An Ex-Heroes Collection

by Peter Clines

  “That’s where you come into the deal, George.”

  ON A GUESS, said Zzzap, maybe over there?

  He pointed to the southwest. Even in the unlit night, the clouds piled up black over that part of the city. They flickered with sparks of light. Distant thunder echoed across the city.

  Zzzap hung in the air above the corner of the Big Wall, just south of the After Death church. Stealth, Freedom, and Madelyn were on the platform below with half a dozen guards and First Sergeant Kennedy. Cerberus stood in the street behind them.

  “I estimate it is centered over La Brea Avenue,” said Stealth. “Somewhere between Third and Wilshire.”

  Looks like your boyfriend lives in the corner penthouse of spook central, if you ask me.

  Captain Freedom cinched the strap of his glove around his wrist. He’d shrugged off the leather duster in favor of his full combat gear. “Are you sure about this, ma’am? The rest of the Unbreakables are on alert and ready to go. We can have them assembled here in five minutes.”

  Stealth’s head shook inside her cloak. “A small group gives us our best chance of success while still leaving the Mount protected. The Unbreakables shall stay behind with Cerberus.”

  The armored titan made a noise that might have been a grumble, but nodded.

  Freedom nodded down at Madelyn. “And she’s coming because …?”

  “The exes do not sense Madelyn because of her unique nature,” said Stealth. “This invisibility extends to items she is wearing or carrying. From what Maxwell has—”

  “Corpse Girl,” said Madelyn. She pulled her mouth into a tight line. “I’m the Corpse Girl now.”

  “From what Maxwell has said,” continued Stealth, “Cairax Murrain’s senses are similarly tuned to living things. Corpse Girl’s trip to North Hollywood supports the premise that her invisibility also includes the demon, which means there is a good chance it does not know we have the sword. She will carry the sword and perhaps give us an element of surprise. At the least, she will still be able to help control the exes in the area.”

  Madelyn gave a sharp nod. She pulled her camo cap from her coat pocket and tugged it down over her hair.

  Ummmm, I hate to once again be the voice of reason in these discussions, said Zzzap, but if Max has been lying about everything else, why do we think he was telling the truth about needing the sword to kill the demon?

  “Maxwell is clever enough not to overcomplicate his story with unnecessary lies,” said the cloaked woman. “He believed we did not have the necessary tools to destroy Cairax Murrain, so there was no danger in telling us the truth.”

  Cerberus’s armored head swiveled to look at her. “That’s what your whole strategy is based off? That’s kind of thin.”

  “If you prefer,” said Stealth, “I can tell you that we have no other options and that the ‘thin’ path is better than taking no action at all.”

  The titan sighed and shook its head.

  “I can get behind the overcomplicated idea,” said Madelyn.

  I love this plan.

  “From what he told us, though, even with the sword, it seemed like a long shot,” Freedom said. He adjusted his helmet and pulled the strap across his chin. “The better play might be waiting here behind the protective seals.”

  “Assuming the seals even work,” said Cerberus. “If all of this was a plan to get Josh and the demon together, the seals might just be clever graffiti.”

  “We have more than just the sword,” Stealth said. “Based on the information Maxwell gave us, I believe we have all the requirements needed to kill the demon.”

  Stealth and Freedom went from rooftop to rooftop. She moved in graceful bounds, her path traced through the air behind her by her flowing cloak. He attacked the air, every leap and landing a show of brute force and mass that shattered roof tiles.

  Madelyn had another bicycle to help her keep up. One of the guards at the Corner platform had “volunteered” it. It was in much better shape than the one she’d ridden out to the Valley. She swerved around the shambling exes and tried to keep an eye on the two figures moving across the rooftops. She kept one hand on the sword. It was still tucked in her belt.

  Zzzap flitted back and forth, keeping them all well lit. The ink-black clouds blotted out the sky and reminded him of a hero named Midknight who’d died during the uprising. Then he’d died again when Zzzap reduced the hero’s animated corpse to ash. It wasn’t a pleasant set of memories.

  They had to go through the broad expanse of the Wilshire Country Club. It would take too long to go around. It meant a quarter mile of open ground with nowhere to hide. “No firearms,” Stealth told Freedom, “and no energy blasts. We must maintain silence.”

  Freedom and Zzzap both nodded. Madelyn let her bike drop to the sidewalk. The cloaked woman flipped up and over the vine-threaded fence, and the captain leaped after her.

  Zzzap hovered over the chain-link while Madelyn worked her way up the fence. As she got near the top, he passed his hands through the barbed wire and the coils melted away with a few sparks and sizzles. “You couldn’t’ve just made a hole through the fence,” said Corpse Girl with a smile.

  Hey, he told her, the more fences there are in L.A. these days the better.

  They plowed ahead. Zzzap’s brilliant form attracted every ex on the golf course. Madelyn ran ahead, shoving exes or tripping them. They were halfway across the green plain before the undead became too numerous for her.

  Stealth made a quick movement with her hands and her batons swung into the ready position. “Keep moving,” she said. “Time is of the essence.”

  Captain Freedom lashed out with his fists. Even his glancing blows sent exes staggering back. Stealth’s batons swung back and forth, up and down. Skulls and necks shattered around them.

  Zzzap tried to clear a path for them and swung his hand at an obese ex. He missed severing its head. The fat of its jowls sizzled and the zombie turned into a pillar of fire. The burning flesh spit and popped, and the flames swelled as the dead man’s T-shirt caught fire.

  Madelyn leaped away from the fiery ex. Freedom stepped forward and drove his boot into its chest. The overweight dead man staggered back and tumbled over. It kept burning as it struggled to get back to its feet.

  Another rumble of thunder blasted across the greens. To the southwest, they could see lightning twist in the dark clouds, as if it didn’t dare reach down to the ground. A cold wind dropped down out of the sky.

  This doesn’t look good, said Zzzap. I should run ahead and buy us some—

  “No,” snapped Stealth as she brought her baton across an ex’s jaw. “We must stay together. Timing is essential if our plan is to succeed.”

  Freedom dropped a dead man with a wide backhand, then grabbed a dead woman by the head and twisted her neck before she could react. “Just keep moving,” he said. An ex grabbed his arm and bit down, but the Kevlar weave of his jacket stopped it from breaking the skin. He slammed his fist into its forehead and it fell to the ground. “If we stop they’ll overwhelm us.”

  Madelyn put her hands on an ex’s chest and tried not to think about the fact she was touching the dead woman’s boobs. She pushed hard, knocking the ex back into another one behind it, and then catching a third in the shoulder. The zombies dominoed, five of them crashing to the ground.

  Zzzap made another pass and heads vanished off a dozen exes. One of the skulls popped like an overboiled egg. Their bodies dropped.

  The far fence of the country club came into view. A hundred yards to go. The heroes smashed, tripped, kicked, and punched their way across the last stretch.

  They reached the fence and Stealth vaulted up and over it. Three quick swings with her batons put down the trio of exes gathered on the other side. A few more leaps took her to the roof of a nearby house.

  Freedom lifted Madelyn up by the arms, put one hand on her ass, and hurled her over the fence. She flew through the air and landed on top of the house near Stealth. The cloaked woman grabbed her
by the wrist. A moment later Freedom hit the roof next to them. The tiles shattered and they heard a beam crack beneath him.

  The shadows shifted and Zzzap hovered above them. Okay, he said, now for the hard part.

  ANOTHER RUMBLE OF thunder echoed across the city as Max finished his circle and stepped back. “This should do it,” he said. He glanced over his shoulder. “Sorry, George. Time for you to go.”

  Cairax Murrain turned to them. A pile of dismembered exes had grown near the demon. The heads still shifted and twitched. Their lack of leverage muffled the click-click-click of their jaws. “At last,” it said. “Claim your prize, dearest Maxwell, and then both sides of our contract have been fulfilled.”

  Smoke poured from St. George’s mouth and nostril. The tattoos were tingling under his shirt. It felt like they were moving. “You don’t want to do this, Max,” he said. “I know you’re better than this.”

  “Sorry,” the sorcerer said. “I guess you don’t know me.”

  St. George scowled and sucked in a little more air.

  Max shook his head. “Don’t waste your time. It still won’t do anything.”

  “It’ll make me feel better.”

  “If I cared how you felt, I wouldn’t be trading your soul to a demon. But, if it helps, your body will change just like this one did. I won’t be tricking anyone into thinking I’m you or any of that sort of—”

  A shot rang out and the air blurred by Max’s head. Something appeared near his temple, a small lump of gleaming metal. Two more reports echoed across the street. St. George could see the trails as the rounds slowed down and came to a halt.

  Max turned and plucked one of the bullets out of the air. “Well,” he said, tossing it aside, “I guess the cavalry’s shown up after all.”

  Stealth leaped off the pet store, her cloak billowing out behind her. A Glock thundered in each hand and half a dozen rounds traced their way to Max. She hit the ground running, and another six rounds led the way.

  The sorcerer held up three fingers and the bullets dropped to the pavement.

  Cairax Murrain stretched up to its full height and stepped forward. “Ahhh, how truly wonderful,” the demon said, “the star-crossed lovers, reunited for the end. George Bailey, trying to live up to the impossible example of his parents, and Karen Quilt, desperately running away from the legacy of hers.”

  Stealth froze, just for a moment, and Cairax beamed its shark’s smile at her. It pulled back a massive talon to swat the cloaked woman and a brilliant light from above washed the darkness away. The demon looked up and blinked its leathery eyelids.

  Zzzap had one hand out. The air rippled around his brilliant palm for a moment and then a burst of energy struck Cairax in the face. It splashed off the monster like the spray from a garden hose. The demon roared and swung at the gleaming wraith. Zzzap flitted away and fired another energy blast.

  Stealth raced past them and dove at Max. The sorcerer cut his hand through the air and a tornado blast of wind sent her hurling away. She hit the pavement near the line of exes, rolled, and threw herself back at him.

  Max brought his hand up again, but before he could gesture the Glock spun in her fingers and smashed down on his knuckles. He yelped, stepped back, and Stealth drove both of her boots into his chest. She flipped over in a whirl of cloak and Max flew back to crash against a Honda.

  Stealth looked up at St. George. “Are you unharmed?”

  He nodded. “I might be two inches taller, but other than that, yeah.”

  She holstered one of the pistols and a black-steel blade appeared in her hand. It lashed out twice, but the red cords binding St. George resisted. Her face shifted beneath her mask and she brought the knife down hard on the line.

  “I think they’re magic,” he said.

  Stealth turned with her pistol out and fired two shots at Max. The bullets clattered to the ground between them. The sorcerer slashed his hand up and the cloaked woman was hurled into the air.

  St. George breathed out more flames, but Max waded through them. “Don’t get your hopes up,” he said. “I told you, there’s only one way this can end.” He pushed his sleeves back up and yanked open his shirt. The tattoos on his chest and arms were blurred, as if they were trembling on his skin.

  He marched after Stealth.

  Zzzap dodged another claw and hit Cairax with two more blasts. A nearby car caught fire, but the demon’s skin just steamed like a wet sidewalk on a hot day. Getting hit with enough raw energy to superheat steel didn’t seem to be slowing the thing down at all.

  It was time to try something drastic.

  Zzzap steeled himself for the wave of nausea that always came when he touched solid matter in his energy form. He dipped a little lower in the air. Cairax Murrain’s talons lashed out and ripped through his side.

  The claws passed through Zzzap and left the gleaming wraith shuddering in the air. It wasn’t just the churning stomach he usually felt. It hurt. A lot. He let out a cry like a hiss of steam and static. The pain left him dizzy and lightheaded and cold. Guts open to the air cold, if he had to guess. He glanced down at his hands and saw his fingers blur into a thick shape at the end of his arm.

  The demon raised its talons. The skin was charred and smoking, but the fingers flexed without effort. They filled out and healed as it studied them. “Not accustomed to being touched, are you, crippled one?”

  Its tail sliced up through the air.

  Zzzap dodged the tail and pushed himself higher into the air, out of the demon’s reach. His head spun. He focused on his hands and tried to get his fingers to re-form.

  Cairax reached over and picked up a dust-covered motorcycle. It could’ve been a toy. The demon swung its arm back and whipped the bike up at Zzzap.

  He spun in the air and dodged it, but Cairax had already grabbed an oversized pickup truck. The vehicle went up over the monster’s head with a squeal of metal and rust. Zzzap thought about blasting the truck, but he was still fuzzy.

  Captain Freedom landed between them. His boots rang out against the pavement and kicked up a cloud of dust. His arm swung up and leveled his monstrous sidearm at Cairax.

  About time, said Zzzap, clenching his hands into fists. I’ve been going easy on him so you’d have something to do.

  “John Carter Freedom,” said the demon with a grin. “What a pleasant surprise. Such a deliciously bright soul. So proud despite the many, many lives lost in your name. What hope does such a failure of a man have against me?”

  Freedom set his jaw. “You’d be surprised.”

  Lady Liberty roared. A triple blast of white flame exploded against the monster’s chest and knocked it back. Cairax Murrain shrieked and the truck crashed to the ground. The huge officer leaped clear and fired another burst, catching the demon in the side.

  Cairax fled, a flailing, squealing mass of long limbs and thrashing tail. Freedom stalked after it. The pistol thundered again and again. The monster stumbled away, arms up to deflect the blasts that tore chunks of flesh from its body. When the weapon ran silent, the captain let the drum drop free and pulled another one from his belt.

  What the hell? said Zzzap. Are those napalm rounds or something?

  Freedom shook his head while he reloaded. “Blessed ammunition,” he said just before the demon’s claw caught him in the chest. The huge soldier flew back and slammed shoulder-first into a tree trunk.

  Cairax straightened up and snarled at the huge officer. “For that, your skin shall be my victory sash,” it growled through gnashing fangs. “And you have my word you will live to see me wear it.”

  St. George watched Stealth empty her pistols at Max. The rounds spun off in random directions or dropped to the ground. She attacked with her batons and they sparked off the air around the sorcerer.

  Their fight carried them away from the bound hero. St. George took another breath and pulled hard on the cords. They were the immovable object to his irresistible force.

  “Hang on,” someone called. “I’m comin
g.”

  He looked over his shoulder. Madelyn pushed through the crowd of exes. Even more of them had been drawn to the sounds of battle. At least three hundred of them crowded Max’s barriers on the north side of the street. None of them reacted to the dead girl shoving them out of the way.

  She got to the barrier and stopped. Her brow wrinkled, and for a moment she looked like a bad mime working with a wall. “What’s this?” she called over to St. George. “Some kind of force field?”

  He nodded. “It’s keeping the exes out.”

  Madelyn frowned and leaned into the barrier. “Good thing I’m not one of them, then,” she said.

  “I think you can go over it,” he said. “The others did.”

  Her pale fingers stretched wide and she pushed harder. Her hands inched forward. She took a heavy step, the movement of a deep-sea diver, and then another. On her third step she stumbled forward and grabbed the side of a car before she fell over. The sword tucked through her belt clattered against the body panels.

  “Once again,” she said, “Corpse Girl for the win.”

  She loped over to where St. George was strung up. “You can’t break these?” she asked, looking at the lines. She tapped one holding his leg and rubbed her fingers together.

  He shook his head. “Magic. Something to do with blood.”

  “Gross.” She grabbed the cord and pulled. It didn’t budge. She swung her legs onto the line, hung on it, and heaved her hips a few times. It didn’t even quiver.

  Zzzap flew past the demon and gave Captain Freedom a quick once-over with infrared, X-rays, and the visual spectrum. There were three red lines across his chest where the demon’s claws had shredded his body armor, but the huge officer didn’t have any broken bones, and Zzzap didn’t see any of the hot spots he associated with internal bleeding. The man was built like a Mack truck.

  He heard Cairax stomping up behind him. He spun, and put some distance between himself and Freedom. Cairax reached for him and he put a blast of heat and light into the demon’s eyes.