by JK Ensley
“Aye, she did. But I already knew.”
“How? When?”
“In the pool, as I lay dying. Ye felt it then. Did ye nae?”
“I felt something. I didn’t know what it was.”
“Aye, so I knew before ye,” he teased, tugging gently on one curl.
“I love you.”
“An’ I love ye more.”
I rolled over on my back and watched the fluffy clouds blowing across the heavens.
“Babies are an extremely rare thing in Vanahirdem.” He chuckled. “I should say it’ll be spoiled rotten from day one.”
“I’m not going to raise him in Vanahirdem.”
“I hope ye change yer mind. Where did ye plan tae raise him, Ashgard?”
“No. I think I’ll raise him right here, in Princess Falls.”
“Aye, my love, ye wish him tae be alone? Or do ye wish for me tae be his only brother? Or perhaps, ye wish me tae be his father?” Vittorio placed his giant hand on my tummy and leaned over me. “Yer broken. Are ye nae, wee warrior?”
“Yes, I am.”
“Yer all alone an’ ye’ll nae be happy again.”
“Yes, that is also true.”
“Can I comfort ye?”
“No. I will not be comforted.”
“That’s what I thought. I cannae be yer Vindicus, but I can be this baby’s father. I will protect him with my life. He wulnae know harm an’ he’ll be smothered with undying love. Vindicus cannae return tae ye… an’ I cannae leave ye.”
“You’re too kind. My child could ask for no better father than the one I know you will someday be. But I will raise him on my own and I will ensure he knows who his father truly is, and how very much he wanted to be with him.”
“How is it ye name the babe a lad? What if it’s a beautiful wee Princess, like her mother?”
“That would be wonderful as well.”
“Can I kiss yer belly?”
I laughed. “Are you already trying to lay claim to my only daughter?”
“Aye, wee lass, ye’ve found me oot. If I cannae have her mother, I’ll teach her from birth tae love only the gorgeous Vittorio.”
I laughed at his exaggerated accent. When he kissed my belly, it tickled and the giggling began.
“How do you always manage to do that to me—bring about my smile?”
“Because, that’s the only thing ye’ll let me do tae ye.”
“Are you never satisfied? What more do you wish of me, Brother?”
Without warning, Vittorio kissed me. Not the playful kisses he normally left upon my blushing cheeks. These kisses were that of a man, a desirous man. I didn’t stop him, and that was cruel of me. I closed my eyes and saw only Vindicus beside me.
“Yer thinking of him, are ye nae?”
“I am,” I admitted.
“Aye, is it horribly wrong that I’m okay with that? Am I sick tae be satisfied with being used by the woman I love, knowing she pretends me tae be another?”
“Yes. It’s horribly sick you’d be okay with such a cruel lie.”
“Will ye lie tae me again?”
“Can I name you Vindicus?”
“Aye, I’ll take his name… if ye’ll grant me his place in yer heart.”
“That’s too much, Vittorio. I could never hurt you that way. I love you too much.”
“Aye, Milady, my only pain comes from nae touching ye. If ye can find a measure of peace by closing yer eyes an’ making love tae yer azure Angel, know that I can also find a measure of peace by leaving my eyes open… an’ pretending yer love an’ passions are meant only for me. We could both own but a shadow of what our hearts truly desire.”
I knew with every cell of my being this was wrong. But I was in so much pain and I wanted to be held so badly. I wanted strong arms to wrap about me and make the pain go away. I wanted a savior to protect me and promise everything was going to be fine. I closed my eyes and turned my back to him.
“Forgive me, Brother. I am not the evil woman Varick names me. You are my dearest friend and the only man I wish to spend my days with. I won’t lie to you. I am just weak enough… just wicked enough at this delicate moment, to let you go too far. And in so doing, I would lose the only other being I know in my heart would never hurt me. Can’t we just remain as we were, as we are?”
“Aye, Milady, I would love naethin’ more than tae always remain yer truest an’ most loyal friend. I went too far. Promise tae forget those careless words an’ write them nae on yer heart. Dunnae hold me accountable for giving voice tae my deepest desires. Almost losing everything can change the way a heart works.”
“Yes, it can. And truly losing everything… can force that heart to cease its reasoning. For but a moment, when I looked into your heavenly eyes, my heart told me you deserved all the happiness in the world. It told me I shouldn’t deny you your heart’s desire and I should gift you with my body, so at least one of us would be forever happy and content. I almost went too far as well, Brother. I almost let you go too far.”
“Aye, then I’m grateful yer the one blessed with strength. Had I but known a flicker of surrender was being offered me—”
“Mention it no more, dear friend, lest we dwell too long upon this dark path. My heart has betrayed me. And without a heart, mistakes are so much easier to make… and so much harder to regret.”
“Aye, Milady, tease me nae. Ye tell me ye need comfort for yer breaking heart. Ye tell me ye love me enough tae want tae see me happy, even if that means letting me go too far with ye. An’ now, I hear ye admitting tae feeling nae regrets. Shall I press ye just a wee bit more?”
“Please don’t. Show me mercy. Show me kindness, Brother.”
“Show ye love?”
“Yes. I need you to show me love.”
Vittorio kissed the back of my shoulder and lightly ran his fingertips down the length of my bare arm.
“Aye, lovely mother-tae-be, I’ll show ye more love than has ever been given ye in the past.”
“No, Brother. I meant to show your love for me by not tempting a shattered woman. By being merciful to me and restraining your heart for my sake. I’m teetering on the edge of an abyss. Sheer will alone is all that stays my hand. You already tempt me, Brother, more than you could possibly imagine. You love me unconditionally. This I know. And that knowledge screams out your acceptance to every cell in my body. If you could read my thoughts, if you could see the images playing out in my mind, you would be shocked at the things I am tempted to do for you, with you. The eternal love I hold for you, dearest of all brothers, gives me the strength I need not to hurt you that way.”
“Aye, wee Angel, tell me more of how yer tempted.”
He wrapped his arm around my waist and pulled me under him. His sensual lips found that one tender spot on my neck that always caused my body to tremble. How’d he know exactly what to do to me? I melted under him and he felt my surrender. His growls only fueled my need to know love from this man, physical love. I moaned and pulled his mouth from my breasts so I could kiss him deeper than we ever had before.
“Vittorio, my strength has fled from me. I’m lost to your devoted passion and I will deny you nothing. If your kisses are meant to weaken an already fragile friend, then you knowingly do me harm. I am powerless to stop you for I don’t truly wish you to stop. Help me, Brother. Lend me strength in this.”
“When it was apparent my life here would end an’ I’d nae see my family again, when I realized I’d nae see ye again, I decided nae tae waste a single moment of what I had left. Then I was blessed with a miraculous healing. A thing that hadnae been before. I decided in that moment… I’d nae wait on life again. I’d seize it an’ experience it the way it was intended, passionately.”
“Not passion in this, Brother. We go too far.”
“Will ye hate me if I go farther still?”
He pressed against me and I nearly lost my mind.
“Yes, Brother. Not this day. This day I will revel in the passion and love we both deserve. But on
e day, when I am master of my heart once more, I will grow to hate myself… and grow to hate you as well, I fear.”
“Aye, Milady, then I’ve reached the end of this issue with ye. I’d rather go back an’ let my life end that dark day, than tae ever cause ye tae hate me.”
“Gratitude, Vittorio. I love you.”
“Aye, sweetest Angel, I love ye more.”
I smiled. “You were only able to push me so far because you know me too well.”
“Aye, that I do. Dunnae fault me for trying, Princess. I needed tae know if there was any chance for us before I said what it was I came here tae say.” He paused and sighed. “Let me entreat ye with a wee bit of advice. Ye made a vow tae Varick the same as he made tae ye. It’s nae good for ye tae go where he cannae find ye. He’s in a bad way right now. He’s ashamed an’ wants yer forgiveness. Can ye nae show him a glimmer of kindness?”
“Kindness? How can you name me unkind, Brother? Varick was my first love. I will always show him kindness. I only left because… well, because he hurt my feelings and cast me aside.”
“Aye, my wee darlin’, an’ have ye nae done the same tae him? By yer own words ye admit vowing forever tae the first man who loved ye an’ the one who’d always taken care of ye. An’ but a few short weeks later, yer dark-winged husband steps forth as both Angel an’ savior. I know I’d be dead now. An’ I also know ye’d be praying for death as we speak… if yer dark Angel hadnae bargained away his heart. I also know ye love yer Vindicus truly. Enough so that ye ran to him an’ begged yer dark husband tae plant his seed deep within ye. It took hold an’ grows there now. I fault ye for naethin’, my love. Ye loved a man, ye married him, an’ now ye carry his child. All these things are good an’ admirable. A credit tae yer enormous capacity tae love unconditionally an’ with nae fear. Ye are truly a unique an’ amazing woman. Now, think back but for a moment, wee lass. Tell me how ye felt when ye thought Varick had found another besides ye. How did ye react when ye only assumed he’d cast ye off for a new bride, a new Anicee?”
“…I snapped and tried to kill everyone in hell,” I admitted.
“Aye, my love, that ye did. Tell me. Did ye see Varick hold another’s hand?”
“No.”
“Did ye see Varick kiss another woman before yer own eyes?”
“No, never, of course not.”
“Did ye watch him as he smiled at his new love, openly showed great affection toward her, an’ even though ye dinnae see him yerself, he made love tae his new wife an’ enjoyed giving himself tae her, as he should? How many of these things have ye been forced tae witness him doing?”
“None, Vittorio. Varick has never, under any circumstance, ever betrayed his love for me. Even when I thought it so, I believed only a lie.”
“Aye, wee warrior, do ye nae see where ye’ve done all these things an’ more… tae the man who hasnae ever loved anyone but ye?”
My heart felt as if weights were tied mercilessly around it. “…I do now.”
“Yet ye saw naethin’ of his assumed betrayal. Ye only thought he loved another. An’ yer reaction was what?”
I sighed. “My soul shattered. I tried to kill the dark Prince of Hell, and I had to be remade.”
“Aye, tragic lass, ye say it well an’ true. Now, tell me this. After Varick actually witnessed the only love he’ll ever have, married in every way tae another, tae a bitter rival… how did he react?”
I started quietly crying so Vittorio wouldn’t know of my tears… until I had to sniff.
“Come now, wee rabbit. Ye’ve done so well an’ answered so honestly. Tell me how Varick reacted tae another man’s arms aboot ye.”
“He was gracious and good. The same way Varick always is. He cares more that I’m happy, despite his own destroyed heart.”
“Aye, Princess, ye prove wise.” I could literally hear his smirk. “An’ some have the nerve tae name ye young an’ childish.”
“If Varick had acted as I had…” I paused, unable to finish the horrible thought.
“Then we’d all be dead now. He would’ve torn our heavenly city from stem tae stern—had he reacted as ye did. Thank all that’s holy we only received one wee careless an’ hurtful offhanded comment. Aye, I think yer completely justified in running away from him. Justified in punishing him by refusing tae accept his earnest apology, an’ making him suffer an’ worry as long as ye wish.”
I rolled back over, faced the best friend I could ever have in the whole universe, and smiled at him.
“I’m a childish, selfish idiot, am I not?”
“I’ve nae thought ye an idiot, Princess.” He winked then and pinched my cheek. “Forget nae, wee Angel. I dunnae care who yer heart now loves, ye still owe me our promised date.”
“Yes, Brother. I remember. I’ll wear my rare red dress, just for you.”
“Aye, Lass, an’ I’ll sweep ye off yer feet an’ across an entire realm.” He touched the tip of his nose to mine. “Wrapped securely in my arms.”
I grabbed him and kissed him full on the mouth. “Thank you, Brother, for everything. I love you so much.”
“Aye, wee lamb, I know ye do. An’ I love ye more.”
Chapter 50
Varick
(VAH-rick)
I burst through the clouds over Spadroon and flew straight into the tribal leader’s chambers. I made myself visible to all who were gathered around his deathbed—the ones who loved and mourned for him, and the treacherous ones who only pretended to. All of them looked to the tiny colorful stranger now standing at the foot of his massive bed.
I respectfully repeated the heavenly words God had sent to me through my great-grandmother and a strange little Mermaid creature, the very ones I had learned to say through the gracious help of the only man I had ever killed in cold-blooded vengeance.
The wise leader sat up in his bed and bowed his head toward me. I humbly returned the honor, then turned to leave the silenced room.
As I made my way back to the old wooden chamber doors, I stopped in front of the leader’s lovely wife and his youngest brother. She bowed down and tearfully blessed me for saving her beloved husband. I flashed out only one lethal wing and brought it swiftly down—severing her lying head from her deceitfully used body—and looked at her shocked lover’s face. With little more than a reflex, I caved in his treacherous chest, ripped his wicked heart out, and tossed it upon the floor beside his dead partner’s lifeless body.
I turned back to the healed man and bowed low to him again. He inclined his knowing head and whispered an ancient blessing of his people upon me.
*****
When I returned to Vanahirdem’s gate, I’d been gone from Vittorio’s wise counsel less than twenty minutes.
Varick was standing in the street just outside my home. Instantly, I stood before his worried face. He began hurriedly apologizing for everything he had ever said that may have harmed me in any way. I watched this enchanting man stumbling over his words, professing guilt he did not truly own. I grabbed both sides of his face and kissed his speaking mouth. He tried to continue his ardent apology, I only kissed him again and again until his words ceased and his beautiful lips returned to me in-kind. Varick lifted me up and carried me into my still crowded house.
Vittorio had returned and our friends were all laughing and swapping stories about their recent summonses. We did not break our embrace, nor did we slow our kisses, as Varick carried me through the great room and toward my bedchamber.
The cacophony of voices halted as all eyes followed our passage.
“Hmm, wonder if they made up?” Vinika sneered playfully.
They resumed their play-by-play action stories as Varick closed the door and laid me upon the giant feather bed.
“How did your summons go?”
“Quite well… I suppose. I healed him. I executed them.”
He chuckled. “You are a strange creature, Milady.”
“I prefer the word unique.” I smiled.
“You are d
efinitely that. So can I assume you have forgiven me?”
“No, I have not.”
His confused expression was precious, he looked so young.
“But—”
“There was nothing to forgive, Varick. I was the fool, and I yet play the part. Of all the things I have witnessed upon all the layers… nothing I have seen is as unjustified as your love for me.”
He blushed crimson. “That’s not true.”
“Let me finish. I don’t deserve even a passing thought in your head. You should find me repulsive in every way. The way I have repeatedly torn your heart from breast… it should stand absent in my regard.”
“Is that truly how you thought I felt about you?”
“It’s truly how I feel about myself. And I deserve it. I have earned it, well and good. Yet when you look upon me, your eyes sparkle.” I touched the gold streak edging his regal face and twirled it around my finger.
“I can’t help it,” he whispered. “You put that sparkle there even before you were born.”
“Yes, but I have also done everything possible, humanly and inhumanly, to remove it. Not by intent, sweet Guardian, but by careless and foolish action. You deserve a real Princess, someone you can be proud of. Varick, you deserve a good woman who is without spot or blemish. Not one who has lain in the mud moments after bathing. Never has your inherent nobility shined more than when placed beside my common filth.”
“And you, Mother of Angels, you deserve a husband who will fight for you. You deserve no less than a man who will rend hell itself asunder just to gaze upon your rare beauty. A man who will honor you above all creation, one who will sacrifice everything he has gained and all he counts dear… just to see you smile. I loved you because I always have, because I was always meant to. But you alone are a treasure so grand, so valuable, that without even trying… you were loved by a mighty Prince who had not even a heart. You, Jenevier, you created love where there was none. If a being were given this task and spent eternity upon it, day and night, without ceasing… it could not be done. Yet you, a tiny child with no intentions at all, effortlessly created the purest love ever known in the only place in all creation where love did not and could not exist. And that wasn’t the first time, no. Two Princes, incapable of love, minus hearts, both are now forever changed by your love. Alas, your damnable fate is so cursed… you claim neither one still at your side. Yet, you carry on. Always broken, always in pain. Still, you forge ahead. How can I do anything but stand in awe of you? Same as Merodach, same as Vindicus—I am humbled by you, dear one. I’m not worthy enough to be counted friend, much less husband and lover. I fear I am not made from as rare a substance as are you.”
