My Hope Next Door

by Tammy L. Gray

  She could spout back how Asher was more than some random guy. He’d become her best friend, her greatest ally, and the only person she completely trusted. He’d shown her what healthy looked like.

  But Cooper wasn’t interested in hearing any of that. He just wanted to make her feel small, the way she’d made him feel by not coming back to him.

  “I just wanted to say I’m sorry.”

  He pushed off the truck sharply. “I told you I’m not doing this here.”

  She didn’t retreat when he approached her, his eyes as fierce as a lion’s.

  “Where, then?” Because she wanted this done. Over. She wanted to move on and not have to fear seeing his blue truck around town, or in her parents’ driveway, or at the store. She was done hiding. Done pretending.

  “Our place.” His choice of words was as calculated as their delivery. Cooper’s house had never been Katie’s, not officially. But she’d picked out the furniture, the window coverings, and the bedding. She’d been right there next to him when, with one signature, he’d gone from renter to owner.

  She rolled through the potential consequences. They’d be secluded. If Cooper lost his temper again, she’d have very little hope of escape or help. But the list of benefits was longer. No one in town would talk about their argument, they could make peace, and maybe this final apology would be the key to being free of that horrible night. Besides, Katie wasn’t weak. She knew how to defend herself, and she’d taken down men bigger than Cooper.

  She had to make a choice: run or face her past. And she was done running.

  “Fine,” she said.

  She hated that his eyebrow rose and his mouth twitched up as if she had just handed him the white flag. This wasn’t a surrender. It was a means to an end.

  He stepped backward without turning around, opened the passenger door, and gestured for her to get in.

  She didn’t move. “I’ll meet you there.”

  “You sure? Last time we had a date, I waited for an hour.”

  “I never said I’d come last time. And this isn’t a date.”

  He slammed the door and dipped his chin. There was a dare in his eyes that brought that old fight-or-flight feeling to the surface. The challenge that had pushed her to prove to the world that she was untouchable, uncaring, and unshaken.

  Katie forced her shoulders to relax. She wouldn’t slip into old patterns. Not with him. Not anymore.

  One apology, and she’d be done with him for good.

  CHAPTER 43

  Asher studied the pile of crushed tile in his bathroom and wondered if he’d finally taken on a job too big for him. Powdery grout stuck to his clothes, his hair, his old work boots. It made the air a puff of dust that would have sent him hacking if not for the surgical mask he wore.

  He swung his mallet again, and more tile fell from the wall. He needed a distraction and a physical outlet. Or at least something that would take the edge off the fact that Cooper was next door, helping Katie’s father, worming his way back into her life.

  The mallet made another shattering impact. She actually felt guilty over that guy. After all he did to her and said to her, she still cared that she’d hurt him. Well, if there was any doubt Katie was different, this pretty much confirmed it. He just wished he could beat away that tiny voice that said nice guys always finish last.

  He brushed his forearm against his head, wiping away sweat. Only one wall to go. He raised his arms, but stopped when he heard what sounded like a faint knock. He strained to listen and heard the sound again, louder this time.

  A smile cut his earlier scowl. Katie.

  He threw down his tools, tossed his mask, and headed toward the front door, cringing as white residue left a trail through his house.

  But the person behind the door wasn’t his pretty girlfriend. It was her father.

  “Mr. Stone? Is everything okay?” In two years, the man had never set foot on Asher’s property, let alone ventured to actually knock on his door.

  Katie’s father tugged on his neck. “Yeah, it’s fine. Um, listen, Cooper had to run and get a new drill, but that was over thirty minutes ago, and he’s not answering his phone. Maureen, well, she’s pretty sensitive to the heat, and with the AC shut down, it’s getting pretty hot in the house.”

  “You need a drill?” Asher had two of them.

  “Actually, well, I was wondering, do you happen to know anything about condensers? Katie said you fixed her car and could do just about anything. Cooper was almost finished; he just needed . . .” His eyebrows pinched together as he took in the sight of Asher covered in demolition dust. “Oh well, never mind. You’re busy.”

  “Not at all. I’ll grab my bag and be right over.” Asher’s smile didn’t begin to express the elation welling in his chest. Mr. Stone coming to him was huge. More than huge. It was an acknowledgment that he and Katie were together.

  “You sure? I don’t want to put you out or anything.”

  “It’s not putting me out at all.” The firm conviction in his voice was enough to make Mr. Stone stop twitching and finally nod.

  “Well, okay then.”

  In less than a minute, Asher had grabbed his tools and closed the front door. They descended the steps together, two men who just months ago barely exchanged hellos.

  “So, I never thanked you for fixing the front steps,” Mr. Stone said as they began walking.

  Asher could hear the awkwardness in his tone. Katie had said her dad was a prideful man. He hated needing help, and hated even more that his wife’s disease had forced him to rely on people.

  “That’s what neighbors are for. I have no doubt you’d do the same if I needed something.”

  Her dad nodded. “Yeah, I guess. Although there doesn’t seem to be much you can’t do. That kitchen out back is quite a sight.”

  “Thank you. It was fun to build.”

  “So, where did you learn how to do all this stuff?” His tone was becoming less forced, more relaxed.

  “My dad isn’t much of a handyman, so if we needed help, people from the church would come over and fix things for him. I paid attention, asking questions. When I was sixteen, I started working summers with different contractors, learning all the different trades. Carpentry is still my favorite.”

  “But you do computer stuff for a living?”

  Asher rejoiced internally. Katie had been talking about him to her parents. Better still, her father had actually been listening.

  “I guess I like to sweat on my own terms.”

  The man chuckled. “Yeah. I can’t say I blame you.”

  They rounded the side of the house, where the air conditioning unit sat in disarray. Asher dropped his bag and inspected the work Cooper had already finished. It wasn’t bad. He’d have done it slightly differently, but overall, the install was semiprofessional.

  “I should be able to get this up and running in the next twenty minutes. If you want to take Mrs. Stone somewhere and get her out of the house until it cools, feel free.”

  Mr. Stone scratched his head and glanced toward the driveway. “Well, if Cooper comes back, I don’t want things to get uncomfortable.”

  “We’re grown men. We can be civil.”

  “I suppose that’s true. At least I know you can be.” Her dad pushed his hands into faded pockets. “I know I haven’t exactly been the friendliest person.”

  “Trust takes time, Mr. Stone. I get that.”

  “It’s Hank, by the way.” The side of his mouth lifted in what Asher could assume was the closest thing to a smile he’d get from the man. “Maureen and I will pick up some ice cream while we’re out. You have a certain type you like?”

  The subtle invitation was more than a polite gesture. It was an invitation into their lives. “Anything with chocolate works for me.”

  Hank nodded. “Chocolate it is. I guess I’ll pick up some strawberry for Katiebug as well.”

  His girl liked strawberry. Asher would have to catalogue that for later. Right now, he had a jo
b to do.

  CHAPTER 44

  Katie took the long way to Cooper’s house, the one that went around the park and passed by Fairfield Fellowship. She wasn’t sure why she felt the need to drive past the building, but seeing it did give her a renewed sense of purpose. This would be closure. An end to a very dark chapter in her life.

  She shut her car door and managed to take only a few steps before her hands began to tremble. Her stomach ached and her heart pounded against her rib cage so hard it hurt.

  It was only a house: one story, with beige siding, a bright red door, and two hanging plants that Cooper had somehow managed to keep alive. Yet, as the door swung open and Cooper stood there, one arm holding the screen ajar, his back pressed against the doorjamb, Katie couldn’t move.

  She was only a few feet away, standing on grass that needed a good mow, yet her legs had gone numb.

  “You coming in?” he called from the door.

  She needed a minute. No, a year would be good. Maybe even four more.

  The screen snapped shut behind him, and Cooper walked out to join her on the lawn. “You know, I stood right in this spot when I watched you drive away. I’d been seconds from getting to the car when you peeled out of the driveway.”

  Cooper lowered his head, his eyes fixed on the ground. He plowed one hand through his hair and exhaled, long and slow. “How could you do it?” His eyes found hers. “How could you leave when you knew an atomic bomb hit our world?”

  The million-dollar question. The one that hung in silence from everyone’s lips. Her parents, Laila, Joe. None of them could understand. Even Katie now questioned how she could leave without feeling anything. But even that was a lie. She felt everything that night: disgust, terror, regret, self-loathing, desperation.

  She’d spent her life searching for numb, and she could usually manufacture the indifference. And when she couldn’t, she’d drink or take a hit until the lack of feeling returned. But that night, she’d known her life was too broken to repair, too broken to ignore. So she ran away.

  Now it was her turn to study the grass. There were weeds intermixed with the Bermuda. Evil interlaced with good—the story of her life.

  “I was afraid.” She could hardly believe she said the words, and to Cooper of all people. The one man who could and would use them against her the minute he needed some ammunition.

  Arms encircled her. Familiar arms. And a familiar smell when her head rested against his chest. “That’s all I’ve been waiting to hear.” His hand caressed her head, and his grip tightened. “Let’s talk inside,” he whispered.

  She nodded and he let her go. She followed him down the sidewalk, through the door, and into the living room that hadn’t changed, even down to the picture of the two of them on the wall behind his recliner.

  “You didn’t take it down.”

  He followed her gaze to the portrait. “I guess I always knew you’d come back.”

  She eyed all the other things he’d kept. The fluffy blue pillows he’d said he hated, the shelf of movies she’d put in alphabetical order, the stack of books she never read but insisted she would.

  But then the other things hit her like a flash of reality. The patched spot where he’d slammed his fist into the drywall; the corner chair where he’d stood over her, screaming that she was a worthless piece of trash that couldn’t even keep a job; the opening to the kitchen where she’d slapped him after he implied Piper would be better in the sack.

  She backed toward the door. This wasn’t her life anymore, and she didn’t have to apologize for it. Stealing the ring was wrong, handing drugs to Chad was unforgivable, leaving Laila in the hospital without a word or help was something she’d regret her whole life. But walking out on Cooper? Leaving this toxic whirlpool behind? It was the smartest thing she’d ever done.

  “I have to go.” She didn’t bother waiting but was out the door so fast it made her suck in air. Clean air. Hopeful air.

  “Katie.” His hand on her arm stopped her halfway to her car.

  She spun around and pulled away. His face was shrouded in brokenness, but this time she realized his pain wasn’t hers to fix. What he needed, she couldn’t give to him.

  “I’m sorry, Cooper. I’m sorry I hurt you, but it’s over. It was over four years ago. You’ve been hanging on to a memory that isn’t real.”

  “It is real.” His voice was higher, tighter, laced with anger and hurt and vulnerability. “From the moment I met you, I loved you. Then you gave me Chad and Laila and made this place a home. The only home I’ve ever had, Katie. I saved it because without that hope, I’m alone. I’m so damn tired of being alone. You said you were afraid, but I’ve shown you I can be trusted. I’m here. I stayed and held your family together. And I know if you would just stop hiding, you’d see it.”

  He thought he loved her. Even now, she could feel the conviction pouring off him. But this wasn’t love. Love was allowing her to watch the pond for ten minutes without pushing her to speak. Love was fixing her front steps despite having been treated like a leper by her father. Love was waiting for her to say yes before taking their relationship further. Love was accepting her past, yet pushing her to seek out a better future.

  Asher had shown her love. Not just with his words, but in every interaction.

  “You’re not hearing me, Cooper. I was afraid. I’m not now. I don’t need to be numb anymore. I’m not hiding. I’m wonderfully alive for the first time in my life.” She took his lifeless hands in her own. “You’ll have your family one day, but it’s not me.”

  Cooper stood on the grass, unmoving, as she drove away, but the guilt was gone. She was finally free, and not because she’d made her last apology and said her last good-bye. No, she was free because somewhere in that house, looking at the ghosts lingering from the past, she’d finally forgiven herself.

  Asher had just tightened the last bolt when he heard the crunch of gravel, followed by tire squealing and two slamming doors.

  “You followed me?” The voice was unmistakably Katie’s, and a chill shot down his spine.

  “Did you think I would let our conversation end that way?” The hard male voice echoed through air, followed by a string of expletives he hadn’t heard since college. “Did you really throw out ‘You’ll have a family one day’ and walk away? Like I’m some stray dog you picked up and dropped off at the pound?”

  Katie yelled something back, but Asher was too angry to make out her words, too ready to end Cooper’s intrusion into her life once and for all.

  They were in each other’s faces, both shouting, when he cleared the corner.

  “You showing up here is getting real old.” The edge in his voice surprised him. He wasn’t a fighter. Just the opposite; he was usually the one calming volatile situations.

  Cooper’s hands were squeezing Katie’s biceps, and suddenly Asher knew this would be the last time the man ever touched her.

  “Are you kidding me?” Katie’s ex shoved her away with a curse and extended a hand in Asher’s direction. “What? Do you have him collared and trained to beg too?”

  Asher lifted his phone. “You have two seconds to leave or I’m calling the cops. We’ll get a restraining order if we have to.”

  “A restraining order? She cornered me. She begged to talk. She came to my house and fell into my arms. It’s not my fault your girlfriend is already getting tired of you.”

  Katie cut Asher off before he could shut Cooper up with his ready hand. Had he ever thrown a punch? No. Not ever. But something inside told him if he did, he wouldn’t stop.

  He tried to push past Katie, but she blocked him again, holding on to his shirt with an iron fist. “Asher. This isn’t you. This isn’t us.”

  She spun around to face the monster she used to date but kept her hands locked on to Asher’s hips, using herself as a shield in front of him. It made him sick. His sides cramped, and his skin was so tight it felt as if it would split at any moment.

  “Go home, Cooper,” she demanded.
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  “You know what, babe, you’re right. You’re not my family. You’re not good enough to be. You’re just a self-centered user who betrays every person who’s been stupid enough to care.”

  Asher punched in 911, held the screen so Cooper could see it. “I’m not bluffing.”

  “Fine. I’ll leave.” He cleared his throat and stared straight at Katie as he spoke. “Come find me when she rips your heart out, choirboy. I’ll buy you a beer.” He pointed a finger at her. “You stay away from me.”

  “Gladly.” Her voice could have cut through steel, and the caustic tone took Asher back to high school. To the hard edge of the girl he’d never known.

  Cooper gave them both the one-finger salute as his truck snaked out of the driveway. Tires spun, dust flew in all directions, and finally he was gone.

  Katie’s body deflated and she let go of her grip on Asher.

  Cooper’s words became a gathering storm in his mind, and his gut twisted. “You went to his house?” Why had he thought he would be different? She’d made it perfectly clear she didn’t fall in love.

  “He wouldn’t talk at Joe’s, and I wanted closure.” Her answer was delivered as such a simple fact that his blood pulsed in his ears.

  “Yeah, it looks like you got it.”

  She recoiled from his biting sarcasm, and her eyes flashed with a temper he’d never seen directed at him. “I did get closure. If he didn’t, well, that’s his problem.”

  “Is it my problem too, then? Because I’m not okay with you going anywhere near Cooper by yourself. He’s dangerous. Did you see him just now? He was one snap away from losing it.”

  “I can handle myself.”

  Asher couldn’t stop the burst of emotion. “It’s not about you. It’s about me. How did you think I’d feel about you going over there?” He’d deal with the “fell into my arms” comment once he could breathe again.