Geek Actually Season 1 Omnibus

by Cathy Yardley

  “Look at the time.”

  She laughed. “Fine. We’ll just talk about my messed-up life.”

  “It’s not messed up. It’s just not going according to your plan. Go with it. See what happens next.”

  Her stomach knotted at the idea of just going with anything. “Look at the time.”

  Taneesha snorted. “Call me whenever things get to be too much.”

  “Ditto.” She hung up and put her face back into the pillow.

  Finally, she let herself scream into it.

  Geek, Actually

  Season 1, Episode 4

  The Long Con

  Cecilia Tan

  #REBELSCUM

  Taneesha: I woke up from the best dream last night. Wished so hard it was real.

  Aditi: What was it?

  Taneesha: A British company bought our company and everyone was forced to adopt British accents.

  Aditi: What! LOL

  Taneesha: And they hired Benedict Cumberbatch to come tutor us.

  Christina: Cucumber Bandersnatch is doing what, now?

  Elli: LOLLLLLL!!! Love him!!!!

  Taneesha: And all the techbros were in revolt like “You can’t make us do this!” and I was just secretly loving it.

  Aditi: Best dream ever.

  Christina: Oh, I get it.

  Aditi: The work stress must really be getting to you.

  Taneesha: Could be worse. I only want to kill someone about half the time instead of all the time. Did I tell you what my little brother is trying to do?

  Aditi: Something good or bad?

  Taneesha: Fix me up with a guy! The brat.

  Aditi: A good guy?

  Taneesha: I guess? Name’s Diego and he’s a nerd but he’s our kind of nerd. So that’s good. But bad because my little brother is a meddler.

  Christina: We younger siblings know we can get away with it LOLLL

  Elli: Is this new guy nice?

  Taneesha: He’s nice and he’s *verrah nice* if you know what I mean.

  Christina: Pics or it didn’t happen.

  Taneesha: Here’s a link to the gaming shop he runs. Couple of photos of him on the front page.

  Aditi: ZOMG what a cutie. I’d swipe right on that.

  Christina: So how was he?

  Taneesha: No sex yet, you pervs. Although I wouldn’t have minded if he’d made a move.

  Aditi: You’re surrrre he’s straight?

  Taneesha: Pretty sure he’s as interested in me as I am in him, but yeah, he hasn’t made a move yet. I thought I sent some pretty clear signals.

  Christina: That doesn’t compute.

  Taneesha: I’m telling myself that gentlemen still exist and it’s not that I’m turning into an unfuckable hag bc work stress.

  Aditi: Hope he comes through for you, then. Sex is the best stress relief.

  Christina: You really want some stress relief, have him spank you till you cry. I love that shit.

  Aditi: Or you spank HIM. Even better for working out your frustrations with techbros.

  Taneesha: I think I better make sure he’s picking up my cues about regular ol’ vanilla sex first. Maybe I’m just hormonal and imagining things. Might go to a community gaming night at his place and see how that goes.

  Christina: With or without your little brother? If this guy’s being hands-off is it bc Bobby is giving him the stink eye behind your back?

  Taneesha: Seems unlikely. Bobby’s trying to push us together. But maybe Diego feels weird making a move with him watching.

  Elli: Of course! Like how Harry wouldn’t hold Ginny Weasley’s hand while Ron was watching.

  Michelle: *waves* Sorry I haven’t been around. The Noah Ward manuscript just came back for emergency edits and I’ve been head down in that all day. Taking a break before I dive back into it. How’s everyone?

  Christina: Taneesha is getting dream-lessons in British accents from Sherlock and has met a guy. The rest of us are pumping her for intel.

  Michelle: What kind of guy?

  Aditi: Our kind of nerd.

  Michelle: Good. I’m against mixed marriages.

  Christina: !!!!!!

  Michelle: Nerd/non-nerd marriages!! They never work out!

  Aditi: Oh, Miche. *hugs* Honestly I never could figure out what you saw in Ted. He seemed so dull and boring.

  Michelle: I swear he waits until the minute Game of Thrones starts to call me about the divorce. And then he wonders why he gets my voice mail.

  Elli: Make sure you call him during the Superb Owl!

  Taneesha: Or whatever sportsball thing he likes.

  Michelle: Oh God. Did I ever tell you he liked to watch golf on TV? Golf. On TV. Just trying to imagine the water cooler conversation at his office. “The ball, it was amazing, rolled right over the grass and into the hole. What a putt!”

  Christina: What a putz, you mean.

  Taneesha: Maybe I should try sportsball talk at work.

  Michelle: Job stuff still awful?

  Taneesha: Same shit. My strengths are math and programming, not office politics. It’s like they see my lips moving but they don’t even hear the words coming out of my mouth. WTF am I supposed to do?

  Michelle: Well the catch-22 is you’ve been trying so hard to fit in maybe you faded into the background. You need to score some kind of big coup to grab their attention and shape the narrative in your favor.

  Christina: “Shape the narrative.” Miche, you make it sound like it’s a PR campaign.

  Michelle: It *is* a PR campaign! You have to sell yourself within your company or you won’t move up. That’s how it works. Make a statement. What’s your brand? Part of being good at your job is making them see what you’ve got.

  Elli: Did I tell you guys about my job at the mattress store? I sold one right away because I invented a new sales technique.

  Aditi: Elli, that’s great!

  Elli: Not so great is that I got fired that same day.

  Taneesha: What?!

  Elli: The boss didn’t like my sales technique. I guess that’s what they mean when they say you have to fit into the corporate culture? I mean jeez it was a mattress store not Microsoft or something. Anyway, so long job.

  Aditi: Oh no, are you still going to be able to come to Booklovers Con?

  Elli: Yes! No worries. I’m at the airport right now! Trying to get on an earlier flight, even. You know. See the city a little.

  Taneesha: Love New Orleans. Great town.

  Elli: Can’t wait to get there! You should see the cosplay I’ve got lined up. I’m doing Galadriel for the Friday Fantasy & Fairies party, Celaena Sardothien for the Saturday YA Soiree, and Selene from Underworld for the Vampire Ball on Sunday.

  Christina: Gonna meet a sexy Aragorn while yr there?

  Elli:? Galadriel doesn’t go with Aragorn. That’s Arwen!

  Christina: Just trolling ya, E

  Michelle: I’ve heard this con is almost all female attendees, anyway?

  Aditi: So glad you’re making it, Elli! I don’t know anyone else going. Booklovers is so much more about YA and romance. It’s not like comic cons and the sf/f cons we usually go to.

  Michelle: Actually, Faraday has enough authors going that I’m going to go, too.

  Aditi: You are?

  Elli: Yay! Are you going to room with us?

  Michelle: LOL. No, Elli. Faraday is putting me up. Aditi, I’ve got your itinerary. Do you want to do a practice Q&A before the big Diversity in YA panel? I’ve brainstormed some potential controversial questions that people might troll you with.

  Christina: Miche don’t you start trying to tiger-mom Aditi

  Christina: She’s gonna be fine

  Christina: No really I mean it

  Aditi: Thanks, Michelle.

  Michelle: You’re welcome. I’ll have my laptop with me. Bring yours and you can work on that sample chapter of book two on the flight on the way down, right? The flight is like three or four hours. Plenty of time to work on it.

  Christina: FFS Mi
che

  CHRISTINA

  “Chris—hey, Chris, here’s new pages for your gal.”

  Christina turned around to see Warren impatiently tapping a clipboard against his fingers. He sometimes called her “Chris” even though she’d never said he could, but unlike Josh and his “Chrissy,” she let Warren get away with it. His attitude seemed to be that he was going to treat her as “one of the guys,” and as attitudes went that was one she could work with. He’d obviously been partying late the previous night; he had sunglasses on. That meant she couldn’t gauge if the “your gal” comment meant anything. Was he busting her balls because she’d told him not to call the actresses “girls”? Or were rumors going around about her and Vivi? They had shown up together on set the morning after their drug-fueled fling earlier in the week, but that shouldn’t have been enough to start the rumor mill. Christina and her charge had been playing it cool for the past couple of days. She assumed Vivi wanted it that way for exactly that reason—to keep the rumors to a minimum.

  Thanks to the drugs, she didn’t remember much about that fling. Too bad. A passionate night with Vivi Stone was probably a night to remember.

  She took the pages from Warren. “She’s not at fight practice?” I swear that’s where I left her…

  “It’s your job to know,” Warren said, with an in-a-hurry tone. “You’re her babysitter, aren’t you?”

  Boy, he could be snippy if he hadn’t had his daily opioids. But if that was what he meant by “your gal,” then all was cool.

  Christina gave him a sarcastic salute and crossed the lot toward Vivi’s trailer. She shuffled through the pages as she went. This wasn’t just a couple of lines of script change. Vivi sometimes said some crazy-ass shit to see if she could get a rise out of people, but apparently she’d spoken the truth when she’d said her character was going to be sticking around for more than one episode. That would be cool. It might have been too difficult for some thin-skinned PAs, but for Christina, being Vivi’s wrangler was turning out to be a pretty plum gig. Assuming the rumor mill didn’t fuck it up.

  Vivi of the flat-planed stomach and the silky, honey-colored skin. Vivi of the sharp hip that fit so perfectly in Christina’s palm.

  Okay, so she hadn’t forgotten everything about that night. Christina leaned against the trailer and took a breath. Wouldn’t mind another dip into that well, she thought to herself. Set flings happened and Christina had had a few, though usually not with smoking hot starlets.

  There had been that stuntwoman last year, good for several excellent hookups before she’d gone overseas for a shoot and hadn’t called since. And a makeup artist: Christina had even let that woman cut her hair once. Now that’s intimacy.

  The trailer door banged open and Christina looked up into Vivi’s amused face. She was in a sports bra and running shorts, her body trim and muscular and her face free of makeup. Gorgeous. “I thought I heard your boots banging the ground out here.”

  Play it cool, play it cool. Best not to even mention the fact that she’d just been standing out there daydreaming. “Aren’t you supposed to be at fight practice?”

  “Finished early. I nailed my part.” Vivi clawed the air in front of her and hissed like a cat.

  Christina held up the pages. “Big new scene.”

  “Bring it on in and let me read it.” Vivi turned and went into the trailer without looking back.

  Hopping up the steps, Christina followed, her eyes taking a moment to adjust to the dim interior. Vivi was chugging a bottle of spring water, her head tipped all the way back as she upended the bottle, her long neck and chin stretching upward like a swan’s. Christina’s fingers curled with a sense memory of pulling Vivi’s slender, starlet-skinny body against her own. Jeez, I’m swimming in hormones today.

  Vivi tossed the empty bottle over her shoulder and it landed somewhere outside Christina’s attention. There was nothing there but Vivi, this sex goddess, this flame that drew Christina like a needy moth. “I love fight practice,” Vivi said.

  “Would’ve liked to watch you do it,” Christina heard herself say, thrusting the pages at her.

  Vivi plucked the pages from her grasp and set them aside, never taking her eyes off Christina. “All the struggle, the wrestling. Even though it’s fake… gets me hot.” Vivi’s eyebrow arched. “But you know that.”

  “Do I?”

  “Certainly seemed like it the other night.” Vivi leaned forward, her nipples hardening visibly through the stretchy material of the sports bra.

  Christina had a hand in Vivi’s hair, pulling her head back, before she could even get all the way through the thought: Was that a real come-on or just a tease? If it was a come-on, does she really expect anything more than a rough kiss right now?

  When Christina let her mouth go so she could drag her teeth down Vivi’s perfect neck, she got her answer. “Oh yes… yes, Christina, yes. I was starting to think you got cold feet.”

  “I wasn’t sure if the other night was a one-night fling or what.”

  Vivi’s chuckle was husky. “You’re sweet to give me an out. But that wasn’t just a—what do they call it? Team-building exercise? You turn me on.” She licked her lower lip in a blatantly provocative way. “And I like what you dish out.”

  “You like it rough, huh?”

  An expectant nod. “Mmm-hmmm.”

  “Good. Rough I can do. Now let’s see if you’re telling the truth.” Christina yanked Vivi’s shorts down and cupped her mons. “Let’s see just how hot you are.”

  Molten. Wet and swollen. Christina let a finger explore gently at first until Vivi shifted her feet, spreading her legs apart, inviting her to do more. Christina shoved two fingers in and Vivi gasped out another “Yes!”

  Christina kept hold of Vivi’s hair and looked around. Nothing useful within reach. It would’ve been great to tie her hands.

  Time to improvise. “Hands against the trailer door,” Christina said, pressing close against Vivi’s side, her hand trapped in Vivi’s crotch. “Step out of your shorts and spread your legs. I’m frigging you until you come or someone knocks on the door, whichever comes first.”

  Vivi gave a little cry of faux dismay/excitement, but did as she was ordered. Christina trapped one of Vivi’s thighs between her own and leaned over, one hand working from the front, tweaking her clit on one bent knuckle, the other drilling those same two fingers into Vivi from behind.

  Vivi panted. “Oh fuck, oh fuck, you’re going to make me come so fast.”

  The creak of a footstep on the trailer steps made them both freeze. Vivi’s palms stayed fast against the door as someone pushed on it from outside. Christina held in a snort of laughter as whoever it was—probably fucking Josh—switched to knocking, and then—yep, Josh—called, “Vivi? You in there?”

  With a gleeful light in her eyes, Vivi looked up at Christina and squeezed the two fingers inside her with her vaginal muscles.

  Josh knocked again. “Hey, Vivs?”

  Answer him, Christina mouthed.

  “Yeah?” Vivi piped sweetly.

  “Can I come in?”

  “You sure as hell can NOT, Joshiekins,” Vivi singsonged.

  “Um, why?”

  She showed her teeth in a feral grimace. “Because you didn’t knock first.”

  Christina heard his exasperated sigh. “I did, too! Just now.”

  “Nuh-uh. You never knock first. You think I didn’t notice? I’m banning you from my trailer until you learn some manners.”

  “What the—”

  “It’s for your own good, you know. Didn’t anyone warn you about the liability on walking in on the talent naked? Someone’s management team might be just itching to serve a harassment lawsuit. I thought you knew better, sweetums.”

  “I… Whatever.” The stairs creaked again as he walked away.

  Christina started to laugh when he was hopefully far enough away not to hear it, pumping her fingers in and out again with a wet sound.

  “Serves him right,
” Vivi said, pushing back against the penetration. “Don’t you think?”

  “Definitely. You are due in makeup, though,” Christina admitted, speeding up. “So how about you come for me, hmm?”

  She wasn’t really a hardcore sadist but it sure was fun to be the boss sometimes. Christina was butch and knew how to turn up the badass factor. “You gonna come for me, girl? Gonna come hard?”

  “Oh, oh, yes!” Vivi’s hips jerked furiously as she neared her peak, not incidentally driving her thigh against Christina’s crotch

  “Better keep it quiet in case he comes back,” Christina said. “Or I might have to stop…”

  “You wouldn’t!” Vivi hissed, but she took the threat seriously, her mouth opening wide in a silent scream of orgasm, her entire body shaking with the force of it and rattling the trailer door. So much for keeping quiet, Christina thought with a chuckle. Nice try, though.

  Vivi’s eyes opened slowly. Christina waited to see how she was going to react to being pushed around that hard.

  “Fuck.” The word fell softly from her perfect lips. Her eyes focused and then her feral smile returned. “You’re almost as crazy as I am. That’s why we’re perfect for each other.”

  Christina let out a laugh. “Right.”

  Vivi rocked her hips, pumping her flesh slowly against Christina’s palm. “No, I mean it.”

  The perfect distraction from the boring parts of our jobs, you mean, Christina thought, but that didn’t seem too politic to say with her fingers still cupping the woman’s snatch.

  “Make me come again? One more before I go?”

  Christina slid her hand free, though, and held up her sticky fingers. “No.”

  Vivi’s eyes flared in challenge. “No?”

  “Lick them clean and if you’re nice to the glam squad I’ll let you come after we get back.”

  The challenge changed to delight. Vivi grinned. “You got a deal.”

  Christina took a moment to wash her hands. Well, that was different. And totally unexpected. But had she just tamed the untameable Vivi Stone? Or had she just discovered yet another of the woman’s crew demands? She decided she didn’t care which it was. Hey, maybe it was both.

  But how long would it last? The words perfect for each other echoed in her ears. She just meant as actor and PA, she told herself. A relationship? That was crazy talk.