Let it be Us

by Barbara Speak

  I watched Shelby climb in the back seat before I opened the passenger side door to get in. I noticed she had spun around to look out the back window, and when I glanced over, I saw what caught her attention. Canyon was standing next to the house with his hands in his pockets watching every move we made. I couldn't say goodbye even if it was the right thing to do. He didn't deserve one this time.

  I turned back and grabbed onto the handle before I pulled myself up into the front seat and closed the door behind me.

  "Are you sure you want to do this?"

  Of course I wasn't sure. There really was no coming back if I left this way, and I knew it. But instead of letting my heart interfere, I looked at the man who was quickly becoming my least favorite person in the world and answered him, "Please just drive."

  It took a good thirty minutes before we pulled into the dealership parking lot. The entire time we all sat in silence. Another hour was spent signing papers, even though I was paying cash, which made no sense to me whatsoever. By the time they handed me the keys, it was dark, we were both starving, and we had no place to go.

  Climbing in my new truck should have felt amazing. It was the first thing I had ever bought on my own, but I was in no place to celebrate.

  "Can we find some place that has hamburgers?"

  "That's what you want?"

  "I just figured it was fast and easy."

  "Sounds good to me."

  I reached into my purse and grabbed my phone to Google where the closest restaurant would be but saw I had a text waiting to be read.

  My hand started shaking when I saw it was from Canyon. I had no idea what he would have to say, and I was sure I didn't want to know.

  "Who's that from?" Shelby must have caught my reaction.

  "Canyon."

  "Well, read it."

  "I don't think I can."

  "Then give it here."

  She yanked the phone from me and opened the text. I intentionally turned my head to look at anything other than that phone.

  "No way!"

  Until she said that.

  "What?"

  "The house! Oh, my God!"

  "What house?"

  "Ours. It's still ours. Mom didn't sell it. We have a place to live, Arianna!"

  "Give me that."

  I ripped the phone back and stared at the screen reading over and over,

  The house is still yours if you want it. They were never able to find a buyer.

  That was it. Not, "Please come back to me." Or, "I'm sorry." Simply, "The house is yours if you want it."

  "Can we just go? I'm hungry, and I want to see the house. Maybe she left us a note."

  I cringed at the thought. Having to pick Shelby back up from another let down caused by that woman was the last thing I wanted to deal with after the day I had. After the verdict was announced and Canyon walked in, I didn't think anything could bring me down from the high I was on. Boy, was I wrong.

  "Okay, let's get some food and go back to the house. But listen, I don't want to stay there forever. We are going to find somewhere else to live if it kills me."

  "Why? It's a house for us."

  "Because it's directly next to his."

  I pulled out of the parking lot forgetting I had no idea where we were headed. I just didn't want to have to think about anything in that moment.

  Shelby grabbed my phone and found a burger franchise two blocks away. Before we knew it, we were scarfing down two greasy cheeseburgers and fries.

  "I'm stuffed! Now, let’s go home."

  I wanted to correct her that the house we were sleeping in would never be considered a home, but there was no point in taking away the only security she had left.

  The ride back was a quiet one. Shelby every now and then would change the radio station, but she for the most part let me live in my thoughts.

  I understood why Canyon felt the need to keep it from me. He was right. I never would have agreed to come here. The more I went over it in my head the clearer it became that no amount of me telling him he needed to be with Brooke was going to make that happen. He made that clear long before I got there. That was the only explanation I could come up with to justify his behavior toward her.

  Regardless of if there was a relationship to have between them, they still needed to be a part of each other's lives for the baby.

  The baby.

  That was the one thing that made me come back full circle. Just when I had almost convinced myself that I couldn't blame him for being with her it came back to that. I mean, I had left with no word on if and when I was coming back. He was hurt, alone, and needed someone. I would be cold if I didn't realize I had a lot to do with why it happened. But, none of it mattered when I let the baby come into the mix. I wasn't blaming the baby. Come on, I'm not an awful person. I just wasn't ready to take on what bringing a baby into the mix meant for us. I would never be able to get past what happened between them if I had to stare at the result.

  "I can't believe we are going to be home again. Like really home."

  And then there was Shelby. I was so wrapped up in my own life that I had forgotten about what needed to be the most important thing to me.

  "I will do anything for you. You know that, right?"

  She looked at me with a scowl on her face.

  "You can stop being fake with me. You miss him all over again. This time he's not so far away, you know."

  I hated that she could read me so well.

  "Just focus on what we can control, okay? We need to worry about getting you registered for school. Heck, we don't even have groceries for breakfast. We need to focus on taking care of us and not about—"

  "The fact you love him even though you don't want to right now? Seems silly to me, but what do I know?"

  "You're right. You don't know."

  "If you say so."

  We turned on to the street, and my heart sunk. I didn't want to drive by his house, so when it came time to pass it I didn't let myself look anywhere but straight ahead.

  "Do you care if I go see Nyah? I didn't get to go in the barn when we were there earlier."

  "You can go any time you want, Shelby. I don't want you to think I'm going to keep you from him. Just because I won't go over there doesn't mean you can't."

  I had pulled into the driveway and put the truck in park, but I couldn't force myself to open the door and get out. The last time I had set foot in the place I thought it would forever be my last.

  "Come on, Arianna!"

  Shelby practically flew out of her seat and slammed the door behind her. I reluctantly followed.

  I wasn't sure what to expect, but the front door was unlocked and when we walked in, the place looked exactly the same. There were no cobwebs in the corners, hell, no dust had even settled on the tables.

  "Someone is living here, Shelby. We need to go."

  I reached for her hand but she pulled away saying, "Maybe it's Mom," before she took off, tearing down the hall, opening all the doors, expecting to find the one woman who would never be there. I let her go. Part of me wanted to follow her but more screamed inside of me that none of this made sense.

  Who was living in that house crept me out to the point that I yelled, "We need to leave!" When she didn't respond, I went looking for her saying, "Did you hear me? We are leaving now."

  I searched from room to room until I found her sitting on her parents’ bed.

  "What are you doing?"

  "Her clothes are still here. She has to just be at the store or something. I'm not leaving, Arianna. She's coming back soon. I just know it."

  Sitting down next to her, I combed my fingers through her hair.

  "She left it all here. That doesn't mean—"

  "Yes it does! She wouldn't have left this!"

  She reached over to the side table and grabbed a picture of her and the two of them.

  I chose not to argue but instead let her reminisce in what I felt was a fairytale. It was her memory she was living in, though,
not mine.

  Eventually, she looked up at me with an expression I wasn't expecting. "Do you think she ever loved us?"

  How do you answer that? I failed at coming up with something clever and settled for the truth.

  "I think she lives in a world where she doesn't need to feel anything."

  "So you don't think she did?"

  "I'm sure deep inside it's there. I don't know how you can have children and not love them."

  "I guess we'll find out when she gets back."

  She was so convinced our mother would return that arguing with her was pointless.

  "Why don't you go take a shower and get ready for the movie."

  "Movie?"

  "I thought we could watch one together?"

  "Can it be the new Annie?"

  "I can make that happen."

  Watching her jump up from the bed was priceless but having her turn around and dive onto the bed, pushing me down under her, was completely out of nowhere.

  "You love him, Arianna, and he needs you just as much as you need him to be happy. Don't let that mean girl come between you."

  "It's not that simple..."

  "There's a baby coming. Blah, blah, blah."

  I pushed her off of me on to her back, tickling her under her arms until she was screaming for mercy.

  "I will let you go but only if you go get in the shower."

  "Fine! Just stop!"

  I let her up and watched as she walked to the hall closet, grabbed a towel, and then heard the bathroom door close before the water turned on. It was unbelievably strange to see her act natural in this environment again. It was almost like Deja vu.

  Only once I was certain she was in the shower did I run to the kitchen to check the refrigerator. Just as I thought, it was empty. Our mother wasn't living in that house, so who was?

  Chapter 4

  Neither Shelby nor I watched the movie. I was lost in thought while she constantly glanced at the door waiting for our mother to walk through. Eventually, she fell asleep with me rubbing her back while her head rested in my lap. I wanted to rip that woman to shreds for hurting her the way she did. How could she not have taken at least the photograph by her bed? Why have it there in the first place if it didn't mean anything to begin with? If she was really here, how would Canyon not know? And then I remembered. He never answered me when I asked what she said to him other than we had left. He avoided answering a lot of questions on that flight, and I bet he knew more than he was letting on. Not wanting to face him, I got up and found my phone so I could call Henry Dalton. It was late, and I knew it was completely wrong of me to bother him, but he was the only person I could think of that would know who was staying in that house.

  I was exhausted after the day I had, but I couldn't sleep knowing someone could walk in at any moment.

  I searched my history, found his number, and hit dial. After it rang four times I heard, "Arianna? Are you okay?"

  "That's a hard question to answer right now. I'm sorry to call so late, but would you by chance know who owns my parent’s house now? We are here, and it's clear someone is living here. I know that sounds crazy..."

  "Hold on a second. I have to go to my computer." He paused, leading me to believe I was forcing him to get out of bed. "In the meantime, why don't you tell me about how it feels to be free of worry. It must be good to not have us watching your every move."

  "Actually, I miss it. I never thought I would say that but life was more simple yesterday. I knew what I was up against at least."

  "What do you mean by that? Has someone contacted you? Are you in trouble?"

  His voice sounded panicked, and I needed to reassure him that this threat was only to my heart not my body.

  "I'm okay. Please don't worry. This is all just much harder than I thought it would be."

  "Being a grownup with responsibilities isn't easy, that's for sure. Now let’s see... I have the property listed for sale back in June of last year and them a firm contract was put in place for purchase at the beginning of July."

  "So someone did buy it?"

  "Yes. It looks like a Canyon Michaels paid cash for—"

  "That son-of-a-bitch!"

  "I take it you knew this person?"

  "No, I know this asshole."

  "Okay? So..."

  "That's all I needed. Thank you, Henry, and I'm sorry if I woke you."

  I was already out the front door and walking down the driveway as he spoke.

  "It's not a problem, hun. If you need anything, please don't hesitate to call."

  "I appreciate that."

  "Arianna, do you have a place to sleep tonight?"

  "Oh, I sure do. Thank you again, Henry. Goodbye."

  I didn't mean to come across rude or ungrateful, but a fury was building inside of me, and I knew exactly who I need to unleash it on as I hung up.

  Walking the road that would soon bring me to his house felt in no way nostalgic. I was going to rip him apart with my bare hands. Why would he buy it, and why the hell wouldn't he say something?

  The light cast a low gleam across the grass coming from the back of the house, letting me know he was in his usual spot. As I stomped through the grass I heard the guitar strum and his beautiful voice. As mad as I was, my legs stopped moving and the song “Amnesia” by 5 Seconds of Summer could be heard clearly.

  "Fuck my life!"

  I wanted to scream at him but that damn song. As he sang about wishing he could wake up having forgotten all of the memories that plagued him I wondered, would that make it better? Would us having never met be something I would wish for?

  I rounded the corner, clearing my throat to bring attention to my presence. The guitar stopped as did his song. Not another sound was heard as I climbed the cedar steps to the back porch other than when the door springs screamed of needing oil as it swung open and then smacked closed again after I passed through.

  "Ari..."

  He looked like he was about to pounce out of his chair, but I held up my hand signaling for him to stop.

  "No. Don't. I want you to tell me why you lied to me."

  He sat back in his chair and started running his hands over his head in frustration.

  "I told you I was sorry about that. I should have handled it differently, but I didn't have time to prepare." He stood from his chair ignoring my wishes and began to walk toward me. "I had no idea you would still want me. I went there expecting closure.”

  My hands went to my hips, aggravated he would even say that.

  "So you never expected me to come back here and find out? Is that it?"

  "No! I just didn't..."

  "What you didn't do is tell me you bought my parents’ house!"

  He was just about to say something when his mouth snapped shut.

  "What? You didn't think I'd find that out either? What else, Canyon? What's going to slap me in the face next?"

  "The fact that I did all of this for you!"

  "For me? How is buying that house something you did for me? I hate everything about it, Canyon. What made you think I would want it?"

  His hands flew into in the air. "This is all so screwed up!"

  "Don't shut down on me now. You apparently felt the need to lie to me once. Are you going to keep it up or tell me what the hell is going on?"

  "I bought it for Shelby, not you. I know that seems crazy, but after you left all I could think about was getting you back and never letting you go again. We were supposed to grow old together and Shelby could live next door. We would never have to be apart again..."

  "So you had all of this worked out in your head and then decided it would be a good idea for you to sleep with Brooke? How does that even make sense?"

  "It doesn't."

  "That's it? It doesn't? Well, let me tell you something. I want you to sell that house and get your money back because we're not staying there. I may have promised Shelby she could—"

  "Why are you screaming out here?"

  My head snapped to the
left as the door to the kitchen swung open and Brooke was standing there with her hand holding the door open.

  "I'm out of here."

  His hand shot out, grabbing my arm before I took my first step.

  "Please, don't go."

  "Are you kidding me? She's staying here with you, and you expect me to hang around? Goodbye, Canyon."

  I pulled my arm free just as I heard, "It was good seeing you, Arianna. Don't be a stranger."

  It took all I had in me not to turn around and tell her to kiss my ass. Instead, I grabbed the door and pushed it open just as I heard, "Stop!"

  I don't know why my feet didn't keep moving because it was all I was begging for them to do.

  "I'm going to walk you home."

  I could feel his breath on my shoulder he was so close.

  "I don't need you to do that, Canyon."

  "I never said you did."

  He grabbed the door above my head and waited for me to pass through before he followed me out. Brooke huffed and then slammed the kitchen door letting us both know she wasn't happy with how things were turning out. As mad as I was, I did a little happy dance in my head knowing I at least pissed her off, even if it was unintentional.

  "Will you please stop acting like I'm the enemy here? I don't know what the right thing to do is, but I'm trying."

  I continued to walk without answering him until we got to the road.

  "I know you are, and I'm sorry that I'm so angry about all of this. You have a lot on your plate. But why is she there, Canyon? I know it's not my place to ask anymore, but..."

  "It will always be your place, darlin’. Don't ever feel you can't ask me something."

  Him calling me darlin’ again hit me hard.

  "It's funny you say that, because all I have been doing is asking questions that are going unanswered."

  "I have tried to answer everything since you got here and found out. You are the one shutting down. Listen,"

  He stopped walking two steps behind me and took me by my waist to stop me from moving forward.

  "I will never want anyone but you. With all that has happened, nothing is more clear to me than this."

  His body moved in front of mine and in less time it would take me to blink he was pressing his lips to my forehead, kissing me softly. He pulled back, placing my cheeks in his hands and lifted my chin just enough so that my eyes met his.