by JK Ensley
“Well, lovely maiden, better safe than sorry, I always say.” He winked at me and patted his knees.
“You seem in high spirits today, young warrior,” boomed Vahan. “You must be a particularly resilient Angel indeed.”
I turned to the council head and gracefully bowed to him. “Apologies, kind sir. I have witnessed and accepted things far stranger than these proceedings here. I needed only a little time to breathe and a few moments to acclimate. I am ready to continue with the airing of my dirty laundry and past transgressions so that I may freely proceed into my glorious future, unshackled and tether free.”
“Indeed,” he said with a snort. “Let us begin.”
Vahan motioned to Vybius and his ethereal sphere appeared once more. I smiled and cast him a sideways glance when I realized he’d skipped over the intimate time I had spent with my enchanting Alzeen in the Valley of Trees. His rare magic now showed me trying to enter Vanahirdem with that same charming man at my side.
Vindicus’s giant lap shook with laughter as he watched my first confrontation with the Gate Guardian, Vareilious.
“I’m amazed at the differences.” He yanked on one of my curls, apparently his favorite thing to do. “You showed not your claws when you entered my gate, little Princess. I seem to remember you couldn’t even find your tongue. Perhaps the difference isn’t in the maiden, but in the Guardian.” He wrapped his enormous arms around my waist. “It’s good for my ego, little Angel, to know I make you stutter so. You elicit a mirrored response from me as well, internally.” He whispered that last part.
I blushed, cheeks flaming from his insinuation, which only made the crowd’s laughter, at my expense, continue.
But I soon heard the chilling warning growls, eerily emanating from my new Guardian, as he witnessed some of my harder days spent under Varick’s fierce tutelage.
“He goes too far.” Vindicus spoke through gritted teeth. “If ever we should meet, he will carry scars as bitter payment for his unnecessarily cruel actions concerning you. Your punishment was not deserved. His is.” His powerful arms tightened around me.
I knew, without a doubt, Vindicus meant what he said. And that horrible thought sent chills up my spine.
I must make sure their paths never cross. I know not if I could live through the loss of either.
I playfully elbowed my new Guardian. “You would’ve gone easier on me? You would have been satisfied with providing me a cushioned, and thus improper, training?”
“Oh, I would never have gone easy on you, will never go easy on you. And as far as satisfaction, mine would have come from knowing you slept in my arms with a smile upon your face, not tears upon your pillow,” he whispered as he yanked another one of my curls.
I tried my best to remain calm and disassociated as I watched Vybius’s magic fill in the blanks of my past. My heart warmed with Alastyn’s revelation of love to the beautiful Willow. I visibly trembled through the horrific sounds of Halora’s maniacal laughter and Jezreel’s shrieks of pain. Vindicus moaned slightly when the orb displayed me walking into the Broken Wheel that fateful day, donned in slick black leather and extremely high boots.
Vybius shot him a warning glare. We all three blushed.
*****
The witnessing Vanir saw everything. Every single battle I was summonsed to. From the babies in Detroit down to the vile men in the King’s hunting lodge, all was laid out before their hungry eyes.
I heard the collective gasps when I tore Merodach’s still beating heart from his pleading chest. I witnessed their tears firsthand, caused by Vareilious’s bitter cries for help concerning my fated execution and his bold defiance of God’s orders.
I was relieved when Vahan’s booming voice broke through that horrible scene, causing the magic to fade and disappear.
“That will be all for today. I expect your prompt attendance to bring these proceedings to a close on the morrow,” he said.
“Yes, sir. I’ll be here,” I answered.
Vindicus whispered into the curls mounded at the back of my head. “Are you well, my love?”
“Yes, dear friend. None of this was completely new to me.”
“No, but all of it was new to us,” he said.
I looked around at the tear-filled eyes of the parting Vanir.
“They’re not angry with you. Do not fear.” Vybius tried to assure me. “They feel for you. That’s all, little Angel.”
I waited until the chamber hall had emptied except for Vybius and myself.
“You ready?” He extended me his hand.
I sighed heavily. My heart felt like it weighed a thousand pounds. “You go on ahead, Vybius. I’ll be home soon. I need a little alone time.”
“You now realize what the morrow holds for you, do you not? Until now, it has been painful but known to you, for the most part.”
“Yes. Tomorrow will either be a recount of my exile, or…” I paused with the terrifying thought.
“We have no need to witness your exile. We have watched you every moment since your first step out of that swamp,” Vybius stated, regretfully.
“I feared that answer more than you know.” I tried to smile but I could feel the tears burning the backs of my eyes. “So, tomorrow I’ll get to see my life without me in it.”
Vybius took my hands. The pity in those beautiful amethyst eyes was almost more than I could stand.
“Or rather, tomorrow I’ll see what life is like for my loved ones… without me in it.” Tears began to silently spill down my cheeks.
He took me in his arms. “Shhh, you knew the time would come, my love. You may have refused to speak it aloud, but I have already seen the tide of dread surrounding your heart.”
“You know what happens, don’t you?”
“Yes, little one, I know.”
We stood silently, embracing. My heart trembled with fear of the knowledge I was no longer sure I wanted.
“Vybius?”
“Yes, my love?”
“What will happen to me?”
“What do you mean, tiny Angel?”
“I mean, when all is revealed. What’s next? What will happen to me?”
“That, my love, I do not know. My talents lie in the past. Only your own heart or a vision from Viatrix can answer for your future.”
“But I’m not dead.”
He chuckled. “No, you are very much alive.”
“So, I won’t be going to the Otherworld.”
“No, you will not. It’s not your time.”
“Then I’ll either return to Vanahirdem or stay here, I suppose.”
“There are many paths that may be open unto you. If you no longer wield your mask, you may be able to return to your little rose-covered cottage. Or God may have need of you on a different layer, or many different layers. I don’t believe your future will be set until you know…” He paused.
“Until I know what I’ve missed,” I whispered.
“Yes, until then.”
“Vybius, do you know you’re incredibly precious to me now?”
“Yes, my dear. I am one of three you now treasure within that pure and loving heart. It makes me jealous.” He winked at me, squeezing me just a little tighter.
“Stop it. You knew I loved Varick and—”
“I was not speaking of them,” he interrupted.
“Then, wha-who—”
“I was only speaking of the names that bounce around in your head right now.”
“In my head? You can read my mind?”
“Sort of. I can see inside you.” He placed a finger on my chest to indicate what his words now revealed. “Jenevier, you have an unfathomably immense capacity for love. Your heart takes in new friends as easily as a child takes in stray puppies.” He smiled and gave me another little squeeze.
“So, you’re like my stray puppy?”
“No.” He raised one eyebrow, effortlessly displaying that Guardian smirk I was so used to. “Vindicus is like your puppy.”
“Vind
icus?” I laughed. “Have you seen the warrior?” A mischievous smile crossed my face. “He is no pup. That giant Angel is—”
Vybius tightened his embrace, cutting off my words with his internal growls and flashing silver eyes.
“Do not finish your words concerning your Guardian, Jenevier. Do not play with me, for I know your heart. Vindicus is like your puppy, yes. And Viatrix is as revered as your dead aunt, in your eyes. But me… you love me as a man.”
My gasp rang in my ears, pierced the silence of the empty hall.
“No… Vybius. You are as my… as my treasured brother. You live within my heart, yes. But it’s not like that.”
“It’s exactly like that, Jenevier. You knew it the moment you first heard my voice, the moment you first laid eyes upon me. You desired me almost as much as I have long desired you. I am certain if there was no Varick and no Alzeen, you would already be accepting the feelings you’re so desperately trying to hide from.”
I struggled within his arms but he held me firmly in place. Lifting my chin, he looked deep into my terrified eyes.
“Shhh, my love, all is well. I had always hoped it would be so with us.”
“Wha-what are you saying, Vybius?”
“I’m saying I have loved you as a woman for so many years now. You stole my heart the night you danced barefoot at Marlise’s life celebration.”
“But h-how could… How did you see that? Were you there?”
“I couldn’t see it while it was happening. And, no, I was not so blessed as to be able to see it with my own eyes. You appeared in my palm the moment of your exile. But I was blessed with your past all the way back to the day your destiny was fated. Back to the day Merodach marked you. So, I have loved you for many lonely years now, my dearest Jenevier.”
Why is this happening? How can we be as we were? We can’t. Not now. Could this day possibly get any worse, I thought.
If I had only known then…
Chapter 17
Vanahirdem
(van-nah-HEAR-dem)
After much begging and pleading, Vybius granted my request.
“Very well, Milady. I will return home alone only if you promise me now, you will not tarry too long.”
“I promise.”
“Do you also promise to lie within mine arms this night?” he whispered.
“Vybius, I laid within your arms last night, and every night since my arrival. Why do you ask thusly?”
“Now that the words have been spoken, now that you know the truth I had kept hidden in my heart… I wish to say them to you again as I hold you in my arms, upon our bed.”
“Vybius, do not do this thing. Please. I love Varick. This you know.”
“Did I ask you to stop loving him? No, of course not. Only admit you love me as well.”
“I cannot.”
“We shall see. When you walk through our door once more, tiny Princess, we shall see.” He tenderly kissed each cheek and then my forehead before he silently left the chamber hall.
I stood there, alone, for a dreadfully long time. I prayed silently for the world to stop spinning long enough for my mind to catch up. Something bad was coming toward me, hurling through the universe, racing to my side. I felt it swell within my gut, threatening to empty my stomach. I took a deep breath before stepping out into the daylight once more.
I missed the moon. I didn’t realize just how much until this very moment. The moon brought with it a sense of peace, of rest, of closure. The lovely moon was the perfect punctuation mark to end the day. The moon was also what I looked at as I sent out my thoughts, my worries, my wishes, and my prayers. Yes, I desperately missed the moon.
With no conscious intent, I walked to the heavenly temple in the center of the city and placed my hands upon the ornate handles of the incredibly massive doors. I patiently waited for the exact ethereal notes to whistle through the lattice. Instead, I heard a soft voice within my head bid me enter.
With only the slightest amount of pressure, the enormous doors moved freely, like a willow’s branches in the breeze. I entered a cathedral identical to the one in Vanahirdem and once again made my way to the exalted mercy seat.
Pausing momentarily to take in all the glorious statues of mighty warriors and valiant men who had served faithfully throughout the millennia, I tried to imagine the amount of evil God had vanquished through their magnificent hands.
“You are a true and validating credit to your awesome creator,” I whispered.
The reverberating echo of that little whisper came back to me a hundredfold. Yeah, I jumped. What? It was eerie.
Kneeling before the simple looking bench placed within the heart of such vast splendor was completely surreal. The vivid reenactment of my own glorious transformation played through my mind. Yet, in reality, I was lost. I had no idea what lay before me. I was sorrowful for what now lay in my past, and I was utterly terrified of what the unknown present may hold.
Releasing a deep sigh, I collapsed wearily across the exalted seat. And then, I cried. I just cried. I shed tears for my friends back home, all of them. I wept for my brothers and sisters in arms. I mourned for my homeland of Ashgard. But above all else, this time… I cried for myself.
I mourned being cursed when I was yet too young and too dumb to handle it better. I pitied my naïve self for being forced into combat training. Combat training. I still can scarce believe it. I went from a sheltered little village mouse to a vicious, bloodthirsty killer in ten short years. Now, four years later, here I sit… a little mouse again. If I could search through the annals of time, I was certain I could never find a woman as pathetic as I had turned out to be.
I was in the middle of one serious downward spiral, spinning out of control, knowing the crash was coming, and coming tomorrow.
“Can you end it now, God? Can you please just grant me rest? I truly cannot fathom how my heart keeps right on beating no matter how many times I will it to stop. And look at me now. In the exact same position I was just four years ago. Nothing has changed… nothing.”
One thing has changed.
There was no voice. I mean, I was speaking out loud to the walls, but no actual voice joined in my miserable oration. The answers were simply placed within my head. It was like, the very moment I spoke a question, the answer was just there, plain as day. And the voice I heard it in was warm and relaxing and lovely. It literally soothed my aching soul. It made the hair at the nape of my neck stand up, and not in a scary way. That voice was the embodiment of peace. Sweet blessed peace.
“One thing? What is it? What one thing has changed, Lord?”
Without being told, I looked down at my hand. There, I saw the indention where Varick’s manacle had lovingly yet briefly resided.
“This? This is what you bring to tortured mind? This is the change you speak of? That… I’m no longer my beloved’s? Why? Why would you call upon my greatest pain, my worst failure, my most wretched loss, and say that’s how I am changed? Is there no comfort left for me? No hope? Then why let me live? Why spare my life? Take me now, God, please, just take me now. I no longer have purpose if I no longer have hope. End it here and end it now, for I am done. Do you hear me? I am done!”
I was shaking, sobbing uncontrollably. I collapsed, curling into a little ball, crying and begging until I ran completely out of tears. They just dried up, just stopped. I was utterly spent, totally exhausted. Eventually, I slept.
I did not dream, neither did I rest. Yet, I was carried upon the clouds of a vision, floating, hovering above Vandermil. There I witnessed my new family searching for me, calling out my name. I drifted until I stood upon the skies over Vanahirdem, my old home, my old family. I closed my eyes, refusing to witness any more pain, my lids tightly shut.
Open your eyes, child. See what you must now see. Let your eyes behold what your heart must soon accept. Remaining ignorant will not change the truth. Open your eyes, shed your ignorance, embrace your future.
I knew without knowing, I would be h
idden from their angelic view. I stepped from the clouds and walked, hovering just above the hallowed ground. This was the home of my heart, and simply seeing it within a vision brought me glorious peace. I walked to my own home and ran unheeding through the door. It was empty. I searched each room before I finally returned to the crystal cobbled streets. My city was deserted. I had found my home, yet I was alone.
Does this mean they’ve forgotten me? Is the absence of my family a sign I no longer belong here? Is this no longer my home?
A familiar booming voice wafted to my ears—Valadrog, chief among my people. I gave chase.
“For three long years we were denied entrance to our most Holy of Holies. We were being punished. Punished for disobeying our duty and punished for turning from the summons of God. For three long years did we grieve and for three long years did we repent. Yet God is merciful and forgiving. One year ago today, we were again deemed worthy. One year ago today the song of remittance was heard once more in Vanahirdem.”
As I approached the breathtaking cathedral, I saw the doors stood open as the whole of Vanahirdem was gathered within. Valadrog was standing before the mercy seat as he addressed my brothers and sisters.
I slowed my pace, silently entering the holy courtyard. My heart was racing; it beat wildly in my ears. But Valadrog’s voice drowned out its pounding.
He continued, “For the first time I could remember, I feared. I feared what I might find within these hallowed walls, and I feared what I might not. Would the bones of our beloved little sister be laid out before me, or would her fate be far worse? I knew not.”
I climbed the pristine steps and stood within the open doorway. Vareen sat to the left of her husband. Vareilious and Vinika stood together on the far right side of the podium. There was a stabbing pain in my heart when I saw their hands were clasped—their ethereal eyes, moist. I loved them both. I instantly stamped out the pangs of jealousy I had no right to feel.
“What we found awaiting us inside this holy temple was neither our worst fears nor was it an answer to our questions. For here upon the mercy seat lay my son’s manacle, but no trace of our lovely little sister could be found. Varick’s mourning would not find an end that day. But this is a new day, Brothers and Sisters, and this new day shall be one of rejoicing and song. Sorrow will flee from us now, vanquished. We deny its hold, halt our tears.”
