Surrender

by K. M. Scott

  “The members love her. She’s got a great look and when I put her up on the fourth floor all alone last week, she made a killing off a member who took a shine to her.”

  Shank smiled, and I barely kept my stomach in check as my gaze settled on those disgusting half-rotten teeth of his on full display for me. “That’s nice to hear, Stefan, but you know why I’m here. Let’s not pretend you don’t. Lola doesn’t care about any members. She likes you, and until recently, you seemed to like her enough to sleep with her.”

  And there it was. The truth of why Shank sat there in front of me at that moment. Nothing like pimping your daughter out, dude. I tried to control my expression, but I was sure my eyes were as wide as saucers. “Well, John…I don’t know what to say here. Lola is a very nice girl, but I’ve been warned by our lawyers that I shouldn’t fraternize with employees.”

  Christ, I sounded like Cash. Even I didn’t believe the words coming out of my mouth, so it was no surprise that Shank didn’t believe them either.

  Leaning forward, he tapped his palm on the top of my desk. “Do you think I’m a moron, Stefan?”

  I shook my head. “Not at all, John.”

  Moron? No. Scumbag who thought too much of his own power? Yeah.

  Leaning back in his chair, he crossed his right leg over his other knee and glared at me. “I’m not likely to want to help you and your brothers if my daughter isn’t happy, and Lola isn’t happy right now, Stefan. What do you plan to do about this?”

  Had he, in not so many words, told me to go back to fucking his daughter? My shoulders sagged as the realization that he’d done just that settled into my brain. Now was the time for me to take a stand and tell this fuck to take his thinly veiled threats of not helping us and shove them up his ass.

  But then the thought of Cash and Olivia’s wedding popped into my head. For the first time in years, my brother was happy. How could I do anything to ruin that happiness? How could I be the one to take that happiness from him for the second time in his life? If I could just play off Shank and Lola until the wedding or until Cash convinced that councilman to help us, I’d be able to finally make up for all the pain I’d caused him.

  “Don’t worry, John. I hear you loud and clear.”

  He studied me for a long moment and then grinned as if what I’d said made him happy. As if some guy telling you he’ll go back to fucking your daughter over his desk was a good thing.

  “Good to hear it, son. I knew there was a reason I liked you.”

  Standing, he extended his hand to shake mine, and I reluctantly touched his skin, sure I should boil my hand immediately after.

  “Nice to see you again, John.”

  Shank headed toward the door and turned around just before he left. “You know what’s best about you, Stefan? Where Cassian is principled and Kane is just fucking scary, you’re a man I can deal with because you’re always looking out for your own hide. You take after me that way. I’ll be sure to tell Lola you said hi.”

  The door closed behind him and I sat back in my chair stunned at his description of me. More accurate than not, it sickened me. But he wasn’t wrong. I’d looked out for myself and not given a fuck about anyone else for so long I deserved to be thought of as someone like him.

  But now I didn’t want to be that person anymore. I had the best reason in the world not to be.

  * * *

  FOR THE first time in my life, I couldn’t say I was sure about what I should do. The time Stefan and I had spent together, first as friends and now as so much more, made me happier than I’d ever been with a man. He brought out things in me I didn’t know existed. Countless friends and boyfriends had tried everything from pleading to cajoling to threatening to get me on the water, and never once had I been able to push aside my fears and join them. Like my fear of enclosed spaces, my dread of water had been with me for as long as I could remember.

  But Stefan had walked in on those fears and before each one of them could make their case so he’d leave and let them win, he took my hand and pulled me out of where they reigned supreme to go with him. He never told me where we were going but just that he’d be there with me. Never before had that been enough.

  A voice in the back of my mind whispered now, “Will it always be enough?”

  That was the question, wasn’t it? Right now, Stefan made me smile and laugh, and if I didn’t think about the future, I wanted things to last forever with him.

  But they couldn’t.

  I had to leave soon. But even more—even if I didn’t have to leave—could what we were now ever last?

  Someone knocking at my door roused me from my thoughts and I wondered if Stefan had left his mother’s early. I hurried to answer it and saw Carrie waiting on the other side with a bottle of my favorite wine and two glasses.

  “I’m here to celebrate!”

  “Did I do something and I don’t know yet?” I asked as I stepped aside to let her in.

  “Not you! Me. I found out who the thief was and took care of her stealing ass. So I wanted to celebrate and since you’ve been routinely avoiding my calls, texts, and every other attempt to get together, I figured I’d come over and tempt you with something I knew you wouldn’t say no to. Where’s the corkscrew?”

  “Carrie, I have work in a few hours. I can’t drink now.”

  Giving me one of her trademark pouts, she said, “Not even a glass? Don’t be such a philistine. Europeans drink with every meal, or so I hear. You need to get practicing for when you go there.”

  I rolled my eyes and smiled. “I can do one glass, but that’s it. One. No more.”

  On her way to my kitchen to open the bottle, she yelled back, “Fine. One is enough, and while we’re celebrating, you can catch me up on all the things I’ve missed in your life since you’ve been avoiding me.”

  “I haven’t been avoiding you,” I mumbled, silently acknowledging that since I’d been devoting so much time to Stefan that it probably looked like I was avoiding her. She returned with two glasses of wine and handed me one. “I’ve just been busy with a few things.”

  Clanking my glass, she asked, “Cheers! Anyone I know or want to know?”

  I took a sip and nodded. “Stefan March and I have been—” I didn’t exactly know how to put it. “—dating, I guess.”

  Stunned at my announcement, Carrie began choking on her drink and spilled half the glass of wine down the front of her shirt. “Dating? He’s a player, Shay. They don’t date.”

  “I’m just telling you what he calls it. We’re dating.”

  “Why does it sound like you’re reporting the death of someone when you say that?” she asked as she dabbed a cloth on her wine-stained shirt. “Aren’t people usually happy to say they’re dating someone new?”

  “I am. I just don’t know if this is something I should be doing right now.”

  Carrie screwed her face into a grimace. “Why? You said he was great in bed. What’s the problem?”

  “Do you ever think of anything but sex? You’re as bad as a man whore.”

  “You say that like it’s a bad thing. Shay, you’re leaving in a few weeks, remember? That was the reason you said you couldn’t get serious with poor Elliot. As long as you’re having a good time with Stefan, what’s the problem? You’ll leave right after Christmas and he’ll go back to doing his thing after you both had a few good weeks together. Isn’t that what you want?”

  The thought of Stefan going back to “doing his thing” made my stomach twist into knots. I hated the idea of him being that person I loathed from the moment I met him. That person was so much less than the man I’d seen in the recent weeks. Would he revert back to that man whore once I was gone?

  “I guess. I don’t know why I’m even thinking about it. We’re having a good time, just the way I like it.”

  “Seems to me you want something more than a good time. I’m just wondering if Stefan March is the right man for that. Leopards don’t change their spots, honey.”

 
I took another sip of wine. “Maybe they were just tigers wearing a leopard coat and they really have tiger stripes.”

  Carrie wrinkled her nose. It’s true that statement had sounded better coming from Stefan than it did from me.

  “I don’t know what the hell that means, but it sounds like bullshit. Leopards are leopards. Period. They don’t walk around wearing other animals’ coats. I think the wine has gotten to you, Shay.”

  “Whatever. You’re right. We’re just two people having a good time while we can, and when I leave for Copenhagen, we’ll go back to our separate lives the way they used to be.”

  “Exactly! Carpe diem is what I say. As long as you’re having a good time and no one has any expectations, it’s all good.”

  Then why did I feel like shit thinking about him going back to his life the way it used to be?

  I got to work by seven, but there was no sign of Stefan in the club or his office. Nobody seemed to know where he was. Lola stood behind the front bar staring at his office door, as if that would make him suddenly materialize, but after the third person knocked and found it empty, she turned to me with a look like I knew something about where he was and was keeping it secret.

  “Do you think everything’s all right? Stefan’s always here for the beginning of the night. What should we do?” she asked, her blue eyes wide with concern.

  “You’re head bartender. I guess if in the event the owner can’t fulfill his duties, it falls to the runner up to step in.”

  A look of complete confusion crossed Lola’s face, and I guessed she didn’t get my reference to the Miss America rules. Trying a more direct approach, I said, “Since you’re the head bartender, I think you can go ahead and assign people tonight. If Stefan wants to change them when he gets here, he will.”

  “I don’t know. I don’t want to get in trouble. I just don’t understand, though. My father told me he saw him just a few hours ago. Where could he be?”

  I had no idea what Lola was talking about with her father, but the fact remained that Stefan was nowhere to be found and the club would be open in just under an hour. Members didn’t need to see bartenders and servers just wandering around because nobody had told them where to go.

  “If you don’t want to do it, maybe someone should go back and see if Cassian is around.”

  That suggestion made a look of terror settle into Lola’s eyes. “I’ve never spoken to him since that first day. I don’t know him well enough.”

  “I can do it, if you don’t want to tell everyone where to go and don’t want to ask him.”

  “Oh, would you?”

  I shrugged, confused by her fear of Stefan’s brother. “Sure. I’ll be right back.”

  Cassian’s office door was open a crack, so I stuck my head in and saw him working on his laptop. Quietly, I knocked and said, “Sorry to bother you, but we’ve got a little issue out in the club.”

  He looked up and smiled, his piercing blue eyes focusing on me. “What’s up?”

  “Stefan’s not here, and Lola doesn’t feel comfortable telling everyone where to go tonight.”

  “Not here? He came back with me after we got my mother settled in.”

  “Maybe he got sick,” I offered, feeling strange about coming up with excuses for Stefan.

  “He didn’t text you and tell you he’d be late?” Cassian asked, adding, “He told me you two are dating, so I just figured if he didn’t tell one of us, he would have told you.”

  “No. The last time I heard from him was when he told me he was going with you to the hospital. I just figured I’d see him here tonight.”

  “Do me a favor and text him now. He’ll answer you faster than he’ll answer me,” Cassian said with a chuckle.

  Taking my phone out, I typed in Hey, where are you? Lola doesn’t know what to do without some direction here. LOL

  Cassian and I waited for a few minutes, joking about Stefan likely losing track of time, but he didn’t reply to my text. I tried again and still nothing.

  “Let me try, although if he’s not answering you, he’s likely in the shower or something.” Cassian texted him and then again five minutes later and got no answer either.

  “I’ll keep trying to get a hold of him, but let me make sure everyone knows where they should go at least.”

  I smiled, pretending not to be worried, but Stefan’s absence from the club and his not answering texts made me concerned. Cassian gave everyone their assignments for the night, and as he left the club to walk back to his office, he pulled me aside.

  “Olivia and I have a benefit to attend tonight, but I’ll keep trying him until we leave. If I get him, I’ll let you know. Olivia has your number, right?”

  I nodded and quietly said, “Okay. I’ll keep trying too. I’m sure everything’s okay. It’s Stefan. He lives for this place.”

  Cassian seemed relieved by what I said, but as he walked away, I couldn’t help feel uneasy. Something was wrong.

  By two o’clock, I couldn’t wait to get to Stefan’s place. Even though I’d continued to text him all night, I’d never gotten a reply. Cassian had messaged me right after midnight to say there was no need to worry, but he’d given no other details. But just hearing that there was no need to worry while Stefan refused to answer my texts told me there was every reason to be worried.

  I knocked on his door and hoped he’d even answer, convinced by that time that everything I’d feared since the beginning with him had finally happened. I’d let myself trust him, even the tiny amount I’d allowed, and now he’d done something and couldn’t face me.

  The door opened and I saw him standing there looking like I’d never seen him before. He clung to the door like a dying man to a life line, as if the door held him up. His hair, usually playfully tousled, looked a mess, and his eyes were bloodshot.

  “Can I come in?”

  He nodded and took a step back to allow me through, but his legs gave out and he slid to the floor still holding on to the door. Laughing wildly, he slammed the door and sat there in the spot where he landed.

  “Come to find out where I was, huh? Well, you came to the right place! Come on in!”

  “I’m already in. What’s going on?”

  Stefan struggled to get to his feet and motioned for me to come to him. “I just wanted to have a night to myself to drink myself into a stupor. That’s all.”

  “I’ve been texting you all night. Why didn’t you answer? Cassian said there was no need to worry, so I assume you answered him.”

  “Come here. I want to feel you next to me, Shay. Come here.”

  I walked into his open arms and felt his body sag against mine as he hugged me. “Stefan, what’s going on? What’s wrong?”

  He sighed heavily and buried his face in my hair. “You feel so good, Shay. I missed you so fucking much.”

  “It’s only been a few hours since we saw each other. Why didn’t you come to work?”

  He pushed me away and walked toward the bottle of Jack Daniels sitting on the coffee table. Taking a gulp, he swallowed and shook his head. “I don’t want to think of that fucking place. I don’t want to think of anything but you and me right here, okay?”

  “I thought something had happened. Lola nearly lost her mind worrying, although I have no idea why anyone would worry about their boss not being around if they were head bartender. You should have seen her. She—”

  “I said I didn’t want to think of that place! No Club X, no bullshit about me not being there! And no fucking Lola!” he yelled so loud I stepped back, stunned at his outburst.

  “Okay. I’m sorry. Maybe I should leave,” I said quietly as I went for the door, not wanting to go but unable to see how I could stay with him acting like he was.

  “Shay, don’t go,” he said in a voice that sounded desperate. “Please don’t leave.”

  “I don’t want to, Stefan, but I can’t be with you when you’re so volatile. I don’t know what’s going on, but I can’t help if you won’t talk to me.”


  His brown eyes filled with sadness stared at me and I let my hand drop from the doorknob as he said quietly, “Nothing can help.”

  I couldn’t let him stand there so sad without trying to make him feel better, so I walked over to him and took him in my arms. Looking up at him, I said, “Talk to me. Remember the truth thing between us? You can tell me anything.”

  He kissed me and smiled, but I could tell it was forced. “I heard my father joke one time that I was the spare. You know, the heir and the spare? My mother gave him hell for saying it near me, but he never said he was sorry because he meant it. Cash was the one he wanted. Hell, I think he might have even wanted Kane more. He looks like my father too.”

  “Don’t do this to yourself.”

  “Do you know what I did? I slept with my brother’s wife. I knew it was wrong, and I did it anyway. Cash had never been happier, and I took it all away from him.”

  I didn’t know what to say. He seemed intent on taking this trip down memory lane, but why?

  “I’ll never forget his face when he caught us. He looked like my father standing there, but his eyes were filled with hurt. I did it in his own fucking bed too.”

  “Stefan, stop. Don’t do this.”

  “I’ve been a shit for so long I thought I didn’t know any other way. I bet I could get you to fall in love with me, for Christ’s sake. What kind of person does that?”

  I cradled his face in my hands and kissed him so he’d stop this self-punishment. I didn’t know why he needed to beat himself up like this, but it was tearing me up to see him so broken.

  “You’re not just that person, Stefan. You’re so much more, so please stop this,” I pleaded as he hung his head.

  “Cash and Olivia’s engagement party is just days away. I finally have the chance to make up for the awful things I did, but I can’t without fucking everything up. I don’t know how to get out of this.”