My Hope Next Door

by Tammy L. Gray

  Asher punched the dial for the radio, let music drown out their burdened silence. Her head fell against the warm glass.

  Cat City Pawn was just off the highway in a freestanding building with GOLD, CASH, JEWELRY, GUNS, LOANS painted in bright yellow on every available window. Its red roof glimmered in the sun while displaying an even bigger sign that read: FAST CASH. This place obviously believed in billboard-size advertisement.

  Asher parked the car and stared at the brick structure. He looked completely out of place in his khakis and soft linen shirt. But then again, Katie doubted he’d ever seen the inside of a pawnshop before, let alone sought one out to find stolen goods.

  She gripped the door handle, wanting to run from the responsibility that weighed on her for bringing him here. “We gonna stare at it or go in?”

  He cut the engine and scowled like her old English teacher. “You get cranky when you’re being defensive.”

  “I’m not defensive. You wanted to come. We’re here. Let’s get this over with.”

  She shifted to escape, but Asher’s hand slid to the nape of her neck and gently pulled her across the car. His brown eyes met hers. “I’m not your enemy. And I’m not judging you.” He closed in, kissed the tip of her nose and then her cheek. “I don’t understand your old world or the choices you made. I probably never will, but that doesn’t mean you have to hide them from me.”

  She closed her eyes. How did he do this to her, make her want to share every thought racing through her mind? “I’m just ashamed. And you being here makes it worse.”

  “Shame is a choice, Katie. It’s not how I want you to feel or how God wants you to feel. You’re here because you’ve changed. You’re here to right a wrong. And I’m proud of you.”

  His words fell against her skin like summer breeze, and it hit her. She felt safe. Despite everything. Safe and warm and cared for. And it was the first time she’d felt that way since . . . since that night she’d prayed with Reverend Snow. She nodded, afraid if she tried to speak, that horrible sting in her throat would return. She had already cried a lifetime’s worth of tears yesterday.

  “Okay then. Let’s do this thing.” He let go after another quick kiss and opened his door.

  Katie exited her side, trying to shake the jolt of emotion. “‘Let’s do this thing’? I swear, Asher, you could dialogue your own cheesy apocalypse movie. It’s a store, not a gunfight.”

  He wrapped his arm around her shoulder and clicked the lock. “And your inner sunshine obviously needs more than two hours of sleep.”

  The bell chimed when they entered, Asher guiding her in before him. A gentleman always, even in the drabbest of circumstances.

  A stout man with bushy hair above his ears and nowhere else came up from the back room. “Can I help you folks?”

  “We’re looking for a ring that was pawned about four years ago.”

  He scratched his bare chin. “Okay. We have some old inventory in that far right case if you want to take a look.”

  “Thank you.”

  They walked to the glass display case, and Katie scrutinized each ring available. Nothing. Not even one that could be close.

  Her shoulders sagged, and Asher’s strong hand squeezed the muscle by her neck in support. “You don’t see it?”

  She shook her head. On to the next unlikely option. “Sir? Do you happen to sell inventory online? I mean, if I could describe the ring to you, would you be able to track if it was sold?”

  He tapped fingers on the glass. “Not me, but my wife probably could. Let me get her.”

  A lifetime seemed to pass while they waited, but finally an equally plump woman with long white hair came to the front of the store. “I apologize for the wait. I had a customer on the phone. Everyone wants distance sales these days.” She was all business as she dropped a binder on the counter. “Do you have the dates we bought it?”

  “Yes. Sometime around April twentieth, four years ago. It was a vintage emerald ring. Um, I believe it was an Edwardian ring?” Katie said, reciting the terminology she learned from the ring collector at the first pawnshop.

  The owner flipped several pages, then ran a finger down two of them before stopping. “Bingo. Vintage emerald rose, April twenty-second.” She slid her finger to the right. “Sold it two years later with four other pieces. Online sale via eBay.”

  Katie gripped the counter.

  “Could we get an email or any information on the buyer?” Asher asked, not knowing what she already did. That they weren’t allowed to disclose buyer information.

  “I’m sorry, sir. In this business, that’s a quick way to go under, if you know what I mean. Can you imagine what a jilted fiancé might do to get his ring back? Not pretty.” She smashed the book shut. “I’m afraid once things leave our store, that’s it. They’re gone for good.”

  They sat in the parking lot, staring at the shop that had so quickly dashed their hopes. Asher wanted to fix it somehow. Find a loophole or a second chance.

  “I could contact eBay. Tell them what happened, see if they could give us any information.”

  His offer was met with a fierce head shake.

  “No. It’s done. I always knew it was a long shot. I guess I just expected God to do a miracle, though I don’t know why. I don’t deserve one.”

  Asher felt helpless. He was a problem solver, a doer. Just sitting there while she suffered drove him crazy. “We can go back to my place, talk more if you need to.”

  Katie let out a hollow laugh. “I’m done talking. And I’m tired. I just want to go home, curl up in bed, and deal with this later.” She turned in his direction. “Can you take me home, please?”

  He wanted to hit the steering wheel. “You don’t have to deal with this alone anymore.”

  “I know.” She squeezed his hand. “Let’s go out tomorrow, have our date that was interrupted. I just need a recovery day.”

  What she meant was that she needed time to sort all her emotions into tidy boxes so she wouldn’t have to deal with them. Like before, when she’d managed to talk to him every day for months without once sharing this monumental burden. He started the car, trying his best to swallow his frustration. He didn’t want that kind of relationship again. He didn’t want pretense. He wanted to share in her hurts.

  But pushing Katie didn’t feel like the right answer either. He’d wait, give her the space she needed, and push later.

  Brushing a finger against her cheek, Asher conceded. “Okay, tomorrow it is. But I get to choose the restaurant.”

  “Fine by me.”

  She shrugged like it was no big deal, but he knew better. Tomorrow they’d make their big debut as a couple, and this time, Asher wasn’t letting anyone ruin it.

  CHAPTER 36

  Asher hopped up the steps of Katie’s house, feeling more nervous than he had since prom. She’d finally let him pick her up, which made tonight feel more significant than all the other times combined. Funny that their first date would come after he’d already lost his heart, but he should’ve expected no less with her.

  He knocked on the door and waited with hands deep in his jean pockets. Her parents were home, and part of him was optimistic, the other part, anxious. Her dad had begun returning Asher’s waves, but they still came with a scowl. Katie was an adult. He didn’t need their permission or blessing, but he wanted it. Maybe because he’d been raised to respect his elders, or maybe just because he knew they needed at least a few people on their side.

  The door opened in front of him. Mr. Stone blocked the entry and then walked out, closing the door behind him. The man wasn’t tall and had packed on extra pounds around the middle, but there was still an air of intimidation. It was one all fathers held when dealing with their daughters’ suitors.

  “I don’t like this,” he said, his voice gruff as he ran a hand through thinning hair.

  At least the man didn’t pretend. Asher could respect that.

  “Katie’s been, well, she’s finally been somewhat stable. And
it’s been nice to have her home without all the drama and headache. But she doesn’t deal well with chaos, and when things get out of control, she usually follows it up with something stupid and self-destructive.”

  “And you think I’m her next self-destructive thing?”

  “I just can’t figure out what a guy like you, from your upbringing, is doing with my daughter.”

  Asher’s mouth tightened into a line.

  “Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying Katie isn’t good enough for you. I’m just noting you’re from two different worlds. And usually it’s your world that has the biggest problem with someone like her.”

  “With all due respect, sir, my world has welcomed Katie with open arms. It’s yours that’s been so quick to judge.”

  Mr. Stone tugged on his neck and stared out into the front yard. “She’s more fragile than you think. She just hides it better than others.”

  “I won’t hurt her.” There were few things in life Asher felt sure of, but this was one of them.

  Her father chuckled. “I’m not worried about you hurting her. Katie will take you out at the knees long before you ever get that close. It’s just, when Katie loses interest in the whole religion thing, I don’t want to see you and your family run her out of town. Her being here has been . . . nice.” He nodded a few times, as if deciding whether he had more to say, and then walked back into the house without so much as a glance at his guest.

  Asher had planned to reassure her dad of his intentions, but was left feeling emasculated and unsure. Mr. Stone had actually laughed at the very idea that Katie would care enough to be hurt.

  He pushed down the gnawing tumble in his gut. The same one he felt when she’d driven off without so much as a good-bye.

  After a moment, the door clicked open and Katie stepped out, shutting it behind her.

  Then they were looking at each other. He and Katie. Her face was cheerful, but only until he read her eyes. His gaze dipped to her soft, witty smile that could lie about every raging emotion she felt inside.

  He took her apart, one piece at a time. Forehead, nose, cheekbones, chin. Those eyes, silvery blue like shards of glass under moonlight.

  She touched his arm. “You okay?”

  No, he wasn’t okay. He was lost. Hooked. Completely at her mercy. And he had no idea if she’d even be around long enough for his feelings to matter.

  He swallowed. “I’m good. Just had a little chat with your dad.”

  Her smile deepened. “No blood. It must have gone pretty well.” She slipped her hand in his and pulled him toward his waiting car. She’d worn a dress tonight. Blue, with a slight ruffle on the bottom edge. It made her seem feminine and soft. Nothing like the lethal siren who had completely rocked his world. The one he’d barely just begun to rebuild.

  He couldn’t shake the insecurity. Couldn’t shake the unease, even when they’d piled in the car and she’d rattled on about clearing half her mom’s closet and the treasures she’d found there.

  Because it was a lie. She’d just had her world blown apart, and she was acting as if the last few days hadn’t happened. Trust wasn’t just sharing secrets. It was sharing hurt, fears, and failures. And even though she’d given him her history, she’d yet to let him anywhere near her heart.

  “You’re quiet tonight,” she said, when another five miles had passed without a word from him.

  He considered what he wanted to do, which was demand more honesty from her. But he didn’t want to be that guy who put her on edge, who backed her into a corner and forced her to lash out. He would simply show her. Show her what vulnerability looked like.

  His fingers wrapped around hers and pulled her hand close enough for him to kiss the inside of her wrist. It trembled while her pulse raced against his lips. These moments reminded him why they worked. There was only so much she could hide when he was truly looking.

  “Maybe I’m stunned silent by your beauty.”

  A rose color filled her checks and made him smile. He stopped and just stared at her for a split second as her eyes danced with genuine joy. This was Katie with her guard down. Katie without fear.

  And those rare moments she gave him were enough to make him take the risk.

  She fluttered her eyelashes, the pretense back with a fake southern drawl. “Am I pretty enough that you’ll let me choose where we eat?”

  “Not a chance. I’ve been craving Fiesta Grill all day.”

  She bristled at the name, her hand going slack in his. “That’s right downtown.”

  “So?”

  “It’s Saturday night. The place is packed on Saturdays.”

  He knew that. It was part of why he’d chosen to eat there. He wasn’t hiding the two of them. Not from anyone. “So it’s a good thing I called ahead and got us on the wait list. We should be seated right away.”

  She turned away to stare out the window. They were close. Only two more stop signs and they’d be pulling up to the restaurant she feared so much.

  “Did you go there a lot?” he asked, wanting her to turn back around so he could see how much truth came with her answer.

  “Every weekend, practically.” Her voice was quiet, reflective, and even a little sad.

  “Since you’ve been back?”

  “No.”

  “Why?”

  He could see the flashing sign over Joe’s and the crowd mingling outside the restaurant, and he pulled into the lot in front of the dollar store. She watched people through the windshield, her eyes round, her jaw tight.

  “Are you worried he’ll be here?” Asher didn’t want to say Cooper’s name. It was dirty and created an acid taste in his mouth.

  “It’s not about him,” she said, more defensively than he liked. “It’s about me. This side of me that I don’t want to revisit. Why not go to a restaurant by the highway or take a drive out to the beach? I told you I wanted a break from the drama.”

  She was too far away for them to have this conversation. With a flick of his wrist, he turned the car off and jumped out. She didn’t move, even when he opened her door and unlocked her seat belt.

  She spun around in the seat, poised for a battle, but he pressed a finger to her lips. “A gentleman gets the door for his date.” Hands tight on her waist, he pulled her closer until he was locked between her knees.

  Her eyes could burn holes through him, they were so fierce. The little flecks seemed to flash. The tiny creases around the edges deepened. “What are you doing?”

  He wouldn’t give her a fight. Not when she used angry words to push people away. “I want the people in town to see us together,” he said softly. “I want you to be you, no matter where we are.”

  She frowned, a deep slash forming between her eyebrows. “I don’t even know who I am. Not totally. With you, it’s different. It’s safe and clean. Here it’s messy and uncomfortable.”

  He tugged her hand, and even though she resisted, a step later she was out of the car and next to him.

  “I like messy and uncomfortable.” He shut her door and locked it, then wrapped an arm around her waist and kissed her temple. “Trust me to be a better man than you think I am.”

  She nuzzled her face against his chest, let him pull her into a deep embrace. “That’s the problem. You’re the best man I know.”

  Her lemon shampoo filled his nose as he ran his lips over the silky strands. “Only if you let me be.”

  CHAPTER 37

  Every footfall made Katie cringe as they crossed the street to Fiesta Grill. Asher’s arm was around her shoulders; hers was around his back. It should feel natural and exciting to walk that way with someone she cared about, but she had to force the contact. Had to force herself to go forward and not run back to his SUV.

  It was evening, but summers in Georgia meant nightfall didn’t come until after eight. They were exposed, completely visible to anyone in a quarter-mile radius.

  The stares came quickly. Mostly from groups waiting outside or eating on the terrace. She scanned the
parking lot again, just to be sure. No blue truck. No Cooper. Her relief was shallow. Dating Asher in public would be the last layer of salt she could apply to that wound, and Cooper was notoriously unpredictable.

  Katie stopped outside the door, ran a hand over her arm. She recognized the group of three women taking a selfie with a phone. They’d see her in a minute, and she didn’t want Asher standing right there. “I’ll wait here while you check on the table.”

  “You sure? It should be ready.”

  She pushed him slightly toward the door. “I’m sure. I’ll be right here.”

  He, thankfully, complied, squeezing her arm as he passed by. Katie turned away from the group, still hoping they hadn’t spotted her. But turning brought a new wave of nausea. She was looking directly at Joe’s Bar, looming only ten feet away. Through the open blinds, she could see faces from her past. Some had aged poorly; others were just barely old enough to be in there. A shadow passed the window, holding drinks on a tray. The blonde braid was unmistakable, and Katie’s throat did that horrible stinging again.

  She wondered how Laila was doing now that she knew the truth. Wondered why Cooper hadn’t told her about the drugs years ago. Wondered where Chad was living and if she’d talked to him.

  A hand touched her shoulder, and Katie practically jumped out of her skin.

  “Sorry,” Asher said, pulling her back to him. “I didn’t mean to startle you. I said your name, but you didn’t hear me.”

  She found a smile from the depths of her soul and tried to push back the moisture in her eyes. “They ready for us?”

  “Twenty more minutes. You were right, this place is insane tonight.” He glanced over to Joe’s, having noticed, of course, that she’d been entranced. She didn’t know whether she loved or hated that about him, how deeply he looked. It was unnerving.

  The door to Joe’s opened, and her heart stuttered. Joe hadn’t aged a day. Faded jeans, old black T-shirt, white beard that just barely covered his chin, and knowing eyes that bore into hers. He had no purpose, just stood there watching, waiting for her to do something or say something. Finally, he shook his head and disappeared back where he came from.