Arian

by Iris Gower

  ‘Between us, we did it, doctor.’ Gerald felt so tired he could hardly think straight but it had all been worth it. Arian was not going to die.

  ‘I didn’t do anything, old boy. It was all your work. You must love your wife very much.’

  The words penetrated the mists of Arian’s mind. She sighed softly as if carrying a great burden and then, once more, peacefully, she slept.

  The scourge of the fever spread a dark cloud over Swansea. There was scarcely any family who was not affected by the epidemic. In the peaceful hillside house on Honey’s Farm, Fon and Jamie O’Conner sat at Patrick’s bedside listening to the awful rasping sound of the child’s breathing.

  Fon held the small hand. It was brown from the open air and calloused; for, young as the boy was, he helped his father on the farm – a little man if ever there was one.

  ‘We’re losing him.’ Jamie bent over the boy, his eyes moist with tears. ‘God, Fon, we’re losing him.’

  ‘No!’ Fon protested but her words fell into a sudden, ominous silence. The laboured breathing had stopped. Patrick O’Conner, Jamie’s first-born son, was dead.

  CHAPTER TWENTY

  Sarah Frogmore stared at her reflection in the mirror that hung over the fireplace in the large sitting room and sighed. Her expression was petulant and there was a frown between her finely drawn brows. She was, she thought bitterly, growing old. Well, not old exactly but too old to be alone, too old to go looking for a fine young man to fill her dreams. In any case, there was one man she wanted so much that it hurt to think about him.

  Gerald Simples had been only a dalliance at first, a sop to her passionate nature, a fulfilment of her desires. He was tall, handsome and with a quality of ruthlessness that had always fascinated her, even way back in her youth.

  Her face softened as she thought of Sam Payton – he had been ruthless all right. Sam had drawn her into all sorts of escapades, even going so far as kidnapping a child and holding him for ransom. Sarah had gone along with it all, like the blind fool she was when it came to men.

  In those days she could have her pick, and often did. She smiled now at the recollection of the men who had coloured her life, not many of them rich and respectable but all of them a boost to her self-confidence.

  Good lovers she’d had aplenty, able and eager between the sheets. Any that were failures, she had shrugged off very quickly.

  She touched her hair. She had a sensuous nature, she couldn’t help it. It was the way God had made her, if there was a God at all.

  One failure she was stuck with. She was married to him. Abruptly, she moved away from the mirror, unable to face herself. She was deceiving Geoffrey, lying to him, telling him that Gerald Simples was nothing more than a steward. He accepted this. He’d met Sarah’s ‘aunt’ and, predictably, liked the old lady, believing she was a steadying influence on his wife.

  Perhaps, Sarah thought miserably, she was losing her charms. Gerald had walked away from her so easily, run home to his wife on the flimsiest of pretexts. And yet she found him irresistible, would give anything to have him back in her bed.

  Being married to Geoffrey had given her money, a certain standing in the community, but even all that hadn’t been enough for her. She wanted more, always wanted more.

  She had offered to share everything with Gerald. She would give up everything to be in his arms but it seemed that whatever she offered wasn’t enough to hold him, and Gerald, she knew, was the one man she could spend her life with.

  Quite suddenly she was angry. What was wrong with her? Was she going to give him up without a fight? She’d taken what she wanted up till now, what did she have to lose by going out to win Gerald back? That mealy-mouthed wife of his was nothing but a pale, passionless shadow constantly moping about the place.

  Sarah moved quickly, her mind made up. She would go to visit his house, and would let Gerald see how much he was missing. By now he must be tiring of Arian’s spiritless attitude which surely must be reflected in the bedroom. Gerald was a man of urgent needs, he liked a bit of spice and she was just the one to provide it.

  The cab that carried her into town and up the hill to the east where the copper smoke hung like a pall was so slow that Sarah could have screamed. She was impatient now to see Gerald, to be able to touch him, to watch his mouth lift, his eyes light as they rested on her. He loved her, she was sure of it. As for the fever, it held no fears for her. She’d recovered from it as a child; hadn’t the doctor insisted that she was the lucky one, she would never get the sickness again?

  The cab was slowing down and, impatiently, Sarah hung out of the window. She saw that a funeral procession was up ahead, and sighed in exasperation. The coffin was small, that of a child no doubt, and Sarah felt a momentary pang of fear for her own son. But no, Geoffrey was taking good care of Jack. He had the finest attention any boy could wish for. Geoffrey was a good father, she would give him credit for that, at least.

  She stiffened. Among the small band of mourners she caught sight of Gerald’s tall frame. His dark head was bowed. Sarah’s hand went to her cheek. She hesitated and then called sharply to the driver to stop. She paid him the cab fare and alighted outside the windblown churchyard.

  She stood for a moment, wondering what to do and then she followed the small cortège through the gates of the cemetery. Then she saw Arian and disappointment swept over her. She had to be there, didn’t she? Why couldn’t this have been her funeral?

  At once, she made the sign of the cross. Of course she hadn’t wished Arian dead – it was unlucky to wish ill on anyone.

  Sarah remained in the background, watching as the vicar intoned platitudes designed to comfort the bereaved parents. The couple were standing a little to the side. Sarah recognized them, they were the O’Conners from the farm up on the hill. The woman was weeping and her husband stood at her side, straight and strong, like an oak tree.

  The small coffin was lowered into the ground and Fon O’Conner’s hand reached out towards her husband for support. A man in the crowd was bending over Arian, talking to her solicitously. He was a stranger to Sarah but she guessed he was an old friend by the way he was looking at Arian with some concern.

  He waved to the driver of the coach Sarah had just left and the man, eager for another fare, quickly dismounted. Arian was helped into the coach and the stranger climbed in after her.

  Sarah’s eyes moved to Gerald. He was speaking quietly, looking in through the coach window, then he nodded and stood back. It was clear he was to remain at the cemetery while the rest of the service was being conducted.

  As the coach drew away, Sarah, uncaring that Arian’s face was framed in the window, moved forward to stand at Gerald’s side. He didn’t seem to see her until she touched his arm briefly.

  Gerald looked down at her and then he smiled and it was like the sun coming out. ‘Come home with me, later,’ she whispered. ‘I’ve got a little present for you.’ He bent his head towards her, his lips brushed her cheek and then he turned to listen to the vicar but Sarah was satisfied, fate had put Gerald in her path and she would not let him go again.

  ‘I feel so guilty.’ Arian looked up at Eddie. She still felt ill, as though she wasn’t quite in touch with reality. ‘I never meant to disrupt little Patrick’s funeral. I should have been a comfort to Fon but I was so useless.’ She bit her lip, ‘Poor Fon, she looked so lost, so bereft.’

  ‘No-one noticed you and you didn’t disrupt anything, so don’t give it another thought. Anyway, it’s about time you gave yourself some consideration.’ Eddie spoke quietly, soothingly. ‘You seem to forget you’ve not been up from bed for very long. I strongly disapproved of you going out in the cold, I told you that. At the very least it was ill advised.’

  She looked out of the window, at the countryside quickly moving past the coach windows and didn’t reply. Eddie took her hands in his.

  ‘What’s worrying you, Arian? There’s something more on your mind than you’re telling me. Perhaps I can help.’
>
  ‘Didn’t you see her – Sarah Frogmore? She came just as you helped me into the coach. She went right up to Gerald, bold as anything, took his arm and, in front of all those people, he kissed her.’ She shook her head. ‘I thought their affair was over. I believed him when he told me he wasn’t seeing her any more. I was a fool to think he’d changed. Men like him never change.’

  ‘Gerald having an affair?’ Eddie quickly suppressed his surprise. These things happened to the best of men and he should know.

  ‘Whatever you think, he loves you, Arian. No man could have cared for you better when you were ill. Look, men do things. They are ruled not by sense but by their senses. It doesn’t mean he loves you any less.’

  ‘He only loves money.’ Arian spoke with bitterness. ‘I can’t live with him any more,’ she said flatly. ‘My days with Gerald Simples are over. I must get out, get away from him before I lose all my spirit.’

  ‘Perhaps you do need a break from him. Come home with me for a few days, I have plenty of room in my house.’

  Arian shook her head. ‘No, Gerald would make trouble for you. I’ve got to stand on my own two feet, again. Find the courage I once had. Can’t you see that, Eddie?’

  ‘It’s very soon after you’ve had a serious illness to be making a big decision. It’s all very well giving voice to brave words but you are lucky to be alive. You will need help, at least give yourself time to recuperate.’

  Arian was silent for a long moment. ‘All I know is I’m not willing to have Gerald flaunting Sarah Frogmore under my nose. I won’t be humiliated by him any more. If you want to help perhaps you’ll take me to my friends?’ She didn’t wait for him to reply.

  ‘Eline and Will Davies will take me in just until I decide what I’m going to do.’

  ‘I’ll take you anywhere you want to go but don’t you need to fetch some things from home first?’

  Arian leaned back against the cold leather. ‘No,’ she said flatly, ‘that’s never been my home, not really. I don’t want to go back there.’

  Eddie gave in and leaning out of the window, gave directions to the driver. The man grumbled under his breath at the vagaries of passengers who didn’t know their own minds but he turned the horse’s head, guided the animal away from Swansea and headed east towards the small village of Clydach.

  Arian sat in Jono’s warm kitchen and drank her tea appreciatively. ‘Thank you for being so kind these last few days. It’s about time I told you why I came to Clydach.’ She paused and looked into her cup. ‘I’ve left my husband for good. I don’t know what finally did it. Perhaps it was being at the funeral of little Patrick, realizing how uncertain life is for all of us, or perhaps it was seeing him with that woman again, but I suddenly had had as much of Gerald Simples as I could take.’

  Jono was gripping the huge brown teapot so tightly that his knuckles shone white.

  ‘That man better not show his face round here. Husband or no, I won’t have him bothering you whatever the law’s got to say about it. No, you just depend on me. I’ll keep you safe, cariad, and no-one will make you do anything you don’t want to, not when Jono’s around.’

  Arian smiled at him. ‘But I can’t stay here indefinitely, Jono,’ she said. ‘It was kind of you to take me in but if I’d known Eline and Will were away on business I wouldn’t have come. Now they’re back I must go to see them, sort something out.’

  Jono shook his head. ‘Stay by here with me as long as you like, you know you’re welcome.’ He paused. ‘Bridie’s here now, her old nanny, too, so there’s enough women about the place to make it all respectable like.’

  ‘I’d only be in the way. Your relatives want to have you to themselves, Jono, it’s only natural.’

  ‘It’s a bit of peace our Bridie wants. Grieving over her dad, she is, see. Be glad of your company she would, me too, mind.’

  Arian had been surprised when she’d met Bridie James, a wealthy young woman by all appearances, well educated too, and not at all the sort of cousin she’d have expected Jono to have.

  Bridie was likeable enough, though a little childish yet, clinging to her childhood nanny for support at a time when most women were out earning their own living. Still, she was sympathetic to Arian’s plight but quite distant, wanting to spend time alone, which was entirely reasonable in the circumstances. One thing was sure, she wouldn’t mind a bit when Arian moved out whatever Jono chose to think.

  ‘What did her father do for a living?’ Arian asked, turning her mind determinedly from thoughts of her own troubles. ‘Did he work on the planning of the new works with you?’

  ‘Duw, no, love. Her dad owned a fleet of ships, a real sea-going family are the Jameses. No son to take over the business, mind. Tragic really.’ Jono grinned. ‘As her only male cousin, I’m supposed to share it all with Bridie but I told her to keep it, I’m not going to sea for anyone.’

  ‘But shouldn’t you think it over?’ Arian was concerned. ‘It could mean a lot of money, a change of life-style for you. Wouldn’t you like that?’

  ‘What do I want money for, girl?’ Jono asked cheerfully. He shook his big head. ‘Don’t want none of it. In any case, so long as Bridie marries within the year, her husband can take charge of it all, so the lawyer chap said.’

  Arian smiled, rarely had she met anyone so lacking in avarice, so patently honest. ‘You are a nice man, Jono. Do you know that?’

  ‘Don’t be daft, girl,’ he said blushing. ‘I’m nothing of the sort, I’m a rough-necked working man and that’s all I’ll ever be.’ He took her hand shyly. ‘But I’ll watch out for you, mind. That man is not going to make you go back to him, not again. Jono will see to that.’

  Arian leaned back and closed her eyes. She felt safe here. Jono, with his simple honesty, had made her feel protected and cared for, valued for herself alone. He seemed to want nothing in return or if he did, he concealed it well.

  As for Gerald Simples, she had written him a letter, telling him the marriage was finally over, finished. She wanted no more to do with him, wanted nothing from him. She had received no reply but she expected none – she had given no address. Still, Simples was a clever man and it wouldn’t take him long to work out where she’d gone.

  Well, if he turned up, she would deal with that problem when it arose. For now, she was glad of a small oasis of peace, a quiet time, a chance to come to terms with her own failures. She had even failed as a mother, lost her child before it came to full term. It seemed that whatever she touched, she destroyed.

  ‘Come on, cariad,’ Jono’s gentle voice brought her out of her reverie. ‘Time for bed. Bridie’s gone up hours ago.’

  ‘Aye, you’re right,’ she said. ‘Bridie’s a sensible girl, about time I learned some sense too.’ She rose and lightly dropped a kiss on Jono’s cheek. ‘Thank you for your help.’

  He caught her hand. ‘Not used to that, are you cariad?’ He smiled. ‘People helping you and wanting nothing back. But I don’t want you to feel obliged. I’ll always be here for you, I can hope but I don’t expect anything, just remember that.’

  As she climbed into bed, Arian pondered on Jono’s words. What he was trying to tell her was that he would be ready and willing to step into Gerald’s shoes if ever she should want him to. She smiled ruefully. Poor Jono, he was a fine man, a good man but she’d had her fill of men. From now on, Arian Smale, for she refused to think of herself as Mrs Simples, Arian Smale would go it alone.

  ‘Why don’t you have the marriage annulled?’ Sarah was sitting with Gerald in the elegant drawing room of her house. She was looking her best in a new dinner-gown of cream satin and with a string of fine, creamy pearls around her throat. ‘Come to that, the marriage might not even be legal, not in this country.’ Hope rose within her. ‘Those foreign laws are not the same as ours, mind.’

  ‘Then what?’ Gerald asked, and Sarah could see he was hiding his impatience. She would have to tread carefully, she knew it. Gerald wasn’t the kind of man who appreciated interfere
nce.

  ‘Well, then you would be free, that’s all,’ she said quietly. He looked at her for a long moment and she thought she saw a touch of a smile on his mouth.

  ‘But you, Sarah, you wouldn’t be free, so what’s the use?’ He shrugged and she bit her lip hard. He was right, of course. Even if Gerald was to shake himself loose of Arian, Sarah would still be tied to Geoffrey. But then, it would be enough for her that Gerald was out of the clutches of that clinging vine who called herself his wife.

  An idea struck Sarah. If Gerald didn’t want to go through the bother of freeing himself from an empty marriage, perhaps Arian did. It was something worth pursuing.

  ‘Where is she, Arian, I mean,’ Sarah asked with feigned indifference.

  ‘Oh, I know where she is and when she’s been punished enough, I’ll go and fetch her home. Clydach is not where she belongs. Arian belongs with me, she’ll learn that in time.’

  Sarah tucked this bit of information away carefully and then changed the subject. ‘Would you like more tea, Gerald or perhaps some porter? It’s very good, I believe.’

  She had been very careful of late. She’d realized that Gerald was a man not to be pushed, that he liked a little reluctance in a woman and her mistake had been to be too available.

  Since she’d met him at the funeral of the little O’Conner boy, she’d restrained herself, been very careful not to be effusive, presented herself as nothing more than a friend and she felt she was beginning to arouse Gerald’s interest by her attitude of indifference to his charms.

  This evening would be the testing point. She was having another dinner party. Sarah liked to feel she was in the swing of the best of Swansea’s society. So far, she had succeeded in covering up her failed marriage and if Geoffrey’s absence was noted, none of her guests were impolite enough to question the matter, especially as she was the daughter-in-law of the influential Emily Miller. There would be other ladies present, of course, but Sarah had made sure that none of them were overly blessed with maidenly charms.