I Need You

by Jane Lark

  But Billy… I searched through my makeup purse. What were we? He suited me in bed. He liked me like that and just looking at him made my belly shiver. I found the scissors and headed back.

  But there was a confusing swamp of feelings in me, too many to unpick.

  Was I using him, like I’d done with that bracelet?

  He made me feel better. But beyond that? Where was this going? Why? What were we doing? Was I making another stupid error? Being selfish just because he was willing to give? What if I repeated history, and blindly took, only to wind up getting hurt?

  I couldn’t answer any of those questions.

  “Hey.”

  His eyes opened just as I reached to cut the bracelet off.

  A smile came from deep inside me. I loved his dark-blue eyes. Something warm and heavy twisted in my belly. “Hey.”

  “What are you doing?”

  “Cutting off this stupid bracelet I gave you years ago.”

  “No.” He moved his arm away and he looked angry. “I like It.”

  “Why? It was a childish thing.”

  “Lind, I’ve had it years; it’s a part of me. I don’t want to take it off. It’s part of who I am.”

  I didn’t know what to say as I sat on the bed holding the scissors.

  He took them off me and put them on the chest of drawers beside the bed.

  “How long have you been awake?” He lay back down, his hand settling behind his head.

  “A little while.”

  “Long enough to pretty yourself up and hide behind your makeup, hey?”

  Was that said out of annoyance? Shit, why did I have no clue how to even be me anymore? I didn’t know whether to challenge him or not. I was confused, worn-out by surviving.

  He leaned up on to his elbows and the comforter slithered further down his chest. “I oughta go down to the gym this morning…”

  “That’s okay, my counselor is calling me at ten.”

  “Then we’ll make a date for breakfast after, okay?” He hesitated like he didn’t know what was going on between us either.

  I’d spent years stepping around the shattered glass of my life.

  “Yeah.” I breathed.

  “Unless you wanna get back into bed, to give me a workout…” His smile turned crooked and wicked.

  I shook my head, panic suddenly rearing, I was too confused right now. “Nah, go down to the gym. I’m not in the mood.”

  His eyes turned mat, then a look of concern passed across his face. “You, okay?” He sat up and reached for my hand, the comforter slipping all the way down to his belly.

  The guy was a whole pile of caring. Really I should have always been into Billy not Jason. But Jason had been the guy everyone hungered for. Billy had just been the friend of the best-looking guy. I’d overlooked him.

  I couldn’t overlook him now. “I’m okay.”

  He squeezed my fingers then let go of my hand. Perhaps he’d guessed I needed time to get everything in order in my head. Or maybe this was weird for him too.

  “I’ll get up then and get out your way.”

  I nodded.

  He slid out the bed, naked and started gathering up his clothes, to get dressed.

  I stood up and went to watch the ocean from the window. The waves were huge today, crashing up onto the beach.

  My cell chimed the notes to say I’d got a text. Billy picked it up and threw it onto the side of the bed near me.

  I picked it up and smiled.

  “Who is it?”

  I looked up. “Nial.”

  “You swapped numbers with him?” His eyebrows had lifted and his pitch was tainted with annoyance.

  “He’s inviting us over to his folks’ place, they’re having a pool party out there today.”

  “Great.” Billy turned away, grabbing his shirt up from the floor. “Us, or you?” He looked back at me, then pulled it over his head.

  “He said, ‘we’re having a pool party round my folks, do you want to come.’ He knows I’m with you…”

  “Maybe, and maybe not.”

  “Billy––”

  “Never mind, I’m being a douche. Tell him we’ll go. Get his zip code and I’ll drive out. Then if I hate his company I can leave.”

  Billy’s pitch had a hard edge I wasn’t used to. “Are you jealous?”

  One eyebrow lifted this time. “Should I be?”

  “No.” But shit, it felt good to know he got jealous. I liked his anger. Emotion said he felt something more than nothing. Maybe I mattered to him more than I had ever mattered to Jason…

  “Then just make sure he knows that, Lind.” His eyes threw the same message at me. Then he turned and walked out, leaving an aura of possessiveness behind. I loved it.

  Chapter Eleven

  Billy

  “This is it! Right here!” Lindy shouted as we saw a set of huge black cast-iron gates. I made the turn and pressed the buzzer on the intercom.

  “Hi.”

  “Hey, it’s Billy and Lindy.”

  “Awesome. Come on in.”

  A moment later the gates opened.

  His folks place was a fucking ranch. Horses ran around in a field on the right-hand side of the track I drove up and I passed stables before reaching the house. The house was huge.

  Great, this was a ploy to win her with rich-kid status. I couldn’t compete.

  He came out as I pulled up in front of the house. There were half a dozen cars parked out there.

  I killed the engine. Lindy jumped out as I opened my door.

  “Hey, Lindy!” Nial waved at her.

  I gritted my teeth and got out, slamming the door behind me. He glanced at me with a twisted smile. “Billy.” The guy knew I didn’t want to be here. Hell, he didn’t want me here. But I was here.

  Lindy started telling him we were late because we’d got a little lost. I walked up behind her and slotted my arm about her waist. Her muscle jolted, like she didn’t like me claiming her, but she didn’t push me away.

  “Come on in…” Nial encouraged. “We’re out back, by the pool.”

  Lindy pulled away from me, following him and talking as I trailed behind like an idiot.

  As soon as we got round there Nial stripped off his tee, flashing his skinny abs at her. “Are you coming in?”

  He didn’t wait on her answer. He turned and dived into the water.

  I looked at her. “What do you want to do, are we going in the pool?”

  A hesitant smile curled her lips––temptation and terror at war.

  She’d said over breakfast she’d told her counselor about being too hung-up on her looks. Apparently the woman had gone on about it being something Lindy could work on… I supposed most of the time she talked about her split with Jason, and she couldn’t fix that…

  “Yeah,” she said in a low, breathy voice. “Let’s get in the pool.”

  “With no t-shirt on?” I winked at her.

  She flashed me a smile. “With no t-shirt on.”

  I didn’t know where the sex we’d been having was leading us, but we were closer, we weren’t just friends anymore.

  Everyone else was in the pool, so we’d have looked dumb if we’d hung around the edge anyway.

  I stripped off my t-shirt and saw a couple of the girls look. Lindy smiled at me as she slid her shorts down first, taking her sandals off too. I unbuttoned my jeans and spotted Nial watching Lindy as she stripped off her tee.

  “Hey, Lindy. Get me a beer, and help yourselves!” Nial shouted from the pool.

  I figured it was to keep her out of the pool so he could watch her longer. “I’ll get them, Lind. Do you want something?”

  “Just a cola.”

  Instead of diving in, she went over to the steps and climbed down. No doubt to protect her makeup. Nial wasn’t the only one checking her out, though, as she did––I was too––and I had a feeling a couple of the other guys also watched her.

  She had a good body, no matter what her stupid head thought.


  When she was in the water I turned, got myself and Nial bottles of beer and snapped the caps off. Then did the same with a bottle of cola. I carried them over to the pool and leaned over to hand Nial his. When he swam to the edge, he smiled at me. We both knew the game he played, pitching for my girl. But really nothing said she was my girl.

  I made him tug the beer out of my hand. Just to taunt the guy. He smiled at that too, then turned and swam over to where Lindy was, surrounded by the girls.

  She had a full-on smile and talked in the way she’d used to at school.

  Nial might piss me off, but being involved with this group was good for Lindy.

  I put my beer down on the edge of the pool. Straightened up, then lifted my arms and dived in. The water absorbed me and I opened my eyes, watching everyone’s legs. I spotted Lindy’s bikini. Today’s was bright yellow. Her hands were under the water and her fingers slipped along the line of the seams on her ass, pulling it down a little as it’d ridden up.

  When I came up out of the water, her taste was in my mouth, even though it couldn’t be. She’d got lost in sex last night, forgetting about her body, her makeup and even Jason. She’d only cared what I did.

  But even though Jason hadn’t been in her brain, I wasn’t sure about her heart. I had a feeling he’d still been in bed with us.

  I took a deep breath and shook the water out of my hair.

  Lindy looked over and smiled at me as I smoothed my hair back. Some of the other girls said, “Hi.”

  “Hey. I’m just gonna get my beer.”

  I swam back to the side.

  Lindy laughed at something. Her laughter made sharing her worth it.

  I picked up my beer and swam one-armed, to the shallow water, where I could stand up.

  “Hey.” A girl’s hand touched my shoulder. As I turned her fingertips slid down over my leopard. “I like your ink. It’s cool.”

  “Thanks.” I took a sip of my beer, as the water in the pool lapped at my pecs, sensitizing my nipples.

  She moved to the edge of the pool and rested her arms along the rim, letting her feet float, trying to look casual and sexy, by my guess. “What’s with you and Lindy?”

  That was the question I’d been debating. I shrugged.

  “She said you aren’t dating.”

  No? Then we were just having sex. That kicked. I sipped my beer.

  “If nothing’s really on between you two…” She glanced at me with a smile, saying I’m interested.

  I shook my head. “Thanks, but no thanks.”

  “Let’s play volley ball, we’ve got enough for two teams!” One of the other girls shouted across the pool.

  “Where did you guys all meet?” I asked the girl next to me.

  “We all live around here.”

  I sipped my beer. Sawyer and Nial started picking people for teams.

  “Have you known Nial and Sawyer long then?”

  “A couple of years. They moved out here three years ago.”

  And now you let them play pack leaders…? They all did everything Nial and Sawyer said. It was like being back at school. Jason and Lindy had been the Nial-and-Sawyer type… They’d had an aura that pulled people their way… Look how that ended… I looked at Lind and sipped my beer again.

  She stood talking to Nial as the water swayed around her shoulders, getting the tip of her ponytail wet.

  I’d lay good odds that Nial had picked her first.

  “You’re on my team, Billy!” Sawyer yelled over.

  That figured…

  “What about you and Lindy?”

  My eyebrows lifted. What about me and Lindy?

  “Where did you meet?”

  “At school and we shared an apartment at college. We’ve known each other years.”

  “But you kissed last night, and neither of you say you’re dating…” Her lips quirked with sarcasm.

  I took the hit, lifting my beer bottle in salute. “She was with my best friend at college, I shared their place.”

  “Awkward…” She laughed and then swam off to join the group of people around Nial. I downed the last of my beer and then swam over to Sawyer’s half of the pool. Of course we had the deep end, to make it harder.

  Lindy

  “That’s it. You guys win!”

  Nial gripped my arm when Sawyer called defeat. “Hey, Lindy, come help pick what pizzas to order.” We’d thrashed Sawyer’s team. But they’d had the deep end of the pool.

  I waved at Billy, then turned and walked through the water. It lapped at my breasts.

  I’d spent the whole afternoon laughing. Billy and I had been on opposite teams, and every time the ball had come near him, he’d hit it in my direction, like we were having a one-on-one game. He’d kept smiling at me every time I looked his way, and he’d grinned each time he’d knocked the ball at me.

  We hadn’t been able to talk, there were too many people and too much water between us, but I still felt like we’d spent the day together, because of all the non-verbal communication we’d had going on. I couldn’t remember having non-verbal conversation with Jason––actually that was a lie, I could––when I’d glared at him for doing something dumb or annoying.

  He’d accused me of forcing him into stuff when we’d split. I guess his non-verbal communication had been just going along with me, when really he’d been pissed off and hated me.

  Nial pressed his palms down on the edge of the pool and hauled his body out of the water. It streamed across his skin. He really did look a lot like Jason––bodily––not his coloring. He was blonde and blue-eyed; Jason had brown hair and brown eyes.

  I gripped the rail by the steps and climbed them carefully, looking down to double-check my bikini still covered everything it should. I hated my belly. It wobbled a little while I moved. I glanced at Billy, his eyes were not watching my belly; his gaze absorbed my ass.

  I pulled my bikini bottoms out of my butt cheeks and heard him laugh.

  I swear Jason had never once, in all the years we’d been together, ogled me like that… But at Christmas I’d seen him watching Rachel like that.

  “Come on, Lindy…” Nial rubbed his body down with a towel.

  “Here.” He threw me a towel.

  I wrapped it around me and tucked it in over my breasts, hiding myself beneath it.

  “What’s your favorite?” He looked at me over his shoulder as he turned toward the house.

  I smiled, following him. “Something spicy.”

  “What about Billy?”

  I laughed. “He’s a meat feast guy.”

  The marble tiles in his parents’ house were cold under my bare feet.

  “I’ll get the list and we can work out how many pizzas to order and what.” Nial walked a bit ahead of me, along a wide hall that had various doors leading off into sitting rooms, a dining room, den and a study. Every room had exquisite decoration. His parents must be really rich.

  When we got to a massive kitchen with a wide central island. He pulled open one of the cedar-wood drawers and dropped a take-away pizza menu onto the black granite top. He slid it over my way, leaning across a peninsular of units that jutted out in front of a long table and chairs.

  Mom would love this kitchen…

  I looked at the menu, ignoring the open wound weeping inside me.

  I hurt so much, and a day messing around in a pool with a pile of new friends wasn’t going to take the hurt away. This was a vacation, the little escape I’d needed to regroup. It wouldn’t fix anything permanently. Nothing was permanent. I’d learned that in the last few years.

  “How many do you reckon for all of us?” Nial pushed.

  I looked up and found him staring at me.

  Jason’s eyes had been a warm, deep-brown; Billy’s dark intense steel; Nial’s were endless soft blue sky. Out of the three of them, I preferred Billy’s dark stormy steel eyes.

  I looked at the menu, shoving the memory of Jason aside. Pain lanced through my heart. He’d never love
d me, though he’d said “I love you” all the time. He’d thought he’d been in love… and then he’d met Rachel, and learned that his heart really didn’t give a shit about me… Billy had more interest in me after just having sex than Jason ever had.

  “What do you think?” Nial came around beside me and his fingers touched my arm. “Lindy.” His hand lifted to my chin, bracing it and then he leaned in…

  Shit.

  My hands pressed against his naked pecs, his cold nipples under my palms.

  A shiver of wrong ran through me.

  The things-don’t-feel-right sensation I’d felt with Jason whenever we’d had sex. Maybe because he hadn’t really wanted me.

  With Jason my body had screamed, no!

  With Nial…

  “I don’t want you to do that.”

  “No?” Nial’s blue eyes glittered with confidence.

  Confidence exploded in me too. The sort I’d had at high school. I believed in myself. Jason may never have been into me, but Billy and Nial were, so there couldn’t be anything massively wrong with me. Could there?

  “No, Nial, I’m sorry, I’m not in a good place right now, and things are kind of up in the air with me and Billy… I’m not interested in you like that. Sorry. But I’d still like to be your friend. We’ve had fun hanging out here.”

  He shrugged and laughed at the same time. “Oh, well it was worth a try. Billy is a lucky bastard…”

  My ego glowed in a way it hadn’t for years. “Thanks.”

  “But no thanks…” he finished, laughing before looking down at the pizza menu. “Alright, then, help me pick. How many?”

  Chapter Twelve

  Lindy

  Billy’s arm lay over my shoulders as we walked back along the corridor toward our rooms. I was tired; I think he was too. We’d been playing around in the pool all day. After we’d eaten, the guys had put a loud-speaker system on and played music into the pool area, and things had gone a little mad.