In Too Deep_BWWM Romance

by Erica A. Davis

  “Relax. You’re making me restless. What’s wrong with you anyway?” Jamie asked Callie.

  “I have decided that I am telling him Jamie. Tonight,” she said anxiously.

  “I think that’s great Callie,” Jamie said sincerely.

  “At least I had that one perfect night, before everything falls apart,” she sighed.

  “Don’t say that Callie. Give him the benefit of the doubt,” Jamie suggested.

  “I’m just scared that he will want to end things,” Callie admitted.

  “Callie, he’s going to understand. It doesn’t change who you are as a person. Kale is in love with you. Anyone can see it by the way he looks at you. This isn’t going to matter to him. Just tell him why.”

  “I’m scared. Jamie…I think I love him. I know it happened really fast and I wasn’t expecting it but I mean it. Oh my God. I am in love with Kale,” she shrieked.

  “Cal I could have told you that weeks ago,” Jamie laughed.

  “But what if he doesn’t understand. What if he hates me for lying to him?” Callie asked fearfully.

  “He won’t Callie but if he doesn’t understand then he wasn’t the right one for you,” Jamie said hugging her friend.

  After her talk with Callie, Jamie knew that she had to tell Phil about Ben. Who was she to preach to Callie about telling Kale the truth when she was hiding the truth from Phil. It was unfair that Ben knew everything while Phil was kept in the dark. He deserved her honesty. While Ben was fine with Jamie seeing another man, she wondered how Phil would react to the news. Especially since she was sleeping with them both. The truth was she was reluctant to tell Phil because she didn’t want to stop seeing him. She liked what she had with him. When she was with him she felt happy. She didn’t want to lose that feeling. She also thought about what her mother said before she had left and she realized that she needed to let him make the decision. To keep him in the dark was unfair.

  So after Callie left with Kale, Jamie nervously drove to Phil’s house. They were supposed to be going to an art gallery opening but she wondered if they would survive the conversation they were about to have. He greeted her at his door with a deep passionate kiss and Jamie momentarily lost her nerve.

  “Let me grab my wallet and we can get going,” he said.

  “Wait Phil. Can I come in? There’s something we need to talk about,” Jamie said softly.

  “Is everything okay?” he asked peering into her face, concern across his face.

  They went inside and Phil had a seat on his couch, still confused. Jamie refused the offer to take a seat and instead she stood in front of him.

  “Phil I wanted to tell you something. I’ve been afraid to tell you because I don’t want to lose this thing, whatever it is, that we have,” she began.

  “Jamie you know that you can tell me anything,” he said.

  “I don’t know how to say this except just to tell you. I have been seeing someone else.”

  “I know,” he said.

  “I…wait what? You know?” Jamie asked shocked.

  “Yes. I know. You weren’t exactly that secretive about it,” he said sincerely.

  “What do you mean?” Jamie asked.

  “Well you always see me on Mondays and Sundays. You’re always busy on Tuesdays and Thursdays. And I get to see you either Friday or Saturday.”

  “So you knew I was seeing someone else? And you’re not upset?” she asked incredulously.

  “No Jamie. I’m not a jealous man. I thought we had talked about keeping things casual. I’ve known for a while now.”

  “Why didn’t you tell me?” she asked, finally taking a seat.

  “Well. I figured you would let me know if you wanted me to. You always made time for me so it wasn’t like you and I were suffering because of it. I guess Ben and I decided…”

  “Ben? How do you know about Ben? Wait now I’m confused,” she said.

  “Ben and I have known one another for a few years. Since I moved to L.A. actually.”

  “But how do you know him?” Jamie questioned.

  “We work out at the same gym,” Phil answered.

  “And so this whole time you knew? So what, were you both playing me?” she asked angrily.

  “Why are you upset? No, I only just found out it was Ben recently. And no we weren’t playing you Jamie.”

  “Did you send him to meet me? Is this some sick game you two play?” Jamie asked angrily.

  “No, of course not Jamie. And don’t be silly, remember you met him before you met me. We figured it out by accident actually,” Phil replied calmly.

  “I’m not being silly. I just don’t understand,” Jamie said.

  “We were at the gym last month and Ben mentioned that he was seeing a new woman. He was excited about it. He remembered that I work for your company and asked me if I knew you. I confided to him that we were also dating.”

  “And neither of you…cared?” Jamie finished somewhat hurt.

  “Of course not. Jamie I care for you deeply but I don’t have any claim to you. We’re not exclusive so I can’t control what you do or get upset about you dating someone else. Besides I can see the appeal Ben has for you. He’s a great guy. We have similar qualities but we’re very different. Your relationship with him didn’t concern me because I know Ben practices safe sex. That would be my only concern.”

  “So what, were you two just swapping notes?” Jamie asked a little embarrassed.

  “Of course we didn’t. I’m sorry that you’re upset but I promise you it didn’t change how I felt about you at all,” Phil confided.

  “But you didn’t mind that I was sleeping with someone else?” Jamie asked, her mind spinning.

  “No. You sleeping with him didn’t affect our sex life so it really wasn’t any of my business.”

  “I can’t deal with all of this. I don’t know what to say,” Jamie said.

  “Jamie you’re over thinking things,” Phil said.

  “I have to get out of here,” Jamie said suddenly. “I need to think.”

  Phil didn’t protest. Take all the time you need, he had said. He let her leave and that shook Jamie more than their conversation. Did that mean that their relationship, or whatever they had was easy to let go of? Is that what he meant by casual? Because the past few months they had felt like more than casual. But then wasn’t she also dating Ben and feeling the same exact way?

  Her mind was in overdrive. They had both known? For almost a month? In a way it made things easier having everything out in the open like this but it also made it very confusing. She thought about Ben and his other girlfriend. Did Phil also have other lovers? And if he did how had Jamie not known about it? Was she so caught up in making sure that he didn’t find out that she missed things he was keeping from her as well?

  The whole situation had thrown her into shock. The thing that bothered her the most was that Ben and Phil knew each other. It was different when she thought she was keeping her relationships in two separate worlds but that wasn’t the case anymore. Phil saw Ben at the gym and knew that he was sleeping with Jamie. What were their conversations like? Did they talk about her? The thought upset her deeply.

  So much so that she didn’t answer the phone when Ben called. He knew that she was out on a date tonight and would have never called. She guessed that Phil had called him. She didn’t want to talk to him.

  In some ways, she was angrier with Ben than she was with Phil. Ben had known from the start that she was seeing someone else. Why had he not told her when he found out who it was? He acted like everything was fine. She thought about every conversation they had ever had. Times he asked her if she had plans and she said she was seeing the ‘other guy’. He never eluded to the fact that he knew exactly who the other man was. Why didn’t he?

  Callie was out with Kale so she came home to an empty house. She didn’t realize how alone she would feel. She poured herself a glass of wine and laughed cynically of how cliché it all was. She would never advocate drug
use but she didn’t feel like thinking and the alcohol would definitely put her in a thinking mood so she poured out the wine. She took a prescription sleeping pill and then headed to the shower.

  Oddly enough, she didn’t feel like crying. She was just embarrassed, hurt and angry. She thought about how she had defended her relationship to her mother. Her mother would never understand this new development. Jamie wondered how Olivia would react once Jamie told her that she was no longer seeing either man. Then she thought about Steven. She wondered if she had been wrong in turning down his proposal but then she laughed. Of course she was right in saying no. She was just confused and being ridiculous.

  The more she thought the worse the scenarios in her head got. Did Ben tell Phil about their wild sex life? That she liked his aggressiveness, the spanking, biting and hair pulling? Did Phil tell Ben that she was more sensuous and liked his slow but intense lovemaking? Did they compare her oral skills? Her riding technique? Did they discuss how many times they had made her orgasm? She thought about the promotion celebrations. Had they discussed what they were doing for Jamie? Was it a competition to see who’s was more special? Was she just a game to them both? Thankfully she could feel the effects of the sleeping pill taking over as she got dressed and laid in bed. She would be out soon. She could feel herself slowly drift off. Her last thought was damn this is Ben’s t-shirt.

  When Callie woke her up the next morning, Jamie had a splitting headache.

  “I brought you coffee and a lemon cupcake,” Callie said.

  “Did you bring some aspirin?” Jamie groaned.

  “I take it you had a fun night?” Callie asked grinning.

  “Quite the opposite,” Jamie said.

  “Why what happened?” Callie asked concern in her voice.

  “I found out that Phil knew this whole time that I was seeing someone else,” Jamie explained.

  “But that’s a good thing right? You wanted to tell him anyway. At least you know he’s okay with it,” Callie reasoned.

  “Oh, it gets better,” Jamie replied dryly. “It turns out that not only did he know but he also knew it was Ben.”

  “How did he know it was Ben?” Callie inquired.

  “Apparently they’re friends. They work out together,” she said shrugging.

  “Wow. That’s insane,” Callie said clearly shocked.

  “Very,” Jamie said sadly.

  “So how do you feel about everything?” she asked.

  “I don’t know how to feel. I feel like I was a joke or game to them. Why wouldn’t they tell me?” Jamie asked.

  “Maybe they knew that you wanted to keep the relationships separate and were just respecting your privacy,” Callie suggested.

  “I don’t know what they were thinking but I am mortified,” Jamie confessed.

  “Why? Remember they both agreed that they didn’t want to be exclusive. That means you can see and sleep with whoever you want. Jamie you are an attractive, intelligent, and successful woman. Men have been doing the same thing for years,” Callie said.

  “Yes but they know one another,” Jamie explained.

  “And still that didn’t stop them from wanting to be with you. And isn’t this better? No hiding, no lies, no pretenses. You are all consenting adults.”

  “I don’t know. I have to think.”

  “I’m sure you’ll figure it out. You always have,” Callie proclaimed.

  “But enough about me. What happened last night?” Jamie asked.

  “When I got over there he told me that he was in love with me and then he gave me a gift,” Callie said mysteriously.

  “And? What was the gift?” Jamie asked.

  “It was a small box with his house key inside. He wanted me to move in with him. In that tiny apartment.” Callie said grinning.

  “And you said?”

  “I said there are some things we need to talk about first. I told him that I loved him too and then I told him that I was Callista Hughes, daughter of Wilson and Lara Hughes. And obviously he heard of them before,” Callie continued.

  “What did he say?” Jamie asked.

  “Well obviously he was floored. There were some tears but you were right. I told him I wanted to make sure that he loved me for me and not my money and he understood,” Callie said happily.

  “That’s wonderful Callie,” Jamie exclaimed.

  “And then I said I couldn’t move in with him,” Callie added.

  “Wait, why would you do that?’ Jamie said shocked.

  “Because I wanted him to move in with me and he said yes,” Callie said laughing.

  “You jerk,” Jamie said throwing a pillow at her.

  “I am in the process of purchasing the penthouse in building nine,” Callie said beaming.

  “Callie. I am so happy for you,” Jamie said.

  “I want you to be happy too, Jam. Follow your heart,” she said sincerely.

  “I want to, I just don’t know what it’s telling me,” Jamie replied.

  “Were you happy dating them both?” Callie inquired.

  “Truthfully? Yes. The thing was they both gave me what I needed. Yet they are so different. Ben made me laugh and made me try new things. Things I never would have done before. He helps me to not take myself so seriously and to just enjoy life. Then there’s Phil. Phil is great to have serious conversations with. To be tender and sweet. He is funny in his own way too. More sarcastic wit. And he’s so smart. He knows so much about art and culture, about the world about life. I love them both,” Jamie explained.

  “Then call them Jam. At least give them the opportunity to explain their side of things,” Callie pleaded.

  “I spoke to Phil,” Jamie argued.

  “Yes but you left before he could explain himself. And you never even gave Ben that opportunity,” Callie stated.

  “How long could it have really lasted though? Before one of them wanted more. Or before they got tired of our situation?” Jamie countered.

  “For as long as it worked for the three of you. And Jamie yes. Maybe one day it won’t work anymore but right now in this moment it does. Stop thinking with your head for once in your life and go with your gut instead,” Callie said.

  The next few days went by so quickly that Jamie didn’t have time to think. She and Callie both closed on their respective condos. Jamie had decided that she still wanted to purchase the same condo that she and Phil had made love in.

  Before everything happened, she had already hired painters to come in. She had already furnished the place and it was petty to change apartments because of a silly memory. So she poured her energy into helping Callie find the perfect furniture. Callie had hired a team to turn the second and third bedrooms into an art studio for Kale and a design work room for herself respectively. Kale had broken the lease on his apartment and had moved in. Jamie loved that Callie was so near. And she loved that her best friend seemed to finally be happy.

  Callie and Jamie moved into their respective apartments that weekend. She thought a lot about what Callie had said but she didn’t think that she was ready to face Ben or Phil just yet.

  Kale had even offered to set Jamie up with one of his friends. Callie had not told him about her situation only that she recently went through a break-up but Jamie didn’t have the energy to see anyone else. She just wasn’t ready. She also declined several offers of joining them for dinner, as much as she wanted to. Callie tried to spend as much time with Jamie as she could but Jamie felt guilty for monopolizing her time. So she untruthfully swore to her friend that she was just fine.

  Chapter 9

  It was lonely without Callie and now that she had moved in with Kale, Jamie didn’t want to be the pathetic third wheel best friend. Callie had told Jamie that she was welcome at any time and she had made several excuses about seeing Kale’s work for her new condo. But she had already decorated the majority of the place. She could no longer use that excuse to stop by.

  I could always ask Callie to make me a dress, she thought but
where would she wear it, she remembered disdainfully. Besides they were in the new relationship phase and she didn’t want to intrude on those moments. She knew Kale wouldn’t mind but Jamie felt awkward when she was alone with the two of them.

  Although Callie had maintained that Jamie was being ridiculous about the entire situation she still didn’t know how to feel. She was avoiding Ben and not accepting any of his calls or replying to any of his text messages. Phil was harder to avoid as she saw him almost every day at work. She kept contact minimal and only if necessary. To his credit he didn’t attempt to see her unless there was something he needed in a professional capacity. He never elaborated on their conversation and kept it strictly work related. The problem was that Jamie secretly wished he would try harder. Instead he was giving her the space that she requested. Several times her resolve wavered and she almost wanted to talk to him about their fractured relationship. Especially when she caught him staring at her in a certain way. She missed him and her gut instinct told her that he missed her too. But beside the looks he never eluded to the fact.

  Unlike Phil who was determined to give Jamie space Ben called and text her for two weeks. Then one day he had suddenly stopped doing both. It made Jamie sad to think that she had lost them both. She even thought about speaking to Phil, possibly renewing the relationship but that felt like a betrayal to Ben. She just couldn’t choose between them. But she couldn’t make things the way they were either.

  It had been almost three weeks. Jamie had moved into her new condo. Callie was in a different building all together and as there were hardly any occupants in the newest building Jamie was very lonely. She came home, made dinner or ordered delivery and binge watched television. She went to the building’s gym a few times but her spirit wasn’t really in it. She wasn’t exactly regretting her decision to move to L.A. but the truth was that since she was so busy with both Ben and Phil she had not had the chance to meet any new friends. It was Callie, Kale and Ben and Phil. So she poured herself into work, getting home so exhausted that she didn’t have time to think. Instead she would fall asleep almost as soon as her head touched the pillow.