by Jude Ouvrard
I think I turn twenty shades of red. I'm embarrassed by our little moment, but I enjoyed it anyway.
Joy-Anna is already planning the color to paint the walls in the baby’s room. She loves decorating, it's her thing, but in all honesty, I don't even know what I want myself. Alicia and Lucia join the conversation, and they bring good ideas to the table. I’ll have to talk about it with my husband. I want to do this with him. I want us to share all the joys that the baby brings.
The boys are smoking cigars on the balcony. They celebrate in their own way. We girls are discussing baby names, breast feeding, giving birth. I'm scared shitless about giving birth. I don’t believe anyone who says it doesn’t hurt, because I'm two hundred percent sure that it does. I'm not convinced that a caesarean section is any better. I have to stop myself fretting, because thinking about it is making me anxious.
I can hear the boys laughing outside; Bentley, Josh, Derek, Cam and Presley. I want to join them or at least, I wish I could eavesdrop on them. I wonder what they are talking about.
By the time everyone leaves, I'm exhausted. The dirty dishes will have to wait until the morning. I just can’t deal with them now. I take off my clothes, and I put on one of Presley’s t-shirts. It’s how I'm the most comfortable right now. My breasts are sensitive, and I feel like my tummy is going to explode; not because of the baby, but because I ate two large slices of strawberry and raspberry cheesecake. It’s impossible to control myself around cake. We are like magnets, attracting one another.
I find Presley in the nursery. It’s currently empty, waiting for us to decorate it. He is quiet and standing by the window. I walk toward him and circle my arms around his waist. I wonder what he is doing in here. He looks thoughtful.
"Are you okay?"
"I'm… I’m just nervous about the future. Not us, but me. I mean, I want to give you and the baby everything you need and want. I want to spoil you both. I just hope I’ll always be able to do that, still doing what I love and being sure that we’re doing okay. Photography is fun, but it’s a lot of work and the schedule is unpredictable."
"Presley, look at me. Baby, please."
He turns to face me, and I see he’s been crying. I wipe away his tears with my thumbs, and I kiss his soft lips.
"We're in this together. We're married, Presley. We'll support each other, and I don’t need everything. As long as I have you and the baby, and a roof over our heads, I’m happy." I run my right hand through his hair. "I’ll work, too. I’m not going to let you do this on your own. We'll both work and adjust to the new life that’s coming. My work doesn’t require me to travel; I can work from home and take care of the baby. Presley, please, don’t stress over this. We're fine."
"Fuck, you are the best wife ever. It just hit me tonight. What if I can’t afford this type of lifestyle anymore, but you’re right. We'll make it work. I trust you." He lifts me in his arms and walks us out of the room.
"Presley, I can walk you know.”
"I know, but I want to go to bed with my wife, and this is how I do it." He slowly tucks me under the blankets, walks to the other side of the bed, undresses, and slides under the covers with me.
I move closer to him, and he wraps his arms around me. It’s the best feeling in the world. His warmth invades my body. I feel his love and listen to his heartbeat, until I’m too tired and fall asleep.
11:47AM. Jesus Christ, how come I’m still in bed? Why didn’t Presley wake me up? I walk out of the bedroom, hearing noises coming from the office. I hear Presley and Joshua talking.
As I reach the door and see inside the room, I'm speechless.
"Hey, sleepyhead. I hope we didn’t wake you," Joshua teases.
"It’s almost lunchtime," Presley adds.
"When… who… you got this for the baby?" I mumble, walking towards his desk. There’s a teddy bear and baby pyjamas sitting on top of the desk; so small and so cute. He even picked neutral colors. He thought of everything.
"So you like it?"
"No… I love it. When did you manage to get all of this?"
"Yesterday. I went to the store, and guess what? Jamie works there, so she helped me pick out a few things." His grin reaches his eyes; he is definitely a proud future daddy.
"You got me a t-shirt? I read the slogan on the front. ‘No, I'm not pregnant, I swallowed a watermelon.’ “What the hell is that, Presley?” I laugh. "Do I actually have to wear it?"
"Of course you have to, it's a gift," he insists with a huge grin on his face.
"He’s just trying to spoil you," Joshua laughs. "Some people get Omega watches, and some people get funny t-shirts."
I put the t-shirt on over my clothes, and yeah, I have to admit, it’s cute. The watermelon is sitting right over my small belly.
Joshua sits on a chair while Presley finishes a touch-up on one of his tattoos. I walk closer to see what it is and discover he’s added Alicia’s name to his forearm. It's cute, and not too flashy. I bet she’s going to love it. I wonder if I'm ever going to get Presley's name on me. I'll have to put some thought into it.
"Voilà, my job is done… for now." Presley walks over to me, placing a hand over my tummy, and kissing my lips tenderly.
"I better be the godfather, Presley," Joshua announces.
"We’ll think about it," I say. I think Joshua and Alicia would be the perfect godparents. Alicia is always there for Presley and he has a great relationship with his brother. We still have few months ahead to decide. We'll have to think about it.
But for now, I’m hungry, and I feel like I could eat an entire watermelon.
It is 7:15 a.m. and I'm forty-one weeks and one day pregnant. I'm exhausted and I want it out. Yesterday I cleaned all the floors in the apartment, walked two miles, took three tablespoons of castor oil, and we had plenty of sex, and still no contractions. Today they are going to induce me. I wish the baby would have made it out naturally, but unfortunately, the baby apparently doesn't want to.
Presley is at the admissions desk, taking care of the paperwork, while I sit in the waiting room.
"Come on Belly Bee. We have to go; they are waiting for our arrival." He and Joy-Anna started calling me Belly Bee once my tummy expanded. They’ve just had way too much fun with it; I let them have their fun and just put up with their joking.
"Coming..." I say, hardly able to walk anymore.
The nurses have everything ready for us. They bring us to the delivery room, give me a blue hospital gown, and ask me to lie down on the bed. Presley remains by my side, holding my hand. He’s just as nervous as I am. I'm cold and shaking; I can't handle so much anxiety. The doctor comes in and explains the induction process. It’s nerve wracking.
He examines me. "You are already three centimetres dilated. I'm going to insert a plastic hooked instrument through the cervix to break the amniotic sac. You won't feel any pain; you might just feel the water coming out. Feeling alright, Mrs. Williams?"
"Yeah, just a bit anxious."
The doctor does exactly what he said, and I feel no pain at all. A little water comes out, but nothing major. Not at all what I’d expected.
"Don't worry; we’ve got everything under control. We're going to give you oxytocin through an IV pump, to start your contractions. The nurses will come in every twenty minutes at first to check on you, and we’ll adjust your dosage as you progress."
He inserts the IV in my left hand, putting on more tape than I think is necessary. That tape hurts like a bitch when it's time to take it off.
"If there is anything you need, just press on the call button, and the nurse will be right with you."
"Thanks."
The doctor leaves, and I’m feeling stunned. I only spent five minutes with him, and now everything is about to happen. I feel my first contraction, but it's not painful. Presley is sitting quietly next to me, waiting for me to say something.
"Wow... that was fast, right?" I say.
"Yes, love, that wasn't exactly how I expected things to happen.
"
"It’s not painful right now, though."
"I can't wait to see Little Bee. I'm so excited."
"I know, but like I told you, induced labor is slower. We’re probably going to be here for a while, I'm afraid."
Presley leaves his seat and reaches for the baby bag. "Just in case Little Bee shows up soon, I have to get everything ready." He retrieves a tiny diaper and pyjamas from the bag. It's one of the outfits he bought when we found out I was pregnant. It's so cute; I can't wait to hold my baby and see him or her wearing it.
After an hour, the nurse comes in and takes a look at the monitor. "Your contractions are very mild; I'm going to increase the oxytocin. You will start feeling a little bit of pain." She increases the oxytocin, and the results are immediate, and a good deal more painful as well. I wince at the first one. It's uncomfortable, mostly, rather than pain.
"You may want to rest a bit," the nurse suggests.
How am I supposed to rest? I have cramps every few minutes. The monitors keep beeping. I'm stressed, and it is not exactly how I had planned to spend my day. Well, I actually had no idea how things would happen today. I'm already tired.
"Abbie, just breathe, my love. Everything will be all right." Presley starts playing with my hair and humming a soft melody. He knows how to please me, as usual. It calms my nerves.
My eyelids feel heavy; I'm trying hard to let my brain go... I take a deep breath and exhale slowly. I wince with each contraction, but I finally feel myself falling asleep. Presley’s humming becomes my mantra. His voice brings me such security, and makes me forget where I am. It feels like we’re at home.
I'm sleeping...
I'm sure it's not even been an hour when I hear a soft knock on the door. I'm irritated. They keep coming in here, and then expect me to sleep? I don't move and pretend I'm still sleeping. That should work, right? The nurse comes over to check on the monitor. She asks my husband if I'm doing well. He responds that I’ve been sleeping for a very short amount of time. She takes the hint, and mentions that she'll return later. Thank God!
"You are such a bad actress, Abbie. But it’s fine, my love... You can go back to sleep now. I’ll try to get some sleep too, if you don't mind."
"I love you." I tell him.
"I love you too, Belly Bee."
I concentrate again, letting my mind wander.
I hear the sound of some beeping, but it’s far away. I don't leave my happy place; I stay there a little bit longer. Presley takes my hand into his. I can't ignore the feeling of his touch, his lips on my skin, the kiss he shares with me. I love him; I love how he is always there for me.
I feel the cramping again, and the pain is more intense this time. I hold my breath and let it go slowly. I relax again, thinking that it was just a bad one. Then come the second one... and the third one...
I can't pretend anymore. "Presley, it fucking hurts, now."
“I know, love. They increased the oxytocin again. We have to call the doctor to let him know you’re awake. They want to check your progress.” He presses the call button, and two minutes later, the doctor comes in.
"Mrs. Williams," he says, as he stands at the foot of the bed. "We need to take a look at your progress." He removes the sheet and proceeds with his checkup. "You are dilated to five centimetres now. That's great. We need to monitor the baby, so we're going to install an electronic fetal monitor. The sensors will remain on your belly with an elastic belt. They can feel a little tight; just let us know if they’re uncomfortable. The first sensor monitors your contractions and the second your baby's heartbeat. Both sensors will report to the machine, making it easier to keep track of the baby’s heartbeat and your contractions."
"Okay..." I don't know if I'm supposed to have questions, but I can’t think of any, and Presley seems to be fine with the doctor’s explanation.
The hours pass and the progress is slow. I'm getting cranky and the pain is killing me. The nurse brought in a hot pad because the pressure I’m feeling in my lower back is both excruciating and overwhelming. It feels like my bones are cracking. There is no time to try and relax before the pain becomes even worse. When I’m lying on my back, it arches to a point of breaking. I have to move to my side every time a contraction comes. Tears are rolling down my cheeks.
"Belly, I know you said you didn't want an epidural, but I think at this point you should have one. You’ve endured more than you should have to. It would give you some time to relax and store up your energy for pushing," Presley suggests.
I sob through the end of a contraction. "I think you’re right, baby. I can't take the pain anymore. I thought I was going to be strong enough."
"You are strong, love. Never think less of yourself because you took the epidural. You are doing wonderfully. I'm so proud of you."
"Can you ask the nurse to get the anaesthesiologist? Please?"
This time he doesn't buzz the nurse with the button, he walks out of the room to get them. I try to convince myself that this is the right thing to do. I have to do this, it’s the only way. I remember the prenatal classes I went to, and how they explained the epidural procedure. It's not something I'm looking forward to. I'm suddenly very nervous, and I don't like it one bit.
Presley returns. "They will be here in ten minutes." As he sits down, another contraction hits, and he applies pressure to my lower back, massaging the pain. The contraction seems less painful that way.
"Thank you, that helped a lot," I say, when I'm finally able to breathe and speak again.
The anaesthesiologist comes in with a nurse, and I get extremely nervous. I start crying and shaking, and I end up vomiting, but I haven't eaten since last night, so it freaking hurts. The nurse takes control and helps me through it. Presley is holding my hand, it's all he can do right now.
I sit on the bed, trying to relax the muscles in my back, as the anaesthesiologist gives me an injection of local anaesthetic in my lower back. I fucking hate needles, I'm afraid I'm going to pass out. The man then guides a hollow needle between the small bones in my back, giving me the feeling of lightning shooting all along my spine. I try not to move because he told me not to.
The catheter is in, and the needle is removed. I feel like throwing up again. I tell the nurse and she gives me Gravol to help with the nausea.
I fall asleep again. Gravol makes me so sleepy, I can't help myself.
Hours are flying by, and I still have no baby in my arms. Alicia and Joshua came to see us, but they left when they saw that I was still going through labor. They brought me a nice bouquet of white and yellow roses. They smell so good.
I'm now fully dilated and getting ready to push. I push and I push and I push. The baby is slowly making its way down, but I see concern on the face of the doctor. The baby is not coming correctly. The baby is turning once it’s engaged. The doctor pushes it back a little, trying to place little Bee in the right position. I don't lose hope; I can do this. I know I can. I push and I push and I push again. The same situation happens, and it repeats itself twice more. I'm losing patience and energy. The doctor goes over their policy. They usually don't let a mother push for more than two hours... and it's been four hours already.
I’ve been in labour for twenty-six hours. I'm exhausted, and so is Presley. He’s losing patience, not with me, but towards the doctors and nurses.
The Doctor speaks to us, his face serious. "We're going to have to do a C-section, because it is not safe to force the baby out. C-section is your only choice right now. I’ve done everything I could."
Fuck. I didn't want an epidural, and I certainly didn't want a C-section. But I have no choice here. I want my baby alive, and I want little Bee in my arms as soon as possible.
"OK. It’s fine... just do what's best for the baby."
They stop giving me oxytocin. I still have contractions, and I can't push, so I feel like my insides are being squeezed. Not a feeling I enjoy, to be honest.
We go into the operating room. It's freaking cold in here. The n
urse brings me a warm blanket while they give me a spinal and epidural anesthesia. I can't feel anything below my breasts, and it's scary. They tell Presley to stay by my side, and if he can’t handle the blood, they suggest he sit next to me instead. My arms tremble uncontrollably, and my teeth are chattering.
I know the C-section has started, I can feel what they are doing. I feel pressure, and a bit of discomfort, but I don't feel any pain. Thankfully. Presley remains by my side. He is nervous and can't sit still. He watches what they are doing and he looks amazed.
"Everything okay, Mrs. Williams?" The doctor asks. I nod my agreement.
"We're about to pull your baby out."
I wait impatiently. I can't see anything but the light of happiness and the stunning smile on my husband’s face. I see tears escaping onto his cheeks.
"It's a healthy little boy!" the doctor announces.
"He’s perfect, Abbie." Presley tries to get closer, but the nurses ask him to remain where he is. "It won't be long, my love."
The nurse is holding him... he’s mine and perfect and everything I wanted him to be. "Hey, little Lewis," I say. She lets me kiss him, and then leaves with him. Presley is asked to follow behind them.
I'm left here, alone, and I have no clue what’s happening. I feel like I'm going to throw up again. I tell the nurse, and she gives me more Gravol through the IV.
Thirty seconds later, I'm falling asleep. I'm trying to fight it, but I'm afraid I don't have enough energy.
I'm exhausted, and extremely happy. I have the image of my newborn son imprinted in my mind. He is the only person I think about. I want to see him again, and I’m dying to hold him in my arms.
Chapter TWENTY-NINE
Presley
I FOLLOW THE nurse out of the room. I don't want to leave Abbie alone, but I don't think I have a choice in the matter.
"Mr. Williams, we just need to make sure he’s alright. He has been through a tough labor, and he is a very tired baby. He'll need rest and warmth. We're just going through normal procedures."
