Calf

by Andrea Kleine

  Tammy wasn’t sure how much bathing suits cost, but she took twelve dollars out of her peanut brittle can. She was pretty sure it wouldn’t be that much. She decided to go shopping the next morning because she wasn’t sure if her mother could take her that night. And Nick didn’t like things coming up at the last minute. It pushed his buttons.

  It was Tammy’s day to watch Hugh so she dragged him along on the long walk to the Maza Gallerie mall. Hugh demanded they take rests and sometimes he would sit down on the sidewalk even though Tammy told him he wasn’t allowed to. When they got to the mall someone was handing out free balloons. Tammy got one for Hugh and tied it to his wrist.

  This was the same mall where Tammy’s mother had taken her to return a pair of sneakers that fell apart two days after they bought them. It was actually Tammy’s fault. She had been riding her bike and put her shoe down to stop and skidded forward a little bit on her toe. The rubber sole peeled right off. Tammy walked home kicking her foot forward to slap the rubber out.

  Tammy didn’t tell her mother about the bike. She said it just happened. Tammy didn’t know why her mother had to drag her back to that store too. She could’ve just gotten the same pair of shoes in the same size. But her mother said no, Tammy had to come, because each pair of shoes was different and you should try them on. And, her mother said, Tammy couldn’t get the same kind of shoes because that brand wasn’t any good if they were going to fall apart so easily. They should last until you grew out of them. Her mother took the shoes up to the register and explained the whole story. The salesmen wore suits. They examined the shoes like detectives. They said this shouldn’t have happened. This was a good brand. Was her daughter doing something different? Playing rough? Tammy looked at the floor. The salesmen bought the story. Tammy’s mother insisted they measure her foot again. Tammy put her foot on the metal plate and stood up. She was barefoot because the only other pair of shoes she had were sandals. The salesman brought out a box of footie stockings for her to wear while trying on the shoes. Her mother said to make sure they were a little loose otherwise there would be no room for socks.

  Tammy and Hugh went into a department store to the Young Miss section and Tammy looked through racks of one-piece suits. She saw the bathing suit that Gretchen had worn at the end-of-the-year pool party when school got out. It was dark blue with tiny pink stripes. It had a skinny pink belt that went around the waist, but you could take it off if you wanted. Tammy loved that bathing suit. It was cool. In the next rack, she saw another version of the suit. It was white with skinny blue stripes and a light blue belt. Tammy took it into the dressing room and tried it on. She thought it looked good. It was on sale for seven dollars plus tax.

  Tammy was a little worried that Gretchen would be mad. But she thought, why? It wasn’t the exact same suit as hers. It was a different color. And Tammy decided she wouldn’t wear the belt with it. When she got home, she took the belt off and used her school scissors to cut off the little belt loops on the side.

  Gretchen’s pool party was on Labor Day, so neither Tammy nor Steffi had to watch Hugh because their mother and Nick were home all day. When Tammy got to Gretchen’s house, the other girls were waiting on the front steps for Gretchen’s mom to drive them to the Promenade. “Josie’s driving us,” Gretchen said. Gretchen had started calling her mother “Josie” because she thought it sounded more grown up. The girls all piled into her station wagon. Tammy climbed into the wayback. She thought they would all cram in there together, but Gretchen and Heather slid into the backseat and Monique sat up front because she was the tallest and she said the carpeting in the wayback itched her legs. Tammy felt like an idiot. She was going to get out and squeeze into the backseat, but Gretchen yelled out, “Josie, let’s go!” and her mom shut the back hatch.

  When Gretchen’s mom got in the car, she put her keys in the steering wheel, but the car wouldn’t start. Gretchen didn’t understand at first and kept saying, “Josie, let’s go,” in a bitchy tone. Her mom said, “I’m trying, but it’s not turning over.” Gretchen folded her arms across her chest and slumped back in her seat. Her mom kept turning the key but nothing happened. Then she would count to five in between tries. But nothing happened still.

  “Aren’t you supposed to look under the hood?” That was Heather.

  “Right,” said Gretchen’s mom. She got out of the car and walked around to the hood. She lifted it up and stood there with her hands on her hips.

  “What’s the problem?” Gretchen asked. Gretchen was always impatient. She was always mean to her mom like that. It was the same way after one of Gretchen’s slumber parties when her mom told all the girls to eat breakfast outside on the picnic table in the backyard. Gretchen didn’t want to. She said she hated eating outside because bugs would get in her food. And sure enough, a leaf fell onto Gretchen’s plate and she made a big deal about it. Tammy had seen a tiny green caterpillar creep along the rim of her Styrofoam plate, but she just flicked it away.

  “Well, what is it, Josie?” Gretchen asked.

  “I think it’s the battery.”

  Her mom closed the hood. She told them she needed to get a jump from someone and that she was going to ask a neighbor.

  Tammy and the girls watched Gretchen’s mom walk across the front lawn and across the front lawn next door. Gretchen’s mom had long skinny legs and long tan-colored hair. She wore tan-colored shorts. She looked like she was all one color. The girls watched her disappear between the shrubs that surrounded the next-door neighbor’s front door. Gretchen moaned that this was taking forever.

  Gretchen’s mom called over from across the lawns. She was standing in the grass next door and waving to them. Everyone got out of the car. No one opened up the back to let Tammy out so she had to climb over the backseat. Gretchen’s mom was standing in front of Kirin’s house. The front door was open and Kirin’s mom was standing inside. She was wearing big sunglasses and a turtleneck shirt even though it was practically ninety degrees. Tammy had been reading a book where the main character’s older sister wore a turtleneck in the middle of summer to cover up hickeys. Gretchen’s mom said that they were going to borrow Kirin’s mom’s car.

  “What happened to getting a jump?” Gretchen asked.

  “Oh, it’s kind of complicated and neither of us are sure how to do it.”

  “So Valerie’s just letting you borrow her car?”

  “That’s right. Why don’t you thank Valerie for saving your swim party? Otherwise we’d be all washed up!”

  Gretchen’s mom laughed at her own joke. No one else thought it was that funny.

  Kirin and Steffi popped out from the front door. They were carrying huge beach towels slung over their shoulders. Steffi was wearing one of Kirin’s bathing suits and a pair of shorts. They trotted over to Kirin’s car and waited to be let in. They were coming along.

  Gretchen’s mom explained that Valerie wasn’t feeling well, so she didn’t mind them borrowing the car. And it was a good idea to bring Kirin and Steffi along so she could get some rest. Tammy was mad. This was so typical of Steffi. She was always trying to come along and butt in on Tammy’s friends.

  Gretchen’s mom unlocked the car and Kirin and Steffi piled in to the wayback.

  “One more person needs to get in the wayback for us all to fit,” Josie announced.

  “Same seats,” Gretchen said. “Tammy, you were in the wayback before.”

  At the Promenade, Tammy and her friends talked in the changing room about the fact that their new teacher, Mrs. Perkins, was supposed to be tough, much tougher than Mrs. William, who really wasn’t that tough. Tammy took off her shorts and stuffed them in her bag. She tried not to look at anyone although she wanted to see what their bodies looked like. Heather already wore a bra. Monique didn’t, but she was starting to get breasts. They puffed out of her chest like cookies baking in the oven. Tammy tried to keep her back to everyone while she pulled on her suit, but Gretchen was watching her.

  “One tit’s bigger than
the other.”

  She meant nipples. One of Tammy’s nipples was bigger than the other. One was puffed out and the other was flat. They weren’t always like that, just sometimes. Tammy knew they were supposed to match.

  “I guess they’ll even out,” Gretchen said. “I’ve heard of that happening when things develop unevenly.”

  Tammy didn’t know what she was supposed to say. She pretended to be looking for something in her bag so Gretchen would forget about it.

  When Tammy emerged from the bathroom wearing her new bathing suit, Gretchen squinted at her. She didn’t say anything and she ignored Tammy until the two of them were left alone on the lounge chairs.

  “How come you got that suit?”

  “It’s not the same as yours.”

  “Yes it is.”

  “No it’s not. It’s a different color.”

  “It’s so dumb of you. I can’t believe you did it on purpose.”

  “I didn’t do it on purpose.”

  “You already saw my suit. So you already knew what it looked like when you bought it. And you bought the same one.”

  “It’s a different color.”

  “It doesn’t matter.”

  “And I don’t wear the belt. I cut off the belt loops because I didn’t like it. It made it look like an exercise suit.”

  Gretchen scowled and got up from chair, which left lines on the backs of her thighs, and jumped into the pool.

  Tammy felt weird without anyone to talk to on the chairs, so she went to the pool too. As she lowered herself in down the ladder, she heard Gretchen and Monique squeal in high-pitched voices:

  “It looks like an exercise suit!”

  Tammy jumped down the rest of the way. She dipped her head backward into the water, holding her nose, to slick her hair out of her face. When she un-squinted her eyes, Gretchen and Monique had swum to the deep end.

  Steffi and Kirin didn’t bother Tammy at the pool. She hardly saw them. When they were getting ready to leave, Steffi and Kirin were already standing by the car slurping ice cream bars on sticks.

  “What’s wrong with your mom?” Tammy asked Kirin.

  “She had an accident,” Kirin said between slurps.

  “What kind of accident?”

  “Just an accident. Accidents happen, nobody plans them, that’s why they’re called accidents.” Kirin said it very fast, like she had it memorized. It was probably something her mother told her to tell people, the same way Tammy’s mother told her if anyone called after school to say, “My mother can’t come to the phone right now,” instead of saying no one’s at home.

  When they got back to Gretchen’s block, Kirin and Steffi ran out of the car and disappeared into Kirin’s house. The other girls trampled across Gretchen’s lawn and waited for her mother to unlock the front door.

  “Gretchen, why don’t you run over to Valerie’s and give these back to her,” Josie said holding out the car keys.

  “No way,” Gretchen said.

  “I think it would be a nice gesture since she loaned us the car.”

  “She loaned you the car. I can’t drive.”

  “Gretchen—”

  “I’m not going over there. She’s too weird.”

  “Sometimes when people aren’t feeling well, they act weird,” Gretchen’s mom said. Tammy could tell she was trying not to cause a scene. “It doesn’t mean they’re weird.”

  Gretchen didn’t say anything to her mother right then, but she looked like she was really mad.

  Josie finally unlocked the door.

  “I’m taking a shower,” Gretchen said as she headed up the stairs. “Someone else can use the shower in my mom’s room.” Heather called dibs on the other shower. Monique said she would run home across the street, take a shower, and come back.

  “That’s a nice suit, Tammy.”

  Tammy was suddenly alone with Gretchen’s mom wearing only a bathing suit. She wasn’t sure if that was normal or not. She wasn’t sure if Gretchen’s mom had noticed that Tammy had the same suit as Gretchen.

  “It looks pretty on you,” she said.

  Tammy didn’t know what to say. She thought Gretchen’s mom was just being nice because Tammy was stuck with no one to talk to.

  “I’ll take the keys back to Valerie’s if you want,” Tammy said.

  “Oh thanks,” Gretchen’s mom said and slid them across the kitchen counter to Tammy.

  Tammy cut across the grass of the front lawns and headed to Valerie’s front door. She rang the doorbell and Kirin and Steffi opened up.

  “Can I help you?” Kirin asked like she and Steffi were playing a game and pretending they didn’t know who Tammy was. It was the kind of thing younger kids did and thought was really funny.

  “I’m supposed to give these car keys to your mom,” Tammy said.

  “Kirin, Kirin,” her mom called from the living room. She walked slowly over to the door. “You’re not supposed to open the door to strangers.”

  “It’s not a stranger, it’s Steffi’s sister,” Kirin said.

  “I don’t want you opening the door by yourself.”

  “Well, that’s silly,” Kirin said and walked away from the door.

  “I was just giving back the car keys,” Tammy said. Kirin’s mom nodded and shut the door.

  Tammy still had the car keys. Neither Kirin nor Valerie had taken them back. She rang the doorbell again, but only the dog came to peek through the window by the front door. Maybe they were playing a game of not answering the door, Tammy thought, probably because they know it’s me and now they’ve decided to be annoying about it. Tammy could keep on ringing the doorbell, but Valerie would probably get mad about it. She didn’t want to take the keys back to Gretchen’s because then Josie would be mad. There was nothing Tammy could do without someone getting mad at her.

  She decided to leave the keys on Valerie’s front steps. They weren’t house keys, so it wasn’t like someone could find the keys and break in to her house and steal things. And no one would be able to see the keys from the sidewalk so no one would steal her car. But as soon as Valerie stepped outside her house, she would see them. She couldn’t miss them. And who’s to say that Tammy didn’t give them back and Valerie didn’t accidentally drop them there?

  Tammy put the keys on the top step and walked back to Gretchen’s house. Now it was only Gretchen who could be mad at her. If Tammy changed out of her bathing suit before Gretchen got out of the shower, then hopefully Gretchen would forget about it.

  ON THE FIRST day of sixth grade, Tammy sat on the front steps of her house with Steffi and Hugh and waited for Gretchen and Kirin to hook up with them. Steffi got impatient sitting on the steps, walked out to the sidewalk, and looked down Bemis Street to see if they were coming. Hugh sat next to Tammy and squeezed his Incredible Hulk lunchbox between his knees making the tin sides pop in and out. Hugh was starting kindergarten so Tammy and Steffi would only have to walk him to school and not the extra distance to the preschool. It would make things easier.

  Steffi called out, “They’re here! Let’s go!” Steffi was very excited about the first day of school and had spent the night before organizing her pencil case and school bag.

  Steffi and Kirin walked a few steps ahead of Tammy and Gretchen. They were both wearing skirts and knee socks, but Kirin wore clogs and Steffi wore sneakers, which looked dumb with a skirt. Tammy and Gretchen wore jeans. Hugh wore jeans too, but nobody cared what a kindergartener wore to school.

  Gretchen slowed down her walking pace so that she and Tammy were a little farther behind Kirin and Steffi and out of earshot. She told Tammy that Monique had gotten her period over the summer. Gretchen and Tammy still hadn’t gotten theirs. “It’s probably because we’re skinny,” Gretchen said. The two of them thought maybe that was it, since Monique and Heather had both gotten theirs and they were both a little fat. Tammy could tell the rules for the sixth grade were going to be different. In the fifth grade it wasn’t cool for a girl to have her period. Now it se
emed like it was okay. Gretchen didn’t mention wearing a bra to school and Tammy couldn’t tell if she was wearing one or not. Tammy figured Gretchen would tell her when she should start wearing one.

  Sixth grade with Mrs. Perkins was basically the same as fifth grade with Mrs. William, except that Olga the Russian girl didn’t come back. Mrs. Perkins was much tougher; she would pick up a chair and drop it on the floor if she thought the class wasn’t paying attention. The sixth-grade class was invited to visit the Soviet embassy school as part of a special social studies program. The Soviet kids had to wear plain blue uniforms and Red Pioneer scarves. Whenever someone walked into the classroom, all the Soviet kids stood up. Gretchen said that was because they were Communists. All they had for lunch was a slice of bread with a single slice of lunchmeat on it and a small can of apple juice, and they ate standing up. As Tammy and Gretchen walked out of the lunchroom, they saw the cafeteria workers pouring leftover apple juice from the cans into large jugs. Gretchen thought this was gross—what were they going to do, drink it? Monique told the Soviet girls that they had no freedom. The Soviet girls told the Americans it was stupid that they had to pay for medical care and a college education. They said in Russia a loaf of bread only costs ten cents and here it’s a dollar. The second time they visited the Soviet school, lunch was a large piece of cake and a little individual container of ice cream.

  THE MUSIC TEACHER announced that the school was going to do a play and there were going to be auditions. The school never had a music teacher before the sixth grade and they never had a play before either. The music teacher said the school play was going to be The Wizard of Oz. Everyone was going to be involved. If they didn’t have a regular part, they would be in the chorus. If they didn’t want to do that, they would be behind the scenes. Tammy didn’t understand why the music teacher was having auditions if she already had it all figured out.