by JK Ensley
“Stop it, Varick. You’re killing me. I cannot bear another kind word. They are knives to my treacherous heart. You have never betrayed me. In the four years I was away, you knew not whether I lived, and still you did not love another. I caught but a glimpse of what I deemed to be your marriage and lost all control. I wasn’t happy for you. I wasn’t so gracious as to say… you deserved a wonderful wife. No. I wanted nothing more than to call God’s own wrath down upon my wicked head by slaying her in front of you. I wanted to hurt you for loving someone besides me. And now… now you lay here and congratulate me? For what? For taking a stranger into my bed? Are you serious?”
“He was no stranger. He was your devoted husband. You did not know Apollyon beforehand. You don’t know what it is you have accomplished. Hell is not the heaven you believed it to be. You can’t even imagine how many times your dark Angel has sent demons out to do all manner of evil. Nor do you know just how many of my brothers and sisters he has happily sent to the Otherworld. You chose the one entity that could control darkness itself, and you gifted him with the only thing he could never possess. Light and laughter have penetrated all the hidden places throughout all the layers… simply because of your pure heart. All because you loved me too much, you struck the Prince of Hell upon his face. And he let you. A being, completely incapable of the slightest bit of warmth or caring, held you upon his lap as you watched the theatre of your life together. This he did all before you were blended with one another during that strangest of all healings. It was you, Jenevier. You unwittingly planted the seed of love in a dead and barren heart, and it grew. Don’t give credit to an accidental dip in primordial ooze, tiny Princess… that was all you. How can I possibly be worthy of one so amazing?”
“If I’m so amazing, explain to me how it is I always want to lash out and hurt someone? If I am nothing but love and innocence, how can I act so spoiled and ignorant?”
“Because you’re young. Think about it, my love. How can a gentle little girl with no fire inside her ever be able to don an executioner’s mask? And then, how can a spoiled and selfish heart ever be able to control an Angel such as Vashti? Have you never considered why your altar mask looks nothing like we do, looks nothing like a Vanir? Now, remember what you thought you saw in hell? You took them all to be Vanir but so much more, did you not? What you were allowed to see while you were amongst them is but a shadow of their former glory. You knew not what it was you were so blessed to behold when you looked upon Apollyon’s new wings. When he left here that day, he was once again more Angel than demon. Twice you have met him, and twice you have healed him. Yet you knew it not. Jenevier, my love, Vashti is not Vanir, she is Angel.”
“Yes, a Death Angel. The Death Angel. So what? I don’t understand why you’re saying these things. What are you trying to do? Confess your love for me, or explain why you cannot possibly love a creature such as I? You have called me Angel from the first day we met. You all have. Why is it when you say the word now… a shadow is cast over it?”
“Calling you an Angel has always been just a sign of praise and adoration, no different than calling you Princess. This is true for me and all my brothers and sisters. But things are changed.” Varick gently placed his hand on my belly.
I looked into his beautiful eyes and my heart sank. I believed then… he was only trying to let me down easy by telling me how wonderful I was and why we couldn’t possibly be together. He was trying, in his ever regal way, to let me down easy.
“You know?” My voice was tiny, trembling.
“Yes, little Princess. I know.”
“But how?”
“I am eons old, my love. All the things you complain about not having; patience, wisdom, peace. These things take time. I am thousands of years older than you, so I have had thousands more years to learn. I named you Mother of Angels before. I knew before you knew. I knew the same moment Apollyon knew. I saw his chest swell with pride and fill to bursting with love.”
I couldn’t meet his intense stare. “So you cannot be with me because I’m with child.”
His noble brow furrowed in confusion. “How does your mind work, you strange little creature? How can you take all my praise and adoration and turn it into dust and rubbish? I am telling you all of the reasons why I will always love you, why I don’t place blame upon you for there is no blame to place. I am trying my best to explain why you are the very opposite of the evil and filthy thing you’ve convinced your heart you are. You are not Vanir. You will never be Vanir. When your transformation happened within the holy temple, you transcended us all, my love. We couldn’t understand you only because you are so much more than we will ever be. Jenevier, you are an Angel. An honest to goodness real Angel. Vashti is an Angel. In your rebirth, you were given the angelic appearance of what had been hiding under your human skin all along. You married an Angel, and not just any Angel. And now… Angels grow inside you. Everything about you, everything that’s happened to you, is all because you are a daughter of God. You are His Angel.”
“That is how you see me?”
“No, my love. That is how you are. You’re the only one who cannot see it, cannot see yourself. You are a magnificent creature blessed with the gift of life and death, a physical extension of God’s own hand. That is why you are so gloriously and wonderfully made. It is also why I stand in awe of you, and why I am humbly honored that you have saved a small piece of your heart… just for me.”
I tried, unsuccessfully, to pull away from him. He held me fast, determined I would listen, resolute in his attempt to make me accept his words.
That greatest fear of all, fear of the unknown, crept into my heart as I looked into his ethereal eyes.
“When did you know?”
“The day you tried to kill me in the arena over Alzeen.”
“But… Vareilious told me you thought I was a demon.”
“Many demons were once Angels. The truth of it came out during your transformation. You would never be just Jenevier again. That I knew. But I knew not which way you would turn, good or ill.”
“I’m still not positive which way I did turn. I may look Angel, but I act demon at times.”
“Yes, and that only proves all the more. A creature with the pure light of innocence and even purer love… with your wings dipped in blood. That is the mark of a true Angel.”
“You make Angels sound terrifying.”
“They can be.” He laughed softly. “You can be.”
“What now? The knowledge of what I am, or at least what you think I am, changes nothing. The harsh reality would be it only confirms my vast differences. Where are all the other Angels? Why am I alone in this thing?”
“I know not. They are everywhere, just like you. But Angels are solitary creatures. Each has a job, and that’s where they are.”
“So they don’t live together as the Vanir, as a family?”
“Angels are different. You look at the Vanir and equate us with Angels, most people would. But Angels are not so easily defined. They are created for a specific purpose. They will look and act the way that purpose requires them to. Look at it this way. Angels aren’t a race, as you want to believe. Angels, or the word Angel, could best be understood as a rank or class of being, more than a race of beings.”
“But they… we, I… are born and love and marry and birth, do we not? That is most definitely a race, a group of my kind.”
“To be honest, I have never heard of an Angel marrying and loving and birthing. You alone are my proof in that, for I have never known a woman Angel before. It is as I have told you, Angels are hard to describe, at least in our limited speech. Vanir are extremely perceptive and we can read things and sense things most people cannot. Angels are even more so. They cannot only read and sense things on a different level, they can communicate on a different level as well. Angels feel on an exaggerated plane, especially with other Angels. And that causes them to just know. Does that make any sense?”
“Yes, it does, sort of. I felt t
hat once. It was almost like being hooked into a whole bunch of minds at the same time. Everything was clearer, brighter, so much more magical. And the way I felt each emotion… it was so intense, almost overwhelming. Every emotion, every feeling was amplified. The good ones and the bad ones. All of them were what I called at the time, truly experienced. It was like a cloud of haze had been lifted from my mind. It was terrifyingly wonderful.”
“You felt that?”
“Yes.”
“In hell?”
“Yes. But I didn’t know it was hell,” I protested.
“It wasn’t because you were in hell, my love. It was because you were so close to many of your own kind. You tapped into them.” Varick rubbed my belly and seemed to speak to it instead of me. “It will always be like that for you now. You will always be near other Angels.”
“Varick?”
“Yes?”
“I told Vittorio I think I should raise my baby by myself. He thought it would be better to raise him among friends. I’m not sure now. What do you think?”
“You name the child him. How can you tell?”
“No. It just came out like that. I guess I assume he will be a little Vindicus.”
“He or she will be whatever you make him to be. Baby Angels are rare indeed. I have never known of one. But any child, no matter its origin, becomes a creature of its environment. Teach it love, and it loves. Teach it hate, and it hates. I will make sure they know what love is.” He smiled. “I am the chosen Guardian, after all.”
I laughed. “You name yourself Guardian? By whose authority?”
“God’s.”
“Do you jest? When was this divine appointment made? And is the mother to have no say in it?”
“You aren’t the only one who was given a message from the light the day Vittorio was healed, Jenevier. I was blessed as well.”
Varick’s long hair draped over my body as he leaned down to kiss my stomach. I couldn’t resist the shiny strands.
“I love your hair.”
“And I love you.”
He never looked up at me. He just laid his beautiful head upon me as I twirled the silver strands through my fingers.
There was a light knock at the door. Vinika came in and handed us each a folded parchment.
“The messenger came again,” she said.
I looked at the paper in Varick’s hand. “The messenger brought one for him, too?” My brow was furrowed in disbelief. “But… Varick doesn’t go on summonses.”
“Of course he does,” Vinika said. “It is rare, yes. But he is always called upon when all the worst things happen.”
“You mean all the best things,” Vareilious said as he came in and fell across the bed, snatching my summons. “For this one to spread his royal wings…” He motioned with his head toward Varick. “…it must be something truly amazing, to be sure. Varick gets to have all the fun. It’s not fair.” He tossed my summons back at me. “But you’ll soon see what I mean.” He nodded to the folded paper now lying on my chest. “The two of you have been paired up. Seems your talents are needed on layer eight.”
Vinika read my parchment and smiled. “Paris, huh? I bet we’ll not be getting a play-by-play back from this one.” She winked at me.
“Lucky dog.” Vareilious snorted as he bounded off the bed and left the room, still mumbling, “Some people are so clueless… never thankful for the gifts they don’t deserve…”
Chapter 51
Syadar
(sye-Ā-darr)
In between the many summonses I received during that time, I secretly sought out Angels. I say secretly only because everyone warned me away from them. I would have had to endure constant scoldings from my much older siblings if they knew what I was up to.
Even Vindicus warned me about them. And he was an Angel, albeit fallen. Actually, the only real Angels I’d known were the fallen kind. What does that say about me?
I quit returning to Vanahirdem immediately upon the completion of my missions. Instead, I tarried and snooped about the layers. Searching for Angels, yes. But I was also taking in some amazing sights, discovering just a few of the wondrous secrets this universe of ours holds.
*****
While skipping through the clouds over Ashgard, I stumbled upon a curious sight which caused me to do a double-take. I happened to be over the palace in Wrothdem when a glistening figure caught my eye. I snuck in closer and hid.
“Will you return to me on the morrow?”
“If it is possible I will return, yes, even if it’s only for a moment.”
“I lose focus and err in my duties when it has been more than a day since I’ve been blessed with your smile. Do not cause me to fail in my role as King, my love.”
“You would blame your inadequacies on me? You would place all your faults upon my shoulders?”
“I would, dearest one. Can you shoulder your great responsibility to these people?”
She laughed softly. “With your arms about me, I could shoulder the world.”
“Then come back inside. Let me caress you once more. Let me worship your beauty the way only I can.”
“I will return soon, I promise. If I stay away much longer, my brothers and sisters will question me concerning my absence.”
“While we’re on the subject of your ethereal family, how does Vittorio fare?”
“He is well. I believe he’s a better man now, and a better Guardian. For the first time in ages, he loves someone more than himself.” She chuckled softly. “It’s sad though. Yet, he seems happier and more complete than I can ever remember him being before.”
“Love is an amazing thing. It can heal as easily as it can kill.”
“Yes, you say it true. I watch him when he thinks no one’s looking. He stares at her… his eyes just dance.”
“How is she? How does Jenevier seem these days?”
Vinika sighed and looked down. “She’s lost. Don’t ever tell her I said this, but… I cry for her. She is surrounded by people who love her. Yet, she is alone.”
“How so, my love?”
“My brothers would tear each other’s wings off just to gain her favor. Vareilious has a void inside him he tries to fill with everything imaginable—”
“But nothing ever fills it. It’s bottomless,” Merodach interrupted her. “And only love will make him whole once more.”
“Yes, exactly. But he will be satisfied with no love, save hers.”
“That’s what I used to believe as well. Look at me now. Never have I been so happy, and never have I known such love. You healed me, Vinika. And Vareilious will be healed one day as well.”
“In this thing, I must agree with you. He is a strong warrior, but a playful child. He will come across a maiden who will steal his heart with but a glance. He’ll never see it coming. Yet he will be gloriously happy one day. I feel that in my soul. She will be the luckiest girl in the universe… I only hope she realizes it. I can’t use such warm words for Varick and Vittorio. They’re different.”
“How so? They are immortal, are they not? They will meet many amazing women throughout the centuries.”
Vinika laughed. “Yes, they will. And they won’t see a single one of them. Their perfect mate could walk up and plop right down in their laps. They’d never even notice.”
“Sad words made even sadder with the telling.” Merodach paused. “Three beautiful creatures, perfect in every way, lost and alone… even when together.”
“‘Tis true, my love. They all play at being happy. Varick is all duty and responsibility. He smiles and bows and dotes upon her. She can’t see how shattered he is inside. And he would never let her know, not ever. As long as he thinks she’s happy, he’ll just continue along, not wanting to rock the boat. If he thought any other being in the universe would please her, he would move heaven and hell to bring this man to her. Just so he could see her smile. His heart would turn to granite. Yet he would do it a thousand times over… if it would make her happy.”
&n
bsp; “And Vittorio, what of him? Can he not give his heart to another?’
“Vittorio is different. You see, he already moved heaven and hell.”
“What do you mean?”
“What I said about Varick, giving her to another man?”
“Yes?”
“Well, Vittorio already has. He gave her back to Varick. It would have been so easy for him to let the two of them go on hurting each other, always misunderstanding the other. The rift they were making themselves would have eventually become too great a tear to mend. Yet, he spoke plain with them both. Opened their stubborn eyes, sent them running back into each other’s arms.”
“Then he’s a better man than I could ever be.”
“There’s none like Vittorio. He is a one-of-a-kind treasure,” Vinika said with a smile.
“How does he handle their relationship?”
She shrugged her shoulders and sighed. “He pretends not to notice it. He still proclaims his undying love and devotion to her daily. But he never presses her. It’s an odd thing to behold. Vittorio acts as if he and Jenevier are a married couple, minus the sleeping arrangements.”
“What do you mean?”
“Well, it’s hard to explain. He comes to her home every morning and again before she goes to sleep. He takes most of his meals with her and Varick. He always fixes her hair and tells her about his day. He sits with her upon the lounge and massages her feet while she reads to him or tells him stories from her youth. She’s the very first person he goes to when he returns from a mission, and he never fails to bring her back the most divine treasures he can find. He can make her laugh when no one else can. They understand each other without words, and they share secrets that even the devil himself couldn’t pry from their lips. The only thing they don’t share, is their bed.”
