Once Burned (Firehouse Fourteen Book 1)

by Lisa B. Kamps

  Captain Nelson blew out a deep breath and shifted in the chair as he fingered the buttons on his clean white shirt. Another long minute went by in silence before he finally stood and fixed the two of them with a hooded expression that didn’t quite hide his displeasure.

  “Your cowboy tactics are going to stop, both of you. Especially you, Donaldson. I won’t stand for anymore freelancing from my crew. The next time either one of you charge ahead like that, I’ll see to it personally that days are lost.” He leaned over the desk and hastily scribbled on the forms spread out in front of him. Mike turned to Jay and rolled her eyes at him, her patience strained. Jay shot her a warning look that hinted at his anger but said nothing.

  The captain finished his scribbling then pushed two identical forms across the desk toward them, placing a pen on each one. He straightened and fixed them both with what Mike guessed was supposed to be a stern glare. Its meaning was lost on her. “I want you both to sign these. Consider this your first and only warning. The next time it happens, I will take stronger action.”

  Mike glanced down at the paper, not surprised to see that it was a disciplinary action form. Her eyes skimmed the narrative section, her emotions carefully neutral as she read how she and Jay were guilty of insubordination and failing to follow orders. She almost asked if there was a form for cowardice but was stopped by Jay’s nudge. She slid him another glance then grabbed the pen and hastily scrawled her signature across the bottom line, then shoved the form back as Jay signed his own. She turned to leave but was stopped by the officer’s next words.

  “You especially, Donaldson,” he repeated. “Your attitude needs a lot of work. Is that clear?”

  Mike bit down hard on her tongue then slowly nodded, just a curt motion with her head. “Yes, sir.”

  She turned her back on him and walked out of the office, careful not to stomp or slam the door, or mutter anything within hearing distance. She made it to the locker room before her temper exploded. “What a fucking asshole!”

  “Not so loud, Mike. Do you want him to follow through with his threat? Because he will. You know that.” Jay cautioned in a quiet voice as he slumped down on the bench.

  “Screw him. Who does he think he is? A fucking coward. I wish to hell they would just promote him and be done with it. This is ridiculous.” Mike opened her locker and rummaged through the shelves, grabbing a washcloth and towel before changing her mind and putting them back. She slammed the door closed, the metal echo ringing loudly around them, then took a seat on the bench next to Jay. She leaned back against the locker, welcoming the coolness of the metal against her still-damp skin.

  The smell of smoke and sweat was thick around her, and she knew she should just get up and go take a shower. The longer she waited, the worse the smell would be, and the stiffer she would feel later. That’s what she told herself, but she still didn’t move.

  Not when Jay was sitting next to her, anger and frustration rolling off him in suffocating waves. It was one thing for her to be written up. From Captain Nelson’s point of view, she probably deserved it. But not Jay. And it was her fault he had been pulled into the situation at all.

  “Jay, I’m sorry. He shouldn’t have written you up. None of that was your fault.”

  And it wasn’t. Mike was the one who had decided to charge ahead by herself, grabbing the line and running inside before Jay even had time to make it to the front door. And she was the one who ignored Captain Nelson’s order to move back.

  Yeah, she had heard him. But she hadn’t listened and went charging in anyway. It was a simple case of being stubborn, coupled with uncharacteristic tunnel vision.

  And what she had thought was a simple room and contents was, in fact, a fully involved dwelling. But she hadn’t cared and went charging in anyway, not realizing that Jay had caught up to her. No, she hadn’t realized, but she had known he would anyway, because the two of them had worked so closely together for so many years.

  And now their captain was pissed because she had disobeyed his direct order while he stayed outside and overheard comments from another crew about his lack of leadership because of it.

  The silence stretched around them and Mike shifted on the bench, her discomfort growing with each passing minute. She knew Jay was upset with her, even if he hadn’t said anything about it yet. Her eyes shifted to the left and took in the rigid set to his shoulders, the strain in his eyes as he stared at the faded tile floor.

  She let out a breath, wondering how long it would be before he said anything.

  But the minutes stretched by, filled with tension, and Jay still didn’t move. Mike finally stood and opened her locker again, taking out her shower gear and tucking it under her arm.

  “I don’t know what else to say, Jay. I’m sorry, okay? I just wish, I mean, if you want to yell, then yell. Or something.”

  “What do you want me to say, Mikey?” Jay pushed himself from the bench and walked over to his own locker, yanking the door open so hard that it crashed into the locker next to his. “It sucks we got written up, but there’s not a damn thing we can do about it. And as much as I’d love for you to take the blame, I can’t because I was just as guilty. You’re right, he’s an ass.”

  Mike watched Jay, not sure what she should say, or if she should say anything at all. He grabbed his own shower kit then slammed the door and stared at her.

  “I just wish the hell I knew what was going on with you.”

  “What?” Mike stared at him, not hiding her surprise. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

  “It means that you’ve been so distracted lately, it’s like you’re somewhere else. But you won’t tell me what’s going on, so I have no idea how to help.”

  “I don’t need help, okay? I’ve just got a lot on my mind, and it doesn’t concern you.”

  “Yeah? Think again. It sure as hell concerns me once it starts affecting what you do here.”

  “What the hell are you talking about?” She was raising her voice but she didn’t care. Jay’s accusation was coming out of nowhere and she had no idea how to respond.

  “Just what I said. You have been so out of it the last week, it’s like you’re moving on autopilot only in a different world. You’re so distracted that you’re not even paying attention to anything else going on around you.”

  “Jay, what the hell? I have not been distracted!”

  “Yeah, you have. I have no idea what the hell is going on with you and Nick, but you need to figure it out now, before something else happens.”

  Mike opened her mouth to say something then quickly snapped it shut. She had no idea what she was going to say, only what she wanted to say, and it wouldn’t have come out the right way, no matter how she said it.

  So, for once, she bit her tongue and said nothing and just stared at Jay. She finally shook her head, pulled her shower gear closer to her, and walked past him. They both needed a few minutes to calm down, to separate and put distance between them.

  Part of her wondered if she was thinking of Jay.

  Or of Nick.

  CHAPTER THIRTY

  The presentation was another failure.

  Nick studied the students at their desks, noting the bored expressions, the barely restrained sighs, and the closed eyelids. Jay’s voice from the front of the room droned on and Nick knew without a doubt that the man was finding it painful to continue.

  Nick couldn’t blame him. He had been teaching most of these kids for the last three and four years, and even he would have found their decided lack of interest intimidating.

  He glanced down at his watch and saw they only had ten minutes left. His eyes searched out Kayla, immediately finding her in the last row, back in the corner. She sat still in her seat, her head tilted down as if the scarred desk held something infinitely more interesting than whatever Jay was saying. She must have felt his eyes on her because she suddenly looked up and met his gaze with a questioning look, as if asking why he was watching her.

  Nick looked away,
turning back to watch the students, not surprised that even more of them were now fidgeting in their seats. He finally pushed away from the wall where he had been standing for the last twenty minutes and interrupted Jay with one hand in his direction.

  He noticed the brief flicker of relief that crossed the man’s face and felt himself smile just a bit in acknowledgment before turning to the class.

  The sudden silence caught the attention of most of them. Nick strolled down the second aisle and stopped at one desk, waiting for the boy to look up at him. When he didn’t, Nick finally reached over and took the smart phone from the boy’s hand, noticing the screen opened to a cover model site.

  “Mr. L, c’mon!”

  “Not bad, Sam, but let’s save this for later, okay?” Nick cleared the phone and powered it down before handing it back with a small smile. “Sam, what do you think the point of this class is?”

  “Don’t drink and drive.” The boy’s answer was immediate and monotone in typical teenage fashion. Some of the girls around them giggled and Nick smiled. He had picked Sam for a reason, knowing that he was popular with many of the students, especially the girls.

  “Well there you have it, ladies and gentlemen. Don’t drink and drive. I guess we should have just let Sam stand up and give the class so we could have all been done by now.” More laughter erupted around the room, including Sam’s.

  Nick continued walking between the desks, making sure to meet as many of the students’ eyes as possible. Yes, this is boring and unnecessary but we have to do it, his grin told them. He stopped at another desk and reached over, closing the fashion magazine that laid open in front of another student. “Renee, why don’t we drink and drive?”

  The girl shifted to look up at him, knowing she had been busted but playing his game willingly. “Because it’s illegal.”

  “Not bad, Renee, not bad at all. I knew there was a reason you guys were all honors kids.” More laughter. Nick realized he should have done this earlier, should have taken the lead and gotten the class to relax before anything had even started. Next time, he told himself.

  He looked around once more, noticing that all eyes were now on him, including Kayla’s. She watched him, her gaze curious, her face relaxed and at ease. For some reason, that made him uncomfortable. He looked away, finally moving back to the front of the class.

  “Why else? Anyone?” He motioned around the room, letting the class know that it was now an open discussion.

  “Because it’s dangerous.”

  “Because you can get hurt.”

  “You can die.”

  They kept calling out the answers, talking over one another, repeating themselves. But it was that one answer, you can die, that kept ringing in Nick’s ear. He knew the room hadn’t grown silent, knew that the students were still shouting out answers and talking, that the simple phrase hadn’t had the same impact on them as it had on him.

  Everything froze around him. Or maybe he was the one frozen, because he could still hear the students’ voices, saw them moving around in their seats, saw their smiles and heard their laughter.

  He finally looked toward the back of the room, searching out Kayla, wondering how the sudden eruption around them affected her. But her reaction wasn’t what he had expected or feared. He had thought that maybe hearing those words would upset her, that he would see some kind of horror or even blame on her face.

  Instead, she was watching him, her head tilted to the side, the green of her eyes so vivid even from this distance. And he didn’t see horror or fear or even blame. Instead, he saw concern.

  The instant he recognized the concern and realized that it was concern for him, everything around him returned to normal. He no longer felt frozen, as if he had been set apart from everything around him for that brief confusing minute.

  A bell rang somewhere in the background and he recognized it as the dismissal bell. All around him, the class came to life as students pushed away from their desks and hurried past him, talking and laughing amongst themselves, some even telling him goodbye. He responded, he was sure he did, but the air around him still made him feel as if he was suspended. There but not there, waiting.

  “You know, if you had done that to begin with, this whole thing would have gone so much smoother.”

  Nick shook off the weirdness holding him and turned to face Jay, his mind finally catching up with everything else around him. Jay was bent over the desk, piling his paperwork together with a slight grin on his face.

  “Um, yeah. I guess I should have. Sorry, I’ll be sure to do that next time.”

  “At least they took more of the pamphlets this time.” Kayla stopped next to him and held the pamphlets out for Jay then turned to face Nick. “Not bad. It kills me to say this, but Jay was right. You’re actually pretty good with them. They listen to you.”

  Kayla’s brief words of praise made him speechless and he had no idea how to respond. But the moment passed as Kayla moved past him to help Jay finish packing. And still Nick didn’t seem able to move or to speak. What had happened to make him feel like he was so far removed from everything around him? Here, but not here.

  “Hey, Nick.” He opened his eyes at the sound of Kayla’s voice so close to him and was surprised to find her standing inches away. Her hand rested on his forearm and squeezed. “Are you okay? You look, I don’t know, like you’re out of it or something.”

  “What? Oh, no.” Nick gave himself a mental shake a forced a smile, surprised at Kayla’s concern. “No, I’m fine. Just deep in thought, I guess.”

  She watched him for another few seconds then shrugged and turned back to Jay. Nick didn’t pay them much attention, his mind already back to the last few minutes of the class.

  They had been more receptive than the previous class. And yes, they had even take a few more of the pamphlets. But Nick didn’t fool himself into believing they’d taken anything to heart. What was it Kayla had said that first time?

  They thought they were immortal. Invincible.

  Nick knew she was right—because he had been the same way.

  And had nearly killed Kayla because of it.

  He turned back to his desk and absently shuffled through the paperwork and files that never seemed to go away. But he wasn’t really seeing them because his gaze was focused on Kayla. She was talking to Jay, laughing softly at something he said, the corner of her mouth turned up in a small smile. Her dark hair was pulled back into a plain pony tail, the end of it swinging against the back of her dark blue polo shirt. She shouldn’t have commanded his attention, not dressed as she was in her shapeless uniform, but she did.

  And she always had.

  Looking at her now, he realized again that she was right, had always been right. No matter what they said or did with these presentations, none of it would get through to the kids because they were invincible.

  They had to make it more personal.

  Nick thought again about the pictures Kayla had suggested they use, but he still didn’t think that would make a difference. The pictures were graphic, yes. Could it bring the point home? To some, maybe.

  But the pictures, despite how real and graphic they were, still didn’t make it personal.

  Nick’s breath caught in his throat and his heart stuttered in his chest at the thought that suddenly slammed into him. But no, that was too personal. And he knew that Kayla wouldn’t appreciate it.

  He didn’t think he would, either.

  He shook his head, pushing the wayward thought from his mind, and looked up. Both Kayla and Jay were watching him expectantly. He offered them a half-hearted smile and a small shrug, silently admitting that he hadn’t been paying any attention.

  “Next one’s in two weeks, right?” Jay asked, looking down at the small calendar in his hand.

  “Yeah. But it’s going to be a little different than these last two. With holiday break coming up, senior faculty decided to have the next one in the auditorium so everyone could participate.”

 
Jay looked up, the surprise clear on his face. “Everyone? As in how many?”

  “The entire senior class.”

  “Nothing like a little heads-up! Shit. When did they decide this?”

  Nick grabbed a stack of files from the desk and jammed them into his briefcase. “This morning. I didn’t have a chance to tell you when you got here.”

  “Great. Wonderful.” Jay shook his head as Kayla laughed and jokingly elbowed him in the side.

  “Don’t worry, Jay, you’ll be fine.”

  “Easy for you to say. I’m still not used to talking in front of groups.”

  “You’re fine, stop worrying.”

  “Well, if it’s any consolation, this will be the last presentation, then you’re off the hook.” Nick grabbed his briefcase and started walking to the door, motioning for Jay and Kayla to follow him.

  “Last one? Why?”

  “The program was geared to reach the senior class only. And since they’ll all be there, you won’t have to worry about coming back.” Nick pulled the door closed behind them then led the way up the hall, noticing the relief that crossed Jay’s face.

  “Well, at least there’s an upside, I guess.”

  “Jay, you’ll be fine. Just think, you can go out with a bang.” Kayla jokingly nudged him again, but Nick didn’t miss the expression that quickly passed across her face.

  Or was he just doing some wishful thinking? Because he could’ve sworn something like disappointment had flashed in her eyes and the subtle downward tilt to her mouth.

  Yes, some kind of expression had crossed her face. But was he reading into it? He tried to tell himself he was, that he was seeing disappointment where none existed, that he was being foolish for thinking that Kayla might actually miss their forced time together.

  But that didn’t stop him from hoping.

  CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE