Arian

by Iris Gower

  The new young trees at the gates of the Frogmore estate were fresh and green and the ornate front entrance smelled strongly of pine needles. Gerald was certainly being kept in style.

  She asked the maid who opened the door for Mr Simples and was invited into the hallway.

  Sarah Frogmore bustled out of the drawing room, her face flushed, her shoulders tense. She looked at Arian with open hostility.

  ‘I blame you for this,’ she said gesturing towards the staircase. ‘He was all right when he left me. What did you say to make him so sick?’

  ‘He’s sick? I didn’t know that.’ Arian stared at Sarah’s angry face. ‘I came here to ask him to divorce me.’

  ‘Well you’ve chosen a fine time to make up your mind to that,’ Sarah said, ‘but perhaps he’ll talk to you. Come upstairs, we’ll see what he says.’

  It was obvious that Arian’s words had surprised her, the set look on Sarah’s face had vanished, to be replaced by a pleased smile.

  On the landing Sarah paused. ‘Why now, why didn’t you ask him for a divorce when he came to see you the other day?’ she asked and for a moment Arian was tempted to tell Sarah the truth – that Gerald had tried to force himself on her, had struck out at her like a madman.

  ‘He was angry,’ she said, ‘very angry. It didn’t seem the right time to talk about divorce.’ She shook her head. ‘What else do you expect me to say?’

  Sarah stared at her furiously. ‘You never loved him, never wanted him. I bet you wish he was dead.’

  Did she? Arian asked herself. Did she wish Gerald dead? But no, she wanted to be free of him, of course, but she couldn’t wish anyone dead.

  Sarah led the way into the opulent bedroom. The rich drapes were half closed across the windows, shutting out most of the light. As if hearing their voices, Gerald stirred. He looked firstly at Sarah and then turned beseechingly towards Arian.

  ‘Help me,’ his voice was desperate. ‘I’m not well, Arian. I need a doctor, a good doctor. I’ll go mad if I don’t get help.’

  Arian felt a chill run through her. He seemed pathetic somehow, his arrogance vanished. She leaned forward and touched his hand.

  ‘I won’t allow that to happen.’ She tried to smile encouragingly. ‘You’ll be all right, Sarah will look after you.’

  Looking at her, Arian knew that Sarah was like a leaf in the wind – when there was any sign of trouble, of Gerald being sick with a serious illness, she would simply drift away.

  ‘Here Gerald, drink this. You know the doctor told you to take it regularly.’ Sarah held a glass of coloured fluid in her hand. ‘Come on, Gerald, be a good boy now and take it quietly, won’t you?’

  Gerald’s eyes were angry but he took the medicine and swallowed it and the look he gave Sarah was one almost of dislike.

  ‘I think she’s trying to poison me,’ Gerald glowered. ‘Can’t you take me away from here, take me back home to our house?’

  Arian looked at him helplessly and then glanced at Sarah who was frowning in irritation.

  ‘He doesn’t know what he’s saying half the time.’ Sarah slammed the glass onto the table. ‘I wish to God he’d buck up. Go on, tell him what you came for, while he’s still awake.’

  Arian bit her lip. How could she speak sensibly to Gerald when he was in this state? Even while she stood there, he seemed to be drifting off to sleep and with an exclamation of annoyance, Sarah marched from the room.

  Arian followed Sarah outside. ‘It’s up to you,’ Sarah said before Arian could speak. ‘Why don’t you go ahead and divorce him? He’s not in a fit state to do anything about it, is he?’

  Arian shook her head. ‘I’ll think about it. In the meantime, don’t you think you’d better have the doctor take another look at him. He doesn’t seem right, to me.’

  Sarah sniffed. ‘He’s malingering. He’s a baby, like most men are when it comes to sickness. If he’d only pull himself together, he’d be all right.’

  Arian moved to the door. ‘Well, it’s up to you but I don’t think he’s malingering. I think there’s something badly wrong with him.’

  She heard the door slam behind her and, with a sigh, Arian began the long walk down the hill back towards the town.

  It was a week later when Sarah walked into the offices of the Swansea Times and asked to see Arian.

  ‘He’s worse,’ she began without preamble. ‘I can’t cope with him any more. It’s about time you took a hand – he’s still your husband isn’t he?’

  Arian stared across the counter at her in silence. The cheek of the woman left her speechless.

  ‘I suppose you think I’m abandoning him?’ Sarah lifted her chin. ‘But he’s not my responsibility, not really, is he?’

  ‘I should tell you to go to hell your own way,’ Arian controlled her voice with difficulty, ‘but I’ll see if Eddie Carpenter can call up to your house. He’s a wonderful doctor.’

  ‘You should come and take him out of my house altogether.’ Sarah’s voice was hard. ‘He’s mad. I’ve had enough of his nonsense, I can tell you.’

  ‘Forget it.’ Arian’s voice was just as hard. ‘I’ll get you the doctor and that’s all I’ll do. You took Gerald on, you deal with him.’

  Sarah seemed defeated. ‘I’d better go, then.’

  Arian stared her out, feeling slightly sorry for Sarah. She was an overblown siren and yet she was still a woman who wanted only to be loved, and Arian suddenly felt a kinship with her.

  ‘Look, I’ll see what Eddie says and then we’ll talk some more, right?’

  ‘I suppose so, but make it soon. I can’t stand him and his tantrums for much longer. Thinks I’m out to harm him and me doing all I can for him, it’s just not fair.’

  Arian watched her leave with a sense of disquiet. Everything had seemed so clear cut. A divorce would be a scandal, a sin in most people’s eyes. Look what had happened to Eline; she’d been driven out of Swansea. But it would have been preferable to remaining tied to a man she hated. Now there were complications. Gerald was sick, perhaps very sick, and Sarah all set to cast him aside.

  ‘Come in here.’ Eddie Carpenter appeared troubled as he welcomed Arian into his office. ‘Sit down, we’ve got to talk.’ He indicated a chair near his desk. ‘It’s not good news, I’m afraid. You look pale, Arian. I’m sure you’re not taking good care of yourself.’ Eddie sat on the edge of the old desk and stared down at her, his eyes full of sympathy. ‘Gerald is a sick man but you know that, of course.’

  Arian nodded. ‘I want the truth, Eddie. What is it and will he get better?’

  Eddie pursed his lips. ‘Better, yes. Full recovery, it’s doubtful. In any case, he needs to go into hospital. For a time at least, he will have to be placed somewhere specially suited to such cases.’

  ‘Specially suited? What do you mean?’

  ‘I mean his sickness isn’t of the body but of the mind. It’s complicated, Arian.’

  ‘You want to put him in an asylum?’ Arian’s voice was unsteady. She saw Eddie pick up some notes and study them in silence for a moment and she knew he was giving himself time to think.

  ‘We don’t know very much about the mind,’ he said at last, ‘but we have learned a little bit.’ He paused. ‘Gerald is suffering from an illness which I believe to be inherited, never mind the name, it’s long and complicated and it doesn’t really matter what you call it, the man is sick.’

  ‘Are you telling me he’s dying?’

  Eddie shook his head. ‘No, on the contrary. Gerald could live a normal span of life.’ He paused. ‘But, he will be unstable, always.’

  ‘You can give him medicine?’

  ‘Yes, I can do that and so long as he takes it, his moods will be contained, I say contained, not cured.’ He leaned forward and touched her arm.

  ‘Let go, Arian. You can’t cope with this, it’s too much to ask of anyone.’

  ‘He is my responsibility, he’s my husband. You know I can’t just let him rot in an institution.’ She shuddered.


  ‘He will be dangerous,’ Eddie said. ‘If he fails to take the medication, he could harm himself or someone else, think of that, Arian.’

  She felt her breath dragged inward. ‘Is he dangerous now, right now?’

  Eddie hesitated. ‘I don’t think so, the illness hasn’t progressed too far but it could be accelerated by anything.’

  He shrugged. ‘We know so little. I can’t give you firm assurances of anything.’

  Arian rose. ‘Thank you for taking so much trouble, Eddie.’

  ‘Give yourself a few days to think this thing through.’ Eddie rose too and stood beside her, resting his hand on her shoulders. ‘He left you for this Sarah woman, it’s her problem now. In any case, you must consider every angle before you make a decision.’

  Arian left Eddie’s office and set out towards Sarah Frogmore’s house. She had to talk to her, warn her about Gerald’s illness. She had no doubt what Sarah’s reaction would be; she would wash her hands of the matter without compunction.

  Sarah was sitting in the drawing room with Gerald seated opposite her. He appeared his normal self, his eyes were bright and alert and there was no sign of him being anything but normal.

  ‘I wanted to talk to you, Sarah,’ Arian felt uncomfortable. Sarah was smiling as though nothing was wrong.

  ‘I don’t see any point, now that Gerald is better. We have nothing to talk about.’

  ‘But Sarah,’ Arian lifted her hands in exasperation, ‘we have a great deal to talk about.’

  ‘No. Please leave. We don’t want you here, do we Gerald?’ Sarah rose and pulled at the silk bell-rope. Gerald stared at Arian with a strange expression in his eyes.

  ‘Sarah told me what you wanted,’ he spoke suddenly, his voice harsh. ‘If you’d had your way, you would have put me away in a mental institution, don’t deny it.’

  Arian looked at Sarah, who shrugged. ‘Well you didn’t want him, did you? Went to the doctor about him. Thank God he’s got me, that’s all I can say.’

  Arian tried again. ‘Sarah, it would be better if we could talk in private.’

  It was Gerald who answered. ‘Get out of here and don’t come back, do you hear me?’

  Arian left the house and without a backward glance made her way down the hill and into Swansea. Sarah was a fool to herself. Did she know what she was taking on? Arian doubted it. Well, for the moment, there was nothing else she could do; Sarah would just have to find out her mistake in her own way.

  Mac was furious when she told him what had happened. ‘Too good you are, Arian, too good by far. Leave them to it, the pair of them. Both mad as hatters if you ask me and don’t deserve your help, either of them.’

  ‘Never mind,’ Arian squared her shoulders. ‘Let’s talk about something else. What have we got for tonight’s leader, Mac? Anything interesting?’

  Soon she was caught up in the business of the newspaper and Arian felt the blood flow through her veins with renewed vigour. She had this, her work; the words had become her life-line. Getting the story on the page and the page to the press, was an excitement. It took the place of love in her life and Arian realized that, for the moment at least, she was content to leave things the way they were.

  ‘Throw that old medicine away,’ Sarah stood looking down at Gerald as he lay in her huge bed. ‘Makes you dull, that does. Stops you being the randy devil that I know and love.’

  Gerald smiled and put down his glass. ‘Come on then, it’s about time I remembered I’m alive.’

  He pulled her down beside him and carefully took off her bodice, his hands going to her breasts, his mouth hot on hers. Sarah sighed. This is what she wanted; her man, strong and wonderful, making her feel so desirable, so good. She put her hands on his cheeks and lifted his face from hers.

  ‘They don’t know what they’re talking about those doctors. There’s nothing wrong with you, Gerry. They’re a lot of fools, just out to get money from suckers like that Arian. Well let her be taken in, she deserved it. Me and you will have our fun and to hell with the lot of them.’

  Gerald’s love-making was all that Sarah wanted. She felt him move within her, strong, as vigorous as he’d ever been. She cried out as he gripped her hips, thrusting himself deep, possessing her in the way she loved.

  ‘Gerry, Gerry, my darling, I love you so much!’ He fell away from her and she lay gasping in delight. Her hand reached out to catch his and together, they fell asleep.

  Arian moved from the doorway and crossed the street, staring back at the two buildings, both of which she was utilizing for her growing business.

  The windows and doors were freshly painted and above the façade, the name of the newspaper stood out in black: The Swansea Times. Within the grey stone walls were housed the tools of her trade; the printing presses, the brand-new guillotines for cutting the paper, the indian ink in bottles. The very smell of the place excited her.

  Housed in the original building were the offices, the front desk where the public came to place advertisements; the reporters’ rooms equipped now with the new typewriting machines and above, Arian’s private rooms, enlarged and extended with new drapes and a brand-new bathroom.

  She was so engrossed in her thoughts that she was not aware of the man coming to stand beside her until he spoke.

  ‘Arian.’ The name fell into the quietness, the voice was so familiar, so masculine, so loved and the sound of him saying her name had the power to thrill her.

  ‘Calvin.’ She wanted to go into his arms, to tell him how much she loved him but she stood quite still, looking at him as if he were a stranger. ‘You startled me.’

  ‘I understand you’ve had problems with Gerald Simples. He’s sick, Eddie Carpenter told me. I hope you don’t mind, he was concerned about you.’

  ‘Let’s walk.’ She was filled with a complexity of feelings; she wanted to be with Calvin, was pleased that he cared enough to come to find her and yet what sense was there in talking? There was nothing to say that hadn’t already been said.

  He led her towards a waiting carriage and helped her inside. She sat next to him on the cold leather seat, savouring the moment, breathing in the scent of him, the rich aroma of his tobacco and she felt herself melt. It was a long time since she’d felt like a woman, she realized suddenly.

  He took her to his house and when he opened the door and she saw the familiar, gracious hallway, she remembered with a pang of longing how happy she had been working for Calvin, being under the same roof with him. What a long time ago it all seemed now.

  In the drawing room, she sat down in the large upholstered chair near the glowing fire. She took the glass of porter he handed her and closed her eyes for a moment, sighing with a sense of release.

  ‘Talk to me Arian.’ His voice was mellow. She opened her eyes and looked at him.

  ‘I don’t know what to say, I don’t even know what I’m doing here. I can’t say anything except that I went to ask Gerald for a divorce. I wanted to make a new start but he’s sick, very sick.’

  She looked into the glowing liquid in her glass. ‘He could be violent, dangerous even. I tried to warn Sarah Frogmore but she doesn’t believe me.’

  ‘Gerald Simples is not your problem,’ Calvin said reasonably. ‘Why should you be responsible now after the way he has treated you?’

  ‘He’s my husband.’ She looked directly at Calvin. ‘I wish to God things were different but they’re not.’ She wanted to hold out her hand to him, beg Calvin to hold her close. She needed love so badly. But what was the use? She was no good to him. She must keep her distance, allow Calvin to find a wife, to have the son he always wanted.

  He came towards her quickly and took her in his arms. His mouth was on hers, searching, thrilling. His hands caressed her. He bent and kissed her throat, her breasts and she took a ragged breath, her eyes closed, wanting him so much.

  He drew away and spoke to her softly. ‘Why did you want a divorce, Arian? Was it so that we could be together?’

  She sho
ok her head. ‘I don’t know. I really don’t know, Calvin. Perhaps I just wanted to be free.’

  He moved away from her and stood staring at her, his eyes warm. ‘Tell me you don’t love me and I’ll never bother you again. Go on, Arian, tell me.’

  She looked away from him. ‘I can’t, Calvin, I just can’t tell you a lie.’ She stared up at him in anguish. ‘That’s what you wanted and that’s what you’ve got – you’ve forced me to admit to my feelings, but it doesn’t change anything, can’t you see that?’

  She turned and moved away from him but he caught her up in a few strides and drew her back against him, his hands gentle.

  ‘We love each other, Arian. For now, that’s all that matters, everything else can be sorted out, just leave it to me.’

  She put her head backwards onto his shoulder. Her eyes were closed and hope washed over her. Perhaps, just perhaps, Calvin could make everything right, just as he said he would. But, no, she was only fooling herself. Slowly, she drew away from him.

  ‘I’ll speak to you some other time, Calvin. For now, I must be alone to think things out.’ She didn’t look back, otherwise she might have been tempted to go with him and damn the consequences. And in the back of her mind, the thought of Gerald rose like a big dark cloud.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN

  Sarah wandered around the room, picking up first one expensive piece of china and then another, replacing the objects without really seeing them. She thought of Gerald, how he’d held her in his arms, made love to her as he used to. Doctors, they didn’t know everything. She loved him, she knew what was best.

  She smiled to herself. By throwing away his medication she’d done him a favour. He was out now, in town, buying himself a new suit and a few shirts. She’d insisted that he go to the best shops and put the goods on her account. He’d lost a little weight and his old clothes no longer fitted him but he was looking well, his eyes were clear again and he seemed to be more and more in love with her each day.