Paradise Syndrome

by Louise Hall

  After the game – Seattle had beaten Colorado 2-0 – Nicole followed Cate downstairs to the crèche to collect their children. Nicole and her husband, Lorenzo, had a two-year old daughter named Leticia.

  “Gosh, your little boy looks so much like your husband,” Nicole remarked as Mateo toddled towards Cate.

  Cate lifted Mateo up and settled him on her hip. “Did you have fun, buddy?”

  As she was about to leave, Nicole touched her arm. “So a group of us WAGS are going to volunteer at the North-West Family Shelter next weekend. It’s only for a couple of hours but I’ve been accused of being a bit vapid in the past and it looks really good on my social media feeds. I’d love it if you came with us.”

  “That sounds great. I’d love to,” Cate smiled. Ever since she’d seen that young boy outside the novelty shop, asking people to throw coins at him, she’d wanted to find a way to help. This sounded like the perfect opportunity.

  When Cate met Kian at the front of the stadium, she noticed that he had a bruise forming on his jawline. “What happened?” she asked, concerned.

  “It’s nothing, angel,” Kian took Mateo from her. “Vega leads with his elbow, that’s all.”

  Kian brushed his lips against hers. “Did you have fun with the WAGS?”

  “It was definitely interesting,” Cate mused, thinking about all the different layers of politics.

  As they drove away from the stadium, Cate asked Kian, “are you on Instagram?”

  Kian raised an eyebrow at the question which seemed to have come completely out of left field. “Uh, yeah. Why?”

  “The other WAGS couldn’t believe that I don’t monitor your social media accounts.”

  “You can look at them anytime. It’s mostly football stuff but there are a couple of photos of you on there.”

  Cate turned to face him, “you posted pictures of me online?”

  “You’re my wife,” Kian grinned, “I think it would be weirder if I didn’t have photos of you on there. You don’t need to worry though; you’re fully clothed in all of them.”

  “I actually wasn’t worried about that until you just said it,” Cate covered her face with her hands, “please tell me you haven’t posted any of me recently.”

  “Here,” Kian retrieved his phone from his jacket pocket and handed it to her. “Why don’t you see for yourself?”

  Cate loaded up Instagram and quickly scrolled through the photos he’d posted. He was right; most of his posts were about Seattle F.C. or his endorsements.

  She found a photo he’d posted just after she and the children had arrived in Seattle. She was asleep, curled up on her side, with the sheets thankfully covering up most of her body. Her inky-black hair stood stark against the white pillow and sheets. A ray of early-morning sunlight illuminated the shell of her ear, her cheek and her slightly bee-stung lips. Underneath, he’d written just one word, “Home.”

  “I like that one,” Cate scooted across the seat so that she could kiss his cheek, his stubble rasping deliciously against her lips.

  Kian smirked, “me too.”

  CHAPTER 10

  “But you promised Mats that you were going to take him to the ball pool tomorrow?” Cate hated how whiny she sounded. Kian was calling to let her know that he wasn’t going to be home that night; he needed to stay in L.A. another day. If it was any another Friday night, she’d have been annoyed but she’d have kept quiet but Kian was supposed to watch Mateo that Saturday so that she could volunteer with the other WAGS at the homeless shelter. She’d been looking forward to it all week.

  “I know, angel.”

  Cate heard a crackling sound; Kian must have covered the receiver with his hand. She could hear him talking to somebody in the background. “Just give me five minutes, OK.”

  When he switched back to Cate, he sounded exasperated, “I’ve really got to go. Will you tell Mats I’m sorry and I’ll take him next weekend instead?”

  When she woke up the next morning, she felt like she’d only been asleep for five minutes but Lola was already stood at the side of the bed, dressed in her football kit. “Mum, I can’t find my shin-pads anywhere.”

  Cate flung back the covers, “do you remember where you last saw them?”

  “Ugh,” Lola groaned with frustration, “if I remembered that, I’d have found them already.”

  As Cate stood up, she felt a little dizzy, “just give me a minute, sweetheart.”

  “Mum,” Lola yelped, “I haven’t got a minute. Layla and Luke are already waiting outside. I need to find them now.”

  Cate followed Lola into the chaos of her bedroom. It looked like she’d emptied the entire contents of her wardrobe on to the carpet in an attempt to find those freaking shin-pads.

  “Are those them?” Cate pointed behind the white wicker laundry basket in the corner.

  “Yes,” Lola punched the air, “thanks Mum. I’ve got to go. I love you.”

  Cate heard the front door slam shut and looked down at the chaos on Lola’s bedroom floor with a sense of dread. When Lola came home from camp that afternoon, she was going to have to tidy up all this mess. The discarded clothes and shoes were piled so high they completely swamped Cate’s bare feet. The trouble was that, like Kian, Lola wasn’t a huge fan of tidying up; she’d much rather be doing something fun like playing football with Luke or chatting online with Emily and Noah. Cate really wasn’t looking forward to having to play drill sergeant.

  She closed the door to Lola’s bedroom. If she couldn’t see the mess, she didn’t have to think about it, right? As she walked down the hallway to Mateo’s bedroom, she calmly prepared for her next battle. She was going to have to tell her son that Kian was still in L.A. and so he couldn’t go to the ball pool today. She loved her children fiercely but there was no doubt that being a parent was exhausting - just how was she going to manage with three?

  “Mama!” Mateo greeted her with a big smile when Cate walked into his bedroom. He looked so adorable that she immediately felt guilty for grumbling about being a parent. His jet-black hair was all mussed up from sleep and he was wearing his favourite navy-blue pyjamas with white boats printed on them.

  “How long have you been awake, buddy?” Cate smiled. She was once again struck by how much he looked like Kian.

  If Lola was Cate’s mini-me then Mateo was definitely Kian’s. Cate rubbed her growing bump and idly wondered if the new baby would look more like her or Kian?

  Suddenly, she felt as though a heavy weight was pressing down on her chest. The ratio of parents to children was perfect right now; two vs two. Where would the new baby fit into all of that? As with Lola and Mateo, they’d decided not to find out the sex of the baby until he or she was born. But Cate couldn’t help but worry – if the baby was a girl, would Lola be upset that she wasn’t the only girl anymore or would she and the new baby eventually grow up to be best friends like her and Liv, making Mateo feel left out?

  Mateo watched Cate rub her bump and patted his own tummy, “I’m hungry.”

  Cate tried to shrug off her concerns but they were becoming more and more difficult to get rid of.

  “Come on then,” she lifted Mateo up out of his cot. “Let’s get you some breakfast.”

  “Where’s Dada?” Mateo asked while Cate spread peanut butter on his toast.

  Cate sighed, “he’s at work, buddy.” She leaned her elbows on the marble counter. “I know Daddy was supposed to take you to the ball pool today. He’s really sorry but he’ll take you next weekend instead.” She tried really hard to keep her voice neutral; she didn’t want her own feelings about Kian’s absence to bleed out.

  “No,” Mateo yelled, “want to go to ball pool today.” He picked up his plastic plate and chucked it on the floor and of course the toast landed peanut butter side down.

  “Mateo,” Cate frowned, “you do not throw things. That is not OK!”

  He was working himself up to a full-blown tantrum and Cate was beyond exhausted so she lifted him up out of his highchair
and sat cross-legged on the kitchen floor with him in her lap. She tried as best she could to restrain his flailing arms and kicking legs. “You need to calm down, buddy,” she murmured softly, “you’re going to make yourself sick.”

  “No!” Mateo screamed, flinging his head back. He caught Cate square in the jaw. “Ow,” she yelped.

  As if he sensed that he’d gone too far, Mateo suddenly stopped fighting.

  “Sorry Mama,” Mateo looked up at her. His cheeks were still blotchy with tears.

  Cate gently touched her fingertips to her aching jaw. She could already tell that she was going to have a doozy of a bruise there.

  “Listen to me,” she said, trying hard to remain calm. She looked into her son’s dark eyes, making sure that she had his full attention. “I know you’re sad that you can’t go to the ball pool today but you can’t throw things and you definitely can’t have tantrums like that, OK? You could have really hurt yourself or me.”

  “Teo kiss it better?” He stood up on his tiptoes and planted the softest kiss on Cate’s jaw. “Sorry Mama.”

  “I know you are,” Cate softened a little, “but still, no ball pool for two weeks.”

  After he’d helped her clean up the kitchen, Cate took him upstairs to get dressed.

  When they arrived at the shelter, Lena was just getting out of her shiny, black Escalade. “Hey guys,” she greeted them warmly.

  “Oh my goodness,” Nevaeh sidled up to them as they walked through the main entrance. “You brought your son here?”

  Cate panicked, “um, is that not OK?”

  “No,” Nevaeh waved her hands. “It’s fine. I’m just a bit surprised, that’s all.”

  Kelsey added, “I think you’re like, super brave.”

  Wanda, who was going to be supervising them that afternoon, clapped her hands together. “OK, now that you’re all here, let’s get this party started.”

  She gave them a quick tour of the shelter, which was for families with children under the age of thirteen. “I’m going to split you up into two groups…”

  Nicole raised her hand, “can I take a selfie real quick?”

  “As I was saying,” Wanda rolled her eyes, “I’m going to split you up into two groups. You three,” she pointed at Cate, Lena and Kelsey, “are going to be with me today.” They would be in the dining room, serving lunch to the families who were staying at the shelter.

  Wanda handed them each a plastic apron to put on over their clothes.

  “Um?” Kelsey raised her hand, “do you have this in any other colours? It’s just that the pink really clashes with my hair.”

  Wanda pointedly ignored her.

  She led Cate across to a section of the dining room, which was blocked off with white, metal gates. “We’ve got a small play area over here.” There were a couple of children about Mateo’s age already rummaging in the box of toys. “This is Annabel and Thomas,” Wanda’s voice softened as she talked to the children.

  “What’s your little boy’s name?”

  “Mateo,” Cate put him down on the floor. Annabel ignored them, focusing all her attention on braiding her doll’s bright-red hair but Thomas wandered up to the bars and studied them curiously.

  “This is Mateo,” Wanda opened the gates and gently guided Mateo inside. “Do you want to show him your cars, Thomas?”

  “OK,” Thomas nodded. Mateo followed him across to the toy box.

  “Are you sure it’s OK?” Cate felt incredibly guilty. She was supposed to be helping out here at the shelter, not making things more difficult for the staff. “I wasn’t going to bring him with me today but I had a few, um, scheduling issues.”

  “It’s fine,” Wanda quickly waved away her concerns. “I’ll put you at this station right here so that you can keep an eye on him.”

  Cate relaxed a little as she watched Mateo and Thomas play happily with the toy cars.

  Kelsey gave Cate a nudge as she adjusted the apron so it was more comfortable with her bump. “I’ve been meaning to ask who your OB-GYN is?”

  Cate raised an eyebrow, “are you…?”

  “No,” Kelsey laughed, “at least not yet. Steven wants us to start trying at the end of the season but I like to plan ahead so I’m gathering recommendations now.”

  “Um, well…” Cate was embarrassed that she’d been in Seattle for several weeks now and she still hadn’t found an OB-GYN.

  Fortunately, she was saved from having to answer Kelsey when the doors swung open and the first of the families filtered into the dining room.

  “Hi,” Cate said warmly, as the first family approached her station, “what can I get for you today?” They had two choices of vegetables: broccoli or carrots.

  “My mom doesn’t speak English,” the eldest of the two daughters explained. “Could we have two carrots and one broccoli please?”

  It was good that she was busy because otherwise she would have had too much time to think about how sad it was that none of the children here had the comfort and security of a permanent home.

  Cate’s family had been relatively poor when she was little - her biological father left before she was born and took all their money - but at least she’d always had a roof over her head and enough food that she wasn’t hungry.

  As she handed over the plates, it was heart-breaking to see how so many of the children looked at the simple food as if it was the most expensive Christmas present.

  After the last family had been served, Cate looked across at the play area but she couldn’t see Mateo or Thomas. When she got closer, she realised that one of the metal gates hadn’t been closed properly. It was just slightly ajar.

  “Cate?” Lena came up beside her, “what’s wrong?”

  Cate could barely choke the words out, “I can’t find my son.”

  “He has to be around here somewhere,” Lena said gently. “Don’t panic. We’ll find him.”

  “Mats!” they both shouted and the dining room fell silent. The families who were still finishing their meals looked up in surprise. Cate looked everywhere that she could think of; panic steadily clawing its way up her throat.

  The Korean-American mother and two daughters from the first family she’d served joined the search.

  “What’s going on?” Wanda asked when she returned from the front desk. Lena explained that Mateo had gone missing. “Have you got a recent photo of him so I can ask the rest of the staff to look for him?”

  Cate opened up her purse but her hands were shaking so badly, she couldn’t get Mateo’s photo out of the plastic pocket. “Why don’t you let me try?” Kelsey suggested. She tugged it free and handed it to Wanda.

  “Why didn’t I just take him to the freaking ball pool?” Cate cursed.

  When two officers from the Seattle Police Department arrived, they still hadn’t found Mateo. They’d searched the shelter from top to bottom and left to right. They’d found Thomas almost straight away, he was with his mum in one of the upstairs rooms. She said that when she’d come downstairs to collect Thomas for his afternoon nap, Mateo had been playing with a boat he’d found in the toy box.

  Cate could hardly breathe, she was so scared. Black spots danced across her vision.

  “Mrs Warner,” one of the officers put a hand on her shoulder, “why don’t you sit down for a minute?”

  “I can’t,” Cate paced back and forth, “my son is missing.”

  “We’re doing everything we can to find him, I promise.”

  “I think you should call Kian,” Lena put her hand on Cate’s arm.

  Cate retrieved her cell-phone from her handbag and dialled Kian’s number. How could she tell her husband that she’d lost their son? It went straight to voicemail. She left a message asking him to call her back as soon as possible.

  What the hell are you doing having another child when you can’t even look after the two you’ve already got?

  Cate put her head in her hands. She would never ever forgive herself if anything had happened to Mateo.

&n
bsp; “Mama!” Cate startled. She could have sworn that she’d just hallucinated her son’s voice.

  When she looked up, one of the police officers was putting Mateo down on the carpet a few feet away. His clothes were a little dirty but other than that he looked OK. “I think this little one belongs to you.”

  “Mama, boat!” Mateo thrust his toy towards Cate. He was completely oblivious to the panic he’d just caused.

  Cate wrapped her arms tightly around him, smothering him with kisses. Her little boy was safe. She’d never been more thankful for anything else her whole life.

  “I can’t even begin to thank you,” her voice was croaky.

  “It’s not a problem,” the police officer tipped his hat at Cate. “I’m just glad that we found him safe and sound.”

  When she’d calmed down a little, the officer explained that he’d found Mateo in the concrete yard at the back of the shelter. They were currently in the process of replacing some of the tired, worn-out furniture at the shelter with newer things donated by the public. They’d stored the pieces which couldn’t be fixed or recycled in the back yard under some tarpaulin until they had enough to justify hiring a van to get rid of it all.

  They’d all checked the yard several times but when one of the officers had gone outside again to radio through to the station, he’d heard what sounded like giggling coming from behind the stacks of old furniture. When he’d lifted up the tarpaulin, he’d found Mateo squeezed into the smallest space between the furniture and the chain-link fence at the back of the yard. Amongst the discarded furniture, he’d found a red, plastic baby bath, which had filled with rainwater and he was trying to see if he could get his toy boat to float.

  After she’d thanked everybody who’d helped with the search several times, she and Mateo made their way home.