My dad was watching television in the living room. As I walked down the hall, I saw the light on in my parents’ bedroom. When I approached the door, I knocked softly.
“Come in,” my mother’s soft voice beckoned.
I opened the door, and she glanced up briefly from her book before looking back down to place her bookmark. “Hey, honey, how did the date go?”
When I didn’t respond, she looked up. “What’s wrong?” She shoved the book over to the nightstand as I closed the door behind me and walked toward her. “Did he hurt you?”
I shook my head adamantly.
“Then what?”
“Oh, Mom!” I sank down on the end of the bed and crawled on all fours until her arms wrapped around me, and I laid my head on her chest.
“Honey, what is it?”
I tried to speak, but my voice was nothing more than strangled sobs.
I could feel her stiffen. “Seren, you’re worrying me.”
She smoothed my hair out of my face, as she began to rock back and forth. “Shhh.”
“Momma.” I hadn’t called her that in years, not since I’d hit my teenage years and thought it sounded too babyish. I didn’t know why it came back to me now, maybe because I needed her to comfort me the way she had when I was younger.
“I’m here, Seren. Whatever it is, we’ll work our way through it.”
“I’m so scared,” I whispered. I sucked in a breath. “It hadn’t bothered me so much before, but maybe that’s only because it didn’t affect me then, because I wasn’t thinking about marriage, about a family.” She squeezed my shoulders, and I knew she understood. “He asked me to marry him.”
“Do you want to marry him?”
I nodded vigorously. “I do, Momma. I do. I love him so much, and that’s why I’m so damn terrified. I couldn’t say yes because I haven’t told him yet, and it wouldn’t be right.”
“You have to tell him, honey. Remember, if he doesn’t love you at your worst, he doesn’t deserve you at your best. If he truly loves you, it won’t make a difference.”
I pulled up and looked at her, the emotion coursing through my body causing the corners of my mouth to turn down on their own volition. “How can it not make a difference?”
Wishing I didn’t have to deal with this, I realized that now, not only did I still have to tell him, but I had also screwed up his proposal. Why did everything in our relationship have to go completely arseways?
What should have been one of the most wonderful memories of my life had been totally ruined. And it was my fault.
Knowing that my mother truly understood how I felt, I hugged her tighter and cried harder.
Chapter 24
Bolloxed
Cade
I hadn’t talked to Seren in a week. Part of me had wanted to blow her phone up, but instead, I stayed away. Whatever this was, it was her deal. Not mine. If she wanted to work things out, then she could come to me.
I’d offered her my heart, my devotion, my life, and she hadn’t even trusted me enough to talk about whatever the hell was going on in that pretty head of hers, which left me with multiple scenarios flitting through my mind.
Did she not really love me? Did she not think I was husband material? Did she have someone else?
Jealousy and anger washed through my body as I sat down on the barstool.
Mason headed in my direction, grinning as usual. “Hey, man, you look like shit. Are you trying to grow a beard?”
I rubbed the week’s worth of stubble on my jaw. “Just haven’t been in the mood to shave.”
“Where the hell have you and Seren been? Hawk’s been pretty damn lonely while drinking his after-work beer.”
“I saw him at the gym earlier.” I pointed at Mason. “I haven’t seen you, though.”
Mason cupped the edge of the bar with his palms, leaning against it. “That’s because I’ve been sneaking away in the evenings on Evan’s shift. Lexi told me I needed to go work off some stress. I told her there were better ways of working off stress, but she demanded that I go to the gym, anyway.”
A humorless smile touched my lips. “Chicks dig those muscles. She didn’t want her man getting flabby.”
His cheeks dimpled with amusement, and he ran his hands through his shoulder-length hair. “I can still count my abs.” He slapped the counter. “You want a beer?”
“Make it an Old Fashioned.”
“Going for something a little more potent tonight, huh?” Mason asked. “One fruitless Old Fashioned coming up.”
When he finished making the drink, he flipped a coaster onto the bar and set the cocktail on it, and then he headed to take drink orders of some of the other patrons.
I watched him as he set up to pour multiple shots simultaneously for a group of women, and I couldn’t help but wish Flanagan was sitting here with me. She’d be telling me what a show-off Mason was and to watch how all those women ate him up.
Gulping the drink, I set the empty glass on the coaster. Hawk was probably home with Amber. Mason would be driving home with Lexi.
And here I sat by myself.
It had never bothered me before, but now that I’d had a taste of being with Flanagan, sitting here alone was agonizing.
After Mason finished charming the women, he brought me another Old Fashioned. “Want to talk about it?” he asked.
Something about Mason made people vomit words from their mouth or maybe it was the alcohol or a combination of both.
“Has she been here during the last week?”
He shook his head. “Nope. I know Lexi’s been on the phone with her, but apparently it’s some of that top-secret girl-talk shit.”
I nodded, and it stung even more. She had talked to Lexi, but she couldn’t talk to me?
Mason picked up a dirty glass a few seats down from me. “Has it been that long since you talked to her?”
“Yep.”
He took the dishes to the sink and grabbed a bar towel. As he wiped the counter, he said, “Man, I’ll give you the same advice I gave Hawk. Girls like to know you care. That shit needs to be reinforced all the time.”
“I asked her to marry me.”
He froze and moved down the counter until he stood right in front of me. “Are you screwing with me?”
I took a long swig of the drink, before answering. “Do I look like I’m screwing with you?”
“Why are you in such a hurry to tie the knot? You’re young. You’ve got plenty of time. You know, I wasn’t surprised when Hawk proposed to Amber.” He pointed at me. “But you. I would have never expected it so soon out of you. First, you tell me about this insane bullshit with Pax in Ireland, and now this?”
I groaned.
Mason leaned against the counter. “I thought my family was screwed up, and hell, I guess it is. But there’s one thing about it, we’re not sitting in the boat alone.”
I choked on a laugh. Hell, he was right, and as far as I knew, he didn’t even know about the recent revelation on my parentage. “Whose family isn’t screwed up? Everybody’s got crazy shit going on, even if you don’t know about it. People do stupid shit. It’s what makes us all human.”
“True enough,” Mason agreed. “You wouldn’t believe some of the stuff that total strangers tell me. Maybe we’re both more normal than we thought.”
I raised my glass. “Here’s to being normal.” Then, I drained the rest of my drink.
“So what about Seren? Judging by how much you’re drinking, I take it she didn’t say yes?”
I shook my head. “Nope. She didn’t exactly say no, but she most definitely did not say yes.”
“Did she say why?”
A fit of laughter erupted from the women on the other end of the bar. Mason tapped the bar in front of me. “Be right back.”
“Bring another drink when you come.”
A few minutes later, Mason delivered another drink. I pulled some money out of my wallet and tossed it on the bar. “Keep ‘em coming.”
&nbs
p; “You got a DD?”
“Nope.”
“Then Lexi and I will take you home.”
I nodded my head in agreement.
“So what did Seren tell you?” he asked, continuing our conversation.
“Not much.” I rubbed my palm across the stubble on my cheek. “She burst into tears and wanted me to take her home. Gave me the ‘It’s not you. It’s me.’ speech.”
“And you haven’t talked to her since?”
“No. She said she needed some time. It’s been a week, and I haven’t heard one word from her.”
Mason gave me a you-poor-bastard look. “She’s ignoring your calls?”
“I haven’t called her. She wanted time. She can call me when she’s ready.”
“What the hell’s wrong with you, Cade?”
I narrowed my eyes at him, his accusatory tone starting to piss me off. “There ain’t shit wrong with me.”
“If you don’t care whether she comes back, then by all means, refuse to call her. Hell, I’ve ignored my share of women. But if you actually want a relationship with her, then you better get off your ass and let her know.”
I stared at Mason like he’d lost his mind. “Did you hear anything I just told you?”
He gave me a lopsided grin. “You don’t have much experience with women, do you?”
“I’m no damn virgin.”
He guffawed, and I found his eternal cheeriness extremely annoying.
“I was thinking more along the lines of serious relationships, not booty calls,” he clarified. “I’m telling you, man. If you want her, you can’t just ignore her. Women get all kinds of crazy shit going through their heads. Shit you can’t even begin to fathom.”
“Oh, really?” a soft feminine voice said from behind Mason’s shoulder. “What kind of crazy shit would that be?” Lexi came into view as she walked up beside Mason, a smug grin on her face. “Do tell.”
Mason charmed her with a grin. “If I can’t interrupt girl talk, you can’t barge in on the guys.”
Lexi smiled and then turned in my direction. Her smile dissipated as she focused on me. “You look awful.”
I ran my fingers through my hair and then drained the rest of my drink in one gulp. “Duly noted.”
“So can you help him out?” Mason asked her.
“What exactly does he need help with?” She turned her gaze back to Mason.
Mason laid his hand on her shoulder. “Deciphering the odd behavior of your best friend.”
“She’s just trying to come to terms with something,” Lexi offered, which did nothing to clear up the muddled situation between Flanagan and me.
“Aren’t we all?” I asked, frustrated.
Lexi leaned against the counter. “You’ll have to hear it from her.”
“Well, she’s not talking, so yeah.” This conversation was going nowhere. I wished they would both leave me the hell alone and just give me another drink. I held up my empty glass. “Bartender, how about another one?”
Mason took my empty glass but made no move to fix another one. Instead, he gazed back at Lexi.
“Look, Cade,” Lexi said, leaning in closer as she dropped her voice. “She’s seriously struggling right now. I mean I’ve known her almost my whole life, and I’ve never seen her like this.”
“If she doesn’t want to marry me, she should just come right out and tell me.”
“I can’t say much more,” Lexi said, “because I promised her I wouldn’t. But I will tell you that she loves you. A lot.”
“Really?” I asked, unable to keep the sarcasm from my voice. “Because I can’t tell.”
“I agree with you,” Lexi assured me, pushing a wave of dark hair over her shoulder. “Seren needs to talk to you.” She slapped a palm to her chest. “I’ve been telling her that myself.”
Propping my elbows on the bar, I lowered my head to my palms.
“Why don’t you try to call her right now?” Mason asked.
I fished my phone out of my pocket and called her. The phone rang and rang until it finally clicked over to voicemail. I hung up. “No answer.” I looked at Mason and held his gaze. “Now bring me another drink. If you’re driving me home, I’m getting bolloxed tonight.”
His brows rose. “What?”
I groaned. Damn all the Irish slang Flanagan had taught Pax and me in Ireland.
“Shitfaced,” I replied. “I’m getting shitfaced.”
***
When I woke up, I had a screaming headache. I grabbed my temples, hoping the pressure would keep my skull from splitting in two. I glanced around and realized I was in my own bed, a vague memory of Mason driving me home in my truck while Lexi followed drifting through my mind.
Being Flanaganless was driving me insane, not to mention driving me to drink. I kicked my legs off the bed as I tried to get up and realized that I had managed to get most of my clothes off, but my pants leg was still wrapped around one ankle. After pulling my leg free, I shuffled to the kitchen in nothing but my boxers to get some pain relievers. I opened the kitchen cabinet to get a glass, only to realize every glass I had was dirty.
“Wonderful,” I grumbled. Grabbing a glass out of the sink that looked reasonably clean, I rinsed it out and filled it with water. Then, I grabbed a couple of aspirin, popped them in my mouth, and washed them down.
This was bullshit. One way or another, Flanagan was going to talk to me today.
And if she didn’t….
I was done.
Seren
I was in a funk, and I knew I had to snap out of it.
The longer I went without talking to Cade, the more afraid I became. I had asked for some space, and he had complied.
I thought a day or two to get my thoughts together would be enough, but every time I picked up my phone to call him, fear flooded my body like an icy river of death. Horrible thoughts taunted me, and the more I tried to imagine the outcome of our much needed conversation, the more I feared that he wouldn’t want me.
“You have to talk to him,” Lexi told me as she bounced onto my bed. “You’re going to drive him away with all this silence.”
“I know.” I smoothed my hair back away from my face, scooping it into a ponytail before releasing it. “And I know my fear is irrational.” I shook my head, trying to clear my thoughts. “No,” I amended. “It’s not completely irrational, but it’s possible that it could be irrational.”
“Just call him,” Lexi urged. “You should’ve seen him last night, Seren. He looked terrible. He hasn’t shaven in days, and I’ve never seen him drink that much. He was pretty wasted by the time Mason and I took him home.” She softened her voice. “You’re breaking his heart.”
“Please don’t tell me that. I don’t want to hurt him.”
“Well, you are.” She snatched my phone up off the bed and handed it to me. “Call him.”
I knew she was right. I’d already let this get out of hand, but it had the snowball effect. The longer I waited, the harder it was to call him.
What the hell happened to confident Seren? I didn’t even recognize myself, anymore, and I hated the person I had become in the last week.
My eyes shifted to Lexi’s face, and I took the phone from her. “He probably hates me.”
“He doesn’t hate you.”
I huffed out a breath as I chewed on a fingernail. “I’ve never, ever, worried this much about what someone thinks about me.”
My phone rang, and my heart dropped as I realized Cade was calling me. “It’s him,” I whispered to Lexi as if he could hear me if I spoke too loud.
“So answer it,” she said.
“I can’t.” Feeling like I was going to be physically ill, I tossed the phone down.
Lexi frowned at me. “You’ve left him hanging too long.”
Knowing she was right, I flopped back on the bed. “I’ve made an awkward situation even more awkward.”
Lexi patted my leg. “He loves you. Talk to him.”
“I will,” I pro
mised. “I’ll talk to him today.”
“Good.” Lexi smiled, and then her expression fell away into one more serious. “If things don’t go as well as we both hope they do, then call me. I can be here in five minutes, and we can binge on ice cream straight from the carton. Now, I have to get to work. I’ve got to get payroll ready.”
I grabbed her hands in mine. “Thanks for being such a good friend.”
She squeezed my hands. “I love you, and I just want you to be happy.”
I hugged her neck. “I love you, too.”
***
I spent the whole day dreading Cade’s reaction when I finally opened up to him. Knowing I was procrastinating, I waited until the day had morphed into night, mostly because I was being a coward, and if things didn’t go well, I could at least hide under the cover of darkness.
Taking one last look in the lighted mirror on my sun visor, I smoothed the pad of my finger along the dark circles that shadowed my eyes. I had unsuccessfully tried to conceal them with makeup.
I flipped the mirror closed and pushed the sun visor back up. Taking a deep breath, I pulled some of my long tresses in front of my shoulders and got out of the car.
Heavy clouds shrouded the night sky like a thick blanket, hiding the glow of celestial bodies. I hoped it wasn’t a portent of what was to come.
As I hurried up the sidewalk before I lost my nerve, the only noise I could hear was the smacking of my flip-flops against my heels. My heart beat thunderously in my chest, and I swiped my sweaty palms against my jeans. A nervous knot lodged high in my stomach as I imagined all the ways this conversation could go wrong.
The slight inclination to vomit tugged at my esophagus, and I swallowed, hoping to keep my stomach contents at bay. Halting outside his front door, I raised my hand to knock as I forced air into my lungs. After the slightest hesitation, I rapped lightly on the door, hoping in equal parts that he wasn’t home and that he was.
The door swung open, and I was relieved and disappointed. At least now, everything would be in the open. And however he chose to respond, I would have to deal with it. Maybe that would be better than the not-knowing I had been suffering through over the last week. But then I thought about losing him, and the vicious cycle of indecisiveness started all over again.
Deceived Page 23
