“Turn that fucking racket off,” Hormonal Harriet calls up the stairs.
“Okay Pea, sorry!” I shout back.
“Stop shouting!” She blasts up the stairs.
Groaning I drag myself out of bed to turn off the alarm and start getting ready. “Poor Con,” I whisper and shake my head. Tonight is going to be so much fun with Stroppy Knickers downstairs.
Shower time…or maybe that should be Show Time. Either way I need to get moving.
An hour later and I’m almost ready. I’m just about to put mascara on when I glance at the clock and see there's only about five minutes left.
Just as I’m applying the mascara, I hear, “Soph, get your perfect-fucking-sized arse down here!” And there goes the mascara wand in my eye.
“Fuck!” Getting up with a jolt, I grab a tissue leaning over the same dressing table I was just sitting at. But now, I have my eyeball almost to the glass and I’m trying to dab the black mascara from my eye with the tissue.
“Soph!” I hear, so close that I jolt again and head-butt the mirror.
“Precious, come downstairs and let Soph get ready woman!” Con says to her sternly but softly. He must guide her away as the next person’s voice I hear makes me bang my head for a second time
“You all right, babe?”
“Fuck! Saul, I didn’t realise you were standing there. Fuck! This isn’t my night. My eye is almost black and I have a lump coming up on my forehead, and all because little Miss Stroppy Knickers is impatient. But when we have to wait for her to piss for the fourteenth time in an hour, nobody is allowed to moan!” I’m grumbling now. Saul laughs. I stop what I’m doing and listen to him. He hardly ever laughs, but it’s a beautiful sound, deep and rumbling and enchanting. He stops laughing and it makes me sad.
“Come here,” he says gently and I stare at him not sure what he’s saying. He grabs my arms. “Come here,” he says again while placing me in front of him. Then he puts his hands on either side of my face. My breath hitches. He must hear it, but he doesn’t comment. “Open your eyes, let me take a look,” he says and I stare straight into his eyes. I sigh.
Yep, that’s me…I actually sigh.
His eyes though – God those eyes. They are blue, like the brightest blue that you wouldn’t think possible outside of coloured contacts, but they are real and they are completely mesmerising and now I’m caught in his gaze. He takes the tissue and cleanses around my eye.
“There isn’t anything on your eyeball anymore,” he whispers. Now he’s looking straight into my eyes and I’m trapped. Neither of us does or says anything, and I can hear our breaths between us, filling the tiny space.
“Come on you two. Jeez, get your arses in gear people!” Hormonal Harriet shouts and the moment’s gone.
“I’ll go downstairs and calm her down before she goes into labour. How many more months has she got to go?” he asks.
“Five,” I reply.
“Fuck!” He comes back with and I just nod and chuckle as he leaves the room.
Twenty minutes later and I’m downstairs. Everyone is staring at me and Pea looks like she’s ready to burst. I look over at Con who, it seems, is whispering soothing words into her ear. Next, my head moves to Dane who has his hands in his pockets and is staring at the ceiling like it’s the most interesting thing ever. Lastly, I glance at Saul. His eyes widen slightly at me and then he smirks and bites his lower lip, and his dimple pops out. I’m not sure whether to laugh or pounce on him.
“Glad you could join us, Soph. It’s not like we’re waiting to go or anything,” Pea moans with her arms crossed over her body.
“Oh my God!” I look at Con. “Have you got a gag for her,” I ask pointing at Pea. “I don’t care if you use it in your kinky sex game, I don’t care if it’s pink and furry and lights up in the dark. If you have one please, for the love of Cher…put it in her mouth!”
Everyone stares at me with their eyes wide.
I wait.
One beat.
Then another.
Then all at once they burst into laughter.
Two hours later and Pea is happier. We're in Brighton, back at AbsoluteRetro. This place has become our regular karaoke bar. Well, when I say regular, we try to visit once every two weeks. More often, if we all have time.
Pea has vented her frustration through a selection of Alanis Morisette songs and is now chilled out and more like her usual self. She’s been trying to get me up on stage, but it’s not my night tonight. Although, if much more drink gets into my system I may end up dragging her up.
I wasn't going to get drunk, but from almost the moment we arrived here there was a petite blonde attached to Saul. It annoyed Pea, as tonight was supposed to be 'family night.’ I look over at Dane, he’s smiling and joining in the fun. Even though he’s had a lot of attention, he has ignored it all in favour of spending family time with us.
We must mean more to Dane than we do to Saul.
"I'm going to get another drink," I say to Pea over the racket that is someone trying to sing ‘I Will Always Love You’ by Whitney Houston. I shudder, thinking of the time that Ellie and Stacy got up and sang that song at one of the school talent shows. The whole time they were staring at Con and Saul. It would have been funny if they weren't trying to make our ears bleed with their din.
"I'll come get them with you, Tink," Dane replies and I look over at Saul and catch a dark look crossing his face.
"Want anything?" I ask and he nods just as blondie grabs his face and pulls him down to her, so she can start sucking on his mouth. Rolling my eyes, I look across at Pea, Con and Dane to see them all staring at me. Yep, they all caught the eye roll. Damn beer, always making me do stupid things. Dane grabs my elbow and steers me toward the bar.
“You okay?” he asks, I pull my arm away from him.
“Of course, why wouldn’t I be?” my tone snappy.
He just looks at me and raises one of his eyebrows.
“What?” I ask raising my shoulders and holding my hands up.
He just shakes his head. “What does everyone drink?”
“Oh, erm…well, Pea will have a diet coke. Con and Saul will both have Buds. I don’t know what blondie will have.” I stop and Dane is staring at me.
Then he says, “I don’t know what the woman hanging off Saul’s arm has either, but she isn’t getting a drink seeing as she hasn’t spoken to one of us all night. In fact, I’m not entirely sure she’s even spoken to Saul…” he pauses and looks back toward our table. I sneak a look over to and see Pea has the grumpy look back on her face again. Con is glaring at Saul, who is still having his face eaten by blondie. I look back to Dane, who’s staring at me.
“What do you want, Tink?” he asks and I feel the weight of his words and the meaning behind them.
“I’ll have a double vodka shot, please,” I reply with a grimace.
Dane sighs. “Listen, if you’re going down this road then will you stay at mine tonight?”
“Why?” I ask. I’m not quite drunk yet, but my brain isn’t functioning at its usual speed…which isn’t super-fast on a good day.
“Because, I can keep an eye on you if you get wasted. It’s not fair for Con to have to worry about Pea and you,” he replies.
“You don’t have to look after me and neither does he!” I bite out.
Dane grabs my hand and squeezes gently. “Soph, do you think for one minute Con isn’t going to be worried about you if he takes you home and you’re drunk? Do you think Pea won’t be worried about you? Come on Tink, you know they will.”
I hang my head.
“Come back to mine, sleep in the spare room and I’ll make sure you’re okay. So, you can let your hair down tonight and it means Con doesn’t have to worry about you.”
“Why do you want to look after me, Dane? You could pick up someone here and have them back to your house tonight instead.”
“Tonight is about us. Not picking people up for a quick fuck,” he snaps out. I look up and
see him staring at Saul with a frown “Anyway, I don’t take random people back to my place.”
“Okay, it’s nice that you don’t mind looking out for me,” I whisper.
“We’re friends, right?” he asks and I nod. He smiles, but it doesn’t reach his eyes and he grabs me and pulls me to him and embraces me in a hug. I turn my head and rest it against his chest, facing toward our table. Saul glances at me, narrows his eyes, says something to Con and Pea and walks away with blondie in tow.
I guess that’s our night finished then.
When we get back over to our table, Con and Pea are quiet. Dane walks over to Con and they talk in whispered tones.
I turn to Pea. “You okay?” I ask and she looks up at me and grabs my forearm.
“Are you okay?” she asks me right back and I nod.
“Of course,” my answer is automatic, but my voice catches in my throat as I lie.
She knows how I’ve always felt about Saul. She’s one of the only people who actually knows how deep my feelings run. I gave up on the chance of an us and of anything romantic a long time ago.
“Saul, Con!” I heard Stacy before I saw her. We were walking home, away from school. It was a Friday all four of us were in high spirits. Then she opened her mouth and I felt my cheerfulness slip out through the souls of my feet.
“Hey,” Saul said as Stacy and Ellie caught up to us. Pea looked over at me and rolled her eyes.
Yeah, that pretty much summed it up.
“So, do you lot want to come to the cinema tonight?” Ellie asked. Now both Pea and I knew she wasn’t really asking us, but we still answered in unison, “No!” It was almost sung out and we grinned at each other while the girls glared at us.
“Nah, I have shit to do,” Con replied and Stacy tried pouting which made Pea snort with laughter. Stacy gave Pea a dirty look.
“Saul?” Ellie asked.
“Not me. Another time, maybe,” he answered with a shrug and I felt butterflies in my tummy. Tonight we were supposed to be going to Con’s house when his mum was at bingo and it was my night to talk to Saul about my feelings. Pea said I needed to get it out in the open. Be honest she said, so I was going to try.
Three hours later and we were all at Con’s. We’d already consumed two pizzas and a bottle of his mum’s wine. So even between four of us, as we didn’t regularly drink, we were suitably buzzed.
Pea and Con had disappeared into the kitchen for some unknown reason, so this was my chance.
“Saul,” I said.
“Yeah babe,” he answered. He was over the other side of the room, so in my slightly drunken state, I decided that crawling over to him on all fours was the way to go. I shuffled forward and managed a few feet. I crawled down the narrow path that was between the sofa and the coffee table and found myself falling against the sofa, my limbs wouldn’t propel me forward so for a moment I was static. Then Saul started laughing and moved to help me.
When he came near me, I stupidly leaned in and attacked his lips. It was awful, the worst first kiss…ever. He didn’t even move his mouth. He was obviously mortified and gently pushed me backward until I was sitting on my bum and had confusion floating around inside my head.
“Sorry Soph, I can’t do this,” he said, then got up and left.
On Monday, Ellie had told everyone how she had met up with Saul on Friday night and they had kissed. I didn’t wait around to see if anything else had happened between them. I didn’t care. It didn’t matter anymore. He’d left me and sought her out, of all people. That was the first piece of ice that Saul had pierced my heart with.
“Come on,” I say grabbing her hand.
“What?” she asks, smiling as she can see I’m leading her toward the stage. Getting up I lean into the DJ’s ear telling him what to play and drag her on stage. I whisper in Pea’s ear telling her the song. It was one I was only reminiscing about today. En Vogue – ‘Don’t Let Go (Love).’ The music starts and she knows what the song is and what it means. She remembers the words are from my soul to his. Direct transfer. My feelings straight into his body. This song says it all. We sing, well mainly Pea sings and I use the small stage to move my body like I’ve done a million times before. Like I’ve been doing recently but haven’t told anyone about yet. I let loose knowing Saul has left. Knowing he won’t ever be able to see my pain.
When it’s over, I look up and almost as if my senses are tuned into his, my eyes spot him across the room. He’s staring straight at me. Heat and sadness are both in his eyes. We just stare at each other for what feels like ages. Then he breaks the contact, grabs blondie, who’s still next to him and places his arm around her shoulders leading her out the bar and into the night. Clenching my fist to my chest I feel my icy heart finally shatter.
“Ughhh,” I groan and roll over…and then fall out of bed. I open one eye and look up to see white walls with blue anchors scattered across them, and realise I’m at Dane’s again. Not only that, but I’ve now fallen out of this bed, twice. I simultaneously rub my head and my bum.
There’s a tap on the door followed by, “Tink, you okay?”
“Yeah, you can come in Dane.”
My door creaks open and I see Dane like I’ve never seen him before. His deep brown eyes are half closed from sleep. His dark hair is ruffled like a pair of hands have just run through it. His face is soft as are his eyes. I haven’t seen him like this because the Dane I always see, has a certain look about him, even when he’s trying to be soft there’s still an edge to him. A shrewdness, like he’s calculating and constantly attempting to work you out. Now it’s gone, there are no walls up.
I can see into his soul.
And it’s beautiful.
He has pyjama bottoms low slung on his hips exposing a broad, smooth chest and showing a perfect physique, as well as beautiful natural tan. His broad shoulders are on display, and his arms, although hanging limp at his sides, still show their definition. Dane’s abdomen is sexy and tapered leading into the waistband of his bottoms.
He is beautiful.
And yet he just reminds me of Saul.
My stupid, stupid heart and brain. Yeah, I’m blaming you this time brain. You could wade in here and function, but no instead, you decide to just skip happily holding hands with that little fucker heart, and we know what a truly fucked up sadist my heart really is! Ugh!
“Tink?” Dane says and his eyes dance with amusement.
“Yeah, sorry. Didn’t mean to wake you,” I say rubbing my head again, but this time wishing I could make it fall in line and listen to me.
“It’s okay, I should be getting up anyway,” he replies and my eyebrow shoots up questioningly.
“I go for a run most mornings, it clears my head.”
“Oh, okay.” I never pictured Dane as a runner, but looking at him I totally get it.
“Should I be concerned that you’re staring,” he asks with a wink.
“Oh, sorry,” I reply shaking my head. “I was just thinking…or trying to think.” I point to my head. “My brain is still half asleep.” I smile and he replies with a smile of his own, but it’s tinged with sadness.
“Okay, I’ll be back soon,” he says as he spins around to leave. I sit on the floor listening to his movements, and then finally hearing the front door shut as he goes out for his jog.
Slowly standing up and going to use the bathroom, I’m surprised to find a brand new toothbrush still in its case on the bathroom cabinet, along with a washcloth, bar of soap, shower gel and some shampoo. They are all laid out with a note.
I thought you might be back, so I got you some bits. I have no idea what you need, but hopefully these will do. Dane.
“Holy shit.” I breathe out. I can’t believe he did this for me and within twenty-four hours. I shake my head, unsure of what to think about it, hoping that it’s something nice he’s done as a friend, but also not kidding myself about his feelings. I know we had something once, something that may have scared him, or maybe it was something he di
dn’t want at the time. Now with all the hints and the way he’s been lately, even though he hasn’t said anything outright, it’s obvious that he likes me and may want to take things further.
But I can’t.
There is no if, but or maybe about it. I know how I feel, and I have to sit down and talk to him. I’m not the kind of woman that likes to lead a man around by his balls. I’ve seen models in this industry, day in and day out, using their looks to get what they want. Enjoying men and women falling at their feet, lapping up every bit of attention they can.
I used to lap up attention but never pretended to be anything that I wasn’t. I sure as hell never led a decent man to believe he was going to get somewhere with me. Especially when I knew he wasn’t, just because I wanted attention or gifts. And yes, I have seen that happen many times. I’m sure as hell not going to lead Dane on, a man who deserves someone decent, someone beautiful inside and out, and someone emotionally available.
Someone who isn’t me.
Taking a quick shower and tying my wet hair up in a bun, I make my way downstairs.
“Hey Tink,” I hear as I walk into the kitchen.
“Fuck!” I jump when Dane greets me, not expecting him to be back already.
He chuckles. “Sorry, didn’t mean to scare you.”
I frown at him and sit at the kitchen table. “Good run?” I ask although it seems strained, even from my own ears.
I wonder if he can tell that I’m making small talk, unsure about how to broach the subject? I have to clear the air. I have to have my friend. No strings.
“It was okay. No different to every day. I’m just going to hit the shower. I’ll be back in a few,” he says and strides off not even giving me the chance to say, thank you for the toiletries, he’d left me. I look around the kitchen remembering how uncomfortable I felt yesterday morning, rushing through my coffee. It’s strange, but today I feel calm, and centred being here. Maybe it’s because Dane is here today?
Love Resisted (Entwined Hearts #2) Page 4
