“Beat her at her own game” Kim suggests like it’s the obvious thing to do.
“Are you asking me to steal her boyfriend away from her? He hates me.” Ever since I told on him in second grade he has hated me. Not that I cared one bit. “How exactly do you suggest I do that?”
“Maybe I can help with that” says a familiar dreaded voice. Kim whips her head around and takes a deep breath. She giggles like it’s the funniest thing in the world to be caught talking about him.
“Hey Felix” I casually say. You can’t let Felix know you are affected by him. If you do you are a target for his temper, flirting or anything else he can dish out.
“Come talk to me behind the stage and we can work something out” he says in a low whisper-like voice and a grin.
“Ha…are you going to be one of those creepy old men that lure kids into a shady looking van with candy? I am not going anywhere with you Felix. I would like to keep my reputation, thank you very much.”
“Word is that you won’t be back here next year so what reputation are you trying to save? By this time next year no one will remember you went behind the stage with me.”
Kim whispers “Go.”
After a few stares at my best friend and the demon I go with him. What have I got to lose and maybe I will get a chance to piss off her highness. Kim walks off the stage.
Once we are alone I ask “Why do you want to help me?”
He smiles and says “There is a swim party tonight and a few girls that I want to hook up with will be there and since Natasha will be there she won’t let me out of her sight. If we aren’t together anymore she doesn’t have a reason to hang on to me.” He does have a logical answer but what a jerk thing to do.
“Why don’t you just break-up with her then.”
“I was going to but this sounds more fun than what I had planned.” Although it was healing, he still had a black eye from the fight he had gotten into a few weeks ago. That only added to his hotness. Are we programmed at a young age to like the bad boy? He has a cute smile too bad it has evil written all over it.
“Do you make it a habit of listening in on other people’s conversations?” I change the subject so he won’t notice me staring at this smile. I could play it off like I was staring at the fresh cut near his lip. I wondered who he fought this time.
“Do you want my help or not?”
“Yes” I am doing this for Kimberly and for every other girl here who has had their boyfriend stolen from her highness.
“So, I am going out there to line up for the awards. After the ceremony you need to come up to me and kiss me.”
“Wait one second there….”
He continued as if I didn’t interrupt his evil plan. “Then you and I will walk out of the school holding hands. Then you can go on your way and I will go to the party to have my fun. Great plan right?” He smiles a proud smile like he just solved the hardest math problem in the world.
“You want me to kiss you in front of the entire school?” I am not sure but I think he has lost his mind. Because that is the craziest plan I have ever heard.
“Yes”
“Think of something else Felix. I can’t do that.”
“Can’t or won’t?”
“Does it matter? Won’t we get into trouble for PDA?”
“Really, Beth? It’s the last hours of school. Do you think they are going to give you detention? Suspend you? Write you up?”
If I tell him this would be my first kiss he would definitely make fun of me. How can I play this and still get what I want?
“Okay I will go through with your plan.” I will just have to think of something quick.
“Okay.” He smiled walking away.
I knew he was up to something but I wasn’t quite sure what. I went to find Kim to let her know about ‘our evil plan’. She was so excited and was about to scream when I threw my hand over her mouth.
After the longest two hours of my life all the awards were given and titles were presented. Kim received two awards and two titles: A-honor roll, Perfect attendance, Most Talented and Most likely to succeed. I only received one award and one titles: A-B honor roll and Best Smile.
“Ask your parents if you can stay at my house tonight. Make them feel guilt. Turn on the tears.”
“Kim, I don’t know if I will be able to. We are still packing up. We are leaving on Sunday morning and I haven’t packed my room!”
“All the more reason to stay tonight, it will be our last night together” she gave me the saddest smile. With that reminder we both gave into the tears that were threatening all day.
Felix walked by where Kim and I were standing. He walked so close behind me that his hand brushed up against mine and he reached out to squeeze it then kept walking. Was Felix trying to comfort me? He was so mean to everyone else or was he just making sure I didn’t back out of our plan. I bet that if I didn’t he would tell everyone I was a liar or something worse. Well I will show him. I text my dad to ask if I could stay with Kim and wiped the tears off and said “Let’s get this show started.”
***
I smiled at the crazy kids I use to know. It’s now time to face the back-stabbing people we have become. I got out of my car and cast one last glance at the elementary saying a silent pray for those kids to stay young and innocent; before things become too real.
Felix stood at the end of the hall watching me as I entered the school. Still not ready to talk to him I sent a quick text:
Me: Do you remember the 5th grade award ceremony?
Boyfriend: I remember being given the best award ever that day.
Me: Soon…just give me some more time.
Chapter 6
Felix
It kills me to see her every day, not get to hold her and show everyone she is mine. I’m glad she is getting the help she needs but why won’t she let me be there for her. Stubborn girl
I watched her walk into the counselor’s office with her head down and her soft brown hair shielding her face. She is so sad, I can’t do a damn thing about it and it makes me want to beat the shit out of someone or something.
***
Natasha and I had been together for three weeks. She was such a bitch but a really hot kisser. Not many girls in our school were ready for that kind of thing. I was beyond ready and she was willing not to mention that for a 5th grader she had some really big boobs.
Tomorrow will be our last day of 5th grade. Most kids can’t wait for summer to begin. I used to be one of them. Now school is my get away from my shithole house and poor excuse of a father.
Tonight I am spending time at Natasha’s making out. This gives me a few hours to kill before I can sneak back into my house.
“Did you hear that one half of the douche bags twins will be leaving our school this year?” she said with a bright smile.
“Who are you talking about?” If there is one thing Natasha can do it’s bitter and revenge. She has half the school girls hating her but they all want to be her friends, except for two people.
“Beth and Kim, who else would I refer to as douche bags?”
I forged disinterest “oh, really which one?”
“Beth. Her parents are getting a divorce or that is what my parents were talking about yesterday. Her and her dad will be going to live with her grandmother or something like that.”
I always thought Lizzy was pretty and looked innocent but I could see the fire in her eyes especially when I made her mad; which I loved doing often. She usually went out of her way to help people as long as it wasn’t me. She made the first years barely tolerable with her constant tattle telling. But then something happened last year. It was like a peace offering and I grabbed onto it.
Lizzy and I weren’t exactly friends but I couldn’t let her leave without giving her a good-bye to remember.
***
With a smile of that memory I walk to the cafeteria and remember my appreciation of cherry chapstick and soft brown hair.
My friend Ga
be stops me. “What’s with that cheesy ass grin?”
I shake my head.
When I don’t answer he asks “Hey are you going to Natasha’s party in a couple of weeks?”
“Nah, I don’t think so.” Gabe is the only person who knows that I am still talking to Angel. He knows my reason for not going so I don’t have to say anymore.
“I saw Lizzy headed toward the office.” He looks around the cafeteria then continues “how is her counseling going?”
“She’s talking. That’s all I know. We don’t get into what is being said.” I pause as some Kim comes over to our table.
“Hey guys” Both Gabe and I mutter our Hellos.
“Gabe do you think you can give me a ride home after football practice?”
“Sure” Kim walked away
I just stared at my friend as he kept his eyes on her ass. I cleared my throat to get his attention. When that didn’t work I punched him in the arm.
“What the fuck?” he said as he rubbed his arm and looked back at Kim.
I just laughed. He was clueless.
Chapter 7
Beth
I rub my hands down my face and push the palm of my hands in my eyes trying to rub out the sleep. I have made it through half the day and now I am headed to what should be my lunch. Instead I was summoned to the office to see Mrs. Felton our guidance counselor. I walked into her office; she had a plate of pancakes sitting off to the side of her desk. It made her small office smell of morning breakfast at grandma’s.
***
“Breakfast is ready and tell Kim I said good morning” grandma shouted from the bottom of the stairs. I loved Montana. I loved being home schooled. I loved the snow. But I still missed Kim every day. We emailed each other all the time and video chatted every other weekend and on special occasions. Today was a special occasion. It was her birthday so I sent her an early morning birthday surprise. She is also the reason I am up to date on all the gossip of our hometown.
Like the fact that Felix and my kiss were still being talked about four months later. Apparently, her highness was so mad at Felix she slapped him in front of everyone at the swim party later that night. He just shrugged it off and told her “that kiss was still worth it.” Then smiled and walked away. I know he only said that to get a rise out of her. Damn, I am so mad I missed it. Not just the slap Felix received but to know Natasha was delivered the same level of evilness she dishes out. Oh to be a fly on the wall…
I walked into the kitchen to a plate piled high of pancakes and bacon. “Sit down child. I need to fatten you up before the weather starts getting cold around here.”
“Hardy-Har-Har Grandma.”
She chuckles and hands me a cup of orange juice. “We have a full schedule today so after you finish eating clean up and get dressed. We will start with a review of math and reading, then we need to head into town” she says as she starts to clean up the pots and pans she used.
After taking my first bite I say with a full mouth “Grandma you make the best pancakes ever.”
***
Mrs. Felton took one last bite before she discarded the rest into a nearby trash can. “Hi, Beth. Glad to see you back. I have been talking with your parents and keeping up to date with your progress. I know it’s a difficult time for you but I just wanted to let you know that my door is always open for whatever you need” she said.
“Thank you.” What else am I suppose to say to that?
“Were you able to get up to speed on the work you missed while you were out? I can assign a tutor to help you if needed.”
“The first couple of classes have been okay but I will need some help with my Calculus and Biology classes.” My two worst classes and I was already behind before my life turned to crap.
“Ok, then I will get with your teachers and assign someone to you by the end of the day. You can meet them in the library during your last class and discuss what hours work best for the two of you.”
“Thank you Mrs. Felton.” She smiles and nods her head effectively dismissing me.
I am walking toward the cafeteria when I see Kim standing by my locker with Felix. Nope, I cannot do this yet. I turn and walk to the library. Conveniently I don’t have any classes with either of them this year. So it’s been pretty easy to ignore them all day. But I know my time is running out and I will have to confront them sooner or later. I just chose later; much later.
I make my way to the back of the library. There are secluded tables set up with internet connection. I make my way to an empty table and put my book bag underneath. If you angle yourself just right you are invisible to the world around. The monitor hides your face if you slouch down and the table is closed off in the front so no one can see your legs.
I open up a browser and just stare at the blinking curser. I know where my mind is taking me but I don’t think I am ready. News reports of the accident went on for weeks. I stopped watching the news after the first day in the hospital.
I close the browser, push the keyboard aside and lay my head down on the table. The coolness relieves the pain in my head. I begin to drift off and smell that once sweet ocean scent mixed with my favorite cologne that now brings back painful memories of deceit and betrayal. I can feel the tears wanting to escape behind my closed eyes. My once enemy, turned partner in crime, turned savor, turned boyfriend is now turning to something else entirely.
I feel a gentle finger wipe away the tears that have already fallen. “Please, I can’t do this. Please just give me some time alone” I whisper. He placed a long slow peck on my temple. Felix sighed as he whispers close to my ear “Ok…Angel whenever you are ready.”
After he walks away I hear Kim ask “So is she in here?”
“Nah, it must have been wishful thinking. Maybe you should check the cafeteria she might have snuck by.” I say a silent thank you to him.
“Felix I am really worried about her. I have gone to her house several times and she is asleep, always. I think you should tell her…” she stops and sighs. Tell me what? Kim, finish your sentence.
“Tell her what Kim. She knows. Give her time to heal this isn’t something that you get over in a few days. Come on let’s get out of here. She’s not here anyway.”
My phone buzzes notifying me of a text message.
Daddy-o: Don’t forget we are picking you up after lunch to meet with Mrs. Parker again.
Me: Okay it’s a date. Meet you in the office. I will be the one in black.
I pack up my things and head to the front office.
***
Felix
The window to my biology class offered a clear view of the parking lot; there I watched Lizzy get into a blue SUV with Mr. Baker.
I felt her before she spoke. “Do you know where she is going?”
“Nope” I did but I wasn’t going to share that. Lizzy needed to tell her if that is what she wanted. I know what it’s like to have everyone know all about your very private life. Nothing is kept secret for long at this school.
Kim sighed “Do you think she blames herself?” If she was anything like me she places some blame on herself.
“Maybe”
“You’re very monosyllabic today. How are you doing?” What the fuck do you think? My girl won’t talk to me and you are starting to annoy the shit out of me. Yeah, I am just peachy.
“Fine”
“Ok” she sighed.
She finally got the hint that I didn’t want to talk to her. She may be my girl’s best friend but that didn’t mean she was mine. I only needed Angel.
Chapter 8
Beth
“How are your sleeping patterns these days?” Mrs. Parker asks.
“Great, if you call sleeping every second you have a chance.” I said with a smile.
“Beth you do know there is such a thing as too much sleep. Your parents and I are worried that you are spending too much time sleeping and not enough time socializing or participating in life. Getting back in touch with your friends is a part o
f what you used to love to do. Can you tell me a little bit about other activities you liked to do?”
“I used to love to paint. Grandma bought me my first paint brush when I was fourteen.” I didn’t really know what I was doing but neither did she so we learned together. We use to paint until the early morning making up different colors and just layering them on in the hopes that when it was all said and done we would have something pretty to look at.
***
“Grandma, do you think mom and dad are making a mistake? Getting back together I mean? What makes it so different this time around?” I asked as we sat at our painted canvases.
She had a far off look “Child, when you paint sometimes you might have to take a step back to get the big picture. The colors might not blend well together from close up. Look at this one here. From where we sit the color seems off, there is something just not right about it, but if we walk away” she takes a few steps back and smiles. After a few minutes she returns she added some pink and red to the flowers she had been painting. “There you go…. I found what I was missing and now I know how to make it better.” She turned towards me “people make mistakes and God willing they learn from them. Mistakes are a part of life. I think everyone should take a time out now and then. It helps you appreciate the qualities of life that you live. Your parents remember why they fell in love with each other and it will work out this time around. They just needed to take a step back and get a good look at the big picture” she dabs a blob of red paint on my nose. “Much better” she smiles.
***
“When was the last time you picked up a paint brush?”
“It’s been a while.”
“Do you know why you stopped painting?”
“When we moved back to Texas I never unpacked my brushes. They are sitting in storage.” Along with all the paintings we did when we were living in Montana. I just never had the urge to do it again. I know exactly where they are I just haven’t brought them out.
“I think you should try to paint something this weekend; nothing big or extravagant. Have you heard the expression fake it ‘til you make it?” I nodded. “That’s what I want you to do. Pick up a paint brush. Just mess around with it.”
Growing Up Strong Page 2
