A Prior Engagement

by Karina Bliss

  Jules dropped the tissue into the trash can beside her. “I knew it was a long shot.”

  The woman checked the documents in front of her. “If you’d taken in renters over the past year and a half you’d have enough collateral in the house to borrow against. That was the plan, wasn’t it, when you applied for a mortgage?”

  “Plans change.” After Lee’s death, Jules hadn’t wanted witnesses to her meltdown. Glancing at her watch, she stood. Running out of time seemed to be the current theme of her life. “Thanks for your help, but I’ve gotta dash.”

  She’d stalled Mark long enough.

  * * *

  “SO LET ME SEE if I’ve got this straight.”

  Mark placed the glass of water Jules had asked for on the white marble breakfast bar in front of her. “You’re certain you won’t resume your relationship with Lee, but you’re ending ours anyway.”

  It was a lovely space, his open-plan kitchen, all granite counters and metallic appliances.

  Threading her legs around the bar stool, Jules took a sip of water. Her throat was dry from so many apologies and explanations. “I can’t deal with Lee’s return and dating. It’s too much.” If she couldn’t be honest with Lee—yet—at least she could be honest with Mark.

  “I get that,” he said. “And I’m willing to give you space until everything settles down. Because I like you, Jules.” He smiled at her, a shy smile that was incredibly attractive from such an assured man. “A lot. I think you like me.”

  “I do, very much.” He was exactly the right guy for the evolutionary step into mature love. The kind of love that allowed a woman to keep her emotional independence. Lee had not been that man.

  “You’re scared,” Lee had replied when she’d told him she wasn’t ready for a commitment. “I haven’t been here before, either, and it’s terrifying. But there’s no guarantee that waiting will increase our odds of a successful marriage. It’s right...you and me. I believe that. So forget the rationalizations and trust your feelings.”

  How could she trust feelings that were so new and disjointed she didn’t know up from down?

  “If you trusted my feelings you wouldn’t try to rush it,” she’d countered. “Which means you’re worried we won’t last, either.”

  “Either,” he’d said slowly. “You mean in conjunction with you?”

  * * *

  “SO TELL LEE you’re seeing someone.”

  Mark’s modulated baritone drew her out of the past and refocused her on the architect. She took another sip of water, chilled from the fridge filter. “He’s had a bad time, worse than we could imagine. I have to tread carefully.” Being honest hadn’t worked out when Lee had been healthy, full strength. “And I don’t want to hurt him if I can help it.”

  “You know what this is,” Mark said. “You’re feeling guilty because while he’s been a prisoner in some Afghanistan hellhole you’ve been happy.”

  “Happy?” she repeated incredulously. But, of course, Mark had only known her a month, hadn’t seen her through the first dark year after the ambush.

  “Wrong word?” He took her empty glass and refilled it. “Moved on, then.”

  Only when she’d made a confession would she be free to move on. “And now Lee and I have to move on again.” Jules accepted the full glass, only realizing that her hand trembled when water spilled over the rim.

  Mark steadied the glass by cupping his hand over hers. “I can be patient,” he said.

  Once she’d badly needed Lee to say that. But his miraculous reappearance had confirmed one thing. She wasn’t over him. And that wasn’t fair on Mark. “For how long?” she asked. “A week? A month?” She was curious to see when he’d remove his hand. “Six months?” Ah, there was the physical withdrawal. Her mouth curved in a rueful smile. “I’d rather part friends than leave you dangling for however long it takes me to get my head straight.”

  He picked up a dishcloth and mopped up the water on the white counter. “Head or heart?”

  “Both,” Jules admitted.

  “Here’s the deal.” He tossed the cloth into the shiny sink. “If you sort this out within two months, I’ll probably still be available.”

  Relieved by his understanding, she laughed. “I’ll keep that in mind.”

  Of course, whether Mark returned her call would depend on whether Lee chose to make her confession public.

  CHAPTER FOUR

  LEE WAS ON the floor in his hospital gown, bare ass flapping in the breeze as he sweated through the seventh of ten push-ups when he heard a burst of male laughter behind him.

  His heart swelled.

  “This wasn’t how we pictured the reunion,” Nate drawled behind him.

  He pushed up on shaky arms for one more push-up. “Two hundred and six...”

  He heard Dan’s familiar snort. “Still the bullshit artist.”

  “Quit waving that scrawny butt in the air and turn around.” Clearly, Ross hadn’t lost his impatience. “I need to see your ugly mug and make sure it’s really you.”

  Lee eased himself to the floor, taking his time because the sweet familiarity of their banter had bought tears to his eyes. Screw hydration. It was more trouble than it was worth. “I wasn’t expecting visitors at three in the morning.” He’d had to start exercising surreptitiously since the nurse caught him. Grinning, he rolled over on his back.

  His first impression was of smooth jaws—he hadn’t got used to beardless men—his second of bulk. The three men seemed to fill the small room with muscular vitality.

  Momentarily their expressions registered shock. But Lee had braced himself for that. “What the hell are you doing here at this hour anyway?”

  “Well, you know. We just happened to be passing Afghanistan, and figured we’d drop by.” Dan reached out a hand to help him up. Sun-streaked hair, his blue eyes appeared lighter because of his tan. At thirty-four, Afghan fighters’ faces were already deeply lined. If they’d survived to that age.

  Limping over, Ross—Ice—grabbed Lee’s other hand. “For me, it’s a nostalgia trip. I had such good times in this hospital.” Leaner than Dan, irises a sandblasted gray, Ross was the only one sporting a military haircut.

  Further debriefings had brought Lee up to speed. Ross had been seriously wounded in the ambush and Nate had carried him to safety. And the limp was permanent. His friend was now an SAS instructor instead of a combatant.

  The two men swung him to his feet as easily as if Lee was a child and he experienced a momentary sense of helplessness. Though he was twenty pounds lighter than before the ambush he’d still considered himself the biggest, most physically powerful of his unit.

  He didn’t have time to process the new reality before he was jerked into a hug that bracketed him between two walls of muscle.

  “This is because you saw my ass, isn’t it?” he said before they all started bawling. Assuming they didn’t collapse his ribs first. Neither man responded, except to tighten his grip, which made it even harder for Lee to breathe, given his lungs were already expanded with emotion.

  “God, it’s good to see you,” Dan said hoarsely.

  Ross sniffed. “And I’m frickin’ crying over you again.”

  “Yeah, well, I believed you were all dead, too.” His throat closed. Who would have thought happiness could be so gut-wrenching?

  Lee also felt a growing claustrophobia. Being held and being held down for a beating were still too closely linked for him to be comfortable
with all this hugging. Suddenly panicking, Lee began to struggle.

  Immediately they released him. Already there were questions in their eyes, like probes. Lee looked beyond them to Nate, standing in the doorway. Tears streamed down his buddy’s cheeks channeling into the creases made by his wide grin.

  Oh shit. That did it. His vision blurred. Stepping forward, he grabbed the other man in a bear hug.

  “I still can’t believe it.” Nate’s grip on him tightened convulsively.

  Again, Lee felt that terrifying sense of constriction. With an attempt at casualness, he broke the embrace. “Go easy. I’m finely boned these days.”

  His mate’s brown hair was civilian-long now, as was Dan’s. Narrowing his gaze incredulously, Lee reached out and tweaked a strand. “You’re using product!”

  Nate flung back his head and laughed. “And the pretty one’s home.”

  His mouth twitched in a smile and then Lee laughed, too. He’d always been fastidious in his grooming off duty, a little vain even. And these guys had all given him shit for it.

  “Of all the things to notice!” Dan hooted and all four of them were roaring. Ross bent over double, while Nate slid helplessly down the wall. Dan clutched his sides.

  “Sh...shh-shush,” Lee managed to hiccup. “The duty nurse will chuck you out.” They stuffed fists into their mouths to stifle the noise they were making, which only caused everyone to laugh harder. They ended up sitting on the floor, passing around Lee’s bedsheet to wipe their streaming eyes.

  “So,” Lee said when they’d regained control. “What’s with the hair gel, princess?”

  “Nate was a Hollywood bodyguard until last month,” Ross supplied. “Ask him about rock star Zander Freedman’s man-scaping.” And then Ross cracked up again.

  “Give me a break,” Nate replied, feigning hurt. “I haven’t had a manicure for months. Look.” He held out his nails for inspection. Short, clean—he turned his hands over—a few calluses on the palms.

  “Yeah, mine need tending, too.” Grinning, Lee held up his own hands. His buddies’ smiles faded as they surveyed the missing fingertip, the nails growing at different rates, the battered and bruised flesh. A chill fell over the room. Suddenly, he was flanked by elite soldiers, each with death in his gaze. Lee dropped his hands. “The ones who did this are all dead,” he said curtly. “It’s over.”

  It needed to be over. Grabbing the sheet he hobbled to the bed and got in, sliding his misshapen fingers under the cover.

  The other guys stood. “Who put that scar on your jaw?” Ross said. Ice wasn’t one to let things go.

  Might as well spell it out. “We’re not talking about what happened during my captivity. Ever.”

  Dan made a gesture of protest. “But—”

  “I’m not bringing any of that shit home.” Under the sheet, he fisted his hands. He didn’t want his friends’ eyes becoming mirrors, reflecting his experiences. Something in his life had to be pure, untainted. “I’ll talk to professionals if I have to,” he said. “Not to you.”

  His buddies exchanged glances.

  “And no going behind my back, either, finding out stuff. I mean it!”

  He only realized his voice had risen when Dan said quietly, “Okay, mate. We get it.”

  Lee unclenched his fists. Maybe that’s why he was so angry with Jules. She’d tainted his old life with lies, taken it over as hers. He was ashamed that he’d spent months planning how to win her back. Ashamed of his resolution that if he survived he’d turn himself into the man she deserved.

  Actually, he thought grimly, he could still keep that vow.

  He shoved thoughts of Jules aside in favor of something far more important. “How did Steve die?” Instinctively Dan and Ross looked at Nate. That made sense. Dan hadn’t been on patrol because of a tooth abscess that needed treatment. And Ross had been unconscious, critically injured.

  Nate took a moment to meet his gaze, his dark eyes bright. “He didn’t suffer. When you’re fully recovered...” He swallowed. “I’ll fill you in on the rest.”

  Lee sighed. “The shrink told you to go carefully with me, didn’t he?”

  “It was suggested,” Nate admitted.

  “Plenty of time to talk about the hard stuff, mate.” Dan came to sit on the edge of the bed. “Let’s get you healthy first.” Always Shep, the good shepherd. Overseeing his flock.

  Yesterday Lee might have insisted. But reentering the world after captivity was akin to walking into a rave party. His body could finally rest but his mind, unaccustomed to stimulus, was in overload. And he needed to conserve his strength for Jules. “Fine, let’s concentrate on the good stuff.”

  “I got married,” Dan said. Almost shyly, he flashed a gold wedding band. “To Jo.”

  “Well, yeah.” Lee settled against his pillows. Jo was Dan’s best friend from childhood. “Who didn’t see that coming?”

  “Me and Jo,” Dan said drily. “You could have dropped a clue.”

  “You weren’t ready, grasshopper.... The SNO said you’ve quit the service?”

  “Taken over the family farm.”

  Lee had spent time on the Jansen farm. They all had. “I’d like to visit you there,” he said, recalling the patchwork of green paddocks and gently rolling hills. God, he’d missed home.

  Casually Dan laid a hand on his shoulder. “As long as you want, mate. I have other news but I wanted all of us together again before I spilled the beans.”

  All of us together again.

  “And so here we are.” Dan’s fingers on Lee’s shoulder tightened as he said, “Jo’s pregnant.”

  Lee rested his hand on Dan’s, leaving the other two to vocalize exuberant congratulations. My family, he thought, my brothers. “You’ll make a great dad,” he managed to say at last.

  “Enough about me.” Dan pulled them all back from the emotional precipice with an easy grin. “Ice is marrying Viv.”

  That actually startled Lee. “Jeez. And you’re okay with that?” Viv was Dan’s little sister.

  “I’m right here,” Ross reminded him.

  “I wanted a year’s probation first,” Dan responded seriously. “God knows, Ice has a poor track record with commitment.”

  Ross frowned. “Still right here.”

  “And he countermanded your orders.” Lee laughed. “I’m amazed.”

  “I’ve changed.” Ross laid a hand over his heart, gray eyes wide. “I’m a card-carrying proponent of coupledom.”

  Lee snorted. “Yeah, right.”

  “I didn’t believe it, either,” Nate said. “But Viv can handle Ice in her sleep. They’re darling together—like King Kong and Fay Wray.”

  “Screw you, Nate.” Ross kicked him with his good leg. “You’re the goo-goo-eyed one these days.”

  Not all three of them. Lee groaned. “You’re in lurrrve, too? Who is she?”

  “Viv said yes a couple of weeks ago,” Ross continued smoothly, ignoring Lee’s question. “The wedding’s in just over four.”

  “What’s the hurry?” Lee noticed he’d been stonewalled but let it pass. “Do we have two pregnancies to celebrate?”

  “No.” Ross caught his future brother-in-law’s eye and repeated firmly, “No!”

  “Ice is rushing Viv to the altar because he’s shit-scared she’ll change her mind,” Nate said cheerfully.

  Ross scowled. “We’re scheduling around Viv’s work commitments in New York. Lee, we need to get you measured up for a groomsman suit, s
oon as you’re home.”

  “Well, okay then.” Grinning, he shook his head in disbelief. None of these three had been anywhere near ready for commitment when he’d last seen them. He’d been the fool who’d led with his heart. “So if you’re not a Hollywood bodyguard anymore,” he asked Nate, “what are you doing now?”

  “Restoring Heaven Sent and launching a game-fishing business with Claire.”

  “No kidding, good for you.” Steve’s wife and Nate had gone halves on the old boat three years earlier in a restoration project that everyone else—especially her husband—had considered crazy. He added quietly, “How’s Claire coping with raising Lewis alone?”

  To his surprise Nate’s cheeks colored. Beyond him, Ross and Dan exchanged a complicit look.

  Secrets. Lee hated them. His captors had told him only what they wanted him to know. “No censorship,” he warned.

  “We got engaged last month,” Nate said.

  Lee felt like Alice falling down the rabbit hole. Nate had been Steve’s best friend. He barely controlled an outburst of anger. He hadn’t been here, didn’t know the details. “Congratulations,” he finally said.

  Nate’s gaze met his. “Steve will never be forgotten.”

  “Of course not.” But some of the joy had gone out of this reunion. “So Dan’s married and you’re both engaged. I’m guessing you gave Jules my ring because you didn’t want me feeling left out.”

  “Please tell us we got it right,” Ross said.

  In the two weeks between her kiss-off and the ambush, he hadn’t told anyone about Jules’s rejection. He’d been shell-shocked, he guessed.

  “You told me you were going to propose,” Nate insisted when Lee didn’t respond. “Remember? I teased you about Jules being Miss Congeniality and you said, ‘That’s my future wife you’re talking about.’”

  “You didn’t like her,” Lee recalled. Good instincts, as it turned out.

  “I didn’t know her,” Nate corrected him. “I do now. She played a role in getting Claire and I together. I owe her a lot.”