69 Million Things I Hate About You (Winning the Billionaire)

by Kira Archer

  What. The. Hell. He didn’t know whether to laugh, call the paramedics, or start filming them to use as leverage later.

  “You need to settle down with a nice girl, Cole,” his mother said, squinting at him. Either she’d forgotten her contacts that morning or the alcohol was making her see double. He had his money on the latter.

  “Krispin’s a nice girl,” she said.

  “Yep, I’m nice,” Kiersten said. “I’m not rich, though. He likes ’em rich.”

  “That’s not true…” he said.

  “Oh sure it is. Iz okay, though. I get it. Oh wait. I am rich now.”

  “There you go,” his mother said, waving at them. “Nice and rich. Perfect for you.”

  Cole took a deep breath. “First of all, I don’t only like rich women.”

  Kiersten opened her mouth to argue, but he held a hand up. She sat back with a pout.

  “And second of all, I know how much I pay you, so unless you’re embezzling, I wouldn’t classify you as rich. Not that that matters. And third of all…” He looked at his mother. “I’m perfectly happy with my life the way it is. I don’t need to get married.”

  “It’s okay,” Kiersten said to his mother. “I’ll still make sure he has underwear every day.”

  His mother glared at him. “Well, I’m not getting any younger and I would like some grand—tacos!”

  “Tacos?” Kiersten asked, looking out the window.

  Cole frowned, the ache in his head beginning to throb. “You want grand tacos?”

  His mother leaned forward. “Pull over, Mr. Driver.”

  Luke glanced in the rearview mirror and met Cole’s eyes. “No pulling over,” Cole said.

  Luke nodded, though within moments they’d slowed to a crawl with the traffic.

  “Thanks,” his mother said, taking advantage of a momentary stop. She popped off her seat belt and opened the door.

  “Get back in the car,” Cole said, leaning across Kiersten to grab at his inebriated mother.

  “I’ll get her,” Kiersten said, making a break for it, too.

  “Shit. Pull over,” Cole said, though Luke had already begun pulling the car as far off the road as he could.

  Cole jumped out, cursing the lack of child safety locks in his car, and jogged to the food stand on the corner where his mother had just been handed a large taco, which she promptly shoved in her mouth.

  “Hey, that’s five bucks, lady,” the vendor said.

  “Pay him, Cole,” his mother said around a mouthful of spicy meat and crispy tortilla.

  “Mine too,” Kiersten said, holding up a taco in either hand.

  Cole silently groaned and pulled a fifty from his wallet, handing it to the man.

  “That’s too much,” he said.

  Cole yelled, “Keep it,” over his shoulder and hurried to catch the Tipsy Twins who were winding through the crowd, taco juice dripping down their chins as they munched. He grasped each one by the elbow and steered them toward a planter box in front of the building they were passing.

  “Sit, both of you.” He parked them and then stood staring down at them, arms crossed. He had to hand it to Kiersten. As far as fireable offenses went, this one was fairly spectacular. It was impressive, really. “Neither one of you had better move another muscle.”

  “He’s so bossy,” Kiersten mock-whispered.

  He ignored her and focused on his mother. “I thought you were feeling ill.”

  “Not anymore. Now I’m hungry.”

  Heaven help him. Was this what he’d been like as a wayward teenager? “Okay. Fine. I would have gotten you something to eat. Why did you jump out of the car? That was dangerous.”

  Kiersten and his mother glanced at each other, grinned, and held up their food, both saying, “Tacos!” before dissolving into another mess of giggles.

  He rubbed his hand over his face and pulled out his phone to call Luke. He gave him their location and stood back to watch his mother and her new BFF while they stuffed their faces. Those tacos were going to come back to bite them in the ass. He just hoped to be out of the car when they made their reappearance.

  Chapter Fourteen

  Cole sat at his desk, staring at the phone in his hand.

  10:13.

  Kiersten had promised to be at work by nine. Then again, she’d been moments from passing out when he’d finally gotten her home. Chances were good she hadn’t remembered a thing either one of them had said. Or done. Her kiss, drunken dare that it had been, still lingered on his lips.

  He could still feel her body pressed against him.

  His shirt still held the faint scent of magnolias that may or may not have tempted him to sleep with the damn thing. That kiss, though…that was something else he’d like to revisit. After he found out why in the hell she’d taken his mother to get smashed at a strip joint and decided whether he’d let her win and fire her. He should. She deserved it. Although, no real harm had been done. They did need to get a few things straight, though.

  But he couldn’t talk to her if she didn’t show up. And so far, she was nowhere to be found. Over an hour late. His mother, at least, was still safely passed out in the hotel, with no plans to leave that spot as far as he could tell. Kiersten, though…

  “Maybe you should call the cops.”

  Cole glanced up at Brooks with a glare. Brooks just shrugged. “What? They had her last time.”

  “Funny.”

  Brooks grinned, cracking himself up as usual. “Well, she’s never just not shown up before, right? Even with this ridiculous deal going on with the two of you.”

  Cole ignored that. “No, she hasn’t.”

  “Well, then, maybe something happened. Or maybe she’s sick. You can’t drink like that and not pay for it the next day. Hell, she might still be passed out. Although if she is, that’s probably not good.”

  Cole waved him off, hating to admit he agreed with him. Cole had never been the doomsday kind of guy whose thoughts went right to the worst possible scenario, but really…Kiersten had never done anything like this before, and his concern was starting to morph into full-blown worry.

  Before he could decide one way or the other, Kiersten blew into the office. At least he thought it was her. He looked her up and down, his eyes widening the more they took in. She wore her typical pencil skirt, but instead of her usual killer heels, she was sporting a well-used pair of Converse, and her tailored shirt had been replaced with a baggy sweatshirt. Her hair fell in slightly ratted waves around her shoulders in a picture-perfect bed-head do. And the big brown eyes which usually watched him with all their veiled secrets were covered by a pair of oversized sunglasses.

  Cole didn’t realize that no one had made a peep since she entered until Brooks’s voice startled him out of his stunned trance.

  “Hey there, Kiersten. Looks like you had a rough night.”

  “You have no idea,” she muttered. She came toward Cole’s desk and reached for his coffee cup.

  “I already have some…” he started to say, but choked it off when she lifted the cup to her lips and took a big sip.

  “Ugh. I don’t know how you drink it like this,” she said, before taking another sip. Then she let out a sigh and slumped into the chair in front of his desk.

  He opened his mouth to say something but couldn’t think of a damn thing. Brooks had a startled grin on his face that was sure to turn into complete laughter any second. Cole jerked his head toward the door. He didn’t need any comments from the peanut gallery while he dealt with whatever the hell was up with his formerly perfect assistant. Well, he knew what was up with her. But he’d honestly never expected her to be able to carry it to such lengths. Aggravating lengths, at times, yes. But at this point, he’d put up with just about anything to see how much further she’d go. Plus, there was no way he was losing that damn pool.

  Brooks sighed and pushed himself out of his chair. “Fine. Well, I guess I’ll be going then.”

  Kiersten lifted a hand and waved. “Bye by
e, Brooksy. Catch ya around.”

  Brooks stopped short, his jaw hitting the ground. “Brooksy?” he mouthed. “On second thought, I think I’ll hang around for a while.”

  He leaned back against the wall, arms folded and a perma-grin plastered to his face.

  “All righty, you stay. I’ll go,” Kiersten said, pushing herself out of the chair. She took another big slurp out of Cole’s cup and then put it back on his desk. “I’ll be in my office.”

  She turned and left without another word, leaving both men staring after her in dumbfounded silence. They watched her through the glass walls that separated her office from Cole’s as she went straight to her desk, flopped into her chair, and proceeded to lightly bang her head on the tabletop.

  “What the hell was that?” Brooks asked, his voice choked with laughter. “Is she all right?”

  “I haven’t got a fucking clue.”

  Kiersten stopped banging her head and laid her face on the desk, her arms coming up to circle her head.

  Cole stood up, too many emotions scrambling through him to pick one and stick with it. He scowled at Brooks, who was still watching her with a delighted smile. “Don’t you have something better to be doing right now?”

  Brooks snorted. “Better than watching you deal with Kiersten’s imminent implosion? You’re joking, right?”

  Cole grimaced. “Stay here.”

  He went past his pain-in-the-ass friend into Kiersten’s office. He stood in front of her desk a full five seconds, waiting for her to look up. She didn’t.

  He sighed. “Kiersten. Kiersten,” he said louder when the first time didn’t work.

  Still no response. He leaned closer to shake her shoulder when a faint snore emanated from behind her arms.

  “She’s sleeping?” Brooks said, breaking out into a full-on laugh.

  Cole’s glare was enough to have Brooks holding his hands out and backing away from the door.

  Cole picked up the big stack of folders on her desk and let them drop back down with a bang. Kiersten jerked up, her glasses now crooked and revealing one bloodshot eye.

  “Feeling better?” he asked her.

  She put her hand to her head, grimacing in pain. “Not really, no.” She straightened her glasses and put her hands flat on the desk in front of her. “In fact, I think I’m going to have to bail today.”

  She pushed herself up and headed for the door.

  “You’re going to have to bail?” He’d never felt so out of control in his life. His life ran like a well-oiled machine, and the woman who kept it running that way had seriously gone off the deep end.

  “Yup. Sorry.”

  “I need you to stay. I have a lot of work I need you to get to—”

  Kiersten held up a hand. “No can do, Boss Man. I’ll catch you tomorrow. I think.”

  “The merger meeting with Octagon Tech is starting in five minutes, and I need you there.”

  She groaned. “Fine. The info on their app is in a folder on my desk. Somewhere. I’ll meet you in the conference room.”

  She walked straight past him and Brooks, who looked as though his day had just been made for the next month, and didn’t stop until she hit the elevator.

  Cole went back into his office and pulled up the security cameras. Brooks watched over his shoulder as Kiersten appeared on the screen, leaving the elevator on the next floor. She didn’t even pause, but went straight to the conference room, stumbled inside, and slumped into a chair. He couldn’t be sure, but it looked like she might be snoring again.

  “What. The. Fuck,” Brooks said.

  “I never thought she’d take trying to get fired this far.”

  “Guess that shows you not to underestimate people.”

  Cole snorted.

  “So, you going to fire her yet?” Brooks asked.

  “Hell no. It’s just starting to get interesting.”

  Brooks shook his head. “I don’t know. I’m starting to think you might have met your match. Ever think you might not win this one? I mean, you stuck her with your mother for the day and she apparently ended up having the time of her life.”

  Cole gave him a quick grin. “I always win. I’ll just have to up my game. After I get through this meeting.”

  “And if she purposely screws that up?”

  Cole stopped at that. It was one thing for Kiersten to mess with him in her quest to get fired. It would be another if she intentionally sabotaged a merger that meant a lot of time, money, and jobs for a lot of people. He didn’t think she’d take it that far, though. If she did…

  “I guess I’ll just deal with that if it happens.”

  He managed to locate the folder on her desk and made his way to the conference room, where he was greeted once again by the sight of Kiersten out cold and slightly drooling. It might have been the stress talking, but she was kind of adorable all tuckered out. Not that he could leave her that way.

  Cole considered dropping his files on the desk in front of her again. Or maybe shouting her name right in her ear, though that was a little too cruel. He instead leaned down, put his lips right next to her ear, and whispered, “Kiersten.”

  He had to whisper a few times before she sleepily turned to him.

  “Hi,” she murmured, her eyes still closed. She raised her hand and cupped his cheek, drawing him down to meet her lips. She kissed him, slow and deep and agonizingly perfect. He froze, both because it was not a reaction he remotely expected, and because if he tried to stop his body would shut down in revolt. In that moment, there was nothing in the world he needed so much as to kiss her. But he should stop it. She had to be at least half-asleep. Dreaming maybe. And almost certainly not of him. He’d stop it. In another minute. Or two.

  She finally pulled away and blinked up at him with a sleepy smile. He smiled back.

  He knew the exact moment she realized where she was and what she’d just done. She jerked back with a gasp. He grinned wider. “Good morning. Are you ready to work now?”

  “You…we…why did you…”

  “Me? I did nothing. That was all you. And I didn’t want to be rude so…”

  Her eyes grew wide. “You didn’t want to be rude?”

  “Yes. My mother would never forgive me.”

  She opened her mouth to respond but he continued. “Now. Octagon’s group will be here any minute. Perk up.”

  Kiersten’s embarrassed confusion turned to a glare and she let out a long sigh. “Octagon’s CEO is a total prick.”

  Cole blinked, though at this point he wasn’t sure why anything she did or said surprised him. It was probably fair to say that nothing was off the table anymore.

  “You make a valid point. Be that as it may,” he said, trying to keep his tone even and not betray too much amusement, “we’ve got a deal to broker. You up for it?”

  “Do I have a choice?”

  “No.”

  She raised her eyebrows. “Am I fired if I walk out anyway?”

  Did she have to sound so hopeful? “Sorry. No.”

  She grimaced. “Then, yes, sir. I suppose I’m up for it.”

  “You know,” he said, leaning down again so he could speak quietly, “not going on a bender the day before a big meeting might be helpful.”

  Kiersten snorted. “Talk to your mother. That was all her idea.”

  Before he could respond to that little gem, the door opened and one of the secretaries ushered in Octagon’s group. Cole greeted them all. Kiersten remained in her seat, looking a little green around the gills. Maybe he should have let her go home after all, though she’d at least pushed her sunglasses up into her hair and was sitting upright. That was an improvement.

  Cole got them all seated and then launched into his spiel, outlining the advantages of the merger, all the things the two companies could do for each other.

  Mr. Daniels, who’d taken a seat next to Kiersten, sat back, his hands folded over his large paunch. He managed to maintain his bored expression throughout Cole’s presentation, even
though Cole knew the man desperately needed this merger to go through. But he’d been dealing with men like that his whole career—men who were jealous of his success, his youth, and everything that went with it all. It made nearly every meeting a pissing contest. And some men were worse than others. Tyler Daniels was a prime case in point.

  He shook his head. “Well, that all sounds well and good, son, but I just don’t know if your company’s the right fit to develop my product. With your limited experience…”

  Cole smiled, though he knew the expression didn’t reach his eyes. “Mr. Daniels, I may not have been in this business as long as you have, but don’t mistake my youth for inexperience. I developed my first app before I was out of college and have successfully backed or developed some of the largest products and programs to ever hit the market. There is no one better qualified than me.”

  “Says you. But all your fancy charts don’t mean much in the real world.”

  “Actually, Mr. Daniels,” Kiersten said, and Cole held his breath, releasing it slowly when the professional Kiersten he knew and admired spoke. “If you look at the chart showing now, you can see what the infusion of capital from our company can do in terms of both production and marketing and…”

  Mr. Daniels held up his hand, cutting Kiersten off. “I’m not sure we’re looking at the same chart, sweetheart,” Mr. Daniels said, giving Kiersten the sort of indulgent look a parent would give a child who’d just finished their first finger painting. His condescending use of the word “sweetheart” had Cole seeing red. His next words didn’t help. “But if you look at those numbers on the bottom, those show projected revenue, and those numbers don’t go up for several months. Maybe Mr. Harrington can explain—”

  Cole inwardly snorted. He wasn’t touching this one.

  Kiersten gave Mr. Daniels a cold smile that both impressed and slightly frightened Cole.

  “I’m aware of what the chart is depicting, Mr. Daniels. I made it. The numbers—”

  “Well, sure, any secretary can copy numbers onto a chart, but I don’t think you’re really understanding what those numbers mean. I’m running a business here with a goal to make money.”