Golden Torment

by Janelle Taylor

  “I must, love,” he raggedly replied, feebly attempting to pull free from her blissful torment.

  “No. Please stay. I’ll help with the traps later,” she wheedled, trying to undress him completely. What else could be more important?

  He stated ruefully, “Later, love. I must go now. It’s getting late and I won’t be able to make my rounds.” He had a critical meeting in Dawson. Why now? he demanded, his body a sheet of fire. If he lingered here much longer, he would never make Dawson and return before nightfall. He forced his unbridled passion to cool and to come under his rigid control. “I promise to make it up to you tonight,” he vowed in a strained voice.

  “I need you now,” she whispered. “Why did you allow me to get this far if you had no intention of making love to me?”

  “I’m sorry, Kat, there isn’t time,” he refused unwillingly.

  “Then make the time. What else do we have around here?”

  “I have things to do, Kat. Please don’t make this any harder on us.” He looked into her passion-glazed eyes, then tenderly caressed her cheek. Time, his mind echoed; it could be our enemy…

  “Please,” she whispered brazenly, entrapped by her own scheme. She was trembling from the force of fierce desire.

  He closed his eyes and sighed heavily. He released her and turned away, fastening his britches and shirt. He stood tall and stiff, mastering the urge to make savage love to her. She watched his stalwart frame as her power over it diminished, then vanished under his tight leash. She walked out. She went to the fireplace, gazing into colorful flames as she buttoned her own shirt, tears easing down her cheeks. She had played her hand and lost. Shame filled her as she pondered her wanton behavior. She had actually begged him to possess her, body and soul. Now she knew he had things more important than her and this time together…

  He watched her for a time, too aware of the mistake he was making. “I’ll be back as soon as possible, Kat. I’m sorry.”

  “Don’t trouble yourself on my account. Perhaps I should have left with Trace. You’re clearly too busy for me,” she coldly retorted. “If you pass Jack along the trail, would you ask him to escort me home? I do have a job at Moore’s,” she stated, her voice suddenly calm and cold.

  He came over to her, cognizant of the passing time. “Jack doesn’t usually pass through my trapping grounds, but I’ll send word if I see anyone. I wish I could stay, Kat; I can’t.” He couldn’t beg.

  She whirled and glared at him. “If you say ‘I can’t’ one more time, I’ll claw your eyes out. You can do anything you wish. Once more I misread your meaning, Mr. Jurrell. It was my understanding the two week truce included both of us. Evidently I was mistaken. If your measly pelts are so damn important, by all means go and collect them,” she shrieked at him, her eyes and tone saying far more.

  “It isn’t the…” He caught himself and halted. “You’re wrong, Kat. I have to do this.” There was almost a hint of novel pleading in his tone, one which baffled her.

  She knew he wasn’t referring to trapping, for that wasn’t where he was going. “It won’t be the first or the last time I’m wrong about something, Jurrell. I really thought you would give us a chance. But you have no intention of doing so. Do whatever it is you have to do!” she shot back at him. “I promise you, I’ll never try to seduce you again.”

  “Kat,” he entreated, reaching out for her.

  She jerked away. “Don’t you touch me, you selfish brute!”

  The coldness in her eyes and voice alarmed him. If he left now, it would breed trouble between them. Wasn’t satisfying her feelings just as important as the meeting he would be missing? In this present mood, she would leave the first chance she got. Still, he defensively blamed his final decision on his mission.

  “You’re right, Kat. Trapping isn’t that important. I can’t leave you like this. We’ve hurt each other enough as it is,” he admitted. “I’ll stay here with you.”

  Kathy was stunned by his decision. She stared at him in disbelief. “Youll stay home?” she inquired. When he smiled and nodded, she continued to gape at him. “But you said…”

  He pulled her into his arms and silenced her protests with a searing kiss. When the heady kiss ended, she leaned back and looked up at him. “I don’t understand you at all, Landis Jurrell.”

  “Sometimes I don’t understand myself, so that makes us about even. I don’t want to hurt you, Kat. If I leave, I could lose you. I can’t risk that, now that I’ve discovered how important you are to me.”

  It was evidently more than she had realized if he was willing to stay home. Would he resent her for forcing his hand? The romantic mood was broken, anger and mistrust filled her. He would rebel against this feminine ploy to control him. She shrewdly backed down for the moment, her point proven to some extent, fearing his enormous pride.

  “I’m sorry, Landis. I’m acting like a child. I suppose I’m just tired and edgy. I didn’t get much sleep last night. It would be ridiculous to ruin your catch. I’ll be all right.”

  He lifted her chin. Tears were misting her liquid blue eyes. “I’ll stay if you want me to, Kat,” he offered seriously.

  “I know, Landis. I’ll be fine. You go ahead. I’ll take a nap and be in a better mood when you come home. I don’t know what possessed me to behave like that. Women are silly creatures sometimes.”

  When he leaned forward to kiss her, she turned her face away. “Later, Jurrell, if you want to leave here today,” she warned.

  “Are you sure, Kat?” he asked once more, wavering in doubt.

  “Go on; get out of here,” she merrily commanded. “Just remember you owe me,” she reminded him playfully.

  He went to fetch his parka. He returned and smiled at her. “I’ll be back as soon as possible.” With that, he left.

  Kathy waited only a minute before seizing her parka and heading outside. She went from tree to tree as she observed his direction. He didn’t head into the forest; he headed for the trail to Dawson. As he disappeared from sight, she leaned against the tree and cried. Forcefully halting her tears, she retraced her steps and locked the cabin door.

  She removed her parka and hung it in his closet. She headed for his desk. It was locked, as usual. She walked into the bedroom, to the picture. She moved it aside. The hole was empty. As she stared at the picture, the dangling string caught her eye. A trap! She quickly lifted the lower end of the picture and replaced the telltale string. It was clear he had taken the package with him…She paced the floor for a long time, wondering what that furtive packet contained.

  When Landis returned near nightfall, Kathy greeted him with a hot supper and a wary smile. It was after they had made love that he realized something wasn’t right. Kathy outwardly appeared calm and cheerful, but he sensed things weren’t the same between them. Her eyes were cloudy and fathomless; her mood was subtly cautious. She had made passionate love to him, but she hadn’t yielded as before. A spark was missing somewhere. Even her laughter didn’t ring with spontaneous music as before. Her smile seemed forced. Perhaps he shouldn’t have left…

  As he lay there in the darkness with her curled against him, Landis fretted over this noticable change. Had his rejection stung deeper than he had realized? Even his surrender hadn’t eased the sting. She had bared her soul to him. His denial had been like a slap in her face. She had shamelessly pleaded for his touch. She had brazenly enticed him. Her pride was surely singed. He had promised to make it up to her, but had he? No, to so easily remove a knife in the heart was impossible. That damn meeting, he fumed. It hadn’t been worth it, for Graystone hadn’t even shown up! Was another Mounty dead?

  Landis had been correct in his assessment. Those next few days, he became more and more aware of the distinct change in Kathy. She tried to appear content with him, but he would look up suddenly to find her staring at him. When he would question her look, she would smile faintly and state she was “just thinking.” When he queried her line of thought, she would laugh and say, “Nothin
g important. Just silly girl thoughts.” Landis was worried, for she seemed to be moving further and further out of his reach. Was she afraid to reach out to him again? She hadn’t initiated any overtures since that fateful morning. She didn’t refuse his advances; instead, she greedily accepted them as if there would be no tomorrow. But she was quieter these days, as if her mind was miles away. His attempts to draw her out only half succeeded.

  One night when she sat down on the chair rather than coming to sit beside him on the sofa, he asked, “Kat, is something wrong?” Of late she had been avoiding him unless he verbally requested her nearness or sensuously swayed her.

  She glanced up from the book whose pages she hadn’t turned in an hour. “Wrong?” she repeated.

  “Are you still angry about the other day?” he pointedly asked.

  “Why should I be angry with you, Landis?” she innocently inquired, her gaze assuming that newly acquired impenetrable expression.

  “You haven’t been yourself since then. I know I upset you. I apologized. What more do you want?” he asked, frustrated.

  “Why should I complain, Landis. You’ve been keeping your end of our bargain,” she stated. “When do we head for Skagway?” she abruptly asked. “No doubt Moore’s ready to replace me by now.”

  “Damn the bargain!” he exploded, coming to kneel before her. “Why are you punishing me, Kat?” he accused. “Tell me what’s wrong.”

  “Is that what you think I’m doing?” she inquired sadly.

  “You’re damn right I do!” he thundered, startling her.

  “I guess it’s the lack of activity. I was very busy in Moore’s camp. Now, all I do is sit around waiting for you to come home.”

  “I thought you’d get tired of seeing my face from morning to night. Is that all it is, boredom?” he softly asked.

  “I haven’t seen anyone for two weeks, Landis. There’re only so many chores to do, the same ones daily. You’re gone all day. I get lonely and restless. What about my father and our search?”

  “Why didn’t you tell me?” he questioned, concern vivid in his softened gaze, masking his belief she wasn’t being honest with him.

  “I said I wouldn’t make any demands on you. I’ve tried very hard to keep that promise. The last time I…” She didn’t finish.

  “The last time you what, Kat?” he prompted, imprisoning her hand with his own.

  “It isn’t important, Landis,” she said, freeing her hands. “Isn’t it time to turn in?”

  “The last time you what, Kat?” he demanded to have his answer.

  “All right,” she acquiesced. “The last time I tried to show you how much I needed you to stay here with me, you spurned me. I told you I wouldn’t behave like that again. I don’t dare ask you any questions; you get your back up every time I touch on some forbidden subject. I don’t know what you expect from me, Landis. I feel like I’m walking on thin ice around you. As long as I comply to your rules and meet your terms, everything’s fine. I didn’t realize it would be so demanding to live on the edge like this, afraid to say the wrong thing, afraid to do the wrong thing. I’ve really tried, Landis, but you keep shutting me out. If I’m not on constant guard, I make the wrong move. That constant guard is fatiguing and taxing, Landis. I can’t live like this.”

  “You want to know more about me, is that it?” he warily asked.

  Tears slipped down her cheeks as she observed his suspicious look. “You still don’t trust me, do you?” she sighed unhappily. “Why?”

  “Is that what you want, a full confession to prove my feelings for you?” he challenged. “Haven’t I shown you how much I need you?”

  “Even if I made such a rash demand, you wouldn’t comply. Do you realize you haven’t brought home one single pelt in two weeks? It’s obvious you haven’t been trapping. I’m not asking you to tell me where you go every day; I’m only asking you not to lie to me anymore. Either keep silent or tell the truth. Is that so much to expect from your husband?”

  He tensed. “You don’t think I’ve been trapping?”

  “I know you haven’t,” she declared confidently.

  “I told you my business was secret, Kat. I can’t confide in you.”

  She shoved him aside and jumped up. She whirled to confront him. “Damn you, I’m not asking you to tell me anything! Just don’t lie to me. I’m not a possession without feelings. Stop being so defensive! I love you, Landis. I don’t care who you are or what you do. Just stop deceiving me. If you’ll lie about one thing, you’ll lie about others. How can I trust you when you play me for a fool every day? All you have to say is, Kat, I’m going out for a while. I won’t ask where or why. Forget it! It doesn’t matter anymore. It’s past time to leave here.”

  She turned to walk off. He was up and pursuing her. She struggled to break his hold on her. He pinned her against the wall. “Listen to me, Kat!” he stormed.

  “No! I’m tired of your lies and pretenses. You only want me here so you can keep your eye on me. If you get a few added benefits, so much the better for your victory. I’m tired of playing your games. Take me home,” she demanded painfully.

  “All right! I lied to you!” he shouted back. “But I had no choice. I couldn’t tell you where I was going or why; I still can’t. I don’t want you to leave, Kat,” he added, his harsh tone mellowing.

  “It isn’t working. Can’t you see that? You’re as much alone in this cabin with me here as you were before I came. You don’t need me; you don’t need anyone. If I weren’t cramping you, you wouldn’t be sneaking off and then lying about it. You say trust you, then prove I can’t.”

  “You’re mistaken, Kat; I do need you. You’re tearing my guts out. I can’t even think clearly anymore. Every minute I’m gone, all I can think about is hurrying to finish so I can return to you. Damn you, woman, you’re like some vicious disease eating at me!”

  “It’s the same with me. We’re destructive to each other. You view me as an evil threat to be controlled or destroyed. I’m not your enemy, Landis; why can’t you see that? I only want to love you, and you won’t allow it. It’s tearing me apart inside. Things can’t be right between us until you resolve whatever is bothering you. I thought I could prove you were wrong about me, about us, by coming here. You won’t give an inch, because you can’t. And I’ve given too much. We’ve got to end this nightmare, or there’s no hope for us.”

  “I can’t let you go, Kat,” he stubbornly refused.

  “You can’t stop me,” she countered.

  “There’s got to be some way,” he entreated.

  “Tell me the truth.”

  “I can’t,” he murmured, dreading the repercussions of his refusal.

  “I don’t mean about you or your life. I mean about us.”

  “What do you mean?” he grasped.

  “All I ask is that you don’t lie. If something’s a secret, say so. Don’t say you’re going trapping if you’re not. Just say you’ll be back later. No questions and no demands. Just the truth from now on.”

  “No questions?” he repeated.

  “None,” she promised, praying she could keep her vow.

  “All right, Kat. I’m going to Los Chance tomorrow. It’s on the Klondike, downriver. I have to see a man about something. In two days, I have to go back to Dawson, then on to Eldorado. I’ll be home each night. I can’t say why.” If she really was a spy, he prayed she wouldn’t betray him.

  Their gazes locked and searched the other; she smiled. “Was that so difficult? You will be careful?”

  “My whereabouts were for your ears alone,” he cautioned.

  “Praytell who would I inform here alone?” she teased.

  “The walls? They’re reputed to have ears,” he murmured, his tautness and tension fading rapidly.

  She laughed, sounding for the first time in days honest and warm. “Not a single soul, Mr. Jurrell. I swear it on my name and honor.”

  His mouth came down on hers. When he dragged it away, she grinned and asked,
“Would it be shameless to suggest we retire for the night?”

  He chuckled, playfully cuffing her chin. “My thoughts exactly.”

  “The war isn’t over yet, Jurrell; you’ve only won another battle.”

  “But victories add up,” he sensually hinted, sweeping her into his arms and bearing her to his bed. After a searing hour of lovemaking, he looked into her serene face and whispered, “You’re home, love.”

  Landis watched her sleep for a time. His tormented mind prayed, please be innocent, my love. Even all my power is useless if you’re not who you say you are. Even so, if you truly love me, I’ll find some way to help you and hold you…

  Thirteen

  While strolling outside the next morning for some invigorating air, Landis looked up to see Ben trudging along, snowshoes crunching on the frozen white surface. Landis genially greeted his partner, “Welcome home, Ben.”

  The older man flashed him a winning smile, his cornflower blue eyes revealing admiration and confidence. His face remained bronze from a summer outside, the skin slightly weathered by nature’s strong elements, but barely lined with age. His tall frame retained agility and strength. Even at forty-eight, he could best most men he confronted. Ben was steadfast, affable and easy-going. A staunch worker, he was resourceful and intelligent. As with Landis, Ben Weathers was self-contained, and fiercely protective of his emotions and his privacy.

  With similar personalities, they had struck a friendship at their first meeting two years ago. Invited to stay with Landis until he could settle himself, Ben had never left. Not that he hadn’t suggested it a few times, feeling he was taking advantage of his new friend’s generosity, but Landis had always smiled amiably and said there was no hurry. They had discovered this arrangement benefited both of them: one man was present to see to the cabin and their adjoining claims: gold and traplines. Later, Ben had discovered another reason to stay, one also profitable to both of them.

  From the way Ben handled himself around traps and pans, it was obvious he was experienced, an aid for Landis’s cover. Arriving from the American North-west, Ben had claimed to be weary of the laws which interfered with men there. He added he wanted to be free to roam a new wilderness, to challenge danger and fate for success and survival: things which kept men like him young and strong. Suspense, activity, and the fresh outdoors were like drugs to him. As with Landis, he savored pitting himself against perilous odds—and winning.