Clutch

by Drew Elyse

  “We need to bring tissues to this thing?” I asked.

  “Shut up,” she snapped, and then muttered, “I’ve already got a pack in the diaper bag.”

  I chuckled. Cami was always prepared.

  She’d jumped into the role of Mom like it was her life’s work. My mom was over constantly when we first brought Levi home, and Cami soaked up every bit of information she shared like she was preaching the one true path to heaven. In the span of days, she somehow became an expert on diapers, bottle temperature, developmental milestones…it was only when I realized she was running herself ragged reading parenting books during the precious hours Levi was asleep that I intervened.

  Cami had a minor meltdown at that point. She was sobbing, going on about how she hadn’t carried him so her maternal instincts might not be triggered, how some website made her feel useless because she couldn’t breastfeed him, how she hadn’t had time to prepare and was going to fuck it all up. I’d called Mom and she’d rushed over to look after Levi while I got my woman’s head on straight.

  It wasn’t the last breakdown, but it was definitely the worst. Cami took to motherhood like a fuckin’ natural, though—even she started to realize that after a few months. A year later, she was a force to be reckoned with and it was incredible to watch.

  She amazed me every damn day, had been since that night at the hospital—the night she gave me and my son the whole fucking world. When Cami told Levi she would be his mom, I nearly dropped to the ground and begged her to marry me right there. I didn’t beg, wasn’t my way, but I was willing to give her anything in thanks for what she’d given me.

  I hadn’t done it then. No, I waited until three weeks later. One night, after Levi had been up nearly twenty-four hours straight, when Cami and I both thought the exhaustion might kill us, she started singing to him as she paced around the room. What possessed her to do it, I’d never know, but the song she started singing was “Folsom City Blues” by Johnny Cash. It made no damn sense, and she wasn’t going to be winning Grammy’s anytime soon, but it worked. Levi locked onto her as soon as she started, and by the time she started the song over, he was out. I’d teased her about it since then. Johnny had how many tracks that would’ve made a better lullaby, and she chose Folsom? But fuck, I’d remember it forever.

  It might have been exhaustion-induced insanity, but the minute we left the room, I’d dragged her back to ours, got down on one knee, and proposed. I didn’t even have a fucking ring. She still said yes.

  “We’re so fuckin’ lucky to have your mommy,” I told Levi. He looked up at me with dark eyes like mine. His cheeks still had that pudginess that he was going to grow out of. I’d never thought kids were cute, but my son had that shit in spades.

  “Gauge!” Cami scolded. “Seriously. You need to knock it off with the cursing. Do you want his second word to be the f-word?”

  “Baby, Levi’s second word is ‘fuck’, it’ll make the brothers’ year.”

  “My son’s second word is not going to be fuck!”

  Yeah, a year later, my chest still tightened up every time she called him her son. I wondered if that would ever fade. I doubted it.

  “Momma needs to take a chill pill, doesn’t she?” I asked Levi.

  “So help me God,” Cami started.

  “Uh oh. Help me out here, kid,” I muttered. I hefted him up so I could blow a raspberry on his cheek. It and my beard tickling him had Levi giggling. Cami was powerless against that giggle. Got her every time.

  “You play dirty,” she griped, but didn’t take her eyes off Levi as he laughed.

  “Come on. We need to get him fed,” I said.

  “You’re not off the hook,” she said to my back as I walked away.

  “Baby, I live on that damn hook.”

  Though, with what I had in store for the rest of the day, I might wriggle free for a while.

  We were having the party up at the farmhouse. March had come in with an unusual heat wave. For what I had planned, the sixty-degree temperatures we were getting were nothing short of a miracle.

  By the time we made it to the house, everyone else was there and the grills were going. Getting out the door with a woman and a baby was a damn nightmare. If Levi wasn’t fussing over something, then Cami was changing shirts or insisting there was something missing from the diaper bag.

  Eventually, I would just leave on the bike knowing she would hustle to get in her car behind me. We’d upgraded the car situation as well. We got Cami a new Jeep Grand Cherokee since Levi couldn’t be on the bike, and the Chevelle wasn’t an option. She always managed to arrive not long after me even if I left her half-dressed doing useless crap in the bathroom to make herself look better. She didn’t need to spend the time, but she wouldn’t listen when I told her that repeatedly.

  The women, and Ham, swarmed Cami as soon as she walked into the back yard. Ham was attached to Levi in an almost unhealthy way. He would show up at the house with no warning to spend “quality time” with his godson—yeah, Cami and I had picked him and Deni as the godparents.

  “That is a badass onesie!” Ham announced. “Future Disciple, that’s my little man!”

  “Stop yelling near my son, you jackass,” I called to him.

  While everyone passed Levi around, I found Stone off to the side.

  “Brother,” he greeted.

  “Pres,” I answered. “Did the lawyer get it taken care of?”

  “Got it covered,” he said. “It’s on the desk in the office.”

  “Thanks, man.” I turned to walk away, but Stone called after me.

  “Hold on a minute, brother. Got an issue on our hands,” he said. “Ash is coming home.”

  Shit.

  “You serious?”

  Stone nodded gravely. “Gotta bring her here, for her own sake. Not sure how things are going to play out with Sketch.”

  “You haven’t told him yet?”

  “Not yet. Was going to after the festivities. He ain’t gonna take it well.”

  That was not the half of it. I’d been around when Ash split. I may not have seen all the years of good the two of them had before that, but I saw what it did to my brother. Ash was Indian’s daughter. I had no qualms about protecting her, but the shit storm that was brewing with her return was going to be rough.

  “It gets worse, brother.”

  “What?”

  “She’s got a daughter.”

  Shit storm wasn’t strong enough for what was about to hit.

  “Fuck.”

  “That about sums it up,” Stone agreed.

  I ran my hand through my hair, not even sure what to say to that bombshell. Stone took over. “You need to get inside and get to it. Just wanted to warn you.”

  With that, I nodded and set that mess aside. There was nothing I could do about it, and I had plenty on my plate for the day. I excused myself to retrieve the envelope from the house’s office. I flipped through the pages, making sure it was all in order. Cami was probably going to flip out at everything I had planned, but she’d deal.

  When I got back outside, I saw Stone had mobilized the brothers to get everything ready. They set up right beneath two large trees near the back of the property. Through the people loitering around, I met Deni’s eyes and gave her a nod.

  Had to hand it to her, Deni was smooth as fuckin’ silk. In almost no time at all, she surreptitiously handed Levi off to my mom, and started leading Cami inside. I had no clue what she’d told her, but woman could obviously spin a story.

  “You ready for this son?” Tank asked from behind me. I turned to him, taking the hand he offered.

  “Absolutely.”

  “Good to hear.” That was all he gave me. He slapped my back and then wandered off.

  After he was gone, I really started to question the whole thing. This was nothing like what Cami might have been expecting. I could be screwing up royally, and it was already too late to turn back.

  My mom walked up with Levi in her arms, and I took
him from her. Holding my boy centered me. He was a calm like being on a bike or having his mom in my arms. My two great loves had turned into three.

  “You look like you’re freaking out, honey,” Mom said.

  “You think all this is a good idea?” I asked her point blank.

  “I would have stopped you much sooner if I didn’t,” she assured me.

  “Right.”

  “Just relax,” she instructed. “She’ll love it.”

  “Right.”

  Then, from across the yard, Ham called at me, “Come on, asshole. Time to get in position. Best man can’t stand here by himself.”

  “I don’t understand,” I said again. How many times had I said it? A dozen? More?

  “Cami, you need to trust me,” Deni repeated.

  “You keep saying that, and it really is not helping.”

  “I’m your best friend,” she said. “You need to shut up, go in the bathroom, and change. No questions asked. Just do it for me.”

  “For the record, I’m really not sure about this,” I stated.

  “You don’t have to be.”

  That grin she was giving me, reassuring and mischievous at the same time, was why I was unsure. She’d been wearing it since she led me away from the party outside, telling me she had to show me something.

  We’d gone into one of the bedrooms in the house I’d never been in and she’d started forcing me into the bathroom to change my clothes immediately.

  “Would you please just tell me if this has something to do with Gauge?”

  Her eyebrows lifted, her head tilted to the side, and her face changed, seeming almost like she was disappointed by me having to ask. “Really, Cami? What do you think?”

  That would be a yes.

  “Fine, I’ll go change.” I went to the bathroom, but she spoke once I was at the door.

  “Oh, and don’t freak out in there, okay? Just change and keep it together.”

  Keep it together?

  I had been unsure. With that statement, I went straight to freaking out—which I apparently was not supposed to do. What the hell was in there for me to change into?

  The answer was one I had not anticipated. In a dress bag, hanging on the shower rod, was a white dress. It was beautiful. The color wasn’t pure white, but edging its way toward ivory. It was knee-length chiffon with a ruched empire waist. A V-neck, lace overlay extending down into sleeves falling slightly below the elbows covered the sweetheart neckline. It was stunning in a natural way, a dress far more breathtaking for its simplicity than any formal gown I had ever seen.

  It was the sort of dress an angel might wear.

  Or…

  I rushed out of the bathroom, and demanded, “What is it for?”

  “Cami—”

  “Deni. What. Is. It. For?”

  “What do you think it’s for?” she asked, because we both knew I was already there.

  “I…”

  “Just get dressed,” she coached me. “I’ve got a curling iron heating to do your hair. We need to hurry up.”

  Mutely, I returned to the room and went through the motions of stripping. I noticed the little Victoria’s Secret bag next to the sink and was thankful. I’d worn all black underthings. Not a good idea with the white dress. I took out the nude panties and strapless bra, both in my size, and put them on. I wondered who took responsibility for that task. I almost hoped it wasn’t Gauge simply because I would hate to have missed him going into the store alone to pick them out for me.

  Focusing on that image, and remembering the last time Gauge had been in a Victoria’s Secret right when we started dating, carried me through changing until I pulled the dress from its hanger. With the fabric in my hands, the full significance of what I was holding finally hit.

  That dress, that beautiful, angelic dress, was my wedding dress.

  “Holy shit,” I whispered.

  A little while later, I stepped back into the bedroom. Linda had come in while I was changing, and both she and Deni froze when I emerged.

  “Cami, sweetheart, you look stunning,” Linda said in a soft voice.

  Deni didn’t say a thing. She had a hand clamped over her mouth as she shook her head back and forth, her eyes wide and watery. She was holding back tears.

  I brought a hand up to my own cheek and realized I was crying. I couldn’t even feel it. I was too busy trying to accept that I was about to get married when I thought I’d be spending the day celebrating Levi’s birthday.

  “Oh god,” I gasped.

  “What?” Linda questioned.

  ‘We’re doing this on Levi’s birthday! We can’t do that,” I announced. “What if he hates us for taking his birthday?”

  “Don’t worry about that,” Linda said.

  That was all she had? Don’t worry about it?

  “But…”

  Deni spoke up then. “Cami, come here and sit down. I need to do your hair quickly. Everyone’s waiting.”

  Oh crap.

  Half an hour later, I was ready. Demi had pinned half of my hair up, the rest loosely curling around my shoulders. I’d left my makeup as it was. Thankfully, I had gone light and natural that day. It went perfectly with the dress. Deni had pulled out a pair of nude flats for me to wear. As I pulled them on, she’d held up my leather vest, the patch proudly pronouncing me “Property of Gauge” facing me.

  “Gauge said this part was up to you,” she explained. “He said you could forgo the patch if you wanted, seeing as he kind of took away any chance for you to plan today.”

  I imagined going back outside without my vest on. I wore it nearly every day. It was a part of me. More importantly, it was a declaration from Gauge that I would always be his.

  “I want to wear it,” I said without a second thought. Deni's smile of approval only made me more secure in my choice. Gauge would love that I chose to wear it.

  Finally ready, I waited as Linda and Deni left to announce me. I paced the room while they were gone, trying to come to terms with everything that was happening. None of it felt real. Somehow, I was getting a biker chick dream wedding without even knowing it was coming.

  A solid knock on the door made me jump. When I opened it, I found my dad outside. I heard him suck in a breath when he saw me, and I didn’t miss the way his eyes got wet.

  “Camille, baby girl, you look so beautiful,” he said in a voice heavy with emotion. “You look so much like your ma right now.”

  “Daddy,” I whispered back.

  He coughed a few times before pulling me into a hug. “I’m happy for you, Cami. He’s a good man.”

  “I love you.”

  “Love you too, girlie. Always.”

  After a long moment of taking comfort in my father’s arms, he stepped back. “Come on,” he said, “don’t want to keep him waitin’ any longer. He’s liable to come find you if I do.”