To Hell And Back (Hellscourge Book 2)

by Diem, J. C.

  Shoving my hands in my pockets, I watched him until he became distant. He might like the new me, but I didn’t even know who she was. I’d always kept him at a mental arm’s length, but now I’d lost that reserve. I had a feeling I knew where to lay the blame for this particular personality change. The demons that resided inside me had given me more than just speed and strength. They’d also done away with my inhibitions.

  Sam appeared beside me and I started in surprise. “That looked like it went well,” he said with a wry grin.

  “Something is very wrong with me,” I replied. “I’ve never reacted to him like that before.”

  “Do you think your inner inhabitants have something to do with it?”

  “What else could it be?”

  “Love?” he ventured.

  “I care about Zach, but I haven’t dated him long enough to classify it as love yet.”

  “Then why did you allow him to buy you such an expensive ring?” He lifted my hand and we both examined the ruby.

  “How much do you think it cost?” I asked.

  “Thousands,” was his succinct reply. “Do not look so terrified. It is not as though he cannot afford it.”

  “I feel ill,” I said and put my hand on my stomach.

  “Tea will make you feel better,” he commiserated. I made a face, having just polished off my second large mug of the beverage. “We should head back,” he added. “The others will be wondering where we are.”

  I checked my watch and saw that we’d been gone for nearly three hours. “You’re right. We’re lucky they haven’t come looking for us yet.”

  “Is that so?” Brie said from right behind me. With a yelp of surprise, I turned to find her, Leo and Nathan lined up side by side. “What have you been up to?” she asked suspiciously.

  “Does it look like we’ve been ‘up to’ something?” I said with as much sarcasm as I could muster. All three angels examined us without speaking. “I just meant I’m surprised you guys didn’t come to check on us sooner.”

  “We were getting worried,” Leo admitted. “Your walks do not usually last this long.”

  “Sam and I were window shopping and I guess time got away from us.” It was a lame excuse, but I couldn’t think of anything else to explain why we’d been gone for so long.

  “You did not acquire that from window shopping,” Nathan said and pointed at my ring.

  “This?” I said, trying to hide my desperation. My mind was blank as I searched for an explanation.

  “Violet found it in a store that sells cheap costume jewelry,” Sam said, coming to my rescue. “I tried to talk her out of wasting her money. The stone will no doubt fall out in a week or so.”

  “Humans and their useless baubles,” Brie said with a disdainful sniff. “Next you will be getting a tattoo so you can permanently stain your flesh.”

  “Yeah, that’s my plan,” I replied and rolled my eyes. “I’m going to jump from buying a cheap ring to getting inked. That’s a totally logical assumption to make.” Actually, I’d always wanted a tattoo, but my mother had been against them. It would feel like I was disrespecting her memory if I were to get one now.

  “One thing I have learned during my captivity in this city is that humans are rarely logical,” she pronounced.

  “I’m sorry we’re not emotionless robots like you,” I sneered.

  “We are not emotionless,” Nathan said in defense of his kind. “We simply have the ability to rule our feelings rather than allowing them to rule us.”

  My emotions had definitely ruled me when I’d kissed Zach. They’d taken over completely and I’d been helpless to resist them. “I wish you could teach me how to do that,” I muttered. Control was something I was going to have to relearn.

  Leo instantly dashed my hope that it would be possible. “With the number of demons that are inhabiting you, it is highly doubtful control would be easy for you to maintain.”

  “What do you mean?” I already had a pretty good idea, but I needed to hear him say it.

  “Demons make no effort to curb their feelings or desires. They revel in chaos. That is why your anger now flares up so easily when you are in combat.”

  Apparently, it was also why I’d responded to Zach as I had. My demonic dwellers had brought forward an emotion that I hadn’t really experienced before; sheer lust.

  A gust of wind hit me, pushing me forward a step. Nathan put his hand on my arm and I looked down so I couldn’t become bedazzled by his perfect face. “I wish to speak to Violet alone for a moment,” he said to the others. “We will meet you back at Sophia’s store.” He teleported us away before anyone could respond.

  I was used to the blinding flash of white light, yet it still took my eyes a few moments to recover. When they did, I saw we were in a small park. A three story building with a short, domed clock tower took up pride of place. A sign told me we were in the City Hall Park, so I could guess what the building was.

  Realizing I was holding Nathan’s hands, I pulled away and shoved mine into my pockets again. “What do you want to talk to me about?” I asked.

  “Have I done something to offend you?”

  “Of course not.”

  “Then why are you avoiding my gaze?”

  Bracing myself, I looked up into his eyes. As always, I was mesmerized by his beauty. “You’re too perfect,” I said and forced myself to look away.

  “I do not understand.” His tone conveyed his confusion.

  “That’s because you’re not human. You can control your emotions,” I said bitterly, parroting his words back at him. “I’m just a puppet to mine.”

  Comprehension dawned. “Are you saying that you have developed feelings for me?”

  I’d promised myself I wouldn’t tell him how I felt, but maybe he needed to know. “I’ve always had feelings for you,” I said in frustration. “Every time you saved me from death, you made me feel safe and cherished. You’re the reason why no guy has ever interested me before. They don’t measure up to your perfection.”

  “If this is the case, then why did you agree to date that young man in Denver?”

  “Because he was cute and interesting and I thought you weren’t real.” I fell silent as I struggled to articulate my feelings. “I don’t know what you feel when you touch me, or if you feel anything at all, but for me it’s like…” I trailed off, unable to describe it.

  “Like holding a tiny piece of heaven in your hands,” Nathan said quietly. I dared to look at him and saw anguish on his face. “I feel it, too,” he admitted.

  “Why do you have to be an angel?” I groaned. “Why can’t you just be a normal guy?”

  “If I was a normal guy, you would have died many times over by now.”

  “You know what I mean,” I said crossly. “Now I know what Eve felt like. You’re the forbidden fruit that I crave and can never have.”

  “One bite and you will be doomed,” he said in sorrowful agreement.

  “You can’t kiss me again. Not unless I’m badly hurt and maybe not even then.”

  “I cannot promise you that,” he protested. “I will not stand by and watch while you suffer pain.”

  “My wounds will heal,” I told him. “The pain I feel knowing what I could have with you and being denied is far more damaging in the long term.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “I read a book about Nephilim and I know how God feels about the offspring between angels and humans.” Sure, we could use protection, but I didn’t want to become like the woman on the cover of the book; weeping in desolation because I was hopelessly in love with a celestial being. I would grow old and die, but he would be young and beautiful forever.

  “I would never allow things to develop that far between us,” Nathan denied. He was shocked that I’d even suggested the possibility of children.

  “I’m sure that’s what the rebel angels thought when they decided it would be a good idea to use their vessels to mate with humans,” I said dryly. “As an ange
l, you can control yourself, but if you let your host’s emotions take over, it’s bound to go wrong.”

  He nodded reluctantly, seeing my point. “It is agreed then. No more healing unless you are in dire need.”

  My smile was a pitiful thing. The fire I felt with Zach was one thing, but the bliss I felt with Nathan was completely different. If given a choice, I’d go with pure bliss over raw lust any day.

  ₪₪₪

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  Nathan zapped us to the store in time to witness a knife fight between Brie and Sam. The teen’s face was coldly determined as she swung a steak knife at my friend. Armed with a matching weapon, Sam desperately leaped back and clumsily swiped at her. Her eyes blazed in triumph as she knocked his hand away and lunged forward.

  I was on the move before I could even think of commanding my body into action. Pushing Sam out of the way, I grabbed Brie by the throat and slammed her into the wall. “If you ever try to hurt him again, I will kill you,” I said through clenched teeth. I was holding onto my rage by a bare thread.

  She tried to speak, but my hand was squeezed around her throat so tightly that she could only squeak like a mouse. Hands tried to tear me away from her, but I shrugged them off. I liked seeing her like this, helpless and afraid. Her gaze dropped to my right hand and I realized I’d pulled my dagger. Scarlet light flared, staining us both with its brightness. The blade was poised over her heart. All I had to do was shove it home and she’d be expelled from her vessel.

  “Violet,” Sam said timidly. “Briathos was not trying to hurt me. She was just teaching me how to fight.” I glanced at him to see he was quaking in terror. It wasn’t the angel that he was afraid of. I was the one who was causing his fear.

  Shocked by what I’d been contemplating, my hand sprang open and I released my hold on Brie. She fell and stumbled when her feet hit the ground. Leo caught her and glared at me accusingly. Brie had already mistrusted me, but she now outright despised me. “I’m sorry,” I stammered. “I didn’t mean to do that.”

  Nathan drew me back and took my dagger out of my hand. “It might be best if I held onto this for now.” The glow disappeared as soon as it left contact with me. He tucked it away inside his jacket.

  “Are you feeling alright?” Sophia asked in a calm voice.

  I didn’t realize she was talking to me until Sam gave me a nudge. “I don’t know.”

  “Typical,” Brie wheezed. “I was nearly stabbed and she is the one you are concerned about.” Livid bruises in the shape of my fingers marked her neck. They were already fading, but we were both scarred from the fight.

  “I didn’t know you were training Sam,” I said weakly. “I just saw you attacking him and I tried to save him.”

  “You went berserk,” Leo chided me. “You allowed your inner demons to take control and you very nearly forced Brie out of her vessel.”

  “What would happen if she was expelled?” Sam asked. He was holding my hand, either to calm me down, or for his own comfort.

  Sophia and Nathan exchanged a look then the clairvoyant shook her head. “We are not sure. The gates to heaven are locked, so she would not be able to return there. Either she would have taken possession of another vessel, or…”

  “Or I would have consumed her soul,” I finished up when she was unable to.

  Leo’s eyes went wide in startled amazement. “Do you really think it is possible for you to absorb the grace of an angel?”

  I shrugged wearily and trudged over to the table. “Why not?” I asked as I sank down onto my chair. “Angels and demons are two sides of the same coin; light and dark. There’s no reason why you guys wouldn’t be drawn to my empty, soulless body if you were evicted from your hosts.”

  Brie was filled with horror at the thought. Clearly, this was her worst nightmare. “I would rather face oblivion than become trapped inside an evil being like you,” she said vehemently.

  Great, we’re back to this again, I thought. “I said I was sorry! What more do you want from me?” It came out as a shout and everyone flinched.

  “I think a nice pot of tea and a plate of cookies are in order,” Sophia said and stood. “Briathos, perhaps you would like to assist me in the kitchen?”

  I waited for them both to be out of sight before I spoke. “Brie will probably lace the cookies with rat poison.” Sam and Leo exchanged a look then they broke into sniggers. Putting my hands over my face, my shoulders shook, but I wasn’t sure if I was laughing or crying.

  Nathan turned me towards him and gently pulled my hands away. Apparently, I was crying because my eyes were blurry and my face was wet. “It will be alright,” he said and used a handkerchief to wipe my tears away.

  “Will it?” I asked in desolation. “Then why does everything feel so wrong? The demons are changing me, Nathan. I don’t know who I am anymore.”

  He folded me into his arms and teleported us upstairs. Sitting down on my bed, he pulled me onto his lap and rocked me gently as I cried out my heartache. Brie was right, I’d become a storage unit for hell spawn and I was terrified that I was becoming evil. Soon, I’d be just as monstrous as the demons that I was supposed to be fighting.

  Soft wings folded around us both, giving me the peace and security that I craved. With my head tucked beneath my guardian’s chin, I was lulled into a sense of contentment that I wished could last forever.

  A soft gasp from the doorway broke me from the spell. “Guys, get up here!” Leo yelled. I looked around to see him staring at us with his mouth open in shock. “I can see your wings,” he said to Nathan.

  Carefully placing me on my feet, Nathan stood. He stretched his wings out and they spanned the length of the room. Sophia, Brie and Sam appeared, drawn by Leo’s shout. They stared at him in wonder.

  “How is this possible?” Brie asked.

  Nathan shrugged, causing his wings to lift and fall. “They usually only appear when Violet is in danger. I can only assume they have manifested this time in response to her anguish.”

  Sam was spellbound and hesitantly reached out to touch a pristine white feather. Tears welled in his eyes at the beauty of the glorious being that was standing before him. To everyone’s astonishment, the imp dropped to his knees.

  “Why do you bow before me?” Nathan asked as he hunkered down beside my best friend.

  “I knew what you were, but I did not realize that I was so far beneath you,” Sam said in abject misery. “I am not worthy of being in your presence.”

  I hated the smug superiority on Brie’s face as she glanced down at him. Nathan and I slid a hand beneath his arms and drew him to his feet.

  “You are worthy,” I said fiercely. “Sure, you made some mistakes in the past, but you’re well on the way to redeeming yourself.”

  “How can you possibly believe that?” Brie demanded. “He is assisting you in your evil endeavors. That does not make him worthy of redemption.”

  Leo rounded on his twin in disapproval. “Violet has been chosen to save humanity. Fate would not have selected her if she was evil.”

  “I think you are all forgetting something,” she said, looking at me coldly. “Humans have free will. From what we have seen so far, I am not convinced that she will make the right choices.” She touched a hand to her throat where I’d strangled her. The bruises had healed, but the memory remained. “It would seem she is weak willed and that the demons are taking her over. Unless she can find inner strength that I am certain she does not possess, the world and everyone in it, will burn.”

  “Once again, thanks for your vote of confidence,” I said sarcastically. Nathan had calmed me down enough for me to keep a hold of my temper this time. Deciding it would be best to ignore the teen, I turned to Sophia. “How are the tea and cookies coming along?”

  She smiled in relief that I was trying to be civil. “They are ready and are waiting for you on the table.”

  “Thanks. I’m just going to wash up then I’ll be right down.” It was a pointed hint for everyone to
leave me the hell alone for a few moments.

  Sam waited for them all to leave then leaned in close. “I watched while Sophia put the cookies on a plate. Brie did not put rat poison on them.”

  “Thanks, Sam,” I said, fighting hard to retain control. Locking myself in the bathroom, I put my hands over my face again. This time, I was trying to hold in laughter rather than tears. Thank God for Sam, I thought. Without him, I wasn’t sure I’d have been able to hold on to my sanity for this long.

  ₪₪₪

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  Coming so close to stabbing Brie had given me the wakeup call that I’d needed. Now that I’d had my date with Zach, I couldn’t use the excuse that I just wanted to see him one more time before risking my life again. Like it or not, it was time to enter hell and search for the second piece of the mystery object.

  Washing my face, I braided my hair on both sides. Leaving the bulk of it to cascade down my back wasn’t a good idea with the activities that I was about to undertake. I took a hair tie out of a drawer and put my hair up in a ponytail. I loved my hair, yet it could also be a pain in the butt at times.

  Debating about the wisdom of wearing my favorite jacket, I decided to take it along again. It was like a good luck charm now. A superstitious part of me thought it would be bad luck to leave it behind.

  Whispered conversation broke off when I entered the front room. A steaming cup of tea waited beside half a dozen chocolate chip cookies. I smiled at Sophia in thanks then plopped down on my seat. “I think I know where the portal to the eighth realm is,” I said and bit into a cookie. I wouldn’t know which realm it was until after I entered, but I was confident it would take me where I needed to go.

  “Must you always keep us in suspense like that?” Brie complained.

  I waited until I’d chewed and swallowed before responding. “Yep. I feel the compulsion to annoy you because, as you’ve so frequently pointed out, I’m apparently turning evil.”