologna casserole rotting in a hot garbage bag in July!” I shot back.

  That’s when MacKenzie got all up in my face like an ortho retainer.

  “Nikki, you’re a worthless FAKE!! You shouldn’t even be attending WCD. Thank goodness I don’t go there anymore.”

  “Oh, really? Well, thank goodness you LEFT! And, MacKenzie, YOU’RE such a FAKE, Barbie is JEALOUS!! But what I don’t understand is how you can be so mean and cruel to other people! Is it because you’re so insecure? Sorry, but no one is perfect. Not even you, MacKenzie. So you can stop pretending to be.”

  For a split second she actually looked kind of stunned. I guess I must have hit a nerve or something.

  Or maybe she was wondering how I knew she was obsessed with trying to be perfect.

  “Unless your name is Google, you need to stop acting like you KNOW everything, Nikki! I’m WARNING you! If you go blabbing my personal business, you’re going to regret it. I’ve read your diary, and I know ALL your little secrets. So DON’T mess with me, or you and your pathetic friends will be kicked out of WCD so fast it will make your head spin!”

  “This is between you and me, MacKenzie! Just keep my friends out of it! Dragging innocent people into this is NOT fair!”

  “Not FAIR? Really?! You know what THAT sounds like? NOT. MY. PROBLEM!”

  I just stared at her in disbelief as she stared back at me with her cold, icy blue eyes. Our conversation was interrupted when several students walked into the cupcake shop.

  And get this!! They were dressed in the EXACT same school uniform as MacKenzie!

  When she saw them, her mouth dropped open and she looked like she had just seen a ghost or something!

  Of course that immediately made me VERY suspicious.

  MacKenzie has lied SO often about SO much for SO long, I was beginning to wonder if she really even attended North Hampton Hills.

  FINALLY! I was about to find out the TRUTH!

  !!

  WEDNESDAY—5:10 P.M. AT THE CUPCAKERY

  OMG! MacKenzie was acting totally SCHIZOID!

  Just two minutes ago, she was Miss Thang with a funky attitude, talking trash and all up in my face like NOSE HAIR.

  But NOW she was a nervous wreck and more uncomf
ortable than a fat, slimy worm on a hot sidewalk.

  And I was LOVING every minute of it.

  She frantically wiped the frosting out of her hair and then said to Brandon and me, “Well, I really should be going now. I have a ton of homework to do. Later!”

  But before MacKenzie could sneak away, her classmates spotted her and rushed over to talk.

  She quickly plastered on a fake smile. . . .

  MacKenzie gazed nervously at Brandon and me. “Actually, they were just leaving. They both have a ton of homework to do. So maybe next time, okay?”

  But in spite of her objections, her classmates hurried over to introduce themselves.

  “Okay! So YOU must be Nikki! I’m Presli. OMG! MacKenzie told us all about her very cool band, Actually, I’m Not Really Sure Yet, and her record deal. It was SO nice of you to agree to stand in for her as lead singer while she had her tonsils removed. Anyway, we want Actually, I’m Not Really Sure Yet to perform at our eighth-grade graduation party, and MacKenzie said she’d think about it and let us know!”

  “Hi there! I’m Sol, and YOU’RE Brandon, right?! You and MacKenzie are the CUTEST couple EVER! No wonder the two of you were crowned Sweetheart Prince and Princess at your Valentine’s dance. MacKenzie said you’ll probably be transferring to North Hampton Hills next year. You’re going to LOVE it!”

  “Hey, what’s up, Nikki! I’m Evan, and I’m the editor of the school newspaper. MacKenzie told us you helped her with her SUPERpopular advice column, Miss Know-It-All. I’m trying to get her to do an advice column for our newspaper too.”

  “I know the two of you are really missing MacKenzie,” Presli continued. “It was SO sweet of you to decorate her old locker! She showed us a photo, and it was ADORABLE!”

  “Yeah! How many students would volunteer at Fuzzy Friends, run a book drive for the school library, ice-skate to earn money for charity, AND create a line of designer fashions for homeless animals?” Sol gushed. “MacKenzie’s an ANGEL!”