Declare (Declan Reede: The Untold Story #4)

by Michelle Irwin

  At least until I got to my appointment with Alyssa and Dr. Henrikson.

  “That fucker!” I fumed as I slammed open the door and entered the room. “That motherfucking son of a bitch.”

  “Dec, what is it?” Alyssa asked, leaping up to rush over to me.

  I sighed. Holding her in my arms helped to lessen some of my anger. “It’s nothing,” I said. I sighed again and looked into her eyes, softly brushing my thumb along her cheek.

  “No, Declan,” Dr. Henrikson interrupted our moment. “It’s not nothing. Something was clearly upsetting you, and you should take this opportunity to share it with Alyssa.”

  I huffed. “It’s really nothing,” I said. “Just that motherfucker, Hunter.” I felt Alyssa stiffen in my arms. Even though she’d apologised a hundred times, she still felt guilty over the preseason party incident. We’d discussed it a few times during our sessions, so I knew she didn’t know who he was at the time and hadn’t meant to be so crazy. I just hoped she understood now that he wasn’t as clean-cut and wholesome as he’d appeared then.

  “What happened?” Dr. Henrikson knew all about my past with Hunter, and everything that had happened since his start at Sinclair Racing.

  “He said some not very complimentary things about Alyssa,” I said. “The fucker,” I murmured under my breath. “And he might have cost me my chance to get back into a V8.”

  Alyssa pulled back from me. “You might be back in a V8?”

  I smiled slightly at her. “If I keep my nose clean.”

  “Wow, that’s awesome news.” She smiled.

  “That bastard makes it awfully hard though,” I said. “I just want to take his face and smash it into my toolbox sometimes.” I saw the doc open his mouth, but I cut him off by raising my hand. “I know, I know, I need to work on my temper. That’s what I pay you for though, right?”

  Alyssa giggled. The sound of it was like angels fucking singing or some shit—it was enough to soothe the beast that wanted to make an impression in someone’s face with my knuckles.

  “That’s exactly what I needed to hear,” I told her. “That makes my shitty-arse day that much better.” I leant in and touched a gentle kiss to her lips.

  We sat on the couch and I listened as Alyssa spilled about her day. Apparently, some new chick had started in her office. Some bird named Lily or something. Alyssa listed it as the low of her week, saying she’d met the girl on her trip to London, and they didn’t exactly hit it off. As she spoke, she leaned further and further away from me. She cast odd looks in my direction whenever she looked up from her hands, which wasn’t often as she’d been staring at them for most of the conversation.

  “What is it?” I asked.

  I saw Dr. Henrikson nodding out of the corner of my eye. I could see this was what he was trying to get us to do—ask questions and communicate with one another.

  “It’s just that, well, you know her,” Alyssa muttered into her hands.

  I shook my head. “I didn’t meet anyone you worked with there—”

  She cut me off. “At the bar.”

  I couldn’t understand what she meant at first, but then I remembered. After almost a week of waiting for Alyssa to call, I’d been ready to give up the search. Then, she’d called but hung up before I could speak to her. With the new hope and information the call had left me with, I’d waited in front of her hotel for nearly an entire day.

  Then, I had given up well and truly and decided I needed to get my own needs serviced. I’d dressed up, gone to a bar—an Australian-themed one recommended by the cabbie—and . . .

  “Fuck, baby, I’m sorry. I didn’t know you worked with her. I didn’t even know her name.” The words tasted poisonous, and worse, they weren’t even a lie.

  A tear dropped from Alyssa’s eyes, closely followed by another. “That’s worse,” she whispered. “You would have screwed her, wouldn’t you? I mean, if I hadn’t been there.”

  I ducked my head so I wouldn’t have to meet her gaze if she looked up at me. She knew the answer as well as I did. After all, she knew my past. She knew everything about me. I’d thought she’d accepted it, but obviously being faced with such a sharp reminder of it must have bought the pain back.

  “Yeah,” I whispered, refusing to lie to her even though the truth was a barbed pill. “I would have.”

  Out of the corner of my eye, I saw her nod once as her mouth mashed into an unhappy line.

  “I’m sorry,” I said, turning to her and grabbing her hand softly. “I was an arse. A fucking jerk. I know I’ll never be able to apologise enough for what I did when we weren’t together, for the way I treated you and, well, fuck, everyone really, but I hope one day you’ll be able to forgive me completely.”

  “I have,” she murmured. “At least I thought I had. Seeing Lily today just sent my mind back to the place I was in while in London. I was so scared, and so angry, and I just didn’t know what I wanted. I couldn’t believe your reaction to Phoebe was so strong—or so negative.”

  I bobbed my head in shame, still unwilling to meet her gaze. “It was just a shock. I should never have acted like that.”

  “No,” she whispered. “You shouldn’t have.”

  Those four words, and the pain that echoed in them, hurt me more deeply than almost anything else she had ever said. I bit my lip. I knew apologising again wouldn’t do anything.

  “But you shouldn’t have found out like that, either. I should have found the courage to tell you on the plane. Or when you were in hospital after Bathurst.”

  Instead of focusing on the what-ifs and the regret, I decided to turn my mind to what we had.

  “That doesn’t matter now. What matters is this . . .” I held her hands in mine, tracing my thumb over the line of her engagement ring. It was the reminder of what I needed to say to her. “Thank you. For raising our daughter into the wonderful child she is now, despite all the odds you faced.”

  Her shoulder lifted into a half-hearted shrug. “I did what I had to.”

  I finally looked up to meet her eyes.

  “No, you didn’t,” I disagreed. “You went so far above ‘what you had to’. You could have sat around on the single-parent pension and not got a job, but you didn’t. You showed our daughter the value of hard work. You could have given up on your dreams and not gone to uni, God knows it would have been the easier path, but you didn’t. You’re the strongest person I know. When we were apart, I took the easy road. I turned to drugs, alcohol, and loose chicks to try to satisfy what was missing. You were so much stronger than I ever could have been. And not only did you not give up on yourself the way I did, you raised another person. And you did it all without becoming bitter or twisted. Without telling Phoebe what an absolute shithead I was.” I reached out for her hand and pulled it gently to my mouth. I kissed each finger softly. “I am in awe of you.”

  She gasped as I finished. Dr. Henrikson applauded lightly. At the sound, I turned to look at him. I’d completely forgotten his presence.

  “Declan, you were asking what the point is behind these meetings.”

  Alyssa glared at me, and I gave her my best “I’m innocent” look.

  “This is the point,” he declared. “You have taken the mundane, the everyday struggles, and used it to raise and discuss a bigger issue from your past without shouting and arguments. When you argue and fight, you need to try to find the reason behind the argument, because it is rarely what you are actually fighting about.”

  We talked a little bit more, with Dr. Henrikson chipping in occasionally as needed. It was probably our best couple session ever, and I couldn’t help the not-so-small amount of pride I felt, knowing that we got to that point ourselves. I had to hand it to him—the doc was a fucking genius.

  CHAPTER SIX: EVERYTHING

  I STARED USELESSLY at the ceiling, just as I had for the past four hours, willing myself to sleep, but failing miserably. Despite the progress Alyssa and I had made at Dr. Henrikson’s earlier, I couldn’t shake the remors
e I felt over what had almost happened with Lily right in front of Alyssa’s eyes—the guilt that Alyssa had to deal with the fallout every day—or the anger I felt toward Hunter. I shivered as dark memories of the night he’d shown me the depths he’d go to in order to get what he wanted invaded all of my senses.

  The scariest thing for me was that his darkness was only a few steps away from the way I’d lived my life. True, I’d never gone so far as to drug someone, and I hoped I never would have no matter how bad things got, but it was still a fine fucking line I’d been toeing.

  I’d honestly fooled myself into thinking that had been the ideal lifestyle. I’d been so certain that nothing in the world could satisfy me more than a quick screw with a complete stranger. I had been so utterly and completely wrong. Despite going days without sex due to our day-to-day life, the moments I shared with Alyssa still satisfied me more than anything else ever had or could.

  Even as I recalled the blonde and brunette I’d saved from Hunter’s clutches that night, I knew it was too late to share my knowledge with anyone else regardless of what he did to me at work. Too much time had passed. Too much of everything had passed. It would just look like sour grapes if I brought it up with Danny. It was why I had kept it hidden for so long; nothing could come from sharing what I knew—nothing but more retribution and heartache.

  I could take comfort in knowing that if it was still happening, Danny would not allow Hunter to stay on the team. Above everything else, Danny had a prevailing sense of justice. It was a cold comfort though, and one I hated myself over for trying to find.

  As dark memories swirled, threatening to choke me, I shivered in the night. There was no way I could ever let myself fall back into those habits, or let anyone subject Phoebe to that sort of treatment.

  “Cold?” Alyssa mumbled sleepily before sighing and cuddling into me.

  I hummed in response, not wanting to wake her further.

  She curled herself onto my chest with half her hair splayed out over my arm and the other half curled around under her chin.

  I shifted my gaze from the ceiling and onto her angelic face. My heart expanded looking down over her. She and Phoebe looked so similar when they slept. Both held my heart hostage, and I never wanted that to change.

  Alyssa’s fingers twirled through her hair as if she weren’t able to kick the nervous habit, not even in her sleep. I captured her left hand with my right and interlocked our fingers. I still couldn’t believe the joy I felt every time I touched the warm metal band and diamonds of her ring. It was a small reminder that she’d agreed to spend her life at my side. The thought made me smile and shoved the darkness aside for a moment. I pulled her tighter into me, kissing her forehead while silently reaffirming everything I’d previously promised her aloud.

  I would never hurt her again.

  I could never leave her again.

  I couldn’t imagine my life without her.

  It was the reason I had to keep her as far away from Hunter as humanly possible.

  With that thought came the sickening reality that he could seriously hurt me now. After all, I had something that I hadn’t had during our previous encounters.

  I had something—everything—to lose.

  And in the morning, I was getting on a plane and leaving everything important to me for two weeks. I tightened my hold on Alyssa, not wanting to let her go until I absolutely had to.

  WITH MY eyes closed, I tried everything I could to ignore the turbulence rocking my seat. Every time I thought it might finally be over, the plane would dip or bounce. My nails were practically embedded in the armrest and my mind overran with thoughts that I’d seen Alyssa for the last time. That I’d kissed Phoebe goodbye forever, not just for the trip.

  The plane was going to go plummeting into the ocean, I was certain of it.

  The turbulence on the way to London had been a fuckload easier to contend with because I’d had someone to distract me. To soothe me and talk to me—even if we had spent half the flight fighting. A smile crossed my lips just thinking about that eventful trip. God, it was crazy how pussy-whipped I’d become, but the truth was there’d been an Alyssa-shaped hole in my life for a damn long time before then.

  A ding indicated that the seatbelt lights were off, but fuck if I was going to chance opening my eyes just to see the plane lunge downward again.

  “What are you smiling about, fuckhead?”

  The decent mood that had been slowly gathering over me, that might have been enough to wipe away the terror I’d felt over the crazed leaps and falls the plane was making, dissipated the instant I heard Hunter’s voice.

  The space beside me, that had been occupied by Morgan until about fifteen minutes earlier when Eden stole him away—no doubt for some mile-high action—was now filled with Hunter.

  I huffed out a breath and ignored him as best as I could.

  “Are you picturing that fine arse you left at home? I’d be smiling too.”

  Even though I pretended to be completely unaffected, my breath grew harsh and my fingers were curled into fists, so it was impossible for Hunter not to see that his words were hitting their target.

  “You know, if I’d had just a few more minutes alone with that woman, she wouldn’t have been yours. She would’ve been screaming my name while I stripped that little black bikini off her body.”

  A low growl reverberated in my chest. I needed to shut him up. My fingered curled and uncurled as I formed fists over and over. “Shut up.”

  “Aww, what’s the matter, squirt, can’t take a little ribbing?”

  His use of Morgan’s nickname on top of everything he said forced my eyes open. “Fuck. Off.”

  “Do you really think that she won’t have guys sniffing all over her while you’re gone? How long do you think she’ll resist before falling to her knees and sucking their cocks?”

  With one hand, I pinched the bridge of my nose. The other curled around the end of the armrest so it didn’t fly at his face.

  “I can see her now with those fuckable lips of hers wrapped around cock after cock. Can’t you just picture it?”

  “I said shut the fuck up!” The words burst from me without thought, filling the whole cabin.

  Two cabin crew turned to look at me, each wearing a frown. Fuck. If I kept it up, I’d probably end up tied up in the back of the plane—or at the very least booted back to economy.

  “Touchy,” Hunter said, his lips curling into a smile that was almost a sneer. A second later, he moved away back toward his seat.

  A couple of minutes later, Morgan slid back beside me with an I-just-had-sex grin on his face. Fuck. Between Hunter’s fucking mouth and Morgan and Eden having it on as if to remind me what I was missing, the trip was going to be hell.

  It was going to be a fucked-up couple of weeks before I could finally go home.

  CHAPTER SEVEN: YAS, DEAR

  I ROLLED OVER, trying to let sleep claim me. As if she were there, and aware how badly I needed to rest, Alyssa’s voice called to me from the void, tempting me into the darkness to join her.

  “Hey, you,” her words carried to me, and I turned to greet her. It’d been too long since I’d looked at her face, too many days I’d spent away from her.

  My eyes practically bugged out of my head at the sight that met me. She stood beside a car, which barely earned a second glance despite how hot it was. From my cursory inspection, I could tell it was a red 1969 Chevelle with full chrome accessories, but that didn’t matter. It was a shit-hot car, but had nothing on the chick in front of it.

  The saliva left my mouth as I watched her move. A vivid purple halter-neck bikini top held her breasts front and centre. The round curve of her cleavage was on display, begging me for attention. She twisted her hips slightly and the micro-mini skirt she wore rode up just a little, revealing the bottom of her arse cheeks and the lace of the boy-leg shorts wrapped around them. A pair of black thigh-high come-fuck-me boots encased her feet and most of her legs, hinting at the shape
ly calves within. A messy bun on the top of her head and aviator sunnies completed the look.

  She was hot.

  Fucking hot.

  Melt my dick before I got it anywhere near her hot.

  It was all I could do to root myself to the spot so that I didn’t bend her over the hood of the car and fuck her stupid. I grew painfully hard at the sight of her. The slightest touch would have been more than enough to set me off.

  I grinned goofily at her. “Hey, yourself.”

  She hitched her leg up onto the car’s chrome bumper. Usually, I would have freaked at a car being disrespected in such a way, but I was too distracted by the way the lace of her boy-leg panties hugged her thigh. I licked my lips hungrily as I imagined my hand trailing under the lace.

  “You wanna ride?” she asked, her voice dripping with innuendo as her fingers traced along her thigh.

  I nodded silently.

  “Well, come inside then,” she said, dancing her fingers over the material that covered her pussy before moving her deft fingers lower to the top of her boot, causing her waist to bend and more of her arse to be revealed.

  I gulped and stepped closer to her. I took my time in examining the small patch of skin showing at the top of her legs. It may have been small, but it hinted at things that sent my body racing. I shivered with pleasure as I slid my hand along the outside of her thigh and pushed it up under her skirt. I hooked my finger into her panties and slowly peeled them off without removing any other item of clothing. I hoped she understood that, given the chance, I would fuck her all night long with those sexy-arse boots on. I pushed her forward over the bonnet of the car, her micro-mini unable to cover her arse or pussy any longer. I ran my fingers over the curve of her cheeks and lightly slapped one, earning a soft moan in response.