Snooki In Wonderland: The Improved Classic
Page 9
'Who cares for you?' said Snooki, (she had grown to her full size by this time.) 'You're nothing but a pack of cards!'
At this the whole pack rose up into the air, and came flying down upon her: she gave a little scream, half of fright and half of anger, and tried to beat them off, and found herself lying on the bank, with her next to Deena, who was gently applying tanning oil to her face.
'Wake up, Snooki dear!' said Deena; 'Why, what a long sleep you've had!'
'Oh, I've had such a curious dream!' said Snooki, and she told Deena, as well as she could remember them, all these strange Adventures of hers that you have just been reading about; and when she had finished, Deena clapped her hands, and said, 'It WAS a curious dream, dear, certainly: but now run in to get ready; it's getting late and we must go to Karma soon.'
So Snooki got up and ran off, thinking while she ran, as well she might, what a wonderful dream it had been.
But Deena sat still just as she left her, eating a sausage, watching the setting sun, and thinking of little Snooki and all her wonderful Adventures, till she too began dreaming after a fashion, and this was her dream:—
First, she dreamed of little Snooki herself, and once again the tiny hands were clasped upon her knee, and the bright eager eyes were looking up into hers—she could hear the very tones of her voice, and see that queer little toss of her head to keep back the wandering pouf that WOULD always weigh down her head—and still as she listened, or seemed to listen, the whole place around her became alive the strange creatures of her little Snooki’s dream.
The long grass rustled at her feet as JWoww hurried by—the frightened Shore Rat splashed his way through the neighbouring hot tub—she could hear the rattle of the teacups as the March of Gelled Hair and his friends shared their never-ending meal, and the shrill voice of the Queen Sammi ordering off her unfortunate guests to execution—once more the pig-baby was sneezing on the Duchess Angelina's knee, while plates and dishes crashed around it—once more the shriek of the Gryphon, the squeaking of the Lizard's slate-pencil, and the choking of the suppressed guinea-pigs, filled the air, mixed up with the distant sobs of the miserable Chicken Cutlet.
So she sat on, with closed eyes, and half believed herself in Wonderland, though she knew she had but to open them again, and all would change to dull reality—the grass would be only rustling in the wind, and the hot tub rippling to the waving of the reeds, the cameras shooting another episode—the rattling teacups would change to tinkling drink glasses, and the Queen Sammi's shrill cries to the scratches of the DJ’s beats—and the sneeze of the baby, the shriek of the Gryphon, and all the other queer noises, would change (she knew) to the confused clamour of the Jersey Shore at night—while the lowing of the guidos in the distance would take the place of the Chicken Cutlet’s heavy sobs.
Lastly, she pictured to herself how this same little Snooki of hers would, in the after-time, be herself a grown woman; and how she would keep, through all her riper years, the simple and loving heart of her time on Jersey Shore: and how she would gather about her other little children, and make THEIR eyes bright and eager with many a strange tale, perhaps even with the dream of Wonderland of long ago: and how she would feel with all their simple sorrows, and find a pleasure in all their simple joys, remembering her own child-life, and the happy summer days that lived on forever in syndication.
THE END
To Discuss in Your “Snooki in Wonderland” Book Club:
1. How do you think each Jersey Shore cast member would react to learning which "Alice" character they were likened to? Remember not to use too many syllables.
2. Which Jersey Shore character is most likely to own a Kindle? If so, how long would it take them to realize it's not a remote control?
3. Vinny, often credited for his level-headedness, was a natural fit for The Cheshire Cat. What other book would you like to put Vinny in?
4. Who writes better nonsense phrases, The Situation or Lewis Carroll?
5. Which "Snooki in Wonderland" character would be the most fun to take to Karma? Why?
6. If they made magic-mushroom flavored gelato, would you eat it? How many calories would it have?
7. Which Jersey Shore shooting location resembles "Snooki in Wonderland" the most: The Shore, South Beach or Italy?
8. Ronnie and Sammi were naturals to play the King and Queen of Hearts. Could Alice in Wonderland be further improved through an on-again, off-again relationship?
9. Philip Roth's award-winning "American Pastoral" is one of the most well-known books about New Jersey. Do you see any parallels between Snooki's Wonderland and the ones in "Pastoral?"
10. References to the White Rabbit are a mainstay of pop culture. What medium should JWoww try next? Performance art? Rock n' roll?
Bonus questions for your group:
M/F/K Bros Edition:
The Situation, Pauly D, Ronnie
M/F/K Ladies Edition:
Snooki, JWoww, Sammi
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Copyright Information
This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents are products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual events or locales or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidently.
Copyright © Phil Edwards
Published for the Kindle
All rights reserved, including the right to reproduce this book or portions thereof in any form whatsoever.
This Kindle edition book is a premium edition 2011.
Created and designed in the United States of America
For more information about the author, visit PhilEdwardsInc.com.